Latest news with #BellaDePaulo
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Health
- Yahoo
Why Women Who Appear 'Strong' Often Feel Emotionally Neglected
You've got it all handled, right? From juggling work deadlines to managing social engagements, your life looks picture-perfect from the outside. But beneath that polished exterior, the weight of emotional neglect can quietly press down on you. Here's a deeper dive into why being perceived as "strong" can sometimes lead to feeling unseen and unheard. You've mastered the art of doing it all. People look to you as the ultimate symbol of independence, but this perception can be deceivingly isolating. Independence, while empowering, often prevents others from seeing the full spectrum of your emotional needs. In her research, psychologist Bella DePaulo found that society often equates independence with self-sufficiency, ignoring the nuanced needs for emotional support. The irony is that your self-reliance can become a double-edged sword. While you're busy managing everything on your own, others assume you need nothing from them. This assumption can deepen the void where connection should be, leaving your emotional needs unaddressed. The reality is, everyone needs someone, even those who seem to have it all together. In a world that celebrates strength, admitting vulnerability feels like a radical act. "I'm fine" becomes your go-to response, a shield against probing questions. Those two words, while convenient, can strip away authentic connections. People believe your facade, rarely digging deeper, and you are left carrying burdens that aren't meant to be shouldered alone. This habit of minimizing your struggles teaches people that you don't need help. Over time, it conditions them not to ask, further entrenching the cycle of emotional neglect. It's a paradox where the more you demonstrate strength, the less likely others are to offer support. Being 'fine' becomes a lonely space where genuine needs are left unmet. Strong women often find themselves trapped under constant performance pressure. You are expected to excel at everything—career, relationships, personal goals—without missing a beat. This relentless expectation can be emotionally exhausting, leaving little room for self-care or genuine expression. According to Dr. Brené Brown, the pursuit of perfection is often rooted in the fear of being unworthy, yet it disconnects you from authentic relationships. When performance becomes your identity, you end up neglecting the softer parts of yourself. Those parts that crave empathy and understanding get pushed aside. Others may see only your accomplishments, failing to glimpse the person behind the achievements. This creates a cycle where emotional needs are buried under the weight of expectations. In the curated world of social media, strength is often glamorized. You post the highlights—career wins, social outings, perfectly filtered snapshots of life. This creates an illusion of perpetual success and contentment. What isn't shown are the moments of doubt, loneliness, or yearning for deeper connection. Your online persona can inadvertently signal to others that you have it all figured out. This can discourage them from reaching out or offering support, assuming you don't need it. The truth behind the screen is that you're just as human as anyone else, with a complex tapestry of emotions. The digital facade can deepen feelings of isolation, as the world sees an edited version of your reality. Beneath your strength lies a multitude of sacrifices that often go unnoticed. You've given up moments of vulnerability to maintain the image of having it all together. These sacrifices, while seemingly small, accumulate over time, leaving little room for emotional fulfillment. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships highlights how women often deprioritize their own needs for the sake of others. Every sacrifice made in silence chips away at your emotional well-being. The unseen efforts you invest in maintaining relationships or careers are rarely acknowledged. This lack of recognition can feel like an emotional void, leaving you questioning if your efforts are truly valued. Emotional neglect isn't always overt; sometimes, it's the subtle lack of validation that stings the most. True strength is often misunderstood, equated with an absence of emotional needs. This misconception can lead others to dismiss your feelings, assuming you can handle anything. It places you on a pedestal that's isolating rather than empowering. The strength you project becomes a barrier, preventing genuine connections. Others may unintentionally distance themselves, believing you don't require support. This misunderstanding can leave you feeling unseen, as your emotional landscape goes unrecognized. There's a quiet loneliness in being the one who always 'has it together.' Beneath the surface, you long