Latest news with #datingadvice
Forbes
3 days ago
- General
- Forbes
2 Reasons Why You Struggle To Trust Your New Partner, By A Psychologist
Meeting someone who genuinely cares about you and matches your values and ethics can be wonderful, but overwhelming for many. When you do, you might try to pull back, especially if you've recently recovered from a breakup. You might ask yourself, 'What if they hurt me again?' or 'What if they're the wrong person for me?' You start dating but you're constantly on the lookout for that 'aha' moment when you'll catch them doing something wrong. But the truth is, you expecting them to mess up can lead you to sabotage your new relationship, because you don't fully believe that it could work out in the first place. Your constant overthinking, second-guessing or withholding pieces of your heart, is not going to help you have a thriving relationship, especially when this person hasn't given you a reason to. Here are two reasons why it's so hard not to let the ghosts of your past affect your current relationship. It can take a long time to move on from your ex, and the amount of time it takes differs from person to person. Even when they're amicable, breakups can leave us with countless unresolved feelings and it takes time to come to terms with them. So, when you finally meet someone new, parts of you may be afraid to give in to that feeling of love again, as it's also become associated with experiencing pain. Especially when a prior relationship has made you feel emotionally unsafe, such as a previous partner telling you you're 'too emotional,' 'too loud' or simply not enough, your nervous system learns to brace for impact with someone new. After a heartbreak, opening up to someone again feels risky. You might hold back parts of yourself and find yourself constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, even in moments of calm or happiness, thinking, 'What if they're nice now, but turn out to be like my ex later?' You likely tell yourself something along the lines of 'Last time I opened up, I got hurt. I can't go through that again.' However, no matter how much you try to avoid being vulnerable, the reality is that you have to let someone in for them to see you and accept you as you are. When your trust in your significant other is shaky, it weakens the foundation of your relationship. While you have to take the risk of being vulnerable again to build a meaningful relationship, your new partner also needs to show they are trustworthy and supportive. In a 2017 study published in the Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, researchers found that many remarried people found it 'very hard at first' to trust their new spouses. They needed proven examples to internalize that this marriage would be different than their last. 'When I got into my relationship with my husband it was difficult. I have since learned to trust him, but I initially brought all that baggage into the second marriage. It took him showing me that he was different for me to change my beliefs about him,' one participant explained. Moreover, their fears and insecurities rose when participants' perceived their current spouse responding to them in similar ways as their former spouse did. 'My last partner told me he was not sexually attracted to me because I had gained weight. When my current husband is not interested in me sexually, I seem to return to the fear that he also is not attracted to me,' another participant mentions. This highlights the lingering impact of previous experiences and how important it is to have corrective emotional experiences with a new partner. As a result of previous hurt, people develop what's called an 'attachment injury' and tell themselves that they will never trust anyone again. They keep second-guessing their choice of partners because of negative experiences with their exes. 'I thought the last person was good at first…Until they weren't. What if I'm wrong again?' one participant says. The truth is, we'll never know for sure unless we let the other person in. Here's what one participant in the study did to start rebuilding their trust in relationships again: '(My current spouse and I) built trust by taking a chance being vulnerable with each other, talking things out more, (… and) bringing out different aspects of each other than were brought out in our previous marriages.' Sometimes we don't recognize emotional safety even when it is present because we've never known what it's supposed to feel like. However, learning that your partner is a completely different person than your exes can make this process easier with time. Many of us move on through our actions before we've healed emotionally. You might have left a relationship physically. You may have deleted their photos and blocked the number, but still carry the emotional weight of what happened. That unfinished grief, anger or confusion can show up unexpectedly in your new relationship. When you're used to chaos, inconsistency or emotional neglect, you treat newfound peace with suspicion, almost as though it must be the calm before the storm. You might even think that the safety and security a new partner offers you is boring. However, just as many remarried people have experienced, healing takes time, and it's possible to love freely again. Here are some ways to move on from the past. One way to get over fear-based patterns is to change what signs your brain is seeking. The more you seek out negative patterns, the more likely you are to see them even if they indicate something else. This can be understood through the lens of the 'frequency illusion' or the 'Baader-Meinhof phenomenon,' which occurs when something you've recently noticed, learned or thought about seems to appear to you more frequently than it truly does in reality. We are shaped by what we have undergone in our past. So, it's natural for it to come up again in future relationships. But we do not have to have to let paranoia overrule our chances of finding love. Your heartbreak may have been severe, but it is not permanently broken; let safer love in through those cracks. Do you find it easy to open up to your partner or do you need to build more trust with them? Take this science-backed test to find out: Authenticity In Relationships Scale
