Latest news with #childbehavior
Washington Post
6 days ago
- General
- Washington Post
Can my 4-year-old and 1-year-old express themselves without screaming?
Dear Meghan: Any advice for kiddos (4½ and 1½) who have trouble expressing themselves without screaming? We try modeling being quiet and explaining the consequences of screaming (hurts our ears), but the volume in our household tends to run way higher than my husband or my nervous system often can deal with.
Yahoo
21-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
How To Get Your Kid to Stop Being So Hard on Themselves
Reviewed by Charissa Chamorro, PhD When our kids are being extra hard on themselves, it can be truly heartbreaking. You might hear your child saying things like 'No one likes me because I'm ugly,' or 'I can't figure out this math problem—I'm so dumb.' And it's perfectly normal to be concerned. 'These comments can be alarming and leave parents feeling helpless or unsure of how to respond,' says Sarah Kipnes, LCSW, PPSC, licensed therapist. If your child is being extra critical, you may worry about how this impacts your child's overall mental health, and whether this could lead to social withdrawal, anxiety, and problems at school. Most of all, you probably want to know how you can help your child tackle this negative mindset. No worries—we've got you covered. We connected with child behavior experts to help us understand why kids can be so hard on themselves, how to tell if your child is struggling with this—and most importantly, how to help boost up your child's self-esteem and self-image. Why Kids Are So Hard On Themselves Kids are overly self-critical due to a combination of factors. "Most often, it's a mix of temperament, anxiety, and social factors that leads kids to be so hard on themselves,' Kipnes says. Here are some possible reasons: Temperament One reason behind a child's tendency to be hard on themselves is their natural temperament. 'For instance, a child with a naturally perfectionistic temperament might become extremely upset over a single wrong answer on a test, feeling like they've failed entirely,' says Kipnes. Environment Your child's home environment can also have an impact on their self-critical habits, says Jocelyn Bibi, LCSW, a therapist who specializes in child behavior. Kids are little sponges and pick up on the language they hear at home. In other words, if they hear you criticizing yourself constantly, or being unwilling to give anyone grace when they make mistakes, they may pick up on that, says Bibi. Anxiety Some kids are more prone to feelings of anxiety than others, and some kids live with chronic anxiety disorders. Anxiety often plays a role in children being hard on themselves, says Kipnes. 'Children who worry a lot may interpret small setbacks as major disasters, like believing a poor grade on one homework assignment means they're 'bad students,'' she describes. Social pressures Social pressures at school and among classmates can have strong impacts on kids, too. 'For example, seeing classmates thrive in making friends at school while your child is shy and hesitant to connect with others can make them feel inferior,' Kipnes says. Social media and other media Last—but definitely not least—the influence of social media, videos, and movies can be a major reason kids are overly self-critical, Bibi notes. 'Many influencers on social media make life look perfect,' she describes. 'Helping kids realize that these internet personas likely aren't real life can be helpful.' 7 Signs That Children Are Overly Self-Critical It can be developmentally appropriate for kids to question why they do certain things or to self-reflect, says Bibi. But when self-critique becomes extreme—it's a problem. 'Parents really need to pay attention once they notice this self-criticism dripping into their child's vocabulary regularly,' Bibi shares. 'If a child's self-criticism drifts from questioning the world to negatively affecting self-esteem, that's when we see parents start to worry.' Kipnes and Bibi shared some signs that point to a child who is struggling with unhealthy self-criticism: Frequent negative self-talk, such as saying 'I'm stupid' or 'I can't do anything right' Isolating themselves from their peers and family members Making detailed lists of things they want to change about themselves Avoiding new challenges or giving up easily Becoming overly upset by small mistakes (e.g., tearing up homework after making a minor mistake) Refusing to participate in activities where they fear they might perform worse than others Exhibit signs of moodiness, depression, and is overall less engaged with the world around them What Not to Say When Your Child Is Being Too Hard on Themselves If you notice your child engages in excessive self-criticism, it's natural to want to swoop in and fix things. You might feel tempted to affirm what you already believe—that they're perfect, smart, and there's nothing is wrong with them. But responding this way doesn't actually serve your child, explains Bibi. Instead, meet them where they're at and dive into their feelings. This might sound like: 'It looks like you're feeling down about how you did on your math test. Tell me more,' instead. According to Bibi, helping your child be less hard on themselves requires taking a back seat at the beginning, and not jumping in with solutions. 