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Times
4 days ago
- Business
- Times
Blame Man United for their mess and stupid rules just letting them rot
Towards the end of the film This Is Spinal Tap, the band is forced to play much-diminished venues. Lead guitarist Nigel Tufnel has quit, along with manager Ian Faith, and the tour is being run by ambitious Jeanine, girlfriend of lead singer and rhythm guitarist David St Hubbins and a devotee of yoga and astrology. They arrive at the next location to see the billing 'Puppet show' with, beneath it, 'and Spinal Tap'. 'If I told them once I told them a hundred times,' says Jeanine, 'put Spinal Tap first and puppet show last'. The group look crushed. 'You got the big dressing room, though,' Jeanine says, brightening. 'Oh, we've got a bigger dressing room than the puppets, have we?' replies David. This is the point Manchester United are reaching, after their blasted tour of Asia. It can't be far off now: puppet show, and United. If there was a documentary of this trip, it would play out as a series of comic vignettes, like Spinal Tap. There was an open-top bus parade preceding a defeat by a scratch representative XI, at the end of which they were booed off; Amad Diallo gave the finger to some fans he believed had disrespected his mother; three squad members flew a further 4,000 miles to make a corporate appearance in Mumbai for a tyre company; Alejandro Garnacho was required to sign autographs for supporters and then play, having already been told by his manager to find another club; he was later captured pushing fans away and looking furious. 'Everybody's fuming,' reported The Times yesterday. That fans ended up paying for United's players to tour Kuala Lumpur on e-scooters because they couldn't get them to work, seemed to sum up the whole shambolic exercise. What is it all worth? In the region of £8 million. It doesn't even cover the £10 million hit United have taken on their Adidas contract having again failed to reach the Champions League. That a club run by billionaires — plural — is forced to prostitute itself in this way shows the shameful state it is in. Comical to their detractors, pitiful to those who remember what they were and what they used to represent. Us — it used to represent us, the power, success and prestige of the Premier League. But we'll get to that. The bottom line is this is United's doing. The club has been poorly run and it has caught up with them. Mismanagement, weak executive leadership, flawed recruitment, inconsistency in managerial appointments, United have committed all of football's cardinal sins. They deserve no better than to be where they are. What they do not deserve, however, what no club deserves, is to be afforded no way back. And this is where the involvement of the Premier League is significant. In the modern world of sports business, how do you take a club that is a worldwide brand leader, among the most recognisable names on the planet, and allow it to rot, to become a laughing stock, a byword for failure and incompetence? Not that United should be artificially promoted or propelled, not that there hasn't been ineptitude on an epic scale, but no club should be corralled by regulations that see impoverishment where there is none, trapping them in this puppet-show purgatory. United are in Asia for the same reason they are sacking minions, turfing fans out of seats they have occupied for decades and — heaven forbid — contemplating Al-Hilal's interest in Bruno Fernandes. To try to make the numbers add up. Yet these numbers are artificial. They are an invention. They were fake when United and other elite clubs campaigned for them, and they are fake now. United are not poor. United have been reduced by the rules they — and the rest of the elite — once hoped would stop that top table becoming too crowded. On one hand, it would take a heart of stone not to laugh. On the other, it is incredible the many ways the Premier League finds to undermine its product. Could you imagine Major League Baseball allowing the New York Yankees to be stuck like this? It is not that United shouldn't fail. They failed for many years before the Premier League came along and for many years after Sir Alex Ferguson left, and that's fine, that's healthy. What isn't positive is that clubs can't make mistakes anymore. Let's say Liverpool do break the Premier League record, substantially, for Florian Wirtz. That they are forced higher than Friday's £109.4 million bid. What if that doesn't work out? As long as they have the money why shouldn't they try again? Buying Wirtz isn't a bad thing. Liverpool are trying to improve their team, but also the quality of the Premier League as a result. Yet now clubs are anchored to their mistakes. United have wasted fortunes. From Antony to Ángel Di María each recruit was intended to make them better and, in turn, improve the league. Should any club be punished for that? Is it healthy that selling Fernandes, one of the most watchable players in English football, may be their only way out? Sirens should sound if Fernandes goes. He would be an enormous loss to the club and the competition, and is