'I came out in my 30s, there's no timeframe for figuring out who you are'

Yahoo

3 days ago

Ali Bromley is the 2024 winner of Big Brother UK, making history as the British edition's first ever lesbian victor.
The reality star joins Yahoo's Queer Voices to discuss her experience on the series, queer representation in reality TV, and the fight required against ignorance and fear.
It felt important while I was in the Big Brother House to share parts of my identity. Part of that was that I'm a late-to-life lesbian, and it took me quite a long time to work out all the aspects of my identity.
I was quite open on the show about being married to a man before. It felt important to be open about those experiences because I'm sure that there are people watching who have those experiences, and it's representation that we don't often see. And something that I spoke about on the show is that you can't be what you can't see, and that's what felt important to me.
The advice that I would give to young people who are trying to work out parts of their identity, particularly concerning their sexuality, is just to take your time. Don't put any pressure to put a label on yourself and work out exactly where you fit within the queer umbrella.
Look for people who look like you, talk like you, act like you, find safe spaces to spend time with other queer people. Never feel under pressure to come out to someone if that's not safe or you don't feel welcome or comfortable.
There is no time frame for figuring out who you are. I'm a really good testimony to that. I only came out when I was in my 30s. And also enjoy all aspects of figuring out who you are.
It's a really difficult time. We are living in a world where there is increasing pressure from the Right to crack down on the queer community, particularly our trans siblings, and nobody should feel pressured to do anything outside of their own time frames. But the beautiful thing about the LGBTQIA+ community is that we come together really well, and there is some beauty in that coming together, especially in the face of adversity. So be you, be proud and keep going.
It's been months since I left Big Brother, and it's been amazing to come out and see the reception that I've received. I've heard from supporters of the show who let me know that seeing somebody who was openly lesbian in the Big Brother house who's spoken about their experiences as a neurodivergent queer person was important for them to feel represented, to be seen on television.
And that's felt really incredible because it's something that I didn't have when I was younger growing up. There was no one really like me on television.
I also received lots of messages from people from all different age groups saying that because of seeing me on the show they were able to, for example, come out to their parents, their families. They were able to put me on the television and say 'this is who I am, this is somebody who has the same experiences as me'. But I also receive messages from people who are much older, who at the age of 50, for example, were able to come out and start living more authentically as themselves.
Big Brother is a show that champions people from the queer community. Obviously, during 2023's Big Brother we had Jordan and Henry, and we were able to watch their romance develop. In my season there was myself, Dean, Dave and Martha who were from the queer community, and more recently in Celebrity Big Brother we've had JoJo Siwa and Danny Beard.
This is queer representation that's really important. People from all demographics all within the queer umbrella, reality TV can be a safe space for queer people to be seen, and Big Brother is one of those places. But across the board, usually, on reality TV we're not very visible.
It's really important that people from the queer community are seen on reality TV because we're not seen often in other parts of the mainstream media. Reality TV shows allow us to show who we are, they allow us to have conversations about who we are, also they create situations where we're meeting people who don't often meet people like us and that fosters conversation that can lead to learning and lead to understanding.
Certainly it was something that I experienced with people writing to me, to the show, saying that it was helpful for them to see a queer person who was normal so they could show that we're just people like everybody else, living our lives, and we have the same experiences as other people.
When I was growing up, there wasn't much on television that showed queer people, particularly lesbians. There was The L Word, I think that was the only representation of lesbians when I was a little bit younger, trying to work out who I was and work out my identity.
I think, actually, it was the advance in the development of social media that helped me to understand myself and my identity. Because all of a sudden you're being exposed to a whole world of people that you wouldn't necessarily meet in your everyday life. And that's important because it can help you to understand that there are possibilities outside of the heteronormative relationships that are shown ordinarily on mainstream television.
When I was growing up, there was a real absence of queer people in the media for me to look up to for role models, but in the present day I'm really inspired by the drag community. So we have our favourites. Danny Beard, Tia Kofi, these people really inspire me because they live so authentically as themselves, and they're able to celebrate parts of themselves that are really beautiful, really artistic, super creative.
I think we as queer people are getting more room to share our stories, but again I think it isn't so clear. People are allowed a platform and we are getting spaces to be who we are on television, and Big Brother has always been quite queer as we've discussed.
We've got queer dating shows and even on mainstream dating shows you're getting the odd queer couple slip through like on Married at First Sight. But it is in silo, it's not in mainstream TV. There's not that many people, for example, on morning breakfast shows or news shows that are openly queer.
So it seems to be that we find our spaces and we sit there, which is fab, and it gives people the opportunity to see us. But I certainly think there is room for improvement, particularly given the current climate in terms of the Supreme Court ruling regarding the definition of a 'woman'.
The rulings seem to be backed by ignorance or fear, or even anger and hatred, I think. All we can do is keep donating to charities that are pushing for legal challenges, for example, to the Supreme Court ruling, showing up to protests, sharing information on social media, and then on a smaller level having conversations with our friends and family about the situation.
As it stands, there's a very small minority of people that are being scapegoated for a much larger issue, which is male violence towards women, which trans people are not responsible for. So I think there's lots of things that can be done on a wider level, but also on a sort of micro level within families, friends, the conversations that you have — even writing to your local MP and donating to charity.