for acknowledgment of your complex emotional life. You might hesitate to express your emotional needs, fearing you'll be seen as a burden. This fear is rooted in societal expectations that praise resilience over vulnerability. Clinical psychologist Dr. Tanya Byron explains that the fear of burdening others often silences those who long for connection. The irony is that vulnerability enhances relationships, yet the fear of rejection keeps you silent. This fear creates a cycle where your needs remain unspoken and unmet. You internalize the belief that your struggles are yours alone to bear. Over time, this isolation reinforces feelings of emotional neglect. Breaking the cycle requires courage to voice needs and a willingness to risk vulnerability in pursuit of genuine connection. The mask of strength is a familiar one for you, worn to protect and to project. But behind it lies an emotional landscape yearning for acknowledgment. The mask might shield you from judgment, yet it also prevents others from seeing your full humanity. It's a delicate balance between protecting yourself and wanting to be truly seen. When you constantly wear this mask, you deny yourself the depth of genuine connections. Your emotional world becomes a hidden realm, inaccessible to those who might offer support. While the mask provides temporary protection, it can lead to long-term loneliness. True strength lies in daring to remove the mask and risking vulnerability. Resilience is often mistaken for invulnerability, a misconception that can be both exhausting and isolating. People see your ability to bounce back and assume you're impervious to emotional wounds. This perception overlooks the fact that resilience is not an endless resource. Even the strongest need space to process emotions and heal. The expectation of constant resilience can prevent others from offering support. They assume you're always okay, leading to a lack of emotional outreach. This can leave you feeling isolated, with your emotional needs consistently unmet. True resilience is not about never needing help; it's about knowing when to seek it. Being seen as strong often comes with the heavy burden of expectations. You're expected to be the rock, the one others lean on, never faltering. This role can be exhausting, leaving little room for your own emotional needs. The pressure to maintain this persona can lead to an internalized sense of neglect. Living up to these expectations means denying yourself the grace to falter. It's a cycle where your needs are perpetually sidelined for the sake of maintaining appearances. Others may not realize the toll these expectations take on your emotional well-being. Behind the strong exterior, you may feel like you're constantly treading water, longing for relief. Sometimes, the strongest cries for help are the quietest. You may not verbalize your needs, but the signs are there—subtle shifts in mood, withdrawn behavior, or silent struggles. These signals often go unnoticed by those around you, perpetuating the cycle of emotional neglect. The strength you project can overshadow the silent cries for support. This silence can become a heavy burden, as your unvoiced needs remain unaddressed. The paradox is that those who appear the strongest often need the most support. Recognizing and addressing these silent cries requires empathy and attention from those around you. It's a reminder that even the strongest need someone to lean on. The myth of having it all together is a relentless one. It's the image you project, yet it rarely reflects the complexities of your emotional world. This myth can prevent others from offering support, assuming you have no unmet needs. The truth is, the facade of perfection often hides a very human need for connection and understanding. Maintaining this myth can feel like a balancing act, where one misstep risks revealing the truth. It's an isolating experience, as others remain unaware of your emotional struggles. The myth becomes a barrier, preventing authentic connections and perpetuating emotional neglect. Breaking free requires vulnerability and a willingness to share your true self. In the pursuit of strength, validation often becomes a double-edged sword. You seek external affirmation of your capabilities, yet it can feel hollow if not accompanied by emotional support. The validation you crave isn't just about achievements; it's about being seen for who you truly are. Without this recognition, emotional neglect can quietly fester. This quest for validation often leads to a cycle of overachievement, where your emotional needs remain overshadowed by accomplishments. It's a paradox where the more you achieve, the less validated you feel on a personal level. Emotional neglect thrives in the absence of genuine recognition and understanding. Seeking validation is not about ego; it's about wanting to be seen and valued for your full self.