'Be curious and inquisitive," she says. "Help them find their strengths.' Kipnes agrees that dismissive phrases like 'Don't be silly, you're fine' or 'Stop overreacting' are best avoided, 'These responses can make children feel misunderstood or shut down,' she says. Instead, she recommends validating your child's feelings, while also encouraging self-compassion. That might sound like: 'I can see you're feeling really upset about this. Can we talk about what's making it so hard?' or 'It's OK to make mistakes, we all do.' How To Help Build a Kinder Inner Voice Guiding your child through times that they are overly self-critical is all about changing the little voice inside their head that gives harsh critiques. Here are some tips on how to do this, from Kipnes: Start with modeling self-compassion for yourself. Next time you make a mistake in front of your child, speak kindly to yourself aloud so they can hear. You can say, "I tried my best and had fun and that's what matters" or "It's OK to make mistakes, I'm not perfect." Encourage your child to start reframing negative thoughts. Have them ask themselves: 'If a friend was talking unkindly about themselves, what would you say to them in this situation to help them feel better about who they are?' Practice positive affirmations together. Find a list of affirmations that resonates with both of you and read them out loud before bed or after waking up. Celebrate effort and learning in life, rather than just outcomes. If you know your child studied really hard for a test, you can commemorate their hard work with a treat. Work to create a family culture that values resilience, self-acceptance, and a growth mindset. This may take time, but by making encouraging comments and rewarding effort, you can slowly start shifting your family's shared values. What to Do When It's More Than Just a Bad Day While parents can take many steps to nurture a more positive self-image for children, they don't have to do it alone, and sometimes outside help is necessary. 'If your child's self-critical thoughts are persistent, interfere with daily life, or lead to signs of anxiety, depression, or withdrawal, it's time to seek professional help,' Kipnes says. 'A licensed therapist or school social worker can provide strategies tailored to your child's needs and help address underlying issues.' Read the original article on Parents Solve the daily Crossword
Daily Mail
18-07-2025
- Daily Mail
Outraged flyer reveals what young child did in business class that 'ruined his flight' - are his complaints fair?
A United Airlines passenger was left infuriated over what he claimed was the bad behavior of a young child flying in the business class cabin. Mitchell Miller shared two snaps of a little boy standing on his United Polaris seat on a transatlantic flight to Paris on his Threads account. 'An immature father who lets his son scream and shout and stand up in the seat and jump up and down so far for the whole flight,' Miller wrote. 'The kid hasn't STFU (shut the f**k up) since we took off and daddy couldn't care less. 4 hours, 52 minutes so far…2 more hours of this [expletive]. Can we get children under 12 banned from business class…please??' The post sparked a fiery debate over whether kids should be allowed to fly business or first class, where seats cost thousands or even tens of thousands of dollars. 'You should have shamed them more. Bad parents deserve it. This isn't acceptable. Child is in a public place,' one comment agreed. Another commenter shared a similar experience when they were on a flight with a child screaming for their mom, standing and jumping on their seat, and running up and down the aisles during a 7.5 hour business class trip. 'The whole cabin was fuming. A baby I get, like annoying but it's a baby, this was a full child that they actively ignored and didn't once attempt to calm down or discipline,' the comment continued. However, others disagreed and stated that most children can behave on a flight. 'Kids belong in business class just like everyone else,' one argued. 'If you want a kid free flight fly private. My toddler loves business class and is always the best behaved person on the flight.' 'Dude fly private. My kids love business class and they are well behaved, soon as they start watching TV shows and playing games you won't hear a word from them,' another agreed. Mitchell shared that he was flying Polaris, which is United's elevated business class option. Polaris seats can be adjusted to turn them into a flat bed. The ability to sleep comfortably on a flight commands a steep price premium, with the thought of an unruly child in the cabin likely to offend many other business class passengers. Daily Mail reached out to United for comment on the backlash. Children are allowed on United Airlines. Kids under the age of two can sit on a parent's lap, or parents can bring an approved car seat aboard. The topic of allowing kids on planes has long divided travelers, with some claiming they disturb the flight. One viral Reddit post passionately declared, 'babies shouldn't be allowed on planes except in very particular instances.' The Redditor argued that it's acceptable for family emergencies or moving, but said it was 'selfish' for parents to bring their kids on flights for vacations. 'Babies are screaming on planes because they're in pain. their ears are not developed enough to deal with pressure changes. How would you like to be crammed in a flying tube for hours in pain and not understanding what's happening?' they argued. 