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USA Today
15-05-2025
- Climate
- USA Today
Don't go chasing, unless you're prepared for the falling that follows
Don't go chasing, unless you're prepared for the falling that follows | MARK HUGHES COBB If you go chasing Alabama's tallest waterfalls, set aside four hours driving time, over 200 miles The water features few associate with our fair state line up in a crook, being how water rolls and flows. North above Scottsboro, in Jackson County, you'll find Neversink Pit Waterfall, which ironically does, into a 162-foot, well, sinkhole. Heading southwest in order, chute down to Desoto Falls (104 feet) and Grace's High Falls (133 feet) in DeKalb, on to Noccalula Falls (90 feet) in Gadsden, then on to Montevallo, with the closest such to Tuscaloosa, about an hour away, Falling Rock Falls (90 feet), which sounds like a mistranslation, or at least a tautology. Drinking Man Drinks. Wailing Woman Wails. Shot Dog Hollers. Maybe not the last one. Tuscaloosa wouldn't be as it is today if not for gravity-drawn rushing liquids, pouring down the hard rock Piedmont into sandy gravel from the East Gulf Coastal Plain, following the crescent-shaped fall line that roughly bisects Alabama, from its most northwestern corner, down through us, on north of Montgomery, and continuing east to Ope-don't-likeya, at least according to a pal who worked a summer there. Before engineering in the late 19th century, the Black Warrior River wasn't navigable north of where we are now, due to what was known as the Falls of Tuscaloosa, or Tuscaloosa Falls, which once created a gentle, constant susurration, a whisper, a mist in the air. Settlements sprang up as barges loaded and unloaded, at spots where the river was still fordable, most times of year. In the damming, we lost our falls. More: Things to do around Tuscaloosa for May 15-21 More engineers developed Little Yellow River into first Harris Lake, then Lake Nicol, and finally our current reservoir, the 62-billion gallon capacity Lake Tuscaloosa, supplying us with 200 gallons a day. None of them sports what you'd call a proper fall, though I've heard you could once stroll down to low-flow whitewater below Harris, but being as that's probably illegal, nah, I never have. As would have been many events on the sunny, free, no-parents kinda atmosphere that may have occurred, what with college kids nearby and all that, but of course I wouldn't know. So maybe it's not unusual that for a time I had little idea what TLC's "Waterfalls" was about, as it bypassed logic and shot straight to the limbic, as the finest music does. Deep dive spoiler: TLC's landmark worldwide No. 1 is chock full of cautionary tales, about avoiding risky behaviors that can lead to permanently damaging effects: drug abuse, sexually transmitted diseases and other not-so-joyful warnings, couched within a deceptively smooth operation driven by R&B grooves, slinky wah-wah, and that slippery bass line by LaMarquis "ReMarqable" Jefferson, which, by the way, well done on the nicknaming. Despite its 172 beats per minute, "Waterfalls" feels languid, buttery, like the lazy kind of summer day when you definitely were not swimming in the Lake Tuscaloosa spillway because that's illegal, and definitely not churning your young strong shoulders and arms up into and under that ever-pounding rain, which, if I had ever been there, I'd estimate at maybe 10 or 12 feet of falls, though I can't because I never (note: look up statute of limitations) with a bunch of hoodlum friends. No, we stuck to the rivers and the lakes we were 'sposed to. More: Health secretary issues ignorant remarks about autism | MARK HUGHES COBB Paul McCartney wrote and released a 1980 cut also titled "Waterfalls," a spare ballad played on ringy Fender Rhodes, that begins "Don't go jumping waterfalls/please keep to the lake." It features a bit of a warning, too, but then swerves off into typical Paul territory: needing love. And the second verse begins "Don't go chasing polar bears ..." so you can see why Macca didn't sue Left-Eye Lopez and crew in 1995. The warning? It would certainly hurt if you go away, leaping into water features, stalking the frozen north, and ... jaywalking? Yes, third verse: "Don't run after motor cars ...." TLC's "Waterfalls" refrain is similar, though clearly not with the same intent: "Don't go chasing waterfallsPlease stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used toI know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at allBut I think you're moving too fast." That bpm count sounds wrong. Bruce's "Dancing in the Dark" clocks at 149; his proud "No Surrender" at 154, "I'm a Rocker" at 159. Earth Wind and Fire's "September" at a mere 126, yet which would you describe as upbeat? Clearly, the allures are not just about timing, and beats. Speaking of more than can be logically transcribed, Ryan Coogler's stunning "Sinners" is all you've heard about and more. Go see it on the biggest possible screen, with the best possible sound. It's a down-in-the-dirt musical of sorts, as if "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" stripped away gags, and churned our the fire this time, rather than the Coen film's semi-apocalyptic flood. Instead of Ulyssess Everett McGill facing and fighting sirens, a cyclops and other monsters along his odyssey back to home and hearth, Coogler crafted Smoke and Stack (twins played by Michael B. Jordan) who worked with and probably robbed Al Capone, returning to Mississippi roots to open up a little piece of heaven, a bit of freedom. They entice young cousin Sammie (a brilliant debut for bourbon-voiced Miles Caton), one of the rare musically blessed, torn between church house and juke joint, into playing their opening ... and as it turns out, closing. More: Take heed of folks who believe in giving, rather than constant grabbing | MARK HUGHES COBB "You keep dancing with the devil... one day he's gonna follow you home." Pastor Jedidiah warns his son. As with all such ominous oracular pronouncements, ignore at your peril. "Sinners" is just a letter off from singers. Music channels ineffable power. When we can't say it, we play it. With doors swung wide, all sorts come portaling in. Someone's devil is another system's spirit. Be careful what you chase. Reach Mark Hughes Cobb at
USA Today
01-05-2025
- Health
- USA Today
Health secretary issues ignorant remarks about autism
