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Sydney Morning Herald
10-07-2025
- Health
- Sydney Morning Herald
‘Go us! Look at what we can do!' The water sport empowering breast cancer survivors
It was her first dragon boat race that broke her. As Rose Glassock slipped her paddle into the water, bent forward and pulled it through the swell, in perfect time with the 19 other women of the crew and the thunderous beat of the drummer at the front, she suddenly felt her face wet. Then she realised she was sobbing out loud, and she couldn't stop – both crying and paddling. She finished the race a mess, but she finished. Her close friend and teammate Fiona Dews put an arm around her as soon as they crossed the line. The other women reassured her. All breast cancer survivors, reclaiming their health, fitness and, yes, often their sanity through the team sport of dragon boating, many of them had done exactly the same thing. 'My body was just processing all the trauma of what I'd been through, the surgery, radiation and drama,' says Glassock, recalling the moment with Dews in a hushed corner of a cafe in a bustling Westfield in Penrith, western Sydney, close to the lakes where they practise. A neat, well-dressed woman, with not a hair out of place in her glossy brunette bob, Glassock exudes an air of control, of competence, of being able to deal with anything life throws at her. It's hard to imagine her disintegrating. 'But my body just reacted to that repetitive, rhythmic action and the drumbeat, and my emotions just broke through,' she continues. 'I was reading the book The Body Keeps the Score at the time, about the effects of psychological trauma on the mind and body, and I was just letting it all go. It was kind of relief-crying, in a way. But I still can't quite believe I did that.' Glassock and Dews are just two Australian women who've fallen in love with the sport of dragon boat racing – a Chinese sport dating back more than 2000 years – after breast cancer diagnoses and treatment. There are now 30 groups around the country affiliated to the not-for-profit charity Dragons Abreast Australia, a number that's been growing steadily since the first club began here in 1998. With just under 400 breast cancer survivor teams globally, this year sees the start of celebrations for next year's 30th anniversary of the movement. It was founded in Canada in 1996 after University of British Columbia sports medicine physician and exercise physiologist Dr Don McKenzie discovered it was a great activity for breast cancer survivors to take up, and they responded with enthusiasm. 'In the old days, you'd be diagnosed with breast cancer, then go home and wrap yourself up in cotton wool,' says Michelle Hanton, 66, a semi-retired business strategist who started the first Dragons Abreast Australia group in Darwin after attending a conference on cancer – she had a mastectomy and chemotherapy in 1997 – and hearing a Canadian speaker talk about the registered charitable society Abreast In A Boat [the original group]. 'Back then, you were told not to do so much. There was a lot of fear around exercise and worries it could lead to lymphoedema (potentially dangerous swelling due to a build-up of lymph fluid). But when Dr McKenzie did trials and found there were no adverse effects on women with breast cancer, and talked about the benefits, that was a turning point. 'When I got home, I went to see the Chinese community because I knew they did dragon boating,' continues Hanton. 'Then I put the word out among breast cancer survivors to come and have a go. There was so much negativity around cancer, it was great to be able to grab something positive. That first time, we paddled 250 metres out, then we looked around and asked, 'How the hell are we going to get back again?' But as time went on, we improved.' Smiling the whole day On a chilly midwinter morning at Sydney International Regatta Centre, part of the Penrith Lakes, Glassock, 56, and Dews, 53, both dressed in their pink uniforms, are here early to help pull the tarps off the boats and ready everything for the morning practice. They're among the most enthusiastic members of Dragons Abreast Penrith, and are today welcoming a few new prospective initiates who thought they were merely coming to watch before being immediately assigned a boat, a position and a paddle. Glassock, a psychologist, support and inter-agency co-ordinator at the NSW Department of Education and mother of two sons, remembers a similar introduction to dragon boats. She was diagnosed at Christmas 2018 and had a lumpectomy in January 2019, followed by more surgery the next month to increase the margin and radiation. When she contacted The McGrath Foundation about breast nurses, they mentioned dragon boat racing but she dismissed it. 'I couldn't even walk up the stairs in my house, let alone do something like that,' she says. 'But then in July, I went to watch and they put me straight in a boat, and it was bloody amazing. I smiled the whole day. 