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It's Not About Chemistry: The Real Key To Success In Relationships
It's Not About Chemistry: The Real Key To Success In Relationships

Forbes

time6 hours ago

  • Business
  • Forbes

It's Not About Chemistry: The Real Key To Success In Relationships

Like planets needing the perfect distance from the sun to support life, our relationships—whether ... More with spouses, colleagues, or team members—also require the right distance to thrive. Have you been reconsidering a key relationship in your life—whether romantic or professional? Maybe you feel stuck, frustrated, or disconnected from a colleague, direct report, or life partner, wondering if the distance between you has become too wide to bridge. Before making a life-changing decision, consider a different perspective: what if the issue isn't incompatibility, but rather being at the wrong distance from each other? As a negotiation expert with decades of experience in helping people navigate difficult conversations—and as a husband, father, and business leader who has faced many of the same challenges—I recently experienced a breakthrough that reframed the way I approach relationship struggles in both personal and professional contexts: the concept of optimal relationship distance. The Goldilocks Zone of Human Connection Like planets needing the perfect distance from the sun to support life, our relationships—whether with spouses, colleagues, or team members—also require the right distance to thrive. Too close, and we may feel suffocated or compromise our judgment. Too far, and we may feel abandoned or miss critical opportunities. When we find the sweet spot—what I call the "optimal relationship distance"—we create the conditions for connection, growth, and sustainable success. A Personal Wake-Up Call (With Professional Implications) My wife Whitney and I have been married for 14 years. We tied the knot on our undergraduate graduation day and have shared our lives closely ever since. For most of our marriage, our optimal distance has been incredibly close—emotionally and physically. The closer we are, the stronger we feel as a team. But during one of the most challenging seasons of our relationship, our balance was thrown off. Whitney was in the thick of medical residency, and I was juggling the early days of launching the American Negotiation Institute while also running a law firm. On top of that, we had just welcomed our first child. The stress, the schedules, and the demands of parenthood meant that we were no longer operating at our optimal distance. We needed more connection, more shared moments, more intimacy—but life had other plans. The emotional distance grew, and so did the tension. Not because we loved each other any less, but because we weren't where we needed to be, relationally. This experience taught me something crucial that applies equally in business: when high-performing partnerships—whether marriages or professional collaborations—start to struggle, the issue is often distance, not fundamental incompatibility. Understanding the Friendship Formula in Business and Life My theory on optimal relationship distance draws inspiration from the work of former FBI agent Jack Schafer and his "Friendship Formula," introduced in The Like Switch. Schafer identified four variables that influence likability: proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity. Here's how these variables apply to both long-term romantic partnerships and professional relationships: Proximity: Are you physically and emotionally close? In personal relationships, this means shared time and space for intimacy. In business, this is about strategic positioning—being close enough to key decision-makers to influence outcomes, but not so close that you lose objectivity or appear to play favorites. Frequency: How often are you interacting meaningfully? In the workplace, leaders who interact too frequently with certain team members risk creating perceptions of favoritism, while those who interact too infrequently with remote workers may inadvertently exclude them from opportunities. Duration: Are your conversations and interactions too short to create depth, or too long and emotionally draining? In hybrid work environments, this might mean ensuring remote team members get adequate face time during critical meetings, not just brief check-ins. Intensity: Is the emotional tone of your conversations too high, or too low? As a leader, getting too emotionally invested in employee relationships can impair your judgment when making difficult business decisions—you might prioritize friendship over organizational goals. When you feel stuck in any relationship, consider these dials. Sometimes, the answer isn't to end the partnership—it's to adjust the settings. Long-Term Success Requires Long-Term Adjustments One of the biggest relationship myths—in both personal and professional contexts—is that once you "figure it out," things will just keep working. But relationships evolve. Circumstances change. Market conditions shift. And so must the distance. Consider the remote worker who realizes that key leaders in their organization spend time together in person, sharing informal conversations and opportunities that never reach the virtual team. The solution isn't necessarily to quit or demand relocation—it's to strategically adjust proximity through quarterly in-person visits, increase frequency through regular one-on-one with leadership, and ensure duration of interactions allows for meaningful relationship building. For Whitney and me, rediscovering our optimal distance took effort. We didn't wait for time to heal things. We communicated honestly, prioritized quality time, and made conscious decisions to get closer again. We had to make our relationship a priority, not just assume it would stay strong on autopilot. If you're in a long-term partnership—personal or professional—and questioning the future, recognize that success isn't static. Your needs, goals, and circumstances shift over time. Relationships thrive when we respond to that change with flexibility, curiosity, and intentionality. Practical Scenarios: Applying the Theory Consider these scenarios: Personal: You're feeling emotionally drained after every interaction with your partner. Try reducing the intensity or shortening the duration of conversations. Professional: You find yourself consistently frustrated with a direct report's performance. Instead of increasing pressure (intensity), try adjusting frequency—perhaps more regular, shorter check-ins rather than infrequent, high-stakes reviews. Personal: You feel distant and unimportant to your partner. Consider increasing proximity with regular check-ins or planned quality time. Professional: You're working remotely and feel disconnected from company culture and opportunities. Increase strategic proximity through planned in-person visits, virtual coffee chats with leadership, or volunteering for cross-functional projects. Personal: You find yourselves arguing more often than connecting. Reduce the frequency of stressful conversations and introduce more lighthearted, neutral interactions. Professional: Team meetings have become contentious. Reduce the intensity by separating problem-solving sessions from relationship-building activities, and increase frequency of informal interactions. Personal: You both feel like roommates instead of lovers. Increase emotional intensity by revisiting shared goals, values, or even old memories that brought you closer. Professional: Your team feels transactional rather than collaborative. Increase meaningful connection by revisiting the shared mission, celebrating wins together, or creating opportunities for authentic relationship building. Each adjustment is a step toward clarity—and potentially, renewed success. Reflective Questions to Guide You Forward To help assess whether your key relationships—personal or professional—are operating at optimal distance, consider these questions: Reclaiming Control Through Clarity The most empowering part of exploring optimal relationship distance is realizing that you're not powerless. You don't have to stay stuck. You don't have to walk away prematurely either—whether from a marriage, a job, or a business partnership. Instead, you can pause, assess, and make thoughtful adjustments. In the end, this isn't about settling for less or compromising your standards. It's about aligning your relationships—personal and professional—to meet everyone where they are, creating the space, closeness, and mutual respect needed to grow together and achieve sustainable success.

