‘Am I asking for too much?': Woman feels unloved as BF insists on going 50/50 for everything

Independent Singapore

21-07-2025

SINGAPORE: A 30-year-old woman is feeling increasingly unfulfilled in her relationship after realising that her boyfriend of two months insists on splitting everything equally, right down to the last dollar.
In a post shared on Reddit, she explained that even before they officially became a couple, her 25-year-old boyfriend, who currently works as a waiter and part-time tutor, had never once volunteered to pay for anything.
'He never offered to pay for anything—not even a dessert. Now that we're dating, we still split everything 50/50,' she said. 'He's never once said, 'I got this.' I'm the one who always asks, 'How much do I owe today?''
When she brought up how this made her feel, he responded that he preferred to split things equally. She then suggested they try taking turns instead, but he was hesitant and remarked, 'What if we argue one day and it becomes a problem?'
'That caught me off guard,' she said. 'To me, love isn't transactional. I'm generous with people I care about and don't keep score.'
Although he eventually agreed to try alternating turns, the woman admitted she's now unsure whether they truly share the same values.
'Some people might think I'm expecting too much, especially since I earn more, but I'm not asking to be spoiled. I just want to feel that he wants to care for me. Right now, I don't feel that,' she continued.
'I once saw a reel that said, 'If your boyfriend had the chance to date his celebrity crush, would he still go 50/50 with her?' That stuck with me.'
She also recalled that when their relationship became official, her boyfriend never once gave her flowers. On their one-month anniversary, all she received was a book about cats, which surprised her since she had never mentioned anything about liking them.
'I try not to compare, but seeing my friends' boyfriends give them thoughtful surprises makes me feel unimportant, both emotionally and materially,' she wrote.
She then described other situations where she felt unloved. When she asked him to plan a date, he suggested going 'hiking,' despite knowing that she is not athletic and does not enjoy such activities.
When she was sick, he brought over snacks and food, but some of the items had already expired. On another occasion, after attending a family gathering, he gave her leftover food to eat.
'I'm 30. I don't want to waste time. I know some things can be taught, but I also believe some things—like generosity, care, emotional initiative—can't be forced. He tells me he likes me all the time, but I don't feel loved in the way I need to be. Words don't mean much to me—actions do,' she said.
'I don't want to be a 'princess,' but as a woman, I want to feel cherished and provided for, even in small ways. I know he's a decent guy, but I can't ignore the fear that he'll want everything to be 50/50 forever—and I just can't live like that. Maybe he doesn't love me enough to invest emotionally or financially,' she added.
At the end of her post, she asked the local community, 'I'd really appreciate both male and female perspectives: Am I asking for too much? Is this something I should wait and see, or should I walk away before I get in too deep?' 'It's clear that he's not that into you, and you know it too.'
In the discussion thread, one Singaporean Redditor told her, 'You're young. Don't waste time hoping someone might change. You're putting YOUR growth and happiness on hold, sitting there waiting and hoping someone else will start doing better.'
Another commented, 'I think you already know the answer because your post reads super clear. Trust yourself and don't look to others to validate your decision.'
A third remarked, 'You can find better. Jiayou. It's clear that he's not that into you, and you know it too.'
A fourth added, 'SG60 male / married here. Does not look promising. A marriage is about give and take, but you both have to be on the same page and on the same wavelength. There must be a meeting of the minds. I sense the absence here. Just my take.'
In other news, an HR professional recently revealed on social media that she has been battling 'depression and mental distress' after her CEO falsely accused her of leaking company information during her notice period.
On Saturday (Jul 19), she detailed her ordeal on the r/askSingapore Reddit forum, explaining that the stress has affected her so deeply that she now 'hears voices at night.' She added that every morning, she wakes up feeling overwhelmed by depression and finds it difficult to get out of bed.
Read more: HR professional says she now suffers from 'depression and mental distress' after CEO falsely accused her of leaking company information
Featured image by freepik (for illustration purposes only)