still in his prime at 30. Richard Masters, the league's chief executive, insists he is very relaxed about the threat of Saudi Arabia. He's asleep at the wheel, if so. Last weekend Match of the Day held its goal-of-the-season competition, whittled down to six finalists. The first entry was scored by Jhon Durán, once of Aston Villa, now with Al-Nassr. Harry Kane's understudy at England, Ivan Toney, is in Saudi Arabia too, with Al-Ahli. If the captain of United departs now it will be like the ravens leaving the tower, certainly for United. Whoever arrives to play in Ruben Amorim's 3-4-3 system, Fernandes's loss would make the whole weaker. Yes, he would be mad to move to a comparative backwater, rather than see what United could achieve with Amorim and better planning. Fernandes deserves a good team around him. He scored 19 goals and got 20 assists across all competitions last season. What would he be like with the chance to feed a top-class goalscorer? Yet this is already the longest United have gone without Champions League football in the Premier League era and, even with the financial headroom from selling Fernandes, the way back would be daunting. It would also be a game changer for English football. Is this what we do now? Pass raft after raft of regulations until clubs bleed out? Like Leicester City. Theirs was a narrative reverberating around the globe, without doubt they improved the Premier League's standing. Now Leicester are pursued into the leagues below such is the desire for vengeance having made mistakes. Think of the most positive stories this year and the clubs involved — Nottingham Forest, Aston Villa, Bournemouth — all have endured skirmishes and more over financial regulation in recent years. Is this making English football more attractive? As it continues to leak talent to foreign leagues, from Kane to Toney to Michael Olise or Dean Huijsen, it does not look it. Back to the puppet show. Ed Woodward, the former executive vice-chairman, made a lot of mistakes at United and recruitment was poor on his watch but, given his commercial background, he also saw where the club sat in the firmament. Woodward viewed United as England's first club — like Bayern Munich in Germany, or Real Madrid in Spain — and, as such, believed it was almost their duty to compete for marquee players. And that might be the height of arrogance, and certainly contributed to the recent decline — too many headline makers, not enough thought — but it is a view that would not have settled for Rasmus Hojlund if there was hope of recruiting Kane. The summer when it was decided nobody at Old Trafford had the wit, ambition or funds to go up against Daniel Levy in those negotiations, is the moment United changed. The club ran scared and has not recovered since. One lousy decision follows another. The reward for reaching the Europa League final is roughly £5 million but United must hand £3.5 million of that to Chelsea because Mason Mount started, and the fee is part of the bonus package attached to his £55 million transfer. The decision to start Mount — sadly ineffectual on the night — also led to the complete collapse of Amorim's relationship with Garnacho. The gifts keep on giving. Woodward's greatest error was thinking United had conquered the world and were so big success no longer mattered. The foreign market is fickle. The further we get from these shores the less we understand the motivations of fans. Woodward frequently boasted of United's global contingent, yet that support turned very quickly in defeat to the Asean All-Stars. United's first visit to Hong Kong since 2013 did not sell out, whereas recent games involving Liverpool, Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur have, and swiftly. United, without a title in 12 years, are losing the teenage and twentysomething market abroad as they gravitate towards the winners in their youth. Manchester City now have an Asian presence that would be unheard of in Ferguson's time; Chelsea, too. Football evolves and United, of course, have no right to success. It is a fallacy that clubs like Sunderland or Leeds United get back to 'where they belong'. Every club belongs where it is because it has made decisions, good and bad, that have put it there. Yet clubs also deserve the right to risk, to make a mistake, to try, to have another go, to recover as quickly as they can. That is what is wrong with this system. United should have ended their dreadful campaign and gone away to rethink, regroup and return stronger. They should have long been working to assemble a squad capable of playing Amorim's game. And that costs money. But United have money — because they're Manchester United. Although not on this tour, it would seem. Tonight, and for the foreseeable future Matthew, they're going to be Spinal Tap. Newcastle recruitment supremo recruited no one — but Howe will miss him Newcastle United did not miss out on Liam Delap because they were without sporting director Paul Mitchell. Delap to Newcastle was always going to be a hard sell. He's 22 and if he wanted to be a reserve could have stayed at Manchester City. That he first took a chance on Ipswich Town shows