'There was so much negativity about cancer, it was great to be able to grab something positive.' Michelle Hanton 'I loved the novelty and fun of it, but it was also the camaraderie of the boat. We all had that shared experience of breast cancer and we all encouraged each other and found it enormously empowering. It's kind of active mindfulness as well as great exercise, and you're out in the fresh air on the water and with people who understand the fear of having a sore hip or a bad knee and worrying if it's cancer back again. You all support each other.' Dews, a teacher's aide, was diagnosed soon after. She was completely shocked – she'd always been healthy, looked after herself, played a great deal of sport and thought she'd be safe. 'The worst thing was trying to tell my kids,' she says. 'My son didn't worry much, and told me I'd be fine, but my daughter was a bit of a mess.' Dews also had a lumpectomy, with lymph nodes taken out, radiation and a hormone blocker. She started dragon boat racing a few weeks after Glassock. 'We were the newbies, so we sat together and got to know each other well,' says Dews, pushing back a few stray hairs from a mass of blonde curls tightly pulled back into a ponytail. 'We're polar opposites in so many ways, with very different life experiences, but the dragon boats brought us together. We both love it and we go to as many training sessions as we can. 'When you're out on the water, it takes your mind off all the stresses, it's so quiet it really relaxes you and you're at peace. We sit side by side and our close friendship has been the best bonus of breast cancer, along with the dragon boats. It feels so empowering. It's, 'Go us! Look at what we can do!' ' Vitamin D and laughter In Melbourne, Andrea Seers is the co-ordinator of Dragons Abreast Melbourne Pink Phoenix. She'd been living in Canada, where she'd been working as a consultant to the World Bank, when she was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer in 2003 with two tumours in each breast. She returned to Australia the next year and in 2011 was reading a Breast Cancer Network Australia newsletter when she saw a photo of an older woman sitting in a dragon boat screaming at a bunch of women paddlers. Intrigued, she went along to Melbourne's Docklands to check the group out, as well as 'the sweep', the person at the back of the boat who steers and shouts commands, screaming or otherwise, to the paddlers. 'They immediately threw me in a boat and we went out for a paddle around Melbourne,' Seers says. 'It was the most extraordinary experience. It was all about health and connection and support. Dragon boating is great strength and aerobic exercise and it's incredibly empowering to be surrounded by people who've been though the same shit. We do expect our new ladies to be very emotional about the journey for the first couple of months as it can be hard to find a place to release that anger and stress and frustration. But there's so much Vitamin D and laughter. It's just brilliant.' There are other serious sides, too, with Dragons Abreast clubs raising money for related organisations such as the National Breast Cancer Foundation, which funds cancer research. There are also regular regattas around the country and across the world, attended by local paddlers, some of whom have even represented Australia in general competitions. But the breast cancer boats, with drummers sitting at the front to keep the beat of the paddlers' strike rate, all provide a potent, noisy, splashy and colourful symbol that there is most definitely life after breast cancer. Loading Cancer Council Queensland director of research and exercise psychologist Professor Sandi Hayes says the rise in the number of women – and men – who've been through breast cancer joining dragon boating clubs is a very healthy trend. It's now known that low levels of physical activity present a higher risk of complications after cancer. Randomised controlled trials show, conversely, that regular exercise has a preventative effect. 'The reality is that any form of exercise that increases the heart rate and circulation makes the lymphatic system work well,' Hayes says. 'Dragon boating also offers resistance training for the upper body, so it's fantastic when it's done regularly for both strength and cardiovascular fitness. And being in a boat with others has good psycho-social benefits, and with all those social connections that come as a consequence.' Stronger together Those connections are at the very heart of Dragons Abreast Australia, believes Pearl Lee, the organisation's chair. She was extremely reluctant to join after her diagnosis in 2015 and a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation. While she wanted a peer group, she didn't like water and was a poor swimmer. 'Oh, it's on a boat!' she recalls groaning. 'Oh, I don't want to do that!' Eventually, she tried and, much to her surprise, took to it immediately. 'It gave me back my energy and stamina, and being outside with the sun on me in the company of other people who'd had breast cancer was wonderful,' she says. Even when she was later diagnosed with secondary cancer – a leukaemia thought to have been caused by the chemotherapy – she remained committed. 'It's not just about surviving, but it's also about thriving,' Lee says. 'It's a sport and we are competitive with each other but, at the end of the day, we all have to paddle in the same direction with the same timing, as otherwise we won't get there. It's all about being stronger together. We're all warriors.'
