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Scotsman
09-07-2025
- Lifestyle
- Scotsman
I'm moving house in Edinburgh in a week's time, and this is what I've learnt
Marquicio - This is a time of upheaval, but it's nearly over Sign up to our daily newsletter – Regular news stories and round-ups from around Scotland direct to your inbox Sign up Thank you for signing up! Did you know with a Digital Subscription to The Scotsman, you can get unlimited access to the website including our premium content, as well as benefiting from fewer ads, loyalty rewards and much more. Learn More Sorry, there seem to be some issues. Please try again later. Submitting... It's only a week until my big move. It feels as if I've been in the liminal zone, mentally hovering between residences, forever. I can't remember what life was like before I worked in a living room full of brown boxes and dusty rectangles on the wall, where pictures used to hang. Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad As we approach the Big Day, I am reflecting on what I've learnt so far. 1 As you get into the thick of packing, all those hair bobbles and clips, combs, nail files, tweezers, single socks, and other black items of clothing that you were always hunting for, will suddenly unearth themselves. It's like a very successful archaeological dig at Pompeii. For a short period of time, you won't be short of these elusive items, until you move, and they are allowed to burrow into the back of drawers and under sofa cushions again. Enjoy wearing matching socks while it lasts. 2 If you are planning on throwing a farewell going-away party in your old house, do so around the same time as you're doing viewings. This is when your home looks its very best. It's clean and pristine, with the clutter crammed into the corners of the dishwasher and car. As soon as the packing starts, you realise that it's too late to have anyone round, as the descent into chaos has begun. You don't want anyone to see your old home now. They'd only trip over a box. 3 Prepare for all the emotions. Yes, excitement at the move is one of them, but also frustration, anger, guilt, buyer's remorse, seller's remorse, and sadness. One's little brain doesn't like change, you see. It's trying to talk you out of it. Still, try to remember that pressure makes diamonds - or, at the very least, cubic zirconium. Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad 4 Expect your relationship to be tested. You will have to discuss the ultimate taboo - money - and someone is probably going to feel short-changed. There will also be rows over silly things, like whether mirrors should be packed on their side or flat. You will wish them seven years bad luck, then have to take it back. There might also be disagreements over what divisive items stay or go. Just chuck them in the bin while they're not looking. 5 Ignore your current neighbourhood when it pulls at your frayed heart-strings by showing you how beautiful it can be. The trees will suddenly be in their green goddess finery, the blackbirds will churn out their greatest hits, and the locals will chat and smile. You will remember the time you spotted a kingfisher, beside the nearby canal, and it'll bring a tear to your eye. Never mind, there will always be pigeons, wherever you go. 6 Do the maths, then tot it up all over again. Things really add up, especially when you find out how much removals cost, and solicitors' fees, buildings insurance, mortgage fees, a new fridge and washing machine, not to mention Land and Buildings Transaction Tax. Let yourself have a little weep over the outlay, grind your teeth a bit, have two sleepless nights, then dry your tears and think, oh well, it's just money. 7 Use things up, way before you ever think of moving house. If you have favourite perfumes, don't work through two-thirds of the bottle and save the final sprays because you want to keep them for special occasions. Make your own cocktails, rather than buying the canned ones and forgetting that you have umpteen bottles of unopened gin in the cupboard. Wear the good clothes, or offload them. Play the records, or sell them. Life is not a competition based on how much dross you can accumulate. Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad 8 Bubble wrap is king. You will use it up while packing the first three boxes, then forever be searching for more, but unwilling to pay for it, since you already forked out £150 for packing materials. Don't worry, in the end, you will be chucking things into boxes and saying, well, if it breaks, it breaks. 9 You will discover more spiders than you ever thought existed in a single house. We found a whole parkour crew of them, using an old wine rack as an epic climbing frame. 10 It's true what they say. The people who seem least interested in your house are often the ones who will buy it. I scoffed when others told me that, but that's what happened to us, while the biggest fans, who waxed lyrical at the viewings, went stonily quiet. I still think about them all, from time to time. 11 You will find yourself editing your coat hangers, and think, how did I get here? Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad 12 Expect to have an attack of existential angst, when your estate agent asks you if the house you're bidding on is going to be your last home. They're not trying to make reference to your advanced age, but just attempting to find out if you're buying it as an investment, or a forever residence, as that might affect how much you're willing to pay and the area you choose. 13 When you're viewing your potential future home, assume that you're actually going to get it, and look at practical stuff like the storage that's available and whether your favourite pieces of furniture will fit. Ask questions. Don't just have a half-hearted sniff around, and say that you won't get it anyway. You might be seventh time lucky, like we were. 14 It's normal to think that something is going to go horribly wrong at the final hour and that someone will pull out, or you'll find all the funds syphoned from your account by a phisher. However, what if there's a small chance that it won't, and that this time next week, you could be in your nice new home? It's a definite possibility.