‘Keep All Our Options Open': Mindframe Still Possible For Whitney
‘Keep All Our Options Open': Mindframe Still Possible For Whitney

Yahoo

time18 hours ago

  • Sport
  • Yahoo

‘Keep All Our Options Open': Mindframe Still Possible For Whitney

'Keep All Our Options Open': Mindframe Still Possible For Whitney originally appeared on Paulick Report. Repole Stable and St. Elias Stable's millionaire Mindframe, undefeated in three starts this year, including back-to-back Grade 1 victories, remains under consideration for the G1, $1 million Whitney on Aug. 2 at Saratoga Race Course. The 98th running of the 1 1/8-mile Whitney for 4-year-olds and up is a 'Win and You're In' qualifier for the Gr1 Breeders' Cup Classic on November 1 at Del Mar and the headliner on a program featuring five graded stakes worth $3.2 million in purses. Owner Mike Repole and Hall of Fame trainer Todd Pletcher already have Fierceness pointed to the Whitney. The three-time G1 winner and Champion 2-Year-Old Colt of 2023 lost for the first time in four starts at Saratoga when he was second in the G1 Hill 'n' Dale Metropolitan Handicap on June 7. 'We're going to breeze Mindframe on Saturday and make a decision,' Pletcher said. 'Talking to Mike, there's a good chance we'll enter both and make a decision about Mindframe on race day.' The Maryland-bred Mindframe was first or second in four starts as a 3-year-old, including runner-up finishes in the G1 Belmont Stakes presented by NYRA Bets and G1 NYRABets Haskell. After more than seven months away, he launched his comeback with a victory in the G2 Gulfstream Park Mile on March 1, and followed up with scores in the G1 Churchill Downs sprinting seven furlongs and G1 Stephen Foster going 1 1/8 miles. Pletcher said the usual factors will come into play when deciding whether to run Mindframe in the Whitney, a race he has won previously with Left Bank [2002], Lawyer Ron [2007], Cross Traffic [2013], and Life Is Good [2022]. 'Just everything – post position draw, how the race is shaping up, how the breezes go this weekend,' he said. 'We want to keep all our options open. As we all know, things can change quickly in this game.' Of his other horses nominated to Whitney, Pletcher said Centennial Farms' G3 winner Antiquarian, most recently second in the Grade 2 Suburban presented by Subourbon July 4, will be pointed to the G1, $1 million Jockey Club Gold Cup on Aug. 31 at Saratoga [a "Win and You're In" for the Breeders' Cup Classic], while no decision has been made on the next spot for Eclipse Thoroughbred Partners' G1-winning millionaire Locked, third as the Suburban favorite. This story was originally reported by Paulick Report on Jul 24, 2025, where it first appeared.