The Age
10-07-2025
- Health
- The Age
‘Go us! Look at what we can do!' The water sport empowering breast cancer survivors
It was her first dragon boat race that broke her. As Rose Glassock slipped her paddle into the water, bent forward and pulled it through the swell, in perfect time with the 19 other women of the crew and the thunderous beat of the drummer at the front, she suddenly felt her face wet. Then she realised she was sobbing out loud, and she couldn't stop – both crying and paddling. She finished the race a mess, but she finished. Her close friend and teammate Fiona Dews put an arm around her as soon as they crossed the line. The other women reassured her. All breast cancer survivors, reclaiming their health, fitness and, yes, often their sanity through the team sport of dragon boating, many of them had done exactly the same thing. 'My body was just processing all the trauma of what I'd been through, the surgery, radiation and drama,' says Glassock, recalling the moment with Dews in a hushed corner of a cafe in a bustling Westfield in Penrith, western Sydney, close to the lakes where they practise. A neat, well-dressed woman, with not a hair out of place in her glossy brunette bob, Glassock exudes an air of control, of competence, of being able to deal with anything life throws at her. It's hard to imagine her disintegrating. 'But my body just reacted to that repetitive, rhythmic action and the drumbeat, and my emotions just broke through,' she continues. 'I was reading the book The Body Keeps the Score at the time, about the effects of psychological trauma on the mind and body, and I was just letting it all go. It was kind of relief-crying, in a way. But I still can't quite believe I did that.' Glassock and Dews are just two Australian women who've fallen in love with the sport of dragon boat racing – a Chinese sport dating back more than 2000 years – after breast cancer diagnoses and treatment. There are now 30 groups around the country affiliated to the not-for-profit charity Dragons Abreast Australia, a number that's been growing steadily since the first club began here in 1998. With just under 400 breast cancer survivor teams globally, this year sees the start of celebrations for next year's 30th anniversary of the movement. It was founded in Canada in 1996 after University of British Columbia sports medicine physician and exercise physiologist Dr Don McKenzie discovered it was a great activity for breast cancer survivors to take up, and they responded with enthusiasm. 'In the old days, you'd be diagnosed with breast cancer, then go home and wrap yourself up in cotton wool,' says Michelle Hanton, 66, a semi-retired business strategist who started the first Dragons Abreast Australia group in Darwin after attending a conference on cancer – she had a mastectomy and chemotherapy in 1997 – and hearing a Canadian speaker talk about the registered charitable society Abreast In A Boat [the original group]. 'Back then, you were told not to do so much. There was a lot of fear around exercise and worries it could lead to lymphoedema (potentially dangerous swelling due to a build-up of lymph fluid). But when Dr McKenzie did trials and found there were no adverse effects on women with breast cancer, and talked about the benefits, that was a turning point. 'When I got home, I went to see the Chinese community because I knew they did dragon boating,' continues Hanton. 'Then I put the word out among breast cancer survivors to come and have a go. There was so much negativity around cancer, it was great to be able to grab something positive. That first time, we paddled 250 metres out, then we looked around and asked, 'How the hell are we going to get back again?' But as time went on, we improved.' Smiling the whole day On a chilly midwinter morning at Sydney International Regatta Centre, part of the Penrith Lakes, Glassock, 56, and Dews, 53, both dressed in their pink uniforms, are here early to help pull the tarps off the boats and ready everything for the morning practice. They're among the most enthusiastic members of Dragons Abreast Penrith, and are today welcoming a few new prospective initiates who thought they were merely coming to watch before being immediately assigned a boat, a position and a paddle. Glassock, a psychologist, support and inter-agency co-ordinator at the NSW Department of Education and mother of two sons, remembers a similar introduction to dragon boats. She was diagnosed at Christmas 2018 and had a lumpectomy in January 2019, followed by more surgery the next month to increase the margin and radiation. When she contacted The McGrath Foundation about breast nurses, they mentioned dragon boat racing but she dismissed it. 