3 days ago
When a Close Relationship Becomes ‘Enmeshment'
The same pattern kept repeating itself for Joelyn Chase. Family members continually leaned on her for money and emotional support, she said, causing her to lose sight of where their needs ended and hers began.
'Everything used to be an emergency. 'Oh my gosh, you need me right now? I need to answer you,'' recalled Ms. Chase, 73, who lives in Greene County, Va., 30 miles north of Charlottesville. 'I had to take care of everybody.'
She liked being needed, but at one point she found herself working seven days a week as the sole breadwinner. Only later did she realize that she wasn't taking care of her own needs. In fact, she wasn't even sure what those needs were.
Ms. Chase was experiencing 'enmeshment,' a term that describes a relationship lacking emotional and psychological boundaries. The term has gotten attention in recent years, with numerous videos exploring it on TikTok; a Reddit forum dedicated to 'enmeshment trauma'; and books offering advice on 'untangling' yourself and working through the tough feelings that can arise.'It's terrifying to set those boundaries,' said Jordan Pickell, a psychotherapist and the author of a book about enmeshment that is set to publish in 2026. 'Because what would that mean about me as a person?'
What exactly does 'enmeshed' mean?
An enmeshed relationship has a lack of clear boundaries, leading to blurred individual identities.
There can be pressure 'to feel, think and act similar,' said Terri Cole, a psychotherapist and the author of 'Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.'
In the process, people in these relationships become disconnected from their authentic selves. 'You get to a point where you don't even know who you are,' she said.
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