EastEnders cancelled TONIGHT as sports schedule chaos hits the soaps again
EastEnders cancelled TONIGHT as sports schedule chaos hits the soaps again

Scottish Sun

time2 days ago

  • Entertainment
  • Scottish Sun

EastEnders cancelled TONIGHT as sports schedule chaos hits the soaps again

Scroll down to find out how the schedule has changed schedule shake-up EastEnders cancelled TONIGHT as sports schedule chaos hits the soaps again Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) EASTENDERS is cancelled tonight due to a schedule shake-up with sports fixtures. Fans of the BBC soap usually tune in to watch at 7.30pm on Monday through Thursday. Sign up for the Entertainment newsletter Sign up 4 EastEnders will be off viewers' screens for tonight Credit: BBC 4 The BBC soap's schedule has been disrupted by sports fixtures Credit: BBC 4 Recent episodes have seen Karen Henthorn return as Julie Bates Credit: BBC However, tonight viewers will not able to check in on the residents of Albert Square. BBC One is showing coverage of the Germany vs Spain Women's UEFA Euro semi-final. Match of the Day begins at 7.30pm and will be airing until 10.10pm tonight. It will be followed by the BBC News at 10 bulletin. Four episodes a week of the long-running soap opera are shown on terrestrial TV. However, extended sports coverage has meant that bosses were forced to make sweeping changes to the schedule. Previously, EastEnders episodes were shown to viewers early on iPlayer due to coverage of the 2025 Wimbledon tennis tournament. On Monday, dedicated fans instead received a double bill of EastEnders. These instalments saw much-loved Nigel Bates return to Walford - after he previously left in emotional scenes. Played by Paul Bradley, the 90s favourite returned to the square last year after a 26-year absence. EastEnders legend makes a shock return just days after quitting Walford It was soon revealed Nigel is battling early onset dementia - with childhood friend Phil Mitchell taking care of him over the next few months. A concerned Jay Brown contacted Nigel's wife, Julie (Karen Henthorn) - who'd had no idea where he was. Karen reprised her role following more than two decades away - and a brief voice cameo earlier this year. After an emotional farewell, Julie took Nigel from Walford, intending to return to their home in Scotland. Darkest soap storylines Over the years the likes of EastEnders, Emmerdale and Coronation Street have all tried to try outdo each other with their outlandish plots in a bid to keep us tuning in each week. But here are some of the darkest that had fans in shock... EastEnders: Tony grooming Whitney (2008-2009) - Tony King first appeared in Albert Square in 2008 as the boyfriend of Bianca, played by Patsy Palmer. But it was quickly revealed he was a paedophile who had been grooming vulnerable Whitney, Bianca's adopted stepdaughter from a previous relationship, since she was 12. The shocking storyline attracted more than 200 complaints within a week of it beginning. Whitney waited until her 16th birthday to reveal the truth to a horrified Bianca, who called the police. Emmerdale: Holly's drug addiction and shock death (2010-2016) - In 2010, Holly Barton (played by Sophie Powles) became Emmerdale's first teenage drug addict. The shocking storyline saw her taking cocaine on a night out before developing a deadly heroin habit. Parents John and Moira desperately tried to help get their daughter clean but when Holly returned in 2016, following a four-year absence, she quickly relapsed. Fans were left stunned and heartbroken when distraught Moira found Holly dead in her bed from a heroin overdose. Hollyoaks: Luke's rape (2000) - Actor Gary Lucy was just 17 when he took on this groundbreaking storyline, which saw his character Luke Morgan become soap's first male rape victim. Luke had endured a long-running bullying campaign by football rival Mark Gibbs - who raped him after Luke stood up to him. Luke was left suicidal following the brutal attack, before opening up to his brother Adam. Gibbs was sentenced to eight years in prison. Gary won the Best Actor gong at the British Soap Awards in 2000 for his performance. Coronation Street: Evil Richard Hillman (2001-2003) - Just a mere mention of 'Richard Hillman' is enough to send a shiver down the spines of soap fans. He is often ranked one of the most evil soap villains and it's not hard to see why. The smooth-talking financial adviser bashed his ex-wife Patricia over the head with a shovel. In a bid to keep his mother-in-law Audrey quiet, he set fire to her house. And when Maxine caught him trying to murder Emily Bishop, he took a crowbar to her head. He made his exit from the cobbles in 2003 when he drove Gail Platt, played by Helen Worth, and her family into the canal. They survived, but he didn't. However, things took a frightening turn when he ran off during the journey. With the couple back in Albert Square, Phil proposed that all three live together - to help Nigel. But will they all be able to co-exist under one roof? EastEnders airs on BBC One and iPlayer.