'I couldn't even walk up the stairs in my house, let alone do something like that,' she says. 'But then in July, I went to watch and they put me straight in a boat, and it was bloody amazing. I smiled the whole day. 'There was so much negativity about cancer, it was great to be able to grab something positive.' Michelle Hanton 'I loved the novelty and fun of it, but it was also the camaraderie of the boat. We all had that shared experience of breast cancer and we all encouraged each other and found it enormously empowering. It's kind of active mindfulness as well as great exercise, and you're out in the fresh air on the water and with people who understand the fear of having a sore hip or a bad knee and worrying if it's cancer back again. You all support each other.' Dews, a teacher's aide, was diagnosed soon after. She was completely shocked – she'd always been healthy, looked after herself, played a great deal of sport and thought she'd be safe. 'The worst thing was trying to tell my kids,' she says. 'My son didn't worry much, and told me I'd be fine, but my daughter was a bit of a mess.' Dews also had a lumpectomy, with lymph nodes taken out, radiation and a hormone blocker. She started dragon boat racing a few weeks after Glassock. 'We were the newbies, so we sat together and got to know each other well,' says Dews, pushing back a few stray hairs from a mass of blonde curls tightly pulled back into a ponytail. 'We're polar opposites in so many ways, with very different life experiences, but the dragon boats brought us together. We both love it and we go to as many training sessions as we can. 'When you're out on the water, it takes your mind off all the stresses, it's so quiet it really relaxes you and you're at peace. We sit side by side and our close friendship has been the best bonus of breast cancer, along with the dragon boats. It feels so empowering. It's, 'Go us! Look at what we can do!' ' Vitamin D and laughter In Melbourne, Andrea Seers is the co-ordinator of Dragons Abreast Melbourne Pink Phoenix. She'd been living in Canada, where she'd been working as a consultant to the World Bank, when she was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer in 2003 with two tumours in each breast. She returned to Australia the next year and in 2011 was reading a Breast Cancer Network Australia newsletter when she saw a photo of an older woman sitting in a dragon boat screaming at a bunch of women paddlers. Intrigued, she went along to Melbourne's Docklands to check the group out, as well as 'the sweep', the person at the back of the boat who steers and shouts commands, screaming or otherwise, to the paddlers. 'They immediately threw me in a boat and we went out for a paddle around Melbourne,' Seers says. 'It was the most extraordinary experience. It was all about health and connection and support. Dragon boating is great strength and aerobic exercise and it's incredibly empowering to be surrounded by people who've been though the same shit. We do expect our new ladies to be very emotional about the journey for the first couple of months as it can be hard to find a place to release that anger and stress and frustration. But there's so much Vitamin D and laughter. It's just brilliant.' There are other serious sides, too, with Dragons Abreast clubs raising money for related organisations such as the National Breast Cancer Foundation, which funds cancer research. There are also regular regattas around the country and across the world, attended by local paddlers, some of whom have even represented Australia in general competitions. But the breast cancer boats, with drummers sitting at the front to keep the beat of the paddlers' strike rate, all provide a potent, noisy, splashy and colourful symbol that there is most definitely life after breast cancer. Loading Cancer Council Queensland director of research and exercise psychologist Professor Sandi Hayes says the rise in the number of women – and men – who've been through breast cancer joining dragon boating clubs is a very healthy trend. It's now known that low levels of physical activity present a higher risk of complications after cancer. Randomised controlled trials show, conversely, that regular exercise has a preventative effect. 'The reality is that any form of exercise that increases the heart rate and circulation makes the lymphatic system work well,' Hayes says. 'Dragon boating also offers resistance training for the upper body, so it's fantastic when it's done regularly for both strength and cardiovascular fitness. And being in a boat with others has good psycho-social benefits, and with all those social connections that come as a consequence.' Stronger together Those connections are at the very heart of Dragons Abreast Australia, believes Pearl Lee, the organisation's chair. She was extremely reluctant to join after her diagnosis in 2015 and a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation. While she wanted a peer group, she didn't like water and was a poor swimmer. 