'I agree with this it's literally awful for everyone involved,' one comment agreed. However, some disagreed, arguing, 'I don't agree with there being any actual regulations because there is no evidence of long term effects. 'A lot of flying babies are visiting family that can't come to them. I don't think parents are selfish usually… just impatient to share those experiences with their kids.' 'I travel quite a bit and it's mostly rude and inconsiderate adults that are the problem, not babies,' another wrote. Some suggested a child-free flight option as a compromise for those who don't want children on their flights. 'Not saying I agree, but I think a much easier compromise would be to have designated child-friendly flights,' one comment said. Japan Airlines previously announced a new feature that shows customers where babies are seated when booking their flight. A baby icon pops up above a seat when a family books it, so other travelers can opt to sit away from the child. Corendon, a Norwegian Airline, also took initiative to accommodate passengers worried about sharing a flight with a child by launching an 'Only Adult' area in 2023.
The Guardian
18-07-2025
- General
- The Guardian
I am very wary of my five-year-old stepdaughter. Am I a bad person?
Am I a bad person for being very wary of my five-year-old stepdaughter? I had resolved to not have children of my own but when I met my partner, with whom I have a wonderful relationship, he came with two children from a previous marriage. He's very supportive and understanding in giving me my space from the children when I need it, and he's come to respect the fact I am making concessions in my life to take on parenting. I love both the children but the youngest is a challenge. She presents a lot of the characteristics of her mother – she has no shame, no accountability, zero fear of authority and is incredibly spoilt. My partner struggles with this too. I know she's five and you can't expect someone so young to be accountable, but I'm really worried she won't grow out of it. I don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy in which she senses me distancing myself and that rejection makes matters worse, but at the same time I am feeling resentful. I'm resistant to tolerating her when I never asked for her to be in my life in the first place. Is it wrong to be wary of such a small child? Eleanor says: Am I a bad person for feeling this way, that's the question? Is there a world where I say, 'yes'? Of course not. Here's your permission: it's fine to feel mixed. It's fine to have not wanted kids. It's fine to feel complicated about their presence in your life now, or complicated about their mother. It's fine to feel frustrated by a particular child's behaviour. It's fine to resent the way stepmothers can get a raw deal, culturally – easily villainised, expected to handle the same challenges as biological parents, without the same decision-privileges. All this is fine to struggle with. What might not be fine is what we choose to do, given those feelings. You said you're resistant to tolerating your stepdaughter when you never asked for her to be in your life in the first place. True, you didn't ask. But you were asked, and you said yes. You don't have to have a relationship with someone who has kids. You don't have to say yes to having a kid in your house, your time, your life. To be totally clear: having said yes does not mean you can't feel resentful sometimes. It doesn't even mean you have to keep saying yes. Heaven knows we all agree to things we're not thrilled with for the sake of our relationship: moving country, changing jobs, caring for their relatives. But it gets sticky if, once the bad bits show up, we reserve the right to be treated as someone who didn't sign up for this. Some decisions don't work like that. Especially with little kids. Your concern about this is totally right; you can really mess up a kid if ambivalence about your decision to be in their life becomes ambivalence in how you treat them. It's fine to not want a certain relationship with a child. What's not fine is agreeing to a relationship you don't really want, and then letting the child see that asterisk. That's true for biological parents, step-parents, foster parents. So perhaps instead of asking whether you're a bad person for having these feelings, you could ask what you'll say 'yes' to from here on. Some step-parents want to be a parent, no modifications. Others want to be more clearly delineated as a parent's partner. Counselling with her father would be a really good investment to make sure you both agree about which version of step-parenting you're trying to build. If you do decide to continue to be part of his life, he is a package deal. So then, the goal becomes how to process and move past these feelings, not to privately stand by their legitimacy. It might help to learn about psychology and development in five-year-olds. That may help you understand difficult behaviour, and how it may come from difficulties she's experiencing. Counselling for you, privately, could also remind everyone involved that your role is a hard one; that you deserve time and help to figure it out. It is OK to find this incredibly frustrating. But you want to be careful about saying yes to a certain version of life while still maintaining the backstop that it is not the life you wanted.