The Herald Scotland
24-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
A wife's end game when it came to a new suit for hubby
Much swankier than an evening spent at Dodgy Dave's Liccur Shak, the boozer most favoured by the minions working at Diary Towers. Unlike Dodgy Dave's, the Garden Party, which takes place in the grounds of Holyrood Palace, has a strict dress code. (Dodgy Dave's does have a dress code, of sorts. Dave doesn't mind blood stains on his patron's clothing, though he insists that those same patrons keep their cudgels and garrots tucked away in pockets or swag bags, rather than clutched in mitts. Mitts are for holding pint pots, and nothing else, says Dave.) Anyway, back to the Garden Party. Chris Robertson used to work in Glasgow's favourite clothing emporium, Slater Menswear, and an elderly couple once arrived, the wife proud and excited, hubby surly, and essentially dragged into the premises by the corner of one lug. The wife explained that she and her other half had Garden Party invites, so she was keen to get hubby booted and suited for the Big Day. 'I want something cheap,' interrupted hubby, 'cos I'll only be wearin' it the wance.' 'Och, dinnae say that, Jim,' replied his wife. 'I can bury ye in it, tae.' Man's a meh More marital harmony. 'The other day my wife told me I was like her morning slice of toast,' says reader Andy Wright. Andy thought this was rather sweet, until his wife explained: 'I couldn't live without you, though I don't find you particularly exciting, either.' David Clark says that this is a very saucy sauce, indeed. (Image: Contributed) Mean about greens 'Kale is so versatile,' says food-loving reader Ben Gates. 'It fits into any size bin.' Testing times The teenage daughter of Mike Hall is learning to drive, and is currently studying the questions she'll be asked in her Theory Test. Mike says it's a pity all the questions are practical, rather than philosophical in nature, and he'd like to see the following added… Question 1: You are learning HOW to drive. But WHY do you drive? Question 2: Is a three-wheeled vehicle a motorcycle or a car? Or something else entirely? Men without hats There was an Orange March in Glasgow on Sunday, and Liz Clifford was watching the spectacle in the murk and rain when a chap next to her glanced up at the grubby sky, then said: 'Dunno why they don't swap their bowler hats for brollies. Much more practical.' Popmobile Wheeler-dealer Peter Swain says: 'I bought a sweet car online that was previously owned by Neil Diamond.'
The Herald Scotland
13-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Herald Scotland
Finding yourself in Glasgow's less than salubrious watering holes
Though booze gargling does have its disadvantages, such as a tendency to make people talk pure gibberish. Diary correspondent Fergus Reid somehow found himself in one of Glasgow's less than salubrious watering holes, in the city's east end, where he overheard two scholars of international affairs in heated discussion. Said one to the other: 'See they Americans? Problem is, they're a' gum-chewers. Every single one o' em.' His colleague was not entirely won over by this passionate display of anti-Americanism, and duly retorted: 'Wit's wrang wi' bein' a gum chewer, likes? The first chap was rather taken aback, and felt the need to pause for deep and heartfelt contemplation, before finally arriving at a suitable answer: 'Well, it's pretty cruel tae the gum, int it?' Shaky scoff Culinary correspondent Russell O'Connor was enjoying a holiday in Stratford-upon-Avon, a town fabled for being the birthplace of England's greatest bard. Sitting down to breakfast in his hotel, Russell noticed the menu advertised an omelette, made with chunky hunks of ham. Perhaps inevitably, given the hotel's location, it was labelled the… Hamlette. 'Deciding whether to order it,' says Russell, 'I was left facing an existential conundrum… To nosh or not to nosh.' He answered this tricky question by ordering the Dane-inspired dish. A moment after he tucked into his feast, the waitress appeared, and with a cheeky wink, said: 'As you like it, sir?' Read more: How to keep fit and tackle those grubby worn out carpets Parental put down Father's Day fast approaches, the perfect occasion to celebrate that bloke who spends all his time pottering in the garden shed, while mum does the heavy lifting and raises the sprogs. Donna Turner asked her 16-year-old son what he was getting his dad for the Big Day. 'Why bother?' he shrugged. 'He's more dud than dad.' Message received 'I hate when people call my phone,' complains reader Wayne Reed. 'That's not what I bought it for.' Pelter prep More weather witterings. On a hot afternoon in a Glasgow train, Kim Stevenson spotted a lady with an umbrella. 'Expecting rain?' she enquired. 'Sooner or later,' replied the woman. 'This IS Glasgow.' Fast friends Energetic Jim Hutton took up training for a marathon at the age of 55, and says the intensive exercise is a terrific way to meet new people. 'Just the other day,' he says, 'I met two doctors and a cardiologist…'