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Lifestyle
- Yahoo
Women Who Live Alone Share The Home Safety Tips That Help Them Sleep Easier At Night
Bella DePaulo, a 71-year-old author and social psychologist, has lived alone her entire adult life. As the author of books like 'Single at Heart: The Power, Freedom, and Heart-Filling Joy of Single Life,' she's become a bit of an evangelist for solo living. When she hears other women at book talks or at parties discuss how fulfilling it is to live alone, she doesn't need to be convinced. 'I love the complete freedom to sleep when I want and get up when I want, to eat what I want and when I want, and to find that whatever I put in the refrigerator the night before is still there the next day,' she told HuffPost. 'My place is always exactly as warm or as cool as I want it to be. And the toilet seat is always down,' she joked. The number of women living alone has grown in DePaulo's time. In 2022, 15.7% of all households in the United States consisted of a woman living alone, compared to 11.5% in 1970. She loves it, but she gets it's not for everyone. There are certainly financial constraints ― in 2025, it's not uncommon for people well beyond their 20s or college years to live with roommates because of housing costs, especially in cities. But other women shy away from living alone out of concern for their safety — understandably so. Everyday activities that men often take for granted ― going on a walk in the evening, even in a busy public place, opening your door after a late night out ― can be depressingly dangerous for women. That said, DePaulo and other women who've lived alone say there are ways to heighten your safety at home. 'Don't let fear ruin what can be a deeply fulfilling experience,' she said. 'I've been in different neighborhoods in Virginia, Florida, and now in California, and it's rare for me to feel remotely unsafe. A home of your own can be comfortable, peaceful, and safe, maybe even sacred.' We recently asked women who live alone to share their best security tips, from their own lived experiences. See what they had to say below. 'The biggest tip I can suggest is to get to know your neighbors. Getting to know mine has made me feel so safe. Not only have they become great friends, but they are also extra security when I'm not home. They're always looking out for me and I do the same for them. It's really taught me how important community is when living alone.' ―Celeste Polanco, a lifestyle influencer 'As someone who shares moments of my life publicly, I've learned that boundaries around what ― and when ― I share are non-negotiable. I don't share the local things in my neighborhood or any landmarks. I'm very mindful about sharing the view from my windows or anyone that may work in or around my building. These rules are shared with my friends and family when they visit as well. The outside and inside of my buildings are off limits. And I ask them to be mindful of geo-tagging because you never know who is watching.' ―Denise Francis, the founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization INC, a digital wellness platform for Black women 'Having a security camera like a Ring gives me so much peace of mind. I can see who's at my door, and even check in when I'm not home. It's a simple upgrade that makes a huge difference in feeling safe and aware.' ― Emily Sanchez, the owner of the online plant shop Classy Casita 'Nothing is better than coming home to something cute that's happy you're home and relies on you.' ―Maia Milas, a writer and photographer 'Even if you only sit in on a few sessions, know the basics of defending yourself physically and practice the moves to develop muscle memory. In a panic, you hopefully can resort to what you've learned, which only comes with practice.' ― Milas 'For me, that's double-checking locks on my doors and windows before bed and maybe keeping something for self defense by the door. It's not about being scared to live alone, it's about feeling in control of your space and having peace of mind.' ― Sanchez 'Make sure you have an emergency contact. A reliable one. Someone who is likely to answer the phone when you call or come to the door when you knock. I had a neighbor who I called once to come over and make sure I didn't fall asleep after I got a concussion. Some things you just can't do alone, and require immediate assistance.' ― Milas More Women Are Saying No To Motherhood. Will Society Ever Listen? 'Boysober' And Celibate By Choice: Why These Women Are Swearing Off Sex 11 Solo Trip Locations Around The World Where Women Feel Really Safe
Yahoo
08-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
The Wild Ways Today's Couples Are Redefining Commitment In 2025