The Guardian
17-07-2025
- General
- The Guardian
I am very wary of my five-year-old stepdaughter. Am I a bad person?
Am I a bad person for being very wary of my five-year-old stepdaughter? I had resolved to not have children of my own but when I met my partner, with whom I have a wonderful relationship, he came with two children from a previous marriage. He's very supportive and understanding in giving me my space from the children when I need it, and he's come to respect the fact I am making concessions in my life to take on parenting. I love both the children but the youngest is a challenge. She presents a lot of the characteristics of her mother – she has no shame, no accountability, zero fear of authority and is incredibly spoilt. My partner struggles with this too. I know she's five and you can't expect someone so young to be accountable, but I'm really worried that she won't grow out of it. I don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy in which she senses me distancing myself and that rejection makes matters worse, but at the same time I am feeling resentful. I'm resistant to tolerating her when I never asked for her to be in my life in the first place. Is it wrong to be wary of such a small child? Eleanor says: Am I a bad person for feeling this way, that's the question? Is there a world where I say, 'yes'? Of course not. Here's your permission: it's fine to feel mixed. It's fine to have not wanted kids. It's fine to feel complicated about their presence in your life now, or complicated about their mother. It's fine to feel frustrated by a particular child's behaviour. It's fine to resent the way stepmothers can get a raw deal, culturally – easily villainised, expected to handle the same challenges as biological parents, without the same decision-privileges. All this is fine to struggle with. What might not be fine is what we choose to do, given those feelings. You said that you're resistant to tolerating your stepdaughter when you never asked for her to be in your life in the first place. True, you didn't ask. But you were asked, and you said yes. You don't have to have a relationship with someone who has kids. You don't have to say yes to having a kid in your house, your time, your life. To be totally clear: having said yes does not mean you can't feel resentful sometimes. It doesn't even mean you have to keep saying yes. Heaven knows we all agree to things we're not thrilled with for the sake of our relationship: moving country, changing jobs, caring for their relatives. But it gets sticky if, once the bad bits show up, we reserve the right to be treated as someone who didn't sign up for this. Some decisions don't work like that. Especially with little kids. Your concern about this is totally right; you can really mess up a kid if ambivalence about your decision to be in their life becomes ambivalence in how you treat them. It's fine to not want a certain relationship with a child. What's not fine is agreeing to a relationship you don't really want, and then letting the child see that asterisk. That's true for biological parents, step-parents, foster parents. So perhaps instead of asking whether you're a bad person for having these feelings, you could ask what you'll say 'yes' to from here on. Some step-parents want to be a parent, no modifications. Others want to be more clearly delineated as a parent's partner. Counselling with her father would be a really good investment to make sure you both agree about which version of step-parenting you're trying to build. If you do decide to continue to be part of his life, he is a package deal. So then, the goal becomes how to process and move past these feelings, not to privately stand by their legitimacy. It might help to learn about psychology and development in five-year-olds. That may help you understand difficult behaviour, and how it comes from difficulties she's experiencing. Counselling for you, privately, could also remind everyone involved that your role is a hard one; that you deserve time and help to figure it out. It is OK to find this incredibly frustrating. But you want to be careful about saying yes to a certain version of life while still maintaining the backstop that it is not the life you wanted.
