Latest news with #MelodyWilding
Harvard Business Review
2 days ago
- Business
- Harvard Business Review
Managing Up, One Conversation at a Time
Have you ever realized, partway through a project, that you and your boss aren't on the same page? Maybe your definitions of success differed, or their expectations were unclear. Maybe you couldn't get them to listen, or you couldn't figure out why they insisted on doing things a certain way. Managing up means tackling these disconnects head-on—and doing it through honest, well-timed discussions. Executive coach Melody Wilding joins Amy G to explain why alignment on goals and clarity around working styles are essential. They talk through how to start these conversations without awkwardness, what to say to make them productive, and how to adapt your approach without losing your authenticity. Plus, they answer listener questions and hear from Amy B about how she handles alignment with both her boss and her team. Guest expert: Melody Wilding is an executive coach, human behavior professor, and author of Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge.
Business Insider
27-05-2025
- Business
- Business Insider
You need a 'resentment audit' to help set healthy boundaries at work, says this executive coach
If you want to improve your ability to set boundaries at work, you should try a "resentment audit." Melody Wilding, an executive coach and author of "Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge, told Business Insider that feeling resentment in the workplace is a "good emotional signal that you've let something go on for too long." A resentment audit is figuring out what areas you feel you're carrying all the burden, Wilding said. Your emotions can be a good indicator in these situations, she said. "It's like being the consummate gold-star student in the group project in school who's the only one carrying everybody else's weight," she said. "That is a good sign that you need to reset some of those dynamics." Starting is the hardest part Setting that first boundary, though, can be tricky, especially in a time of layoffs and restructurings. Wilding has had clients who told her they thought they were doing the right thing by working overtime and handling dozens of projects outside their job requirements — only to be told at their performance review they were struggling to balance all their commitments. One client described themselves as "the spray foam" filling in "all the cracks for everyone else" around them. "We may think we're doing the right thing, but in actuality it can create this perception that we don't know how to manage our time, that we are not leadership material," Wilding said. "And that's the ultimate punch in the gut." Rather than moving up, people get stuck because so many others in the company are overly dependent on them, she said. "Of course it leads to more resentment, it leads to burnout, exhaustion, and it becomes this vicious cycle." Do it for your future self The feeling of someone pushing back on our boundaries also runs along the same pathways in the brain as physical pain, Wilding said. "If you are someone who has been overly accommodating for a long time, it's going to feel really uncomfortable to put up boundaries. You're going to feel guilty, you're going to feel as if I'm doing something bad." That's just your brain tricking you, in Wilding's view. When sitting in this discomfort, she recommends asking yourself what your future self will thank you for. "Three months from now, I'm going to be really happy I didn't commit to this three-day retreat with my team, even if I feel a bit bad in the moment," she said. Boundaries lie on a spectrum. Some are rigid, like a fence or a wall with no holes in it — "nothing can get in, but nothing can get out either," Wilding said. On the opposite end are very porous boundaries that have huge gaps allowing anything to get in and out. "Healthy boundaries are right in the middle where we have certain non-negotiables or limits that we want to stand firm on," Wilding said. "But you're willing to be responsive to the moment, to the person, to the situation, and the circumstances of that request." You're not being too accommodating or too uncompromising, and "striking that sort of Goldilocks right in the middle," she said. Boundaries can boost productivity A good first boundary to put in place can be to protect your focus time, Wilding said, "instead of just yet another meeting or yet another check-in." "You can be more specific with your status updates on Slack or Teams to give people an expectation of what you're doing and when you'll be back," she said. "Say, 'I'm heads down in the budget until 2 p.m. and will respond to messages after that'." Frame it in terms of what's in it for them, Wilding added, rather than asking permission. "Going forward, I will be blocking out two hours each week on Friday in order to work on this project that I know is important to our Q3 goals," Wilding suggested. "Set them in the affirmative, so basically say what you can do, versus what you won't do." There's a good business case for a culture where boundaries are celebrated, because when people are focused on the right things, that leads to higher quality output, Wilding said. People aren't burning out or going on medical leave so much. "You're going to get higher productivity out of them, and they're more likely to stay longer, they're more likely to talk positively about the company," Wilding said. "It creates this virtuous cycle rather than a vicious cycle."
