Latest news with #ElizabethDay
Yahoo
2 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
Elizabeth Day Tried Everything to Get Pregnant. After 12 Years, She Stopped — and Found Meaning in Failure (Exclusive)
After 12 years of trying to get pregnant, Elizabeth Day decided it was time to stop — and what she realized next was unexpected. The 46-year-old British podcaster and novelist, who hosts the podcast How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, says she always knew she wanted to have kids. Growing up in a heteronormative family with two sisters and two parents, Day believed she was going to be a mother from the very beginning. "I don't think I ever questioned the fact that I would have children," she tells PEOPLE. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Day, who grew up attending an all-girls school, explains that she went on birth control when she became sexually active and was on the pill for 14 years before she stopped taking it after getting married to her first husband. "I thought, because there is this idea that if you come off the pill, there's this sort of fertility boost sometimes and you can get pregnant at the drop of a hat," Day says. "And so I thought that might happen, but actually it didn't happen at all. And that's when I started exploring whether there was something awry." Day spent two years trying to get pregnant with her ex-husband before she decided to see a doctor, a time period which she calls a "very lonely experience." Ultimately, she was told she had "unexplained infertility." "[It's] a deeply unhelpful diagnosis because there's no explanation, so no one's quite sure how to treat it, so they just throw stuff at a wall and see what sticks," she explains. The doctors also told her she had a bicornuate uterus which, according to The Cleveland Clinic, is an irregularly shaped uterus that appears to be heart-shaped and can often cause complications with pregnancy. However, throughout all her meetings and appointments with "almost exclusively male clinicians," Day just kept feeling frustrated. She shares that she began to realize that women's medicine is "under-explored, underfunded and under-researched." "So very often when I asked for an explanation, I was told that I was the one who was failing," Day says. "So the language of infertility is very much the language of failure, which is partly why I'm so interested in exploring failure through my podcast is because of these experiences." "It puts the onus on women, and it is very often women who feel that — particularly if you are a kind of type A perfectionist, which I think I was — and you are used to putting in the work and hopefully getting the results, this is something that you cannot possibly control by being quote unquote, 'a good girl.' And I found that really difficult on top of all of the hormones." She was then advised to try in vitro fertilization (IVF), which she started during the beginning of 2014. After two rounds of IVF, Day was again unsuccessful in getting pregnant after transferring an embryo. "And again, there was no explanation for that. So I turned the sense of failure inwards, and it was actually talking to a friend of mine that really helped me kind of recategorize that experience," she explains. "And I told her I was failing to respond to the drugs, and she said, 'Maybe you're not failing to respond to the drugs. Maybe they're failing you.'" Describing that chat as a "lightbulb moment," Day says reframing the way she thought about failure changed how she saw the experience of fertility medicine. She took a break from IVF and ended up getting pregnant naturally, but had the first of three miscarriages at the end of the year in 2014. "2014 was a really intense year, partly because as anyone who has done fertility treatment will know, it's like having another job," Day explains. "There are so many scans that you have to go to. There's so many drugs that you have to take. There's so much measuring and prodding that happens and you are constantly living with this state of ambivalence and ambiguity because it might work, but it might not. And you need to carry both ideas." She explains that even getting something like a positive pregnancy test, which is often a very happy thing for couples, carries weight to it when you're going through miscarriages and fertility treatments. "There's this really difficult tension between all of your feelings because on the one side, you know you should feel uncomplicatedly ecstatic," Day says. "But on the other side, you know how fragile it can be. And if you've had a miscarriage, it robs you of any experience of a relaxed pregnancy." "Now that I've had three miscarriages, I also understand that it's a very nuanced type of grief because you are grieving an absence, but you are also grieving the dreams you had of a presence," she continues. "And that's a really hard thing to cope with." After a tough year, Day divorced from her first husband in 2015. She went on to freeze her eggs and unfortunately did not retrieve that many since she again was told she "failed