Forbes
22-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
3 Ways Dating Advice Is Sabotaging Your Love Life, By A Psychologist
Is dating advice helping you build a real connection or just fueling your overthinking? Here are ... More three ways it could be getting in the way of love. Dating advice is everywhere, from pop-psychology tips on social media to well-meaning friends and family ready to jump in with their take on what you should or shouldn't do in the dating world. Whether it's 'never text first' or 'play hard to get,' the advice is endless, often conflicting and very easy to get swept up in. While it's natural to seek advice, validation or even just a sense of clarity about dating, everyone around you likely has an opinion, often rooted in their own experiences. Sometimes, you'll hear stories that feel strikingly similar to your own, making their advice seem even more appropriate. It can be healthy to vent, reflect or take bits of advice that genuinely resonate with you, but there's a fine line between using advice to support your clarity and using it to override it. As relatable as someone's story might be, the people involved, their emotional histories, attachment patterns and communication styles are never identical. What worked in their case may not always be helpful in yours. Their opinion should serve as a mirror, not a step-by-step manual. This is why it's essential to build awareness around your own relational patterns, what you truly want in a relationship and what feels right to you in your dating process. At the end of the day, no one else is living your experience. The more you crowd your inner voice with outside noise, the harder it becomes to understand what you want. Here are three ways dating advice could be sabotaging your love life. One of the most common ways dating advice becomes harmful is when it teaches you to prioritize strategy over authenticity. You've likely heard suggestions like, 'Don't be too available,' 'Mirror their energy' or 'Always have the upper hand.' While they may sound empowering on the surface, these tips often push people to suppress their instincts and disconnect from their inner compass. Research published in the Journal of Personality on self-monitoring in close relationships found that people who frequently adjust their behavior to fit the situation (called high self-monitors) tend to form less emotionally connected and less committed relationships. They often build bonds around shared activities rather than deep emotional compatibility. In contrast, low self-monitors, who remain true to themselves regardless of the situation, are more likely to form stable and meaningful relationships. Much of the dating advice online encourages high self-monitoring behavior, where you're constantly watching, adjusting and performing to earn love. It pulls you out of your emotional truth and places you in a cycle of self-editing. Over time, this can weaken not just your connection with others, but also with yourself. While strategy may offer short-term control, it's authenticity that builds long-term connection. True intimacy is only possible if you show up as yourself, and not as a version curated to win someone over. Many dating tips are packaged in bite-sized, confident one-liners like 'If they wanted to, they would,' 'Just move on' or 'They're not confused; they're just not interested.' While these seem to intuitively make sense, they often oversimplify deeply layered emotional experiences. Sometimes, such straightforward advice can help bring clarity. But when it's used to quickly label or dismiss what you're feeling, it can lead to emotional suppression rather than emotional understanding. A 2020 study on thought suppression found consistent evidence of 'rebound effects,' where trying to suppress a thought causes it to return more intensely than before. This means that when people attempt to 'move on' or suppress their feelings too quickly, those emotions can resurface stronger and more persistently. Interestingly, researchers also found 'immediate enhancement effects,' when someone experiences cognitive overload, where suppression increases the focus on the thought right away. This can manifest as you dismissing your feelings or pushing them aside to align with oversimplified advice. While seeking clarity is natural, it's essential to process emotions authentically rather than suppress them. Your emotional experience is unique to you, and one-liners serve as mere band-aids on deeper wounds without addressing what they bring up for you. Humans are complex; so are relationships. For instance, what looks like 'mixed signals' may be someone struggling with their own emotional capacity, trauma history or fear of intimacy. What feels like confusion on your part may be a sign that something in the situation isn't aligning with your emotional needs and that's worth exploring, not ignoring. When people are encouraged to jump to conclusions or 'cut people off' without processing their feelings, it often delays healing and lowers empathy. It also creates