his ambition. The low fee was a complication, too. Yes, it made Delap affordable to all, but it also reduced the imperative to make him a first-team starter. An £80 million signing has to play; one for less than half that carries an understudy's price. So Chelsea are perfect for Delap because they need a starter. Christopher Nkunku is going, Marc Guiu is still learning and while Nicolas Jackson has forged a good partnership with Cole Palmer, as the Conference League final demonstrated, he needs too many chances to score. Newcastle could only offer Delap a place shadowing Alexander Isak, which was never going to be enough. It means Mitchell, whose job was described as 90 per cent recruitment by chief executive Darren Eales, and who initially appeared to have an uneasy relationship with manager Eddie Howe, will have left without recruiting a single player. Yet Howe still won't be pleased to see him go. Newcastle now enter a third consecutive summer transfer window without a recognised director of football. Given the complications around Sandro Tonali, the last player signed in a summer window to go straight into the first team was Isak. He joined on August 26, 2022, and made his debut five days later, opening the scoring against Liverpool. Mitchell will have plans in place but his sudden absence does not suggest stability to any player with Delap's options. Newcastle's rivals are moving fast. Chelsea, Liverpool, Manchester City, even Manchester United are in advanced negotiations. Newcastle were left behind last summer when Mitchell bungled a move for Crystal Palace defender Marc Guéhi with a succession of low-ball bids. Newcastle want Guéhi still, as do Tottenham Hotspur who can offer Champions League football, but might this upheaval place them at a disadvantage? It was a great season for Newcastle, winning a first domestic trophy in 70 years, but also a lucky one. Never before has fifth place provided guaranteed entry to the Champions League. So while Howe has done an outstanding job, he most definitely needs assistance maintaining this trajectory. Mitchell leaves having achieved next to nothing. That doesn't mean he won't be missed. 92.89 million reasons why Real wanted Alexander-Arnold now Carlo Ancelotti didn't think much of the Club World Cup. Had he remained as Real Madrid manager he would have put rest and relaxation for the players after a long and difficult season up there with winning it. That the club have paid Liverpool £10 million to secure Trent Alexander-Arnold's availability, and have engaged coach Xabi Alonso already, suggests they now intend taking it very seriously indeed. Alonso will certainly be in it to win it, keen to make the best possible start, and Real Madrid will want to dominate this expanded competition with its boast of being world champions, the way they dominated the early years of the European Cup. Then there is the money — £92.89 million for the winners. That Real believe it is worth gambling 10.76 per cent of that jackpot to win it shows how highly Alexander-Arnold is regarded by his new club. Given the wages he saved Liverpool running down his old contract, the money on recruitment saved by a player coming through the ranks, and this unexpected windfall, the boos directed at Alexander-Arnold now seem as misguided as they were discourteous. Time for Chelsea's gilded youth to deliver more It has been stated here recently there are many ways of assessing experience in football, and age is certainly one. That Chelsea became the first team to win a European final without fielding a player over the age of 26 is certainly impressive. The repeated insistence that this is a young group overachieving, however, is rather enhanced. This is a very expensively assembled squad of immense promise and talent, who have played many games and experienced many successes. Including subs, the players Chelsea fielded against Real Betis have been involved in 2,994 matches, and made 202 senior international appearances. As for medals, where do you wish to start? World Cup, European Championship, Copa America, Champions League (2), Europa League, Copa Sudamericana, Recopa Sudamericana, Fifa Club World Cup (2), Uefa Super Cup (3), Premier League, Portugal Primeira Liga, Argentina Primera División, FA Cup (2), EFL Cup, Copa Del Rey, Coppa Italia, Dutch Cup, German Cup, FA Community Shield, German Super Cup, Dutch Super Cup, Argentina Super Cup. Of course, not every medal came with a starring role. Cole Palmer has a Champions League winner's medal from 2022-23, but didn't kick a ball in the campaign for Manchester City after starting against Sevilla on November 2. Even so, he was in and around it all. He wouldn't have been wide-eyed in Wroclaw and, if he was, he certainly didn't play like it. Enzo Maresca rounded on the club's critics at the end of a successful league campaign but he, more than anyone, had played down their chances all season. He isn't alone among managers in doing that but he cannot get away with it next season. There will be a level of expectation around Chelsea after this campaign. They are youthful, but far from innocent, and will be expected to be in the mix.