Health secretary issues ignorant remarks about autism | MARK HUGHES COBB With the ongoing D.C. clown show, every accusation is a confession. And make no mistake, what rfkjr (he doesn't deserve caps, not like worthies such as uncle JFK and father RFK) said about people on the autism spectrum was an ugly, blatant attack. Ignorant, malevolent, and of course, utterly wrong. What he's confessing, knowingly or not — My guess weighs "not": He knows less than Jon Snow — is that he has no idea how hoo-mans work, what a marvelous range of abilities we can and do live fulfilling lives with. Elizabeth McClellan, a poet, attorney and educator, who also happens to be autistic: "It's completely dehumanizing. He didn't lead with 'poet.' He led with they'll never pay taxes, they'll never have a job. It's just 'useless eaters' rhetoric. And then he fluffs it up with, they'll never write a poem. They'll never play baseball. "He is using the straight-up eugenicist playbook. People who can't go to the toilet by themselves are still people. People who can't write a poem are still people. I doubt [Kennedy] can write a poem, but he's still a person." I doubt the second half of that sentence, but I'm on a spectrum spanning outraged to incensed. More: Take heed of folks who believe in giving, rather than constant grabbing | MARK HUGHES COBB Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder, not caused by vaccines. A fact: Everyone who drinks water will die, but correlation is not causation. Vaccination has been around since the 16th century, inoculations against smallpox. Such practices may run even further back, to the 10th century, aka when things were rotten; aka when Vikings raided northern France and what's now Scotland, being driven back at least once by historical Macbeth; aka the Chinese using gunpowder in battle, and also, much to the delight of Hollywood and Henry V, fire arrows; aka agricultural developments such as field systems and heavy plows; aka collapsing Aztecs and rising Toltecs; aka Mississippian culture booming around these parts; aka Medieval Times, and not the entertainment franchise. Vaccination is receiving a small dose of an affliction. Our built-in systems step up to fight. Bodies can learn and remember, unlike most in D.C. It's not unlike muscle-building, flexibility or aerobic capacity, which we empower by stressing the body, so it builds back stronger. If and when a similar strain visits, your immune system's combat ready. It's the grizzled sarge who'll lead you through hell and back, probably in one piece, versus Gomer Pyle. Don't be Gomer. We have better tools to diagnose nowadays, so naturally numbers of those on the spectrum ― traits range widely, with differing needs and severity ― are growing. Some of my adult pals are now aware of something they'd long suspected. Others now read symptoms and think, hey: Unusually sensitive to light, sound or touch? Fixations with obsessive focus? Demanding, finicky eater? Disturbed by breaks in routine? That's just a few, and just part of what I know as somewhat outside the norm about me. This honking buffoon could have learned about special needs by asking, or reading about, his late aunt, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, sister to JFK, RFK, Sen. Teddy, Ambassador Jean Kennedy Smith, Patricia, Kathleen, Joseph Jr. and Rosemary. You know, Eunice Kennedy Shriver. Founder of Special Olympics. After starting Camp Shriver in 1963, at her Potomac, Maryland, home, as a place for people with intellectual and physical disabilities, she used her clout as head of the Joseph P. Kennedy Jr. Foundation to begin changing wayward and damaging perceptions held by the public. It was she who wrote that startling reveal in the Saturday Evening Post about sister Rosemary, who suffered mood swings, seizures, and learning difficulties. Doctors in the 1940s prescribed barbarism ― lobotomy ― leaving her incapacitated. Here in Tuscaloosa, we know the name Peter Bryce, first superintendent of what opened in 1861 as Alabama Insane Hospital, later Bryce Hospital, now mostly absorbed by the University of Alabama, as health treatments have improved so vastly there wasn't need for such a facility. Bryce championed innovations, first discouraging and later abandoning physical restraints, urging healthy physical activity and insisting on courage, kindness and respect for all. Bryce knew, in 1861, better than the sitting secretary of health and human services. Has there ever been a more Orwellian appointment than that of this sad, sick conspiracy theorist, golden proof genetic lines don't assure stability? More: Farming, fighting, forged into steel: We shall not see their like again | MARK HUGHES COBB Another layer of irony: His history of startling actions and pronouncements suggest he is actually physically and mentally challenged. Those 14 years as a heroin addict, the guzzling of raw milk, the, as he said, "... worm that got into my brain and ate a portion of it and then died"? Those are clues. He suffers spasmodic dysphonia, causing his voice to quaver. Dropped a roadkill bear carcass in Central Park, because he feared it might spoil before he could carve it up for meat. Strapped a whale's head to the top of the family minivan for a five-hour drive home. His daughter Kathleen, in a 2012 Town and Country story, recounted: "every time we accelerated on the highway, whale juice would pour into the windows of the car" that they'd traveled with "... plastic bags over our heads with mouth holes cut out ...." Others along the highway were horrified, she said, "but that was just normal day-to-day stuff for us." Now I'm no doctor but, here's a key point: Neither is rfkjr. Only one of us is in a position to harm others, through blithering ignorance, blithe mouth-bleats of disinformation, and acts of active abuse such as ... wait, this can't be right ... shutting down access to a suicide hotline? In February, that national 988 number logged 2,100 calls. Why this? Why cut a literal lifeline, unless you actively seek to harm? Scary as clowns can be, they've got nothing on this circus, headmaster of which is traveling, having invited himself, into town, begging applause for crushing lives. Lily Tomlin in "The Search for Signs of Intelligent LIfe in the Universe," "No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up." Reach Mark Hughes Cobb at