Love Island star sparks romance rumours weeks after split from villa girlfriend
Love Island star sparks romance rumours weeks after split from villa girlfriend

The Irish Sun

time2 days ago

  • Entertainment
  • The Irish Sun

Love Island star sparks romance rumours weeks after split from villa girlfriend

LOVE Island alum Lochan Nowacki set tongues wagging when he cozied up to another reality TV star following his split from his villa girlfriend. In April, 3 Love Island's Whitney and Lochan split after two years of dating Credit: Rex 3 Now he's been spotted getting cosy with a Netflix reality star Credit: Instagram / thebriannabalram Now he has gotten close to Brianna Balram, who starred in the Netflix reality series, Too Hot to Handle. The pair posed closely in a post on Instagram where they revealed they had cooked together during Brianna's recent visit to London. Brianna and Lochan smiled happily to the camera while standing in a kitchen, and as she held up a plate of food in the two photos. "2 worlds 🇬🇧🇺🇸 [Great Britain and United States] + 2 foodies and 1 recipe. Can you guess what me and your fav chef @lochan_nowacki cooked up while I was in London?' Brianna captioned the post. love island Fans of the pair rushed to the comments to speculate whether the pair were a couple or not. "If they are dating he'll be the luckiest guy coz bree is one of the most beautiful girls ever," wrote one person. "They look good together," commented another. But another person was not convinced, writing: "Where in the caption does it suggest they are dating? It just looks to me they partnered up to make a dish... or am I missing something?" Most read in TV Lochan himself described their meetup as a "collab" on his Instagram Stories and told fans to "keep ya eyes peeled" for the upcoming video of their cooking session. The former Love Islander is a self-confessed foodie who regularly posts mouth-watering recipes and rates London's restaurants on his social media platforms. Love Island's Whitney reveals bizarre way she reacted after Lochan dumped her - and 'real reason' he gave her Just weeks after his split form Whitney, Lochan was spotted In the short video, they appeared to have great chemistry and at one point Nguyen put her head on the former Islander's shoulder. Shortly after their breakup, by her split from Lochan. Speaking on her podcast, she said: "Some people don't wanna compromise." Love Island 2025 full lineup : A 30-year-old footballer with charm to spare. : A 22-year-old Manchester-based model, ready to turn heads. : A payroll specialist from Southampton, looking for someone tall and stylish. : International business graduate with brains and ambition. : A gym enthusiast with a big heart. : A Londoner with celebrity connections, aiming to find someone funny or Northern. : A personal trainer and semi-pro footballer, following in his footballer father's footsteps. : A towering 6'5' personal trainer. : A 25-year-old Irish rugby pro. : Love Island's first bombshell revealed as sexy Las Vegas pool party waitress. : The 24-year-old bombshell hails from London and works as a commercial banking executive. : Pro footballer and model entering Love Island 2025 as a bombshell. Giorgio Russo : The 30-year-old will be spending his summer in the sun, potentially his sister Alessia's successful tournament at the Euros in Switzerland. : Professional DJ from Manchester who appeared on X Factor 2016 in girl group Four of Diamonds. : Miss Bikini Ireland 2019 winner who hails from Dublin and works as a nail technician and personal trainer. Emma Munro: Harry Cooksley's ex who entered as a bombshell and works as a hydrogeologist. Departures : : Axed after an arrest over a machete attack emerged. He was released with no further action taken and denies any wrongdoing. : A model and motivational speaker who has overcome adversity after suffering life-changing burns in an accident. : A boxer with striking model looks, seeking love in the villa. : A teaching assistant from Broxbourne, Hertfordshire, who entered Love Island 2025 as a bombshell . : Works as a scaffolder day-to-day and plays semi-pro football on the side. Poppy Harrison: The bombshell broke up with her boyfriend after finding out she would be in the villa Will Means : The fourth fittest farmer in the UK according to Farmers' Weekly in 2023 entered the villa as a bombshell : An Irish actress part of the OG line-up. : 23-year-old personal banker from Glasgow who fancies herself as a 'good flirt'. : 27-year-old gym hunk who entered the show as a bombshell . "Because my last relationship...." Whitney then trailed off before announcing she was "getting into it". She then explained that when he would "come over" he told her how much she had "changed". Whitney recalled how he said: "I've seen how much you've changed, and you're becoming like the woman that we always spoke about you becoming. "And I'm just not willing to do that." Josh, Whitney's friend who stood in for podcast co-host Lizzy, then said how he feels that some men "don't like seeing the other partner grow". Whitney then admitted: "I was bamboozled. This is the person that you told me you wanted." She then spoke to listeners and said how she hadn't "changed for a man" but instead changed how she spoke to him. 3 Whitney and Lochan met on Love Island in 2023 Credit: Rex