Yahoo
27-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
"I'm scared for my life and career at this point." Dream Theater's Mike Portnoy jokes he's worried about his job after spate of drummer firings
When you buy through links on our articles, Future and its syndication partners may earn a commission. Dream Theater's Mike Portnoy says he's worried about his future after seeing a spate of high-profile drummers lose their job recently. Josh Freese was let go by the Foo Fighters this month, The Who fired Zak Starkey a few weeks ago and Guns N' Roses parted with Frank Ferrer in March. Last year, Jason Bonham was replaced in Sammy Hagar's band. Reacting to those firings, Portnoy jokes that he is looking over his shoulder. As well as his role in Dream Theater, which he returned to in 2023, Portnoy works with a number of other groups and artists. He tells Office Hours Live With Tim Heidecker: "I think it's the Spinal Tap conspiracy. I think nobody is safe. Ringo's son was fired from The Who. John Bonham's son was fired from Sammy Hagar's band. "I mean, if the spawn of Ringo and Bonzo are not safe, nobody is safe." On Freese's shock departure from Foo Fighters, Portnoy says: "Frankly, it's shocking. I thought Josh was perfect. So, yeah, it's scary. It's scary times for drummers. "I'm scared for my life and career at this point. And I'm in, like, 15 bands, so I have 15 times the chance of getting fired right now. The odds are very much stacked against me right now." On Starkey's firing from The Who, which came weeks after he was fired then almost immediately rehired, Portnoy adds: "The whole thing with Zak Starkey started ... they did a show last month at the Royal Albert Hall. "They were doing The Song Is Over and Roger came into the second verse early and stopped the band, turned around and blamed it on his mix, that the drums were powering out his mix. "Now, mind you, Zak Starkey is on an electronic kit. They already downgraded it off of an acoustic kit. They have him playing an electronic kit, which is fully controllable in terms of volume through the sound guy. "So, if anything, he should have fired the monitor guy, not Zak." Dream Theater released Parasomnia, their first album with Portnoy for 15 years, in February.
Yahoo
21-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
34 Years Ago, George Wendt Starred in the Biggest Music Video of All Time
Comedy legend George Wendt has sadly passed away at the age of 76. Known to generations of fans as Norm from Cheers, Wendt's fame also extended to what was literally one of the biggest music videos of all time. On November 14, 1991, alongside Macaulay Culkin, Wendt opened what was, both then and now, a massive international event: the music video to Michael Jackson's "Black or White." In the video, Wendt is one of the first people we see, a dad who is upset that Culkin is playing music too loud. But then, when Culkin takes his guitar up to Marty McFly/Spinal Tap levels, Wendt is blasted in his La-Z-Boy recliner all the way to the middle of Africa. At the time, Jackson was the biggest star on the planet, and his music videos were already well-known for massive celebrity cameos. The video itself was directed by cinema legend John Landis, who had previously directed the video for "Thriller." But, arguably, it was Wendt's inclusion at the beginning of the video that gave "Black or White" its power. A frumpy white dad-type guy is thrust into the multicultural world that Michael Jackson celebrates. The legacy of Jackson might be mixed to this day, but the fact that Wendt was game enough to make fun of himself, is amazing. Even outside of Cheers, Wendt perfectly embodied a certain trope, and in "Black or White" he mocked that trope to send a positive, and memorable message to the entire world.
