Latest news with #endoflife
Yahoo
a day ago
- Health
- Yahoo
10 Questions to Help You Plan for the End of Life
Credit - Photo-Illustration by Chloe Dowling for TIME (Source Image: ugurhan/Getty Images) Talking about death doesn't have to be morbid. If you approach the conversation the right way, 'it makes us more awake to our lives,' says Dr. Shoshana Ungerleider, founder of End Well, a nonprofit that aims to change the way people talk about and plan for the end of life. 'When we avoid this discussion, we rob ourselves of one of life's most clarifying forces—and that's the awareness that our time is finite.' There are other benefits to planning ahead. Research suggests that the majority of people don't get the end-of-life care they want: While 80% would like to die at home, for example, only 30% do. Ungerleider has found that those who experience the most peaceful deaths tend to be the ones who have had ongoing conversations with themselves and their families about their wishes, including their values, fears, and hopes for how they want to be remembered. These discussions 'should be as common as financial literacy,' Ungerleider says (another topic people too seldom discuss). 'Embracing mortality is one of the most life-affirming things you can do.' Ideally, these conversations should start in early adulthood, around age 18, and continue as the years progress and life evolves. We asked experts to share 10 essential questions to ask yourself—and your loved ones—to plan for the end of life. 'Who is your decision maker?' If you're no longer able to make your own health-care decisions, someone else needs to do it for you. Every adult has the right to designate who they want that person to be—and if you don't do it, your state will. 'That's the most practical and tangible question and decision that everybody needs to think about,' says Paul Malley, president of Aging with Dignity, a nonprofit that created the Five Wishes advance directive, a simplified legal document that helps people express their preferences. Choose someone who knows you well, cares about you, and is adept at making difficult decisions, he advises. 'What's your guidance for life support?' If you were approaching the end of life, what kind of medical treatment would you want—or prefer to be spared from? Your answers will likely vary depending on the circumstances, Malley points out, so think through some of the most common ones: when you're close to death; in a coma and not expected to wake up or recover; or suffering from permanent and severe brain damage. You should specify exactly what kind of procedures, devices, and medications you want, and which you don't want. Read More: 10 Questions to Ask Your Parents While You Still Can The way you answer this question will likely be different at age 45 compared to age 85. Malley suggests revisiting your plan at least every five years, as well as any time there's a big change in your health. 'What makes you physically comfortable?' Everyone wants to be treated with dignity at the end of life. To help ensure that happens, share your guidance for what family members, doctors, and nurses can do for you. 'Things like, 'I want a cool, moist cloth put on my head if I have a fever,'' Malley says. ''I want my hands massaged with warm oils as often as they can be.'' When Malley talked about his mom's end-of-life wishes with her, she said she didn't want to be massaged all over her body, because it would make her ticklish. He asked if she might enjoy hand massages, because she always loved manicures. 'She said, 'Oh, that would be wonderful,'' he recalls. 'So when my mom was nearing the end of her life with cancer, we were able to take very good care of her hands.'' Making these wishes clear is like 'giving an instruction book to the people who love you about how to take good care of you,' he adds, instead of leaving them to hope they're doing right by you. 'Where are the important documents?' Always ask your family members if they have a will or trust—and if they don't, it's time to change that. It's also a good idea to talk through bank accounts, investments, and passwords, says Rebecca Feinglos, a certified grief support specialist and founder of Grieve Leave, a community that provides grief support. Make sure you know who their lawyer is, too. 'It's better to ask on the front end, even if it's uncomfortable, because if it reveals that something isn't done, you can get it done,' she says. 'What would a good day look like for you?' Ask this question over and over again—of both yourself and your loved ones. You might be surprised at the answer. Feinglos' grandmother, for example, said it was going shopping, or sitting at home and watching the birds out the window. When she couldn't physically shop anymore, Feinglos brought the impromptu fashion shows to her. Read More: 8 Things to Say When Someone Lies to You Understanding what contentment looks like allows you to make your loved ones' days as happy and fulfilling as possible. Keep in mind that 'a good day looks different over time,' Feinglos says, especially with age and illness progression. 'What possessions matter the most to you, and what do you want to happen with them?' Feinglos' late father was a world-renowned mineral collector, and leading up to his death, the two discussed his wishes for his collection. 'We knew what he wanted,' she says, which enabled the family to donate their dad's most prized possessions to a Harvard museum. Read More: What to Know About 'Death Cleaning' Your loved ones might not have a museum-worthy collection, but chances are they're holding onto something else that matters to them dearly. Feinglos' grandmother, for example, cherished a special silver pocketbook. 'I only knew it mattered because we had those conversations, and she was like, 'I really want you to have this,'' she says. ''Go get it and let me tell you about it.'' In Feinglos' own will, she specifies that two of her best friends are responsible for going through all her clothes and purses. 