How to reclaim your time as a working parent
Parenting swallows every spare minute like a hungry hippo. Between permission slips, dinner planning, bedtime negotiations, and locating whatever oddly specific object your kid needs for school tomorrow, your own needs don't make the list. Add in the demands of a job or trying to keep a career from flatlining while your toddler wipes yogurt on your Zoom shirt and suddenly 'me time' feels like a myth.
But here's the thing no one tells you: carving out time for yourself isn't selfish. It's survival. And it doesn't mean you love your family any less. It just means you also love yourself, which—fun fact—your kids need to see more of.
Step One: Ditch the Martyr Act. It's Not a Good Look
Somewhere along the line, we were sold the idea that the best parents sacrifice everything. They pour every ounce into their families and never, ever ask for a refill. But let's be real. Exhausted, resentful parents are not fun to live with. They don't make great partners. They don't make patient caregivers. And they're one burnt pancake away from a breakdown.
What actually helps our kids? Seeing us take care of ourselves. Seeing us value our time, our dreams. Seeing us rest. Yes. Rest. It's not lazy. It's necessary. You can't run on empty and function like a human being.
Step Two: You Have to Take the Time. No One's Handing It Out
Time won't tap you on the shoulder and say, 'Hey! Here's an hour to write/take a nap/go on a walk.' You have to go after it like it's the last slice of pizza and everyone's pretending not to be hungry.
You may have to get up a little earlier (I know, but hear me out). Or coordinate with a partner or fellow parent for a kid-swap. And yes, that might mean blocking off your work calendar with an appointment that's really just you taking a sanity stroll around the block or sitting in your car to eat a croissant in peace. That's okay. We've all done it. No guilt.
Step Three: Redefine What 'Self-Care' Means for You
Not everyone's version of self-care involves face masks or golf. For some, it's a quiet workout. For others, uninterrupted time on a passion project. Maybe it's updating your résumé or watching something without talking animals.
Sometimes self-care is messy. It's writing one paragraph with a baby monitor on one side and laundry on the other. It might mean finishing a work project with a hot coffee and zero interruptions because work can be fulfilling too (when you're not doing it under duress). It's texting a friend, 'I need an hour. Can we trade off next week?' It's choosing yourself again and again.
Step Four: Guilt is Lying to You
Let's talk about guilt. That ever-present gremlin whispering, 'You're missing quality time,' or 'You should be organizing the closet.' Guilt isn't your inner compass. It's your inner saboteur. Doing something for yourself doesn't mean you're neglecting your family. It means you're showing up as a more grounded, fulfilled version of yourself. Even if that fulfillment comes from finishing a presentation in silence or eating lunch without someone asking for a bite. And if your kids miss you for an hour? They'll survive. More importantly—they'll see what it looks like to honor your own needs.
Step Five: Let Them See You Do It
Kids don't just listen. They watch. If we constantly run ourselves ragged and call it love, they'll think that's what they're supposed to do too. Let them see you say no. Let them hear, 'I'm doing something for me right now.' Let them know work matters to you too, whether it's because you love it or because it pays for the chicken nuggets. That's not abandonment. That's modeling emotional intelligence and boundaries which are two things they'll thank you for. Well, probably much, much later, but still.)
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