Spectator
16-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Spectator
Gary Lineker is a joke
After a lifetime of being irritated by too many public figures to name, a few years back I discovered a way to bypass this minor but persistent feature of modern life. Whenever their asinine blatherings are splashed over the media, don't read them as if they were the thoughts and utterances of reasonable – or even real people. Simply think of them as great comic creations of the type we see on screen in a 'mockumentary'. Nigel Tufnel from Spinal Tap, David Brent from The Office or Alan Partridge. Instantly, your irritation will melt away and you can enjoy a good old snigger instead. This clever trick first occurred to me when my fuming at the malignant foolishness of Meghan Markle started to affect my good humour some years back. Every day, it seemed, she would be pontificating about feminism or racism and being given an international platform to do so – for no other apparent reason but that a rather dim aristo picked her.
Irish Times
10-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Irish Times
‘Sometimes the reality is more Spinal Tap than Spinal Tap': Philly Byrne of Gama Bomb on Irish thrash metal and the band's new film
When Philly Byrne, lead singer of Gama Bomb, began discussions about a documentary on his durable thrash-metal band, thoughts of a much-loved pastiche from the mid-1980s were unavoidable. 'Well, sometimes the reality is more Spinal Tap than Spinal Tap,' the Newry man says. 'Obviously, we're all huge fans of the film. Just last week we were on tour and we drove past Stonehenge.' Ah, yes. As replicated in accidental miniature for one of the Tap's most hilarious mishaps. 'The comparisons were inescapable!' READ MORE There seems to be one oblique reference to This Is Spinal Tap in Kiran Acharya's rambunctious Gama Bomb: Survival of the Fastest. We hear of Domo Dixon, the band's lead guitarist, being laid low with a mysterious 'trouser accident'. Come on, now. This is surely a nod to the fatal 'bizarre gardening accident' that did for a Tap drummer. 'Correct reference!' Byrne says with a bellow. 'He put his hand in to push his boxers down and something snapped. It's called 'baseball finger'.' The conversation is a bit unfair to Gama Bomb and to Acharya's low-budget flick. This Is Spinal Tap, like so many genuine rock documentaries, is a study of terminal dysfunction. It is about relationships warping and cracking under the glare of publicity. The wonder of Gama Bomb's story is that they survived for more than 20 years without (if the film is to believed) any major fallings-out. Purveyors of warp-speed comic bangers, the band have never been enormous, but they have sustained enough of a following to keep them trundling on while members worked jobs, raised children and otherwise pursued 'real lives'. It is, to use a sentimental cliche, an inspirational tale. 'We are mates, which I think the film does a really good job of showing,' Byrne says. 'There is love there. So there's that. None of us are hired guns, and that's really important. The other thing is we had realistic expectations. Coming from the type of families we come from, we didn't walk into this naively. Whenever we got signed, back in the noughties, we didn't put a down payment on a guitar-shaped swimming pool. We kept our real lives going.' In the film, Byrne, a fiercely smart fellow with a very south Down line in self-deprecation, points out that bands often conceal the fact that they maintain 'day jobs'. Gama Bomb have no such inhibitions about acknowledging their parallel straight lives. Why should they? 'You have to reach compromises,' he says. 'You end up with a job where your boss doesn't really mind that you use all your holidays to be in a band. You end up married to someone who isn't insulted by the fact that you dress up like an idiot for a gig.' Byrne was a journalist for a while, but 'the arse fell out of that when the crash happened'. He still does a bit of that, but most of his work is now in marketing. 'In the band we've got a man who runs supercomputers for cancer research,' he says. 'We've got a guy who is one of the directors of a theatre. We've got a guy who owns a hotel.' The film is a laugh. But it is also a touching study of middle-aged men managing complex lives. Acharya, an experienced multidisciplinary film-maker from Northern Ireland , had known and worked with the band before, but he was still taking on a notable responsibility here. 'It was a strange experience that revealed new dimensions for both the subjects – that is to say Philly and the boys in Gamma Bomb – and the film-maker,' Acharya says. 