'Oh, it's on a boat!' she recalls groaning. 'Oh, I don't want to do that!' Eventually, she tried and, much to her surprise, took to it immediately. 'It gave me back my energy and stamina, and being outside with the sun on me in the company of other people who'd had breast cancer was wonderful,' she says. Even when she was later diagnosed with secondary cancer – a leukaemia thought to have been caused by the chemotherapy – she remained committed. 'It's not just about surviving, but it's also about thriving,' Lee says. 'It's a sport and we are competitive with each other but, at the end of the day, we all have to paddle in the same direction with the same timing, as otherwise we won't get there. It's all about being stronger together. We're all warriors.'
Emirates Woman
27-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- Emirates Woman
5 self-help books on wellness edition for the mind, body & soul
As we close this final edition of our Friday Book Club, we've curated a selection of books that go beyond surface-level advice to offer genuine transformation in your wellness jouney. These are not quick-fix guides or trendy manifestos, but substantial works that address the fundamental aspects of living with purpose, health and clarity. Each one provides a unique lens through which to examine and improve your life, whether through redefining success, healing from within, or optimizing your physical potential. Friday book club: The ultimate guide to morning routines of high achieving women At the heart of this collection is the understanding that true wellness and wellbeing encompasses both mind and body. The books we've chosen reflect this holistic approach, offering wisdom that ranges from psychological freedom to biological optimization. They share a common thread of empowering the reader with knowledge that lasts far beyond the final page. The Wealth Money Can't Buy by Robin Sharma Robin Sharma's latest work challenges conventional notions of prosperity by expanding the definition of wealth to include eight vital dimensions beyond financial success. With insights drawn from his decades of coaching top performers, Sharma presents a philosophy of holistic achievement that values time freedom, physical vitality and contribution as much as material gain. The book systematically explores how to cultivate each form of wealth through daily practices and mindset shifts, offering a refreshing alternative to the burnout-inducing pursuit of success at any cost. What makes this particularly valuable is its balanced approach – acknowledging the importance of financial stability while preventing it from becoming the sole measure of a life well-lived. Order it on The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins Mel Robbins distills years of psychological research and personal experience into a deceptively simple principle that has the power to transform relationships and self-perception. The book explores how our attempts to control external circumstances and other people's actions often create the very stress we hope to avoid. Through relatable anecdotes and practical exercises, Robbins guides readers toward developing what she calls 'the ultimate emotional boundary tool.' The strength of this work lies in its applicability – whether dealing with workplace dynamics, family relationships or personal goals, the 'Let Them' philosophy provides a framework for emotional resilience that adapts to various life situations. Order it on The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk This seminal work on trauma has become essential reading for understanding how our bodies store and respond to psychological distress. Van der Kolk presents decades of clinical research in accessible language, explaining the physiological mechanisms through which trauma affects everything from memory processing to immune function. The book's real value comes from its comprehensive exploration of innovative treatments that go beyond traditional talk therapy, including somatic experiencing and neurofeedback. Particularly insightful are the sections on how trauma disrupts interpersonal relationships and the often-overlooked connection between physical health and emotional history, which largely contribute to overall wellness. Order it on The Inflammation Spectrum by Dr. Will Cole Dr. Cole approaches the complex subject of chronic inflammation with both scientific