Latest news with #Twenge
Yahoo
2 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
10 Things to Say When Someone Won't Get Off Their Phone
Credit - Photo-Illustration by Chloe Dowling for TIME (Source Image: imagenavi/Getty Images) Trying to talk to someone stuck on their phone is such a universal experience, there's a name for it: 'phubbing,' short for 'phone snubbing,' or ignoring someone in favor of a phone. 'Everyone hates it, but everyone has also done it,' says Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University and author of the upcoming book 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World. 'When someone phubs you, you feel like you're not important—that whatever is on their phone is more important than you.' Phubbing negatively affects mental health, relationship satisfaction, and overall well-being. That's why it's worth speaking up about digital distraction. 'It's challenging and awkward, but we should be doing this,' Twenge says. 'We need to be confronting this situation.' Here's exactly what to say when the person you're trying to talk to won't get off their phone. A couple years ago, Twenge heard about a group of women who pushed their phones into the center of the table when they went out to dinner. The first person to reach for her device had to foot the bill. That's a clever approach, Twenge says, but you don't even need to put a financial spin on it: Instead, propose you all drop your phones somewhere out of sight, like in your bags. Read More: What to Say When You Forget Someone's Name Twenge likes this phrasing because it isn't accusatory: 'It's a subtle way to get across the message of, 'Hey, we all have stuff going on on our phones, but I want to talk to you right now,'' she says. 'It's a very polite way of saying, 'I want us to focus on this conversation.'' This question allows for the possibility that there's an emergency—while implying that, if there's not, it would be better to put the phone down. It might feel slightly confrontational, Twenge says, but it's better than snapping at the other person to get off their device. 'You have to find a way to thread that needle of acknowledging that there might be something important going on,' she says. 'But it is a call out.' This is a way to get someone talking about what's on their phone—and, as a result, to look up from said device. Do people typically share, or simply take it as a reminder to be more present? 'I've seen it go both ways,' Twenge says. 'Sometimes it's just a text exchange with someone else, but every once in a while, it'll be like, 'Look at this really funny video,' or 'Here's this fun picture somebody sent me.' Either way, the idea is to draw them back into the in-person conversation.' This approach is direct but still respectful. It calls attention to the fact that the other person is clearly distracted, without demanding anything from them, says Tessa Stuckey, a therapist and founder of Project LookUp, a nonprofit that helps families build healthier screen habits. 'It gives them autonomy, while also honoring your own needs,' she says. She's found that making her conversation partner aware that she's noticed they're not fully present is often all it takes to prompt a reset. Read More: How to Reconnect With People You Care About Telling someone you miss them comes from a place of vulnerability, not blame—and Stuckey likes that it's almost guaranteed to tug on your friend's heartstrings. 'You're expressing that the phone is creating distance, and that you want connection,' she says. Plus, it invites empathy: Most people don't realize how their screen use is affecting others until it's pointed out gently. The trick, Stuckey adds, is to say it warmly, with sincerity, so it feels like an emotional nudge rather than a guilt trip. Asking someone to put their phone away for such a short amount of time is realistic—it's a very doable break, Stuckey says. You're not asking them to disconnect forever; rather, you're inviting a shared moment. 