Love Island star sparks romance rumours weeks after split from villa girlfriend
Love Island star sparks romance rumours weeks after split from villa girlfriend

Scottish Sun

time2 days ago

  • Entertainment
  • Scottish Sun

Love Island star sparks romance rumours weeks after split from villa girlfriend

He was seen getting cosy with a Netflix reality star moving on Love Island star sparks romance rumours weeks after split from villa girlfriend Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) LOVE Island alum Lochan Nowacki set tongues wagging when he cozied up to another reality TV star following his split from his villa girlfriend. In April, Lochan announced his split from Whitney Adebayo two years after meeting her on the ITV2 reality dating show. Sign up for the Entertainment newsletter Sign up 3 Love Island's Whitney and Lochan split after two years of dating Credit: Rex 3 Now he's been spotted getting cosy with a Netflix reality star Credit: Instagram / thebriannabalram Now he has gotten close to Brianna Balram, who starred in the Netflix reality series, Too Hot to Handle. The pair posed closely in a post on Instagram where they revealed they had cooked together during Brianna's recent visit to London. Brianna and Lochan smiled happily to the camera while standing in a kitchen, and as she held up a plate of food in the two photos. "2 worlds 🇬🇧🇺🇸 [Great Britain and United States] + 2 foodies and 1 recipe. Can you guess what me and your fav chef @lochan_nowacki cooked up while I was in London?' Brianna captioned the post. Fans of the pair rushed to the comments to speculate whether the pair were a couple or not. "If they are dating he'll be the luckiest guy coz bree is one of the most beautiful girls ever," wrote one person. "They look good together," commented another. But another person was not convinced, writing: "Where in the caption does it suggest they are dating? It just looks to me they partnered up to make a dish... or am I missing something?" Lochan himself described their meetup as a "collab" on his Instagram Stories and told fans to "keep ya eyes peeled" for the upcoming video of their cooking session. The former Love Islander is a self-confessed foodie who regularly posts mouth-watering recipes and rates London's restaurants on his social media platforms. Love Island's Whitney reveals bizarre way she reacted after Lochan dumped her - and 'real reason' he gave her Just weeks after his split form Whitney, Lochan was spotted cozying up to influencer Nguyen Yeats-Brown, after meeting at a celebrity tennis tournament. In the short video, they appeared to have great chemistry and at one point Nguyen put her head on the former Islander's shoulder. Shortly after their breakup, Whitney revealed she felt "bamboozled" by her split from Lochan. Speaking on her podcast, she said: "Some people don't wanna compromise." "Because my last relationship...." Whitney then trailed off before announcing she was "getting into it". She then explained that when he would "come over" he told her how much she had "changed". Whitney recalled how he said: "I've seen how much you've changed, and you're becoming like the woman that we always spoke about you becoming. "And I'm just not willing to do that." Josh, Whitney's friend who stood in for podcast co-host Lizzy, then said how he feels that some men "don't like seeing the other partner grow". Whitney then admitted: "I was bamboozled. This is the person that you told me you wanted." She then spoke to listeners and said how she hadn't "changed for a man" but instead changed how she spoke to him.

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