rigor and practical wisdom. The book begins by clearly explaining how inflammatory responses operate in the body and why modern lifestyles often trigger these mechanisms unnecessarily. What sets this apart from other health books is its personalized approach – rather than prescribing a one-size-fits-all anti-inflammatory diet, Cole provides tools for readers to identify their unique triggers and responses. The inclusion of meal plans, recipes and lifestyle adjustments makes the science actionable, while the underlying message about listening to one's body promotes long-term health and wellness literacy beyond temporary fixes. Order it on Outlive by Dr. Peter Attia Dr. Attia's thorough examination of longevity science reframes aging as a process we can actively influence rather than passively accept. The book distinguishes between lifespan and healthspan, making a compelling case for focusing on quality of life years rather than just total years lived. Attia covers four major areas of focus – exercise, nutrition, sleep and emotional health – with a depth that acknowledges the complexity of human biology while still providing clear recommendations. Particularly valuable are the sections on metabolic health and strength training, which present often-overlooked aspects of preventive medicine. The book's greatest strength is its balanced perspective, combining cutting-edge research with practical, sustainable application. Order it on This collection represents more than just reading material – it offers a comprehensive education in living intentionally to long-term wellness. From Sharma's expansive view of success to Attia's science-backed longevity strategies, these books provide the knowledge to make informed decisions about how we live, work and care for ourselves. They remind us that true wellbeing comes from addressing all aspects of our existence – mental, emotional and physical – with equal attention and respect. Friday book club: 5 life-changing manifestation books for ambitious women As you explore these titles, we encourage you to read with curiosity and patience, allowing the ideas to resonate and integrate gradually. The most profound changes often come not from dramatic overhauls, but from the accumulation of small, consistent shifts in understanding and behavior. May these books serve as valuable companions on your journey toward a life of greater clarity, health and purpose. – For more on how to look smart and live smarter, follow Emirates Man on Facebook and Instagram Images: Supplied & Featured Image: Pinterest
Yahoo
11-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
How To Learn To Trust Again After A Narcissistic Relationship
A narcissistic relationship doesn't just shatter your trust in other people—it distorts your trust in yourself. You second-guess your instincts, minimize your needs, and mistake manipulation for connection. Even after it ends, the echo of that dynamic follows you into new relationships. Learning to trust again isn't about moving on—it's about rewiring how you define safety, intimacy, and truth. It takes emotional excavation, not just time. If you've been burned by someone who made you question reality, these 13 strategies will help you begin again—with eyes open and boundaries sharp. One of the cruelest after-effects of narcissistic love is associating chaos with passion. You miss the highs even when you know they were toxic. Emotional turbulence starts to feel normal. According to Psychology Today, survivors often confuse anxiety for attraction. You'll need to consciously redefine 'chemistry' as calm, not chaos. If it feels peaceful, that's not boring—it's healing. It's compatibility you're looking for, not crazy intensity and passion, which are often the hallmarks of a toxic relationship. You weren't just in love with them—you were in love with who they pretended to be. Letting go means mourning the illusion as much as the reality. That's where most people get stuck. Until you name the fantasy, it keeps haunting you. You can't build new trust while still clinging to the ghost of what never was. Closure comes from clarity—not contact. Bury who you thought they were and who you wanted them to be, it was an illusion. Narcissists train you to distrust yourself and suppress your instincts according to the experts at Surviving Narcissism. Every time you sensed something off, they gaslit you into silence. Over time, you learned to override your own alarm bells. Healing begins when you stop second-guessing your intuition. Start tracking your 'off' feelings and honoring them—without needing evidence. Gut instinct is your recovery compass. Don't sabotage it or your self-respect because that is what someone