'People are more likely to unplug when there's a clear time boundary and a good reason,' she says. Plus, it's collaborative, almost like you're proposing a team challenge. Read More: The Worst Way to Reply to a Party Invite Seven years ago, when Seán Killingsworth was in high school, he struggled with excessive screen time so much, he traded his smartphone for a flip phone. It worked—he felt happier and more present—but his peers were still glued to their phones, so he took things a step further and started Reconnect, a group that now hosts phone-free events on college campuses throughout the U.S. Ideally, more opportunities for phone-free socializing would exist. But in lieu of formal options, Killingsworth recommends bringing up the concept to your friends: 'We should try hanging out without our phones sometime.' Talk through why being present with each other matters. Then, the next time you notice your buddies are more focused on Facebook than your face, issue a gentle reminder. If you're at dinner with friends, or are spending quality time with a family member you don't get to see often, consider calling attention to the significance of the moment. You could even follow up by adding: 'I'd hate to look back and feel like we missed out because of our screens,' suggests Dr. James Sherer, a psychiatrist who treats addiction and co-editor of the Technological Addictions textbook for the American Psychiatric Association. 'It can be very powerful,' he says, and lead to meaningful improvements in relationship quality. Read More: How to Say 'I Told You So' in a More Effective Way Focusing on the way someone's phone usage makes you feel can be more effective than "instigatory" comments, Sherer says. You're not going to get very far by barking, 'You're always on TikTok! You don't care about me!' Highlighting your own observations and how someone's behavior makes you feel, however, plants a seed that can encourage them to reevaluate their habits. 'The most important thing is to approach it from a position of being nonjudgmental,' he says. 'You're not there to dog pile on the person.' Stuckey's son was 8 the Christmas morning when he noticed certain family members were paying more attention to their phones than watching him open his presents. He came up with an idea: The family could designate a silly code word they called out every time they wanted to signal it was time to drop the devices and be present in their surroundings. More than five years later, the family still uses their word ('muskrat'). 'What I love about it is my kids can call us out using that word,' Stuckey says. 'We can call them out with that word. They've grown up with it. It makes people check themselves a little bit and say, 'OK, I'll put it down in a moment—I just have to finish this email really quick.'' Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email timetotalk@ Contact us at letters@
Time Magazine
2 days ago
- General
- Time Magazine
10 Things to Say When Someone Won't Get Off Their Phone
Trying to talk to someone stuck on their phone is such a universal experience, there's a name for it: 'phubbing,' short for 'phone snubbing,' or ignoring someone in favor of a phone. 'Everyone hates it, but everyone has also done it,' says Jean Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University and author of the upcoming book 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World. 'When someone phubs you, you feel like you're not important—that whatever is on their phone is more important than you.' Phubbing negatively affects mental health, relationship satisfaction, and overall well-being. That's why it's worth speaking up about digital distraction. 'It's challenging and awkward, but we should be doing this,' Twenge says. 'We need to be confronting this situation.' Here's exactly what to say when the person you're trying to talk to won't get off their phone. 'I've got a group chat that's blowing up right now, but I'd rather talk to you without getting distracted. Can we put our phones away in our bags?' A couple years ago, Twenge heard about a group of women who pushed their phones into the center of the table when they went out to dinner. The first person to reach for her device had to foot the bill. That's a clever approach, Twenge says, but you don't even need to put a financial spin on it: Instead, propose you all drop your phones somewhere out of sight, like in your bags. Twenge likes this phrasing because it isn't accusatory: 'It's a subtle way to get across the message of, 'Hey, we all have stuff going on on our phones, but I want to talk to you right now,'' she says. 'It's a very polite way of saying, 'I want us to focus on this conversation.'' 'Is everything OK?' This question allows for the possibility that there's an emergency—while implying that, if there's not, it would be better to put the phone down. It might feel slightly confrontational, Twenge says, but it's better than snapping at the other person to get off their device. 'You have to find a way to thread that needle of acknowledging that there might be something important going on,' she says. 'But it is a call out.' 'Anything interesting on there you can share with me?' This is a way to get someone talking about what's on their phone—and, as a result, to look up from said device. Do people typically share, or simply take it as a reminder to be more present? 