Woman, 30, Has Never Had Boyfriend—Unprepared for Internet's Response

Newsweek

19-06-2025

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A woman's candid video about never having had a boyfriend before turning 30 has gone viral, igniting a groundswell of empathy and solidarity among viewers on TikTok, many of whom shared that they are grappling with similar feelings.
Abagayil Hatt, 30, a book content creator and Ph.D. candidate in communication, shared the vulnerable post in March to her @starlight_books TikTok account. Speaking directly to the camera, Hatt reflected on her dating history—or lack thereof—and the weight of societal expectations that come with entering a new decade of adulthood without a partner.
"I'm turning 30 in a little over a month and I have never had a boyfriend," Hatt said in the video. "I think we live in a world where we tell women that when you turn 30 your life is over.
"Sometimes it hits you a little too much in the chest and you're just like, why can't I get a date?"
Hatt told Newsweek she had no expectations when she posted the video, which has been viewed more than 13,000 times to date. What followed was an outpouring of support.
"People would comment saying they felt seen, like I had put their own feelings into words," Hatt said. "And, in return, I didn't feel so alone."
The deeply personal clip quickly became an accidental rallying point.
"That's the magic of vulnerability—it connects us," Hatt said.
The video touched a nerve with viewers who commented to share their own stories of feeling left behind in love, relationships or other life benchmarks. Many thanked Hatt for articulating the quiet grief they had long carried in silence.
As one viewer commented: "I'm 34 and still no [boyfriend], no full time job and can't afford to move out. I hear you girl."
"Girl same, I never had my first kiss," another posted. "I'll be 30 in 10 days, but society led us to think that when you're 30 you're gonna live in your own place, have a beautiful job, have a husband and children."
From left: Abagayil Hatt poses for a photograph while leaning on books; and speaks into her camera lens.
From left: Abagayil Hatt poses for a photograph while leaning on books; and speaks into her camera lens.
@starlight_books
"Same but 35," a third viewer commented. "Seeing so many of us in the comments as well, I guess I need to let go of the extreme shame that I feel about this subject.
"Like it's my biggest failure, a sign that I can't do the most basic thing everyone else does, find a partner."
Hatt first joined TikTok in the fall of 2020, during the early months of the COVID-19 pandemic. Drawn to the passion of the BookTok community, she started sharing reviews and commentary on popular titles like A Court of Thorns and Roses, Fourth Wing, and Once Upon a Broken Heart.
"I remember being terrified to post," Hatt said. "Am I funny enough? Interesting enough? Would anyone even care?"
By the end of that year, she had 2,000 followers. Six months later, that number had grown to over 10,000. As of 2025, she has more than 46,000 followers and over 7 million likes.
While Hatt's account began as a place to discuss her passion for books, it evolved into something more personal, and she soon began opening up about her more-intimate feelings and worries.
"In many ways, I treat my content like a journal," Hatt said. "I just post what I care about—what's on my mind or heart—without overthinking it.
"I think that's why people connect with it," she added.
This year, that shift led her to start a series of "Dear Diary" posts: unscripted reflections about aging, expectations, and her own experiences of being single.
"I've never been the girl that's chosen," Hatt said in her viral video. "I've never been that girl that a guy is like, 'I would love to love her.'"
Hatt acknowledged the societal narrative that insists life should be figured out by 30—career, home, relationship included.
"But what happens if you don't?" she said. "What if you hit 30 and find yourself in a transition—still finishing grad school, trying to navigate a brutal job market, and haven't met anyone you actually want to date?"
Hatt said she wanted to throw herself a birthday party this year but could not pull it together. She also missed the registration deadline for her graduation walk, meaning she will not cross the stage until 2026.
"These may sound like small things, but when they stack up, they carry weight," Hatt said. "It's easy to feel like you've missed the mark when comparing yourself to everyone else."
Still, Hatt added that the message was not one of despair, but of resilience.
"It's OK to be sad when life doesn't look the way you imagined it would," she said. "And, at the same time, you can still be hopeful.
"You can hold disappointment in one hand and optimism in the other," Hatt said.
She added that her "vulnerable glimpse" into what it is like to not have it all figured out by a certain age resonated because she did not sugarcoat the experience.
"Not having it all together doesn't mean you're lost," she said. "It just means the story is still being written.
"To feel behind, uncertain about what's next—and to say that that's okay."
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