'Our friendship and our working relationship precedes the making of the documentary. I made several Gama Bomb videos in a variety of incredible locations: Malin Head, out by the lighthouse; that time Philly called me up and commanded me to make my way to a sex dungeon in Edinburgh.'The film also features a touching thumbnail sketch of Newry. Byrne clearly has great affection for the city, but that affection is tempered with an awareness of political tensions that haven't quite gone away. We get a brief visit to an Orange Hall. A band member talks about IRA attacks before the ceasefire. 'It's hard to explain,' Byrne says, minding his words. 'It's kind of a one-sided love. Newry is a hard place to love. But, in retrospect, even with everything that was happening at the time, it was an amazing place to grow up in. Even during the Troubles it was fairly safe. I was never in any real trouble growing up there. Never in any real bother.' In Survival of the Fastest we get the sense he feels the old place has got slightly left behind. His dad lives in nearby Warren Point, which has 'really nice vegan restaurants'. Joe McGuigan, the band's bass player, lives just across the Border in tourist-friendly Omeath. 'Newry at the moment is just like another Wakefield,' he says, referring to the city in Yorkshire. 'It's got the air of a depressed UK town. And I think it deserves more. And, as I say in the film, the slang and the attitude in Newry is amazing. The people quality is excellent. I just think the town itself needs a bit of a shot in the arm.' The band members are a little too old to qualify as ceasefire babies. They have clear memories of the violence. They've seen how the jurisdiction has changed. Before Kneecap were even a twinkle, popular music – first punk, then rave – played a part in moving young people away from sectarianism. 'Music of all kinds was the common currency that you bonded with,' Acharya says. 'Happy hard-core, Scooter, rave or whatever it might be. It was, and it still is, something to be passionate about. Music fans are my people, so to speak. Live music, punk, metal: everything like that is second nature to me.' The genre the once-young band settled on was thrash. The theology of metal has become ever more complex as decades intruded between relatively uncomplicated roots in Black Sabbath and Deep Purple. You have your death metal, your folk metal, your glam metal, your neoclassical metal and so on to apocalyptic eternity. Thrash has its origins in the speedy sounds of early Metallica , Slayer and Megadeath, but, whereas those bands favour a death's-head glumness – 'None more black,' as Tap's Nigel Tufnel would have it – Gama Bomb and their ilk lean towards a comic-book school of macabre humour: titles such as Beverly Hills Robocop, Smoke the Blow with Willem Dafoe and – one of their most popular numbers – Miami Supercops. The riffs are tight. The lyrics are a hoot. In a fairer world they'd be as big as BTS. [ Anthrax's Charlie Benante: 'I was always a big U2 fan. They just got better and better' Opens in new window ] 'I love thrash metal because of when it came into my life,' Byrne says. 'Everyone in the family loved music at a time where there was lots of guitar music. Then thrash metal showed up. And me and my best friend Joe got into it when we were teenagers. We already liked heavy metal – bits and bobs of it, like Ugly Kid Joe and all that kind of thing. We discovered this and it appealed to us. We found it hilariously funny.' Byrne argues that the genre imploded after 'Metallica changed their style in order to become more successful'. He seems relaxed about it all. 'They became a heavy-metal band. And then everyone swam after them, trying to do the same thing,' he says. 'And the genre collapsed. It's got all its own weird signifiers. It has codes and shoes that are appropriate, but I feel like it's a type of music that gives people an excuse to behave like kids – which I think is a brilliant, healthy thing.' It would be insane to ask if he felt Gama Bomb will continue. The lesson of the film is that, for those who properly commit, there is no reason to quit the church of rock'n'roll. Real life can accommodate the music and the music can accommodate real life. It's a thumping yarn. 'You should be proud of things you've done,' Byrne says. 'And, with the band, apart from the music, the one thing I'm proud of is that we can say we're all friends. Even the people who aren't in the band any more are still mates with us.' [ Metallica, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin and more: 20 of the best hard rock albums of all time Opens in new window ] Gama Bomb: Survival of the Fastest is on limited release from Sunday, May 18th