trained you to do. Narcissists love the fast-forward button. Intensity, intimacy, and investment come fast—but so does control. If someone expects emotional availability without emotional safety, that's a red flag wrapped in charm. Real trust is built through consistency, not urgency. Slowness is protection, not a flaw. Anyone worth your time won't rush your boundaries. They will respect them and just be happy to be in your presence and get to know you. After narcissistic trauma, your nervous system gets rewired to respond to chaos. You confuse adrenaline with desire and peace with disinterest. As the book The Body Keeps the Score explains, trauma hijacks your sense of internal safety. The healing isn't just cognitive—it's somatic. Start noticing what calm feels like in your body. Let neutrality become your new intimacy baseline. And when your body alters you to something, listen, it's your best warning sign against gaslighters, narcissists and danger. Not all vulnerability is sincere. Narcissists use emotional openness as a manipulation tactic—they overshare to fast-track intimacy. If someone's story feels dramatic but hollow, pause. Healthy connection unfolds slowly, not theatrically. Look for emotional accountability, not trauma exhibition. Real vulnerability isn't a show—it's a process. Anyone who overshares or trauma dumps, especially in the early stages is the equivalent of a human red flag. It's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be wanted. But attention isn't affection, and charisma isn't character. If you're still trying to 'earn' love, you haven't fully exited the narcissist's game. As licensed therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab points out, the right question isn't 'Do they like me?' but 'Do I feel safe with them?' Trust starts with protection, not validation. Love is something you receive, not something you hustle for. Being free to be yourself and feeling safe are not wants, they are needs. Cliche as it sounds, love yourself first and the rest will follow. You stayed because you believed you could help them. Heal them. Make it work. That savior complex is a leftover survival strategy. New relationships aren't rehab centers. You don't owe anyone your emotional labor just because they've been through pain. You deserve reciprocity, not rescue missions. You want to be someone's partner, not parent. It's OK to listen, support and encourage but healing is an inside job and it's not anyone's job to fix someone else. If you've been groomed for chaos, stability feels awkward at first. You'll wonder why someone nice doesn't excite you. You'll think maybe you're the problem. You're not. Your nervous system is recalibrating. Give it time—and give calm a chance to become magnetic. Safety and stability are powerful—and even sexy. Life is full of ups and downs and it's often the mundane moments that are the most meaningful. Narcissists hate boundaries—so you got used to over-explaining them. Now, even with safe people, you feel guilty for protecting yourself. You think you have to earn the right to say don't. 'No' is a complete sentence, not a moral debate. The more you practice it, the more your trust in yourself grows. Healthy boundaries are the foundation to any relationship. Anyone who disrespects them isn't your safe space. And doesn't value you. You learned not to need anyone because needing made you vulnerable. But radical self-sufficiency often masks deep relational fear. Hyper-independence is just code for 'I don't trust anyone anymore.' Letting someone show up for you isn't weakness. It's a risk—but it's also a step toward emotional freedom. You can be strong and still receive—it's normal. Being confident to lean into when you need a rest or support is what healthy vulnerability is all about. And it can be what makes you magnetic. Narcissists weaponize language. They say what you want to hear—but their behavior never aligns. You start overvaluing words and underestimating patterns. To rebuild trust, flip the script. After all words are cheap. Watch what people do more than what they say. Truth lives in patterns, not empty promises. Consistency and conviction are what really matters and are the mark of a good person. The narcissist made you feel too much, too needy, too intense. But that's only true through the lens of someone incapable of real connection. You were hard to manipulate—not hard to love. The right person won't be confused by your depth. They'll meet it. Trusting again starts when you stop shrinking. So stop into your power, own your love language and stop burying your needs. If someone can't honor the real you and show up as you need them to, move on and find the person who will.