In 2025, commitment doesn't look like it used to—and that's by design. Marriage is no longer the default, monogamy isn't assumed, and couples are rewriting the rulebook to better reflect how they actually live, love, and evolve. Whether it's through tech-enabled intimacy contracts, long-distance cohabitation, or non-linear relationship arcs, today's partners are choosing connection on their own terms—and rejecting the scripts they were handed. From Forever to Fluid The 'forever' narrative is losing steam. A recent Pew Research Center survey found that only 43% of Gen Z and Millennials believe marriage is essential for a successful life, a drop from previous generations. Instead, couples are opting for renewable relationship contracts that get revisited annually. Think: emotional prenups, flexible timelines, and built-in checkpoints to assess satisfaction and goals. It's not cynical—it's conscious. Solo Spaces, Shared Love Living together? Not required. Many modern couples are embracing LAT (Living Apart Together) relationships. Whether for mental health, career flexibility, or just personal space, separate addresses no longer spell trouble. In fact, some psychologists argue that LAT can actually foster more intimacy and autonomy. As Dr. Bella DePaulo stated, 'Togetherness is not one-size-fits-all. It's about the quality of connection, not the quantity of cohabitation.' Emotional Monogamy, Sexual Fluidity In 2025, many couples are ditching the binary of monogamous vs. polyamorous. Instead, emotional exclusivity is being prioritized, while sexual exploration is negotiated with nuance. 'We're seeing more couples discuss their boundaries with radical transparency,' says sex therapist Vanessa Marin. 'It's not about cheating—it's about designing a sex life that reflects your values, not your fears' (source). Money Talks (And Contracts Walk) Finances have become their own love language. Instead of merging everything, many couples maintain financial independence with side-by-side bank accounts and mutual spreadsheets. Others draw up relationship contracts that outline responsibilities, goals, and even exit plans. It's not transactional—it's transparent. According to a 2024 Bankrate report, 61% of couples say financial autonomy actually improves trust. AI as a Third Party Believe it or not, artificial intelligence is joining the chat. AI therapists and relationship bots are helping couples mediate conflict, track emotional patterns, and even offer guided conversation prompts. Apps like Paired and Relish now include AI-generated insights based on partner data. 'It's like having a nonjudgmental couples therapist in your pocket,' said one user. Queering the Love Script Queer couples have long modeled relationship diversity—now, the mainstream is catching up. Terms like 'relationship anarchy' and 'platonic life partners' are entering the cultural lexicon, as more people embrace love that transcends labels. Friendship-based partnerships, multi-partner dynamics, and aromantic arrangements are gaining visibility and validity. The Takeaway? Build Your Own Blueprint The future of commitment isn't less serious—it's more intentional. In 2025, love is no longer defined by white dresses, picket fences, or legal status. It's defined by clarity, communication, and co-creation. Whether that means a decade-long situationship, a co-parenting pact without romance, or a yearly love audit, today's couples are proving that the most meaningful relationships are the ones they invent for themselves.
Yahoo
27-01-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
Never married and never happier? How attitudes about marriage are changing among singles in America.
More Americans are getting married later in life—if at all. That's according to a 2023 report by the Pew Research Center, which analyzed Census Bureau data to reveal that a record-high share of Americans over 40 have never been married. One in 4 40-year-olds had never tied the knot as of 2021, up from 1 in 5 in 2010. Forty-year-olds holding a bachelor's degree or higher were more likely to be married than those without a four-year college degree, the report found, and men were more likely to have never said "I do" than women. This high marks a decades-long slide in marriage rates, coinciding with evolving social norms and drastic economic shifts. Since the early 1990s, as cohabitation started to become more socially acceptable, ideas about the necessity, importance, and timing of marriage—at least among some segments of the population—have dramatically changed. In part, experts point to economic factors for the delay and decline in marriage rates. Women's economic gains in the workforce have made them less financially reliant on a wage-earning spouse. The rising costs of raising a child, coupled with declining birth rates, have also driven down marriage rates. Harder to measure, however, is the impact of shifting attitudes on purpose and fulfillment on marriage. While 7 in 10 Americans say marriage is important for a fulfilling life, just over half say that while it's important, it's not essential for both men and women, according to Pew Research. Broader recognition that marriage does not "complete" a person has made it a "nice to have"—for some—rather than the ultimate goal. Bella