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Was I Wrong to Tell My Dead Friend's Son That His Father Sold Sperm to a Sperm Bank?

Was I Wrong to Tell My Dead Friend's Son That His Father Sold Sperm to a Sperm Bank?

New York Times18-06-2025
A good friend died 20 years ago, leaving two sons (then 12 and 14). When my friend was in medical school, before he married, he earned money occasionally by selling sperm to a sperm bank. It wasn't a big deal to him; he told me about it. When his older son was 20, he reached out to some of his father's friends on Facebook, asking for old photos and anecdotes. I was happy to provide them, but I decided he was too young to hear about the sperm donations. Fast forward to this year: I emailed his son, now 34, after deciding he had a right to know about the donations. I wanted to warn him in case he was contacted by someone using a genetic testing service. But I never heard back from him. I sent two more emails: an apology if I overstepped and another with more photos. Still no response! Was I wrong to tell him?
FRIEND
I have no doubt that you meant well. But I believe you misjudged when you told your friend's son about his father's sperm bank activity — in response to a 14-year-old request for photos and cute stories. You don't mention any relationship with these sons. So, it was probably a stretch to decide that you were the right person to warn them about potential siblings — which is entirely speculative, of course. Knowing a fact doesn't oblige us to tell it.
You also report that your friend shared the story of his donations easily. So, there are probably other people in his sons' lives who knew and were better suited to decide whether to share this information. (I don't want to imply that your friend did anything wrong, but it can be a sensitive subject.) And his son's silence in response to your three messages suggests that your news was probably unwelcome.
Now, we all misfire occasionally. The important thing is not to compound the error by digging in our heels or making excuses. Stop contacting the son. You thought you were being helpful, but you were mistaken. Lesson learned for the next time, right?
While They're on a Cruise, We're in the Kennel
We are a retired couple and close friends with another retired couple. They travel often, and we have kept their dog in our home many times. Once, we kept the dog for a whole month! They have now announced that they are going on a 100-day cruise, and they expect that we will care for their dog as we have in the past. But we don't want their dog for 100 days. How can we get out of this gracefully?
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