a cycle of repeated patterns because the deeper emotional work is left untouched. In reality, rushing the process or adopting someone else's rules often gets in the way of the clarity and emotional resilience you seek. You may have noticed that a lot of dating advice online can leave you feeling more anxious than reassured, and this may be intentional, to keep you hooked and coming back for more. The advisor creates a problem for you to think about, while establishing themselves as the one that can solve it for you. Phrases like 'Test them,' 'Don't trust too quickly' or 'Assume they're seeing others' also encourage a mindset of emotional defense rather than emotional connection as you enter relationships. This kind of advice wires your nervous system to expect a threat instead of a connection. It keeps you hypervigilant, always on guard for signs you might be hurt or rejected. While it might feel like you're protecting yourself, you may be reinforcing cycles of mistrust, anxiety and emotional distance instead. Over time, this constant state of alertness makes it harder to feel safe with someone, even when they are safe to be around. It chips away at your ability to build intimacy because you're too busy scanning for what could go wrong. Instead of tuning into your experience with someone, you're likely caught up in your head, overanalyzing every message, delayed reply or tone of voice. This pushes you into performative behavior and away from authentic relating. Feeling safe in love doesn't come from testing others. Genuine connection is built on calm, curiosity and shared emotional safety. If you're always playing defense, you never get to fully show up and experience the win. Navigating the dating world can be overwhelming with all the outside noise from well-wishers or self-proclaimed experts. That's why it's important to approach dating advice with mindfulness and discernment. Here's how to consume dating advice in a way that truly supports you: Do you bring your authentic self to relationships or keep it hidden out of fear? Take this science-backed test to find out: Authenticity In Relationships Scale
The Independent
21-05-2025
- Entertainment
- The Independent
Barack Obama on the unique qualities to look for in a partner
In a recent episode of Michelle Obama's podcast, Barack Obama's dating advice was revealed by Airbnb CEO Brian Chesky. Obama advised Chesky that finding a partner isn't about checking off boxes on a list, but rather about connecting with a real person. He emphasized that unique qualities, like a "weird laugh or snort," are what truly make a person special. This advice comes after Michelle Obama addressed divorce rumors fueled by her absence at certain events. She clarified that her decisions were personal choices and not indicative of marital problems.
Globe and Mail
16-05-2025
- Business
- Globe and Mail
Master Attraction Reports Surge in Growth as Men Worldwide Seek AI-Powered Dating Guidance
Even with 24/7 access to dating apps and relationship advice, millions of men who want a girlfriend are still coming up short. According to Pew Research Center, 63% of men under 30 are single, despite many of them actively trying to change that. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania--(Newsfile Corp. - May 16, 2025) - Master Attraction, a leading dating education platform helping men improve their dating and relationship skills, today announced a surge in user growth as more men turn to its structured, expert-led system for relationship success. The platform's expansion is fueled in part by the growing popularity of Master Attraction, an innovative artificial intelligence (AI) dating coach developed using methods created by founder Dan Bacon. Designed to provide on-demand, tailored advice, the AI coach draws from a comprehensive library of over two decades of successful coaching insights to support users in real-time dating scenarios. "We've packaged years of real-world dating experience into an AI model that delivers practical, proven strategies instantly," said Dan Bacon, founder of Master Attraction. "This isn't about gimmicks-it's about helping men become their best selves and form meaningful, lasting relationships." Central to the platform's success is its curriculum, built around 124 naturally attractive traits-such as confidence, charisma, emotional intelligence, and humor-rooted in scientific principles of attraction. These traits are woven throughout the AI's coaching framework, enabling personalized guidance across a variety of situations, from initiating conversations to deepening romantic connections. The Master Attraction is designed to interpret user-submitted text messages, screenshots, and social scenarios, delivering actionable advice based on what has worked for thousands of men globally. The platform reports that its membership base has grown steadily as more men report positive results using the system to transition from being single to building strong, committed relationships. "Our mission is to make expert-level dating advice more accessible," Bacon added. "Master Attraction's recent growth reflects a rising demand for real guidance that actually works in today's dating landscape." For more information about Master Attraction and its AI-powered coaching services, visit About Master Attraction Master Attraction is an online education company dedicated to helping men improve their dating and relationship skills. Founded by dating and relationship expert Dan Bacon, the platform offers a range of digital products and AI-supported tools aimed at building confidence, developing naturally attractive traits, and fostering healthy, lasting relationships.