to respond to drugs properly." When she was about to turn 40, Day met her now-husband on Hinge. She thought there wasn't much hope at getting pregnant since she was now older and her husband was 44, but she did end up getting pregnant naturally just after her 41st birthday. When that pregnancy also ended in miscarriage, Day says it showed herself and her partner how much they really wanted to have a baby. The two embarked on their own fertility journey, which ended with trying egg donation. Day explains that she felt like she was at an age where she would prefer to have a healthy egg that produces a viable embryo, rather than try using her own eggs. After a year of finding a donor and adjusting her lifestyle, she traveled to Los Angeles just after Christmas in 2022 for the embryo transfer. And it did not take. "Again, you are pitched into this devastating realization that there is no explanation that even when you do everything you are meant to do, sometimes it just doesn't happen," Day says. "And that was one of the lowest points of my life." "Looking back, that's over two years ago now, and I could never have imagined that I would be here, which is fully at peace with a life without biological children," she shares. "And the reason I am at peace with it, I had to confront some dark things. I had to ask myself some honest questions. But ultimately, it came down to the idea that maybe it's not my path in this lifetime to be a mother in the conventional sense." Day notes that she's lucky enough to have three step kids, two nieces and 13 godchildren. "I'm very blessed in that respect, and I'm very aware that there are so many different ways to show up in a parenting role in this world," she adds. She goes on to say that although the entire infertility journey is a very difficult one, she has learned something meaningful about herself, about love and about life. "It's my firm belief that actually going through the fertility struggles is an act of parenting," Day says. "That's what you're doing. You are parenting your child, you are living your life for your children, giving them existence," she continues. "And that's an extraordinary thing that you are doing, and you are so strong to be doing it." Day explains that while she was in the thick of trying to get pregnant, the thought of giving up was one she couldn't comprehend. "I thought [not having children] would mean my life wouldn't have meaning that I would be left behind and that I would feel something so fundamentally lacking," she shares. "I promise you that there is so much peace and fulfillment on the other side of it and so many opportunities to create meaning." "I think ultimately for me, part of my journey has been realizing how much I need to parent myself. And I think that's a struggle that many of us have," Day says "And so actually part of my parenting now is understanding what I need and that it's not a failure to meet those needs. And nor is it selfish. It's actually a really necessary part of being human." The podcaster goes on to explain that she's found meaning and a real sense of community by doing her podcast, which explores this topic of failure. "So I just want to say that to the person who is walking that path right now, there will be a way that you can find meaning again if it's not conventional parenting, and if it is and you do end up with a baby in your arms, I'm so so happy for you, and that is your path," Day says. "And I realize now that it's not mine." Read the original article on People
Yahoo
2 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
Elizabeth Day Tried Everything to Get Pregnant. After 12 Years, She Stopped — and Found Meaning in Failure (Exclusive)
After 12 years of trying to get pregnant, Elizabeth Day decided it was time to stop — and what she realized next was unexpected. The 46-year-old British podcaster and novelist, who hosts the podcast How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, says she always knew she wanted to have kids. Growing up in a heteronormative family with two sisters and two parents, Day believed she was going to be a mother from the very beginning. "I don't think I ever questioned the fact that I would have children," she tells PEOPLE. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Day, who grew up attending an all-girls school, explains that she went on birth control when she became sexually active and was on the pill for 14 years before she stopped taking it after getting married to her first husband. "I thought, because there is this idea that if you come off the pill, there's this sort of fertility boost sometimes and you can get pregnant at the drop of a hat," Day says. "And so I thought that might happen, but actually it didn't happen at all. And that's when I started exploring whether there was something awry." Day spent two years trying to get pregnant with her ex-husband before she decided to see a doctor, a time period which she calls a "very lonely experience." Ultimately, she was told she had "unexplained infertility." "[It's] a deeply unhelpful diagnosis because there's