DePaulo, a social scientist and "leading researcher of singlehood" told The Atlantic in 2022 that her "most authentic life" is while being single: "And single for me in the most single sense possible—I live alone, I don't date, I happily don't date, and that's the life that works best for me," she added. While some Americans say that society is better off if more people are married, and about 4 in 10 believe marriage brings greater financial security, that's not enough to convince some people to walk down the aisle. Salvador Espinoza, a 44-year-old from New York City, told Stacker that despite the fact he thinks marriage might "make sense legally" for insurance and taxes purposes, a relationship doesn't need to have a "seal of approval by some other authority." Texas Marriage and Divorce Records looked at Census data and Pew Research to assess how single Americans have reexamined their relationship with marriage. In recent years, the COVID-19 pandemic may have expedited the delay in marriage and engagements. The lowest recorded number of marriages since 1963 occurred in 2020, according to a 2023 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Overall, single adults aren't looking to rush into marriage, putting it off until when (and if) the time is right. A 2022 Pew survey found that approximately 1 in 5 single adults are interested in either casual dating or being in a committed relationship, compared to about 3 in 5 adults who weren't looking for any sort of dating relationship. Gender differences also play out in relationship goals. Roughly 2 in 5 single women say they are strictly looking for a committed relationship compared to just a quarter of men, according to Pew's survey of single Americans. The survey also found that 56% of men and 44% of single women are flexible in their desire to pursue casual dating or a committed relationship. As views on what it means to have a satisfying life have shifted, looser expectations about when a person "should" get married and diminishing stigma about being single have also pushed back marrying age. In 2023, Americans ranked having a gratifying job or career and close friends higher than marriage and parenthood, according to Pew. Finally, finances may drive couples together, or apart. Four in 10 adults who live with a partner say that moving in with their significant other "made sense financially." However, 53% of Americans believe there isn't much of a difference on whether married or unmarried couples have it easier becoming financially secure. In the 1990s, more couples began cohabiting, with the practice preceding over half of marriages formed from 1990-1994. From there, it became an increasingly acceptable and even institutionalized step prior to marriage. Today, half of Americans say couples who live together before getting married are more likely to have successful relationships. Cohabitation is now the norm, with 59% of adults between ages 18 and 44 having lived with an unmarried partner at some point in their relationship, according to National Survey of Family Growth data analyzed by Pew. That's compared to 50% of respondents who have ever been married. As "gray divorces" among adults over 50 rise, cohabitation rates are also changing. The share of divorced adults aged 50 and over is three times higher than it was in 1990, rising from roughly 5% to about 15% in 2022, according to a 2024 report from the National Center for Family & Marriage Research. In 2022, the number of cohabiting adults aged 50 and older was almost quadruple what it was in 2000. Increasingly, however, cohabitation is not a step on the path to marriage, but a destination in itself. When asked whether they believe being married is needed in order to have a fulfilling life, 3 in 10 adults said it's not important. Despite the normalization of cohabitation with no intention of getting married, views on unmarried couples with children are more divided. In 2020, 29% of Americans believed that it was "very important" for couples with children to be married, down from 38% who held this view in 2013 and 49% in 2006. Yet views are clearly changing: A majority of people believe that unmarried couples can raise them "just as well as married couples," according to Pew data from 2019. Crucially, as rates of cohabitation have increased, declining birth rates have pushed down the number of households with children, according to 2023 Census Bureau data. For Espinoza, having children is on his mind more than before. If he were to enter a long-term relationship with someone who did want to get married, he would be amenable to it, but doesn't "see it as a necessity." "I think we were growing up in the ages where that was viewed as part of the timeline," Espinoza said. "But I don't think that's quite necessary." Story editing by Alizah Salario. Additional editing by Elisa Huang. Copy editing by Tim Bruns. This story originally appeared on Texas Marriage and Divorce Records and was produced and distributed in partnership with Stacker Studio.