Independent Singapore
14-05-2025
- General
- Independent Singapore
'Dating in your 30s in Singapore is quietly heartbreaking' — SG woman laments, even after having 'gone on over 50 dates'
SINGAPORE: A woman in her early 30s took to Reddit to share how dating in Singapore has been 'quietly heartbreaking' for her, as this has been something that has weighed heavily on her heart. U/Internal-Yoghurt7144 wrote in a recent post on r/SingaporeRaw that she rejoined the dating scene lately after pressing the pause button for a year. Previously, however, she had gone on more than 50 dates in five years, finding potential partners through apps, events, mutual friends, and even going on blind dates. 'I really gave it my all, but eventually, it just became too emotionally draining,' she wrote, adding that she has had two short-lived relationships, one of which left her somewhat scarred, affecting her confidence and causing her to not date for some time. But dating today, at her age, feels 'quite different,' given the smaller pool of dateable men. Additionally, the would-be partners she has met seem to be 'emotionally unavailable' or are 'only looking for something casual,' which she finds 'even more disheartening.' When she asked her family for advice, however, they suggested that she could 'soften her energy, be more feminine, and avoid posting photos with guy friends on Instagram,' so she wouldn't come across as unavailable, which she tried. She admitted that adjusting parts of herself to seem more appealing had made her sad, as she felt she needed to do that. The post author added that she's still 'finding her footing financially,' which makes her wonder if this makes her less attractive as a partner. However, what weighs heavily on her is that she wants to have a child one day, and feels her biological clock ticking. While freezing her eggs is an option, she can ill afford it. 'It just feels like I'm running out of time without the stability or resources to plan anything,' she wrote, adding, 'There are moments I wonder if I'm too late, too much, or just not enough. But deep down, I still hope someone will see me for who I truly am, and choose to stay.' When she asked others if they found dating harder today than in the past, many chimed in with answers. ' Guy here. I find dating too tiring. Feel like I can't be myself, so I just focus on my own hobbies and career instead,' wrote one. 'As a single guy in my 30s, I agree the dating pool isn't great, and is particularly devoid of people looking for something serious (guess everyone who was looking for something serious has already settled down, haha). In recent years, I've begun to wonder if I was the problem,' another answered. In another vein, one observed that 'Men don't really care about women's finances, just maybe that they don't have a ton of credit card debt. Personally, a lady who earns 2k a month but has a nice and pleasant personality beats someone who earns 10k a month anytime.' One encouraged and reassured the post author, writing, 'Don't give up because the life partner you're searching for will be worth it. If it's easy, you won't treasure it… But nobody is really ever too late. Try not to force yourself to be more attractive and appealing. Like you've mentioned, people can smell desperation, and it is a major turn-off. You can yearn for a relationship, but you must also be ok to walk away and be comfortably single. I found my partner at 31yo, it's been a year. I'm 32 now. I was evergreen before her, but the wait was worthwhile.' /TISG Read also: Move over, Cupid! SinglePore is putting the fun back into dating in Singapore