'I've seen it go both ways,' Twenge says. 'Sometimes it's just a text exchange with someone else, but every once in a while, it'll be like, 'Look at this really funny video,' or 'Here's this fun picture somebody sent me.' Either way, the idea is to draw them back into the in-person conversation.' 'Is now a good time to talk, or should I come back when you're done?' This approach is direct but still respectful. It calls attention to the fact that the other person is clearly distracted, without demanding anything from them, says Tessa Stuckey, a therapist and founder of Project LookUp, a nonprofit that helps families build healthier screen habits. 'It gives them autonomy, while also honoring your own needs,' she says. She's found that making her conversation partner aware that she's noticed they're not fully present is often all it takes to prompt a reset. 'I miss you when you're on your phone.' Telling someone you miss them comes from a place of vulnerability, not blame—and Stuckey likes that it's almost guaranteed to tug on your friend's heartstrings. 'You're expressing that the phone is creating distance, and that you want connection,' she says. Plus, it invites empathy: Most people don't realize how their screen use is affecting others until it's pointed out gently. The trick, Stuckey adds, is to say it warmly, with sincerity, so it feels like an emotional nudge rather than a guilt trip. 'Can we take a 10-minute phone break? I really want to catch up.' Asking someone to put their phone away for such a short amount of time is realistic—it's a very doable break, Stuckey says. You're not asking them to disconnect forever; rather, you're inviting a shared moment. 'People are more likely to unplug when there's a clear time boundary and a good reason,' she says. Plus, it's collaborative, almost like you're proposing a team challenge. 'Hey friend, let's reconnect.' Seven years ago, when Seán Killingsworth was in high school, he struggled with excessive screen time so much, he traded his smartphone for a flip phone. It worked—he felt happier and more present—but his peers were still glued to their phones, so he took things a step further and started Reconnect, a group that now hosts phone-free events on college campuses throughout the U.S. Ideally, more opportunities for phone-free socializing would exist. But in lieu of formal options, Killingsworth recommends bringing up the concept to your friends: 'We should try hanging out without our phones sometime.' Talk through why being present with each other matters. Then, the next time you notice your buddies are more focused on Facebook than your face, issue a gentle reminder. 'These moments with you really matter to me.' If you're at dinner with friends, or are spending quality time with a family member you don't get to see often, consider calling attention to the significance of the moment. You could even follow up by adding: 'I'd hate to look back and feel like we missed out because of our screens,' suggests Dr. James Sherer, a psychiatrist who treats addiction and co-editor of the Technological Addictions textbook for the American Psychiatric Association. 'It can be very powerful,' he says, and lead to meaningful improvements in relationship quality. 'I've noticed that when we're together, you're on TikTok quite frequently, and that makes me feel like I'm being ignored.' Focusing on the way someone's phone usage makes you feel can be more effective than "instigatory" comments, Sherer says. You're not going to get very far by barking, 'You're always on TikTok! You don't care about me!' Highlighting your own observations and how someone's behavior makes you feel, however, plants a seed that can encourage them to reevaluate their habits. 'The most important thing is to approach it from a position of being nonjudgmental,' he says. 'You're not there to dog pile on the person.' 'Muskrat!' Stuckey's son was 8 the Christmas morning when he noticed certain family members were paying more attention to their phones than watching him open his presents. He came up with an idea: The family could designate a silly code word they called out every time they wanted to signal it was time to drop the devices and be present in their surroundings. More than five years later, the family still uses their word ('muskrat'). 'What I love about it is my kids can call us out using that word,' Stuckey says. 'We can call them out with that word. They've grown up with it. It makes people check themselves a little bit and say, 'OK, I'll put it down in a moment—I just have to finish this email really quick.''