Globe and Mail
08-05-2025
- Business
- Globe and Mail
Improving your relationship with your boss starts with being more aligned on priorities
Interested in more careers-related content? Check out our new weekly Work Life newsletter. Sent every Monday afternoon. Melody Wilding, an executive coach and professor of human behaviour at Hunter College in New York City, believes that most of the stress and frustration people experience with their bosses is fixable, because it stems not from pure incompetence or antagonism but a lack of awareness on both sides about how to work together effectively. 'Most professionals know they need to manage up but few know how to do it well,' she writes in her new book Managing Up. The first step, she advises, is to adopt a strategic, investigative mindset. As you start to see your boss less as a gatekeeper or overseer and more like a human being dealing with their own pressures, distractions and demands from higher-ups, you will begin to discover what drives their decisions and unlock how best to communicate with them. That may seem unbalanced. Making the relationship work better is falling upon your shoulders. But she asks you not to view it as making your boss's life easier. It's about taking control of your own work experience. 'Even if you have a good relationship with those above you, why settle for good when it could be great,' she writes. 'Consider it an investment in your satisfaction at work.' You will need conversations with your boss to ensure better alignment, so you don't seem pulled in 100 different directions or spend so much time trying to decipher cryptic feedback or mixed messages. You want to figure out how your work fits into the bigger picture and make sure you and your boss agree on success. 'No more emotional drain from doing what you think your boss expects, only to get it wrong and face frustration and disappointment,' she says. 'You can replace any simmering tension with a sense of shared purpose and understanding.' Beforehand, she suggests spending some time figuring out your one-year vision – what work would be like 365 days from now if it was the best possible situation. What would you be doing? Who would you be interacting with? What would make the day energizing and fulfilling? What key projects might you be leading? What organizational changes can you foresee now and how can you best prepare? That will allow you to understand where you want to steer. Now you are ready to get into your boss's head. In upcoming one-on-one meetings and more general conversations with your boss, she recommends weaving in questions like: If it's your first time bringing up alignment or the relationship with your manager has been rocky, she warns you will need to ensure the questions don't seem to come out of nowhere by indicating your overall desire to understand things better. And the answers won't necessarily be crystal clear. You will undoubtedly need to dig deeper with further questions. Bringing yourself in alignment with your boss can help improve the relationship dramatically. You will want to supplement that by subsequent observation and conversations on issues like differing styles, how to get beyond bottlenecks and take greater ownership of your work, providing feedback to the boss on frustrations such as their lack of vision to favouritism to other colleagues, how to position yourself for promotion and remuneration. Managing up is part of your job. Harvey Schachter is a Kingston-based writer specializing in management issues. He, along with Sheelagh Whittaker, former CEO of both EDS Canada and Cancom, are the authors of When Harvey Didn't Meet Sheelagh: Emails on Leadership.
Fast Company
08-05-2025
- Business
- Fast Company
Here's the best way to quit your job without burning bridges
BY The average person changes jobs every two years and nine months, according to a survey by the career advice website Career Sidekick. If you work for 40 years, that translates to about 15 jobs—and 15 resignations. While the conversation can feel difficult, it's important to be thoughtful about how you say goodbye, says Melody Wilding, author of Managing Up: How to Get What you Need from the People in Charge and human behavior professor at Hunter College in New York City. 'A lot of people boomerang back to a company, team, or manager in a fairly short time,' says Wilding, who is also a contributor to Fast Company. 'Having strong relationships with leaders and colleagues could also be a good for getting a reference, LinkedIn recommendation, or referrals to new roles.' Delivering a resignation, however, can involve heightened emotions. Resentment, frustration, burnout, and fatigue may have caused you to seek a new role or company, yet you likely have a desire for civil, diplomatic, and tactful conversation, says Wilding. 'Sometimes those two things can be at odds,' she says. 'You're not only dealing with your own emotions, but you're also trying to project other people's reactions. Is my boss going to be upset or ask that I leave right away? The desire to get [the conversation] right and secure your future can put pressure on you.'