Yahoo
06-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
How To Start Trusting Again After A Narcissistic Relationship
A narcissistic relationship doesn't just shatter your trust in other people—it distorts your trust in yourself. You second-guess your instincts, minimize your needs, and mistake manipulation for connection. Even after it ends, the echo of that dynamic follows you into new relationships. Learning to trust again isn't about moving on—it's about rewiring how you define safety, intimacy, and truth. It takes emotional excavation, not just time. If you've been burned by someone who made you question reality, these 13 strategies will help you begin again—with eyes open and boundaries sharp. One of the cruelest after-effects of narcissistic love is associating chaos with passion. You miss the highs even when you know they were toxic. Emotional turbulence starts to feel normal. According to Psychology Today, survivors often confuse anxiety for attraction. You'll need to consciously redefine 'chemistry' as calm, not chaos. If it feels peaceful, that's not boring—it's healing. You weren't just in love with them—you were in love with who they pretended to be. Letting go means mourning the illusion as much as the reality. That's where most people get stuck. Until you name the fantasy, it keeps haunting you. You can't build new trust while still clinging to the ghost of what never was. Closure comes from clarity—not contact. Narcissists train you to distrust yourself and suppress your instincts according to the experts at Surviving Narcissism. Every time you sensed something off, they gaslit you into silence. Over time, you learned to override your own alarm bells. Healing begins when you stop second-guessing your intuition. Start tracking your 'off' feelings and honoring them—without needing evidence. Gut instinct is your recovery compass. Narcissists love the fast-forward button. Intensity, intimacy, and investment come fast—but so does control. If someone expects emotional availability without emotional safety, that's a red flag wrapped in charm. Real trust is built through consistency, not urgency. Slowness is protection, not a flaw. Anyone worth your time won't rush your boundaries. After narcissistic trauma, your nervous system gets rewired to respond to chaos. You confuse adrenaline with desire and peace with disinterest. As the book The Body Keeps the Score explains, trauma hijacks your sense of internal safety. The healing isn't just cognitive—it's somatic. Start noticing what calm feels like in your body. Let neutrality become your new intimacy baseline. Not all vulnerability is sincere. Narcissists use emotional openness as a manipulation tactic—they overshare to fast-track intimacy. If someone's story feels dramatic but hollow, pause. Healthy connection unfolds slowly, not theatrically. Look for emotional accountability, not trauma exhibition. Real vulnerability isn't a show—it's a process. It's easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be wanted. But attention isn't affection, and charisma isn't character. If you're still trying to 'earn' love, you haven't fully exited the narcissist's game. As licensed therapist and author Nedra Glover Tawwab points out, the right question isn't 'Do they like me?' but 'Do I feel safe with them?' Trust starts with protection, not validation. Love is something you receive, not something you hustle for. You stayed because you believed you could help them. Heal them. Make it work. That savior complex is a leftover survival strategy. New relationships aren't rehab centers. You don't owe anyone your emotional labor just because they've been through pain. You deserve reciprocity, not rescue missions. If you've been groomed for chaos, stability feels awkward at first. You'll wonder why someone nice doesn't excite you. You'll think maybe you're the problem. You're not. Your nervous system is recalibrating. Give it time—and give calm a chance to become magnetic. Narcissists hate boundaries—so you got used to overexplaining them. Now, even with safe people, you feel guilty for protecting yourself. You think you have to earn the right to say no. You don't. 'No' is a complete sentence, not a moral debate. The more you practice it, the more your trust in yourself grows. You learned not to need anyone because needing made you vulnerable. But radical self-sufficiency often masks deep relational fear. Hyper-independence is just code for 'I don't trust anyone anymore.' Letting someone show up for you isn't weakness. It's a risk—but it's also a step toward emotional freedom. You can be strong and still receive. Narcissists weaponize language. They say what you want to hear—but their behavior never aligns. You start overvaluing words and underestimating patterns. To rebuild trust, flip the script. Watch what people do more than what they say. Truth lives in patterns, not promises. The narcissist made you feel too much, too needy, too intense. But that's only true through the lens of someone incapable of real connection. You were hard to manipulate—not hard to love. The right person won't be confused by your depth. They'll meet it. Trusting again starts when you stop shrinking.