Yahoo
28-05-2025
- Business
- Yahoo
Gen Z is signing up for ‘Adulting 101' classes — because they can't handle basic life skills: ‘A lot of stuff involves money'
They can code TikToks in their sleep — but can't cook rice without a YouTube tutorial. Gen Z is flocking to 'Adulting 101' crash courses, desperate to learn what previous generations might call common sense: how to do laundry, budgeting for rent or navigating a grocery store without Googling 'what is a turnip?' 'I don't know how to change a tire. I don't have a car at all. I don't know how to sew. I don't know how to do a lot of things, other than cooking,' admitted Aldhen Garcia, a freshman at Canada's Toronto Metropolitan University, on CBC's 'The Current.' 'I think it's so important that children are taught financial literacy. A lot of stuff involves money,' he added. He's not alone. Canadian colleges like the University of Waterloo are stepping in to teach the basics with online toolkits like 'Adulting 101,' which covers everything from healthy relationships to how not to set your kitchen on fire. 'There's a lot of things that are missed in education about when you actually become an adult,' echoed Bella Hudson, a third-year TMU student. She told the radio program, 'I do wish that they had classes that taught how to manage yourself and manage your life.' What's cooking — besides ramen — is a cultural reckoning. According to Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University and author of 'Generations,' today's 20-somethings are hitting adulthood with empty toolboxes. 'Kids are growing up less independent. They're less likely to learn how to do adult things as high school students. Then they get to university and they still don't know,' Twenge said on 'The Current.' 'We send them off to adulthood without other skills. If they're not learning how to make decisions on their own and solve problems, that can be challenging.' Twenge blames helicopter parenting and extended adolescence — made worse by rising numbers of young adults living with mom and dad. 'You are just more likely to be financially dependent on your parents for longer,' she noted. Stateside, students are seeing the same gaps. 'NYC high schools are failing their students — not academically, but practically,' Zack Leitner, a New York City 10th grader, wrote in The Post last month. 'Until the 1960s, NYC high schoolers learned to cook, clean and sew as part of their standard curriculum. In 2025, they'd be lucky if they knew how to do their laundry.' Leitner said the long-lost home economics class — ditched during the Women's Liberation movement — left behind crucial life lessons for all genders. Today's students, he argues, are launched into adulthood with no idea how to fold a fitted sheet or roast a chicken. 'What today's youth need are 'Adulting 101' classes,' he insisted. 'A lack of these skills makes youth feel adrift once they enter the 'real world.' ' Pam Charbonneau, Waterloo's director of student success, agrees. 'What you're experiencing is normal. A lot of your peers are going through the same thing at the same time,' she told students like Garcia, as reported by the CBC. And while she supports universities offering help, Twenge says the real fix starts earlier. 'Limiting kids' freedom and not teaching them practical skills is doing them a disservice,' she said. Because whether it's interest rates or ironing a shirt — ignorance isn't bliss, it's expensive.
NDTV
27-05-2025
- General
- NDTV
What's 'Adulting 101' Crash Course That Assists Gen Z In Basic Life Skills
Generation Z is scurrying to sign up for 'Adulting 101' crash courses to learn basic life skills such as changing a tyre, making rice, and doing laundry - things their parents or even the preceding generation considered a walk in the park. Several Gen Z students admit they wish they had learnt these skills sooner because they feel anxious and overwhelmed while navigating daily life. Aldhen Garcia, a first-year student at Toronto Metropolitan University (TMU), claimed that he does not own a car and lacks several essential life skills, such as sewing and tyre changing. "I have no idea how to change a tyre. I don't even own a car. I don't know how to sew. Other than cooking, I'm not really good at many things," Mr Garcia said on CBC's 'The Current '. Mr Garcia also has money-related concerns, such as mortgages, interest rates, and rent payments. "I believe that teaching financial literacy to children is important. A lot of stuff involves money," he said. She is not alone. Bella Hudson, a third-year student at the TMU, echoed Mr Garcia, saying education on becoming an adult is lacking in several fields. "I wish that they had classes that educated how to manage yourself and manage your life," Ms Hudson said on 'The Current,' Now, multiple post-secondary educational institutions have introduced additional resources, such as classes and information sessions, to help students acquire basic life skills, The NY Post reported. In 2023, the University of Waterloo created an online course called 'Adulting 101' to teach students everything, from how to avoid setting your kitchen on fire to how to have meaningful relationships. The course also aims to assist students in managing their responsibilities while providing them with knowledge about key life skills such as basic nutrition, household upkeep, and grocery shop navigation. According to experts, Gen Z in particular is losing out on important skills since they were not given enough independence. San Diego State University psychology professor Jean Twenge, author of 'Generations,' claimed that today's young adults were entering adulthood with empty arsenals. According to Ms Twenge, members of the Gen Z demographic - those born between 1997 and 2012 - had fewer opportunities to acquire practical skills growing up. She blamed prolonged adolescence and "helicopter parenting," further exacerbated by the growing number of young adults living with their parents. Although she is in favour of 'Adulting 101' crash courses, Ms Twenge feels the real fix begins sooner because ignorance of basic life skills is expensive.