'I know they'll understand how much they matter to me, and that they'll appreciate them,' she says. 'What do you want your funeral or memorial to be like?' This can feel particularly tough to talk about—but it's 'critical' to ask your family members for their wishes, and to share your own, Feinglos says. You should also discuss what you want to happen with your physical remains. 'If you don't have those conversations, you're trying to guess what that person would have wanted, and it feels really uncomfortable," she says. 'When you think about the future, what worries you the most?' Maybe the answer is becoming a burden to family members, dying in pain, or being forgotten. 'Our fears show us our values,' Ungerleider says. Naming them offers your loved ones the opportunity to figure out how to alleviate what you're worried about—while providing you with a sense of comfort and security. Aim to be as vulnerable as possible, even if it's hard: 'If you can let yourself go there—even tiptoeing into some of these discussions—it can allow you to know the people in your life even better, which can be inherently meaningful,' she says. 'What kind of interactions do you want to have?' If death seems imminent, do you want people with you? 'Do you want them to play music? Do you want pictures of your grandkids? What name do you want to be called?' Malley asks. 'Do you want to be visited by a chaplain or your priest or your rabbi or your faith leader?' Read More: The Race to Explain Why More Young Adults Are Getting Cancer Malley recalls one woman who described her dad as the most outgoing person she had ever met. She assumed he would want to be surrounded by all his friends in his final days—but he said he wanted only immediate family. 'We all do the best we can to guess what our loved ones would want,' Malley says. 'But if we ask them, we might actually get different information, and then we're happy to do it.' 'What do you want your loved ones to know?' It might feel important for you to express love or forgiveness to family members—or to ask for forgiveness for times you hurt them. Maybe you want them to know you don't fear death, or you'd like to see your estranged kids make peace with each other. Share these wishes with your family members while you still can, Malley advises, perhaps during a quiet conversation in a coffee shop or around the dinner table. 'Anything will be more comfortable than an emergency room or a lawyer's office,' he says. Remember: By having the tough conversations early, you're eliminating 'the chaos that can exist when there's no plan,' Malley says. 'Chaos is the last thing families need in a time of crisis.' Contact us at letters@
The Independent
2 days ago
- Politics
- The Independent
Dame Joanna Lumley backs assisted dying
Dame Joanna Lumley has voiced her support for assisted dying, indicating she would consider it if she were in a "miserable" state, unable to speak or be fed. The 79-year-old actor backs the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill, which recently received approval from the House of Commons. This proposed legislation would allow mentally competent adults in England and Wales with a life expectancy of six months or less to apply for an assisted death. MPs passed the bill by a narrow margin of 314 to 291 votes, with notable figures such as Sir Keir Starmer and Rishi Sunak voting in favour, while others like Kemi Badenoch opposed it. The bill is now set to move to the House of Lords for further scrutiny, where it is expected to encounter additional opposition.
Telegraph
2 days ago
- Politics
- Telegraph
Dame Joanna Lumley: I ‘wouldn't mind' assisted dying
Dame Joanna Lumley has said she 'wouldn't mind' an assisted death if she reached a 'miserable' state where she was unable to talk or eat without help. The 79-year-old actress says she supports the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill approved in the House of Commons last month, which would allow terminally ill adults in England and Wales with fewer than six months to live to apply for an assisted death. Asked about the Bill in an interview with Saga magazine, Dame Joanna said: 'People are terribly anxious about it and think one may be coerced (into voluntary euthanasia). 'But I'm saying this now when nobody's coercing me, don't let me turn into somebody who doesn't recognise the people I love most, where I'm having a miserable time. 'When I get to the stage where I can't speak and have to be fed, that won't be me any more and that's when I wouldn't mind saying farewell.' Under the Terminally Ill Adults Bill, which was backed by 314 votes to 291 in the Commons, those wishing to go through assisted dying would require approval by two doctors and a panel including a social worker, senior legal figure and psychiatrist. It will next come before the House of Lords for further debate and votes at a date to be confirmed. Dame Esther Rantzen, who is terminally ill with cancer and has been one of the biggest proponents of the bill, has urged the House of Lords to pass the legislation. The TV presenter and campaigner, who has stopped responding to her lung cancer treatment, said: 'Their job is to scrutinise, to ask questions, but not to oppose. 'Law is actually created by the elected chamber, which is the House of Commons, who have voted this through.' Lord Shinkwin, a disabled Conservative peer, has been critical of the bill, having been in intensive care earlier this year. He said if a doctor had asked him at the time about assisted dying – which they would be able to under the provisions of the bill – he 'would have felt under real pressure to do that'. The proposal was first put forward by Labour MP Kim Leadbeater in October last year and passed through the House of Commons on June 20. Sir Keir Starmer, Yvette Cooper, the Home Secretary, and Rachel Reeves, the Chancellor, were among the 224 Labour MPs who voted in favour of the bill, with 160 against. Kemi Badenoch, the Leader of the Opposition, was one of the 20 Conservative MPs out of 121 who voted against the bill.