no explanation, so no one's quite sure how to treat it, so they just throw stuff at a wall and see what sticks," she explains. The doctors also told her she had a bicornuate uterus which, according to The Cleveland Clinic, is an irregularly shaped uterus that appears to be heart-shaped and can often cause complications with pregnancy. However, throughout all her meetings and appointments with "almost exclusively male clinicians," Day just kept feeling frustrated. She shares that she began to realize that women's medicine is "under-explored, underfunded and under-researched." "So very often when I asked for an explanation, I was told that I was the one who was failing," Day says. "So the language of infertility is very much the language of failure, which is partly why I'm so interested in exploring failure through my podcast is because of these experiences." "It puts the onus on women, and it is very often women who feel that — particularly if you are a kind of type A perfectionist, which I think I was — and you are used to putting in the work and hopefully getting the results, this is something that you cannot possibly control by being quote unquote, 'a good girl.' And I found that really difficult on top of all of the hormones." She was then advised to try in vitro fertilization (IVF), which she started during the beginning of 2014. After two rounds of IVF, Day was again unsuccessful in getting pregnant after transferring an embryo. "And again, there was no explanation for that. So I turned the sense of failure inwards, and it was actually talking to a friend of mine that really helped me kind of recategorize that experience," she explains. "And I told her I was failing to respond to the drugs, and she said, 'Maybe you're not failing to respond to the drugs. Maybe they're failing you.'" Describing that chat as a "lightbulb moment," Day says reframing the way she thought about failure changed how she saw the experience of fertility medicine. She took a break from IVF and ended up getting pregnant naturally, but had the first of three miscarriages at the end of the year in 2014. "2014 was a really intense year, partly because as anyone who has done fertility treatment will know, it's like having another job," Day explains. "There are so many scans that you have to go to. There's so many drugs that you have to take. There's so much measuring and prodding that happens and you are constantly living with this state of ambivalence and ambiguity because it might work, but it might not. And you need to carry both ideas." She explains that even getting something like a positive pregnancy test, which is often a very happy thing for couples, carries weight to it when you're going through miscarriages and fertility treatments. "There's this really difficult tension between all of your feelings because on the one side, you know you should feel uncomplicatedly ecstatic," Day says. "But on the other side, you know how fragile it can be. And if you've had a miscarriage, it robs you of any experience of a relaxed pregnancy." "Now that I've had three miscarriages, I also understand that it's a very nuanced type of grief because you are grieving an absence, but you are also grieving the dreams you had of a presence," she continues. "And that's a really hard thing to cope with." After a tough year, Day divorced from her first husband in 2015. She went on to freeze her eggs and unfortunately did not retrieve that many since she again was told she "failed to respond to drugs properly." When she was about to turn 40, Day met her now-husband on Hinge. She thought there wasn't much hope at getting pregnant since she was now older and her husband was 44, but she did end up getting pregnant naturally just after her 41st birthday. When that pregnancy also ended in miscarriage, Day says it showed herself and her partner how much they really wanted to have a baby. The two embarked on their own fertility journey, which ended with trying egg donation. Day explains that she felt like she was at an age where she would prefer to have a healthy egg that produces a viable embryo, rather than try using her own eggs. After a year of finding a donor and adjusting her lifestyle, she traveled to Los Angeles just after Christmas in 2022 for the embryo transfer. And it did not take. "Again, you are pitched into this devastating realization that there is no explanation that even when you do everything you are meant to do, sometimes it just doesn't happen," Day says. "And that was one of the lowest points of my life." "Looking back, that's over two years ago now, and I could never have imagined that I would be here, which is fully at peace with a life without biological children," she shares. "And the reason I am at peace with it, I had to confront some dark things. I had to ask myself some honest questions. But ultimately, it came down to the idea that maybe it's not my path in this lifetime to be a mother in the conventional sense." Day notes that she's lucky enough to have three step kids, two nieces and 13 godchildren. "I'm very blessed in that respect, and