New York Post
26-05-2025
- General
- New York Post
Gen Z is signing up for ‘Adulting 101' classes — because they can't handle even basic life skills: ‘A lot of stuff involves money'
They can code TikToks in their sleep — but can't cook rice without a YouTube tutorial. Gen Z is flocking to 'Adulting 101' crash courses, desperate to learn what previous generations might call common sense: how to do laundry, budgeting for rent or navigating a grocery store without Googling 'what is a turnip?' 'I don't know how to change a tire. I don't have a car at all. I don't know how to sew. I don't know how to do a lot of things, other than cooking,' admitted Aldhen Garcia, a freshman at Canada's Toronto Metropolitan University, on CBC's 'The Current.' 'I think it's so important that children are taught financial literacy. A lot of stuff involves money,' he added. He's not alone. Canadian colleges like the University of Waterloo are stepping in to teach the basics with online toolkits like 'Adulting 101,' which covers everything from healthy relationships to how not to set your kitchen on fire. 3 Aldhen Garcia, a freshman at Toronto Metropolitan University, confessed on CBC's 'The Current' that he lacks many basic life skills — from changing a tire to sewing — and doesn't even own a car. AntonioDiaz – 'There's a lot of things that are missed in education about when you actually become an adult,' echoed Bella Hudson, a third-year TMU student. She told the radio program, 'I do wish that they had classes that taught how to manage yourself and manage your life.' What's cooking — besides ramen — is a cultural reckoning. According to Jean Twenge, a psychology professor at San Diego State University and author of 'Generations,' today's twentysomethings are hitting adulthood with empty toolboxes. 'Kids are growing up less independent. They're less likely to learn how to do adult things as high school students. Then they get to university and they still don't know,' Twenge said on 'The Current.' 3 Many of today's twentysomethings are entering adulthood with barely a clue — but 'Adulting 101' at the University of Waterloo is helping them fill in the blanks. nakophotography – 'We send them off to adulthood without other skills. If they're not learning how to make decisions on their own and solve problems, that can be challenging.' Twenge blames helicopter parenting and extended adolescence — made worse by rising numbers of young adults living with mom and dad. 'You are just more likely to be financially dependent on your parents for longer,' she noted. Stateside, students are seeing the same gaps. 'NYC high schools are failing their students — not academically, but practically,' New York City 10th grader Zack Leitner wrote in The Post last month. 'Until the 1960s, NYC high schoolers learned to cook, clean and sew as part of their standard curriculum. In 2025, they'd be lucky if they knew how to do their laundry.' 3 Whether it's sewing a button or figuring out the laundry cycle, experts warn that if Gen Z isn't learning how to problem-solve and make decisions solo, they could be in for a rough ride. Nata Bene – Leitner says the long-lost home economics class — ditched during the Women's Liberation movement — left behind crucial life lessons for all genders. Today's students, he argues, are launched into adulthood with no idea how to fold a fitted sheet or roast a chicken. 'What today's youth need are 'Adulting 101' classes,' he insisted. 'A lack of these skills makes youth feel adrift once they enter the 'real world.'' Waterloo's director of student success, Pam Charbonneau, agrees. 'What you're experiencing is normal. A lot of your peers are going through the same thing at the same time,' she told students like Garcia, as reported by the CBC. And while she supports universities offering help, Twenge says the real fix starts earlier. 'Limiting kids' freedom and not teaching them practical skills is doing them a disservice,' she said. Because whether it's interest rates or ironing a shirt — ignorance isn't bliss, it's expensive.
