Man admits he got ‘icked out' when his date told him she wanted someone who had a ‘provider mindset'

Independent Singapore

7 days ago

SINGAPORE: A man was baffled when, out of nowhere, his date told him that she wanted someone who had a 'provider mindset.' And although men have always been the main providers, and there's nothing inherently wrong with expressing one's expectations during the early stages of dating, he confessed on social media that 'it honestly icked him out quite a bit.'
Detailing the experience on Reddit's sgdatingscene forum, he shared that this woman elaborated that she wanted someone who could pay her bills.
The man then explained that the reason he was turned off by the remark wasn't because 'it's impossible to pay her bills,' but because, to him, it felt like the woman was saying that 'a man doesn't have any worth if he can't do so.'
'It feels so transactional,' he said. 'As someone with a provider mindset, I don't want to be obligated or forced to do things. Let me do it out of love, for Christ's sake. When we go out on dates and go for dessert, sure, I will pay; maybe you pay for drinks or something. Then gifts like flowers, chocolate, maybe clothes, and branded items. Let me do it at my own pace and provide it without feeling stressed to do so.'
Understandably, the man had another reason for feeling this way. He revealed that he had already dated someone who had the same expectations.
At the time, the man said that his ex made him pay for 'all her Shopee haul,' which, in turn, only made him feel like he was a 'sugar daddy.'
'Everything was so transactional,' he recalled. 'It was so disgusting, and I never want to relive that.'
He went on to share that because of this experience, his biggest fear is now 'being taken advantage of' and having his affections 'turn into something so useless and vain.'
'You're not dating me to have me provide for you. You're dating the man who can provide love, a home, emotional stability and yes, gifts and more,' he continued. 'It should be about dating the guy for who he is. Not for what he can be and what he can provide. I would hide my money and pretend to be poor. I'm so turned off by this.' 'Not all women are like that.'
Several users in the discussion echoed the man's views, pointing out that while many men are happy to provide for their partners, it becomes off-putting when it's treated as an expectation.
One user said, 'As a guy, I believe that we men would definitely love to spoil and provide for our partner. Just that there's a difference between 'wanting to be provided for' and 'expecting to be provided for.' I guess the intention or mindset from the female party is your concern here, despite you having a provider mindset.'
Another commented, 'You're right, it's the ugly truth. Nowadays, dating feels transactional for guys. Because society has shaped and brainwashed us into thinking that we have to provide and we're less than a man if we can't.'
Others, however, argued that not all women think this way. One wrote, 'Hang in there, there's still many out there who don't feel the same way (surely)! You'll find someone that's better aligned with your values and what you'd like.' See also 26yo man asks "if getting married is worth it nowadays"
Another added, 'I'm a female, I also like to provide, and it kinda boosts my female ego too hahahah sometimes. So not all women are like that, hor.'
A few others also told the man that if he truly couldn't stand a woman with such expectations, he should look for someone who is 'independent and [has] values equality.'
In other news, a part-time worker has publicly criticised a 'drink stall chain' in Singapore for making her and other employees pay for any incorrectly made beverages.
In a post on the r/SGexams subreddit, the worker wrote that she found the policy both 'unnecessary' and 'unreasonable,' especially since they are only paid S$9 per hour.
Read more: Drink stall chain allegedly makes staff pay for incorrect orders, says part-time worker