I'm very aware that there are so many different ways to show up in a parenting role in this world," she adds. She goes on to say that although the entire infertility journey is a very difficult one, she has learned something meaningful about herself, about love and about life. "It's my firm belief that actually going through the fertility struggles is an act of parenting," Day says. "That's what you're doing. You are parenting your child, you are living your life for your children, giving them existence," she continues. "And that's an extraordinary thing that you are doing, and you are so strong to be doing it." Day explains that while she was in the thick of trying to get pregnant, the thought of giving up was one she couldn't comprehend. "I thought [not having children] would mean my life wouldn't have meaning that I would be left behind and that I would feel something so fundamentally lacking," she shares. "I promise you that there is so much peace and fulfillment on the other side of it and so many opportunities to create meaning." "I think ultimately for me, part of my journey has been realizing how much I need to parent myself. And I think that's a struggle that many of us have," Day says "And so actually part of my parenting now is understanding what I need and that it's not a failure to meet those needs. And nor is it selfish. It's actually a really necessary part of being human." The podcaster goes on to explain that she's found meaning and a real sense of community by doing her podcast, which explores this topic of failure. "So I just want to say that to the person who is walking that path right now, there will be a way that you can find meaning again if it's not conventional parenting, and if it is and you do end up with a baby in your arms, I'm so so happy for you, and that is your path," Day says. "And I realize now that it's not mine." Read the original article on People
Buzz Feed
24-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Buzz Feed
Julia Stiles Shares Julia Roberts' Advice On Set
Warning: Discussion of eating disorders. You know Julia Stiles. The 10 Things I Hate About You actor recently revealed that she once struggled with body image and how a co-star (with the same name) helped boost her confidence — Julia Roberts. On a May 20 episode of How to Fail with Elizabeth Day, Julia explained how the other Julia was a mother figure and inspiration on the set of their 2003 film Mona Lisa Smile. The actors starred in the Mike Newell drama alongside Kirsten Dunst, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Ginnifer Goodwin. Julia Robert played Katherine Ann Watson, an art history teacher at Wellesley College in the 1950s who helped intellectually liberate her young students' minds. Think Dead Poets Society meets Steel Magnolias. "She was an amazing example for us, and she was so maternal with all the young women on that set," Julia said. "She was coming from a lot of experience of being not just a woman, but also a woman where your appearance is focused on so heavily." "Julia said to us, 'You're going to look back on these photos of you in your 20s and be like, I was beautiful — why didn't I see that?' And she's totally right." This echoes what Julia said about the Pretty Woman star earlier this year. On a Jan. 13 episode of Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, she said, "She took care of all the girls on that set in a way she didn't really [have to]." "The movie hinged on her — she's a huge star; everything was riding on her performance in this movie," she added. "And yet she took the time to be really kind and generous to all the young women that were in it." In the How to Fail with Elizabeth Day podcast, Julia further explained how she struggled with "restrictive" eating in her 20s and early 30s as a Hollywood actor. "I'm not talking about an eating disorder — it was just restrictive, regimented, stressful. I always worried that it was going to be out of my control. Like, what if I gain weight?" she said. "I couldn't help but have a disordered relationship with it all." "There was stress around what your body looks like and trying to mold your body into a certain size," Julia continued. "As an actress, we go and promote on a red carpet, and we have to wear sample sizes from fashion designers. So it's always, 'Are we going to fit into the sample size?'" Now, as a mother of three children — Strummer, Arlo, and Henry — whom she shares with filmmaker Preston Cook, Julia acknowledged that negative perception was "a waste of fucking time" and everything that mattered "fell into place." "I've moved on," Julia said. "I've learned to be kinder in the way I think about my body and look at my body — to be kinder to myself but also trust your body ... I would be running on fumes, like, no sleep having just had a five-month-old baby. I didn't have time to think about, am I going to get back in shape to fit into those sample sizes?" Watch the podcast episode here: The National Eating Disorders Association helpline is 1-800-931-2237; for 24/7 crisis support, text 'NEDA' to 741741.