Daily Mail
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
'Don't let me turn into someone who doesn't recognise the people I love most', says Dame Joanna Lumley as she speaks out in favour of assisted dying
Dame Joanna Lumley has spoken out in support of the controversial assisted dying policy, saying she would not want to carry on if she couldn't recognize her loved ones. The actress, 79, said she supported the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill, which would allow adults with less than six months to live to apply for assisted death. The bill passed a vote in the House of Commons last month, despite objections from Labour ministers and Health Secretary Wes Streeting, and will be discussed in the House of Lords in the autumn. Dame Joanna, known for starring as Patsy in the BBC comedy Absolutely Fabulous. was asked about the bill in an interview with Saga Magazine. She said: 'People are terribly anxious about it and think you may be coerced. 'But I'm saying this now, when nobody's coercing me - don't let me turn into somebody who doesn't recognize the people I love most, where I'm having a miserable time. 'When I get to that stage, when my mind is gone and I have to be fed, that won't be me any more - and I wouldn't mind saying "farewell".' TV presenter Dame Esther Rantzen has been another vocal supporter of the bill and recently urged the Lords not to block the legislation. Dame Esther, 85, has terminal cancer and is being backed by her daughter Rebecca Wilcox. The support from Dame Joanna has been welcomed by campaigner Louise Shackleton. Mrs Shackleton, 58, is currently being investigated for taking her terminally ill husband Anthony, 59, to Switzerland last December to assist his suicide, after he had suffered from motor neurone disease for six years. She told The Mirror that she is set to bury his ashes today on what would have been his 60th birthday She added: 'He would have been overwhelmed that such a huge star has spoken out. 'I would like to thank Joana on behalf of fellow campaigners for having the courage to speak out and to represent the vast majority of people who are in agreement with what she is saying but haven't got her platform. 'Hopefully there will be measured, educated and community focused progress to move this forward.' The bill did have opponents from all parties including Shadow Justice Secretary Robert Jenrick. Writing for the Daily Mail, he revealed how he helped look after his grandmother, Dorothy, as a teenage boy – and how she continued to bring joy to the family as she defied a terminal diagnosis for nearly a decade. He said the prospect of legalising assisted dying 'fills me with dread', adding: 'My Nana felt like she was a burden. I know how much she hated the indignity she felt at having to ask my Mum or us to help her with basic needs. 'People like her – and there are many such people – may consider an assisted death as another act of kindness to us. How wrong they would be. 'Our society pays little regard to end of life care. We need to do much more as a country to help the elderly, like my Nana, in their final years. 'But my experience has taught me that there can be dignity in death, and that even in someone's twilight years, there is joy to be extracted from life. 'So I'll be voting No. And as I do so, I'll be thinking of my great pal – my Nana, Dorothy.' Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch urged her MPs to vote against the legislation, describing it as 'a bad Bill' despite being 'previously supportive of assisted suicide'. Mother of the House Diane Abbott also asked MPs to vote against the bill, saying: 'There is no doubt that if this Bill is passed in its current form, people will lose their lives who do not need to, and they will be amongst the most vulnerable and marginalised in our society.'
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Joanna Lumley ‘wouldn't mind' assisted dying if she got to a ‘miserable' state
Actress Dame Joanna Lumley has said she 'wouldn't mind' undergoing assisted dying if she reached a 'miserable' state where she was unable to talk or eat without help. The 79-year-old said she supported the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill, which was backed by MPs in the Commons last month, that would allow terminally ill adults with fewer than six months to live to apply for an assisted death. Asked about the Bill in an interview with Saga Magazine, Dame Joanna said: 'People are terribly anxious about it and think one may be coerced (into voluntary euthanasia). 'But I'm saying this now when nobody's coercing me, don't let me turn into somebody who doesn't recognise the people I love most, where I'm having a miserable time. 'When I get to the stage where I can't speak and have to be fed, that won't be me any more and that's when I wouldn't mind saying farewell.' The Bill would see those wishing to go through assisted dying require approval by two doctors and a panel featuring a social worker, senior legal figure and psychiatrist. It will next come before the House of Lords for further debate and votes. One of the Bill's most high-profile backers has been TV presenter Dame Esther Rantzen, 85, who has terminal cancer, and recently urged members of the House of Lords not to block the legislation. Dame Joanna is best known for her roles as Patsy Stone in the BBC sitcom Absolutely Fabulous, Sapphire in ITV supernatural series Sapphire And Steel, and in The New Avengers, the 1970s revamped version of 1960s ITV spy series The Avengers. She will appear in season two of Netflix supernatural series Wednesday as Grandmama in August.