The Independent
06-03-2025
- Entertainment
- The Independent
Aligne x Elizabeth Day is the ultimate transitional wardrobe capsule
It's hard to believe the British high street fashion label Aligne was founded just five years ago. Since 2020, it's fast become a brand that both mother's and daughter's shop at, crossing that generational gap with functional, fashionable and affordable clothing. From the viral Leo longline waistcoat and Daphne waisted blazer to the barrel jeans and peplum tops, Aligne's USP is pieces that are accessible (prices start from £69) but expensive-looking. The label's clothing is the kind you can wear to the office but jazz up easily for the evening, while reversible pieces like its cult tartan trench coat are timeless wardrobe heroes. A staple of Copenhagen Fashion Week street style, the brand has earned itself a loyal influencer following (Holly Mercedes hosted the brand's dinner at last season's showcase in the Danish fashion capital), but also a strong celebrity fan base. The East London-based brand has been spotted on the likes of Rochelle Humes, Frankie Bridge and Holly Willoughby. Now, author and How to Fail podcaster Elizabeth Day has collaborated with the label for a spring capsule collection that was born out of her love for Aligne. Over the years, the writer and broadcaster has plumped for everything from the brand's red peplum dress to denim co-ords, but her debut line with the brand comprises of 12 new pieces. From a fresh take on the denim dresses that the brand is famed for to a chic cape trench coat, breton jumper and zipped longline waistcoat, the capsule is full of wearable but elevated everyday staples. Putting her spin on the label's signature longline waistcoat and denim co-ords, the collections features separates and statement pieces. Speaking to Grazia about the collaboration, Day said: 'I hope that the collection removes stress from your life and frees up precious creative energy for the rest of your day. I hope you enjoy the flattering cuts, the elegant design and the practical pockets (I'm borderline obsessive about pockets).' Launching today (6 March), we've rounded up our favourite pieces from Aligne x Elizabeth Day below. From New York to London, capes were a breakout trend this fashion month. Characterised by its camel finish, short silhouette and shirt collar, this trench from the Aligne x Elizabeth Day collaboration is a wearable take on the trend. The cape is detachable, so it's essentialy two coats in one, while the concealed zip adds to the premium look. Aligne x Elizabeth Day's version of the Canadian tuxedo comprises of a peplum denim top and matching indigo denim Skylar flare jeans (£119, The separates create a statement look when worn together, but are just as stylish when worn individually with a white maxi skirt or black blazer. The top boasts inverted pleat detailing and a peplum silhouette that enhances your figure, while the jeans feature a skinny leg that flares out into a pleated cuff. Aligne denim dresses are true wardrobe heroes. Styles that you can throw on without much thought but still look effortlessly put together, this style from the Elizabeth Day capsule is no exception. It features a wearable crew neckline, chest patch pockets and a sleeveless silhouette that's perfect for spring. Universally flattering, the dress is fitted at the waist with a pleated full A-line skirt. An elegant but understated party-ready dress, this satin finish style boasts a structured bodice that flows down into a dropped peplum waist. Contouring seams on the bodice and the square neckline create a flattering silhouette, while the red finish makes it timeless. Aligne waistcoats have reached icon status, with this Elizabeth Day style putting a fresh spin on the brand's signature silhouette. The shawl neckline drapes off the shoulder, with a bold eyelet and bar fastening adding luxurious detail. Boasting the same long-line fit as its hero Daphne blazer, the flattering style can be dressed down with jeans or paired with flared black trousers (£119, and heels. A co-ord to take you from your desk to dinner, this olive green zip up top and matching wide leg trousers are a versatile wardrobe addition. The Aligne x Elizabeth Day's top features a comfortable zip up fastening and fitted square neckline, with the slim fit exaggerating your figure. The matching trousers (£99, boast a stylish wide leg and front pleating detail, while the shirred waistband allowing for belt concealment and more styling versatility.
