Latest news with #forgiveness
BBC News
4 hours ago
- BBC News
My son's Coventry murder will not define me
Three years ago Janice Lees' youngest son was murdered over a £400 drug debt. She describes her journey from rage to forgiveness, and how her memorial garden has provided salvation. Janice was sorting out compost in her Blackpool garden when she got the call from her eldest son to say his younger brother Andrew had been critically injured in a hit-and-run and was not expected to drove 150 miles to see the 40-year-old in hospital in Coventry, praying all the while it was a "sour joke".When she arrived, a police officer was present. "I shouted at [Andrew], 'You stupid bloody boy, what have I told you about messing with bad men?'"The officer told her: "It doesn't matter what he did. He didn't deserve this." Andrew Flamson was fatally injured after being hit by a car on Grosvenor Road in Coventry on 12 July 2022. It was an act of revenge following a row over money owed for days later, his life support was turned off and he died at 15:33 BST. "I sang to him, and I prayed with him. And I put a wooden cross in his hand," Janice says. "His [step]father put 50p in his hand for his bus fare home."Andrew's beloved Shar Pei, Zippy, had also been killed in the attack. The futility of it left Janice flooded with rage."I went down to the chaplaincy to pray, and I lost it. I was deranged. Screaming and rolling. I was like a devil possessed." Janice had known for years Andrew was using and dealing drugs. He was a raver who "lived his life to the beat of his own drum", she says."My Andrew was not the sharpest pencil in the box, but he was funny, and he was beautiful, and his smile lit up a room."He and his brother were a pair of "scallywaggles" as children, their mother says. From the age of 12 Andrew was sniffing aerosols and soon started hanging out with people who worried her. He was very close to his younger sister, who helped guide after Janice moved from Coventry to Blackpool in 2006, he was caught with a stun gun and drugs and jailed for 42 months."While they're under your roof you guide them. When they leave your roof they know your rules and if they choose to go down another path that is their decision," she says. "I loved them no matter what they did and who they are."She saw her son two weeks before he was killed and he told her he was content with his life. He loved concerts and dancing, was friendly and popular, and had a beautiful girlfriend, she in the weeks after his death, "vile thoughts" and hatred consumed her. Five men from the West Midlands went on trial in April 2023. Four were convicted of killing Andrew, including the driver of the silver Ford Mondeo that hit him, Ashley Donald, who was jailed for life for passengers - Samuel Henneberry (Donald's father); Carl Tomlinson; and Callum Ayre - went to prison for sat through the first half of the trial, watching CCTV of her son's final moments. But, unable to stay quiet when faced with the men's denials, she returned home for the final three weeks, receiving updates from her stepdaughter in personality had transformed from "a gentle loving, kind lady" to someone who would "just lose it," she mornings she would pick up a knife and scissors and imagine she was stabbing Andrew's from a woman called Jan proved a turning point. "She said to me, 'If you continue to hate like this, you are going to cause yourself serious health problems… you are inflicting that pain upon you'."She was marvellous... magic." Slowly, Janice began to find balance, and with the help of a £500 criminal compensation grant, she and her husband, Dave, used it to build a memorial garden at the back of her planted flowers with initials that spell out Andy, alongside candles and knick-knacks such as a yellow bird and little donkey, in memory of songs he loved as a child."All these little tributes to Andrew I've toiled into my garden. That's been my salvation," she says.A born-again Christian, her faith has helped her find forgiveness for his killers, one of whom, Henneberry, died in May."How sad that he died in prison a lonely old broken man," she says. "Now Ashley Donald has not got his dad any more, and I do feel desperately sorry for him." She sees messages from Andrew each time she spots the number 333, the time of his death, in the name of a shop or on a also gives her comfort that he gifted his organs. "We now know Andrew's heart beats in somebody else's chest; he's still here."She spent the third anniversary of his murder in the garden, chatting to him as she does daily, and remembering the little boy who loved her lemon meringue and family have helped her survive his loss, alongside her belief that her son is in heaven."Even though there was the despair, there was the hope. Sometimes I couldn't string a sentence along; it took me under," she says."I am not Janice before the death of my son. I'm another woman, but I'm a stronger woman. Andrew's death will not define me." Follow BBC Coventry & Warwickshire on BBC Sounds, Facebook, X and Instagram.
Yahoo
2 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
Why apologizing is empowering: The five essentials of saying 'sorry'
A quick "Sorry" and everyone moves on – this usually won't cut it, since a genuine apology needs more to resonate or have much positive effect. In fact, superficial apologies often do more harm than good, as US psychologist Adam Grant and guests on his podcast WorkLife recently explained. Beth Polin, a professor of management who has conducted extensive research on apologies and trust, said that while people often apologize, they frequently do so incorrectly. According to Polin, a good apology consists of five elements: Regret – honest and palpable Rationale – without excuses Responsibility – "That was my mistake." Repentance – a clear "I will do things differently in the future." Repair – concrete and active But Polin also adds a sixth, often overlooked point: the invitation to forgiveness. She explains that those who have sincerely apologized can conclude the conversation with an open question, such as "Can you forgive me?" or "Are we okay now?" Even if the other person needs time, this signals a willingness to genuinely heal the relationship. A half-hearted apology, by contrast, can feel like yet another insult, Grant says. Statements like "I'm sorry you feel that way" or "Sorry, I feel bad about it too" are counterproductive, according to the experts. In fact, the phrase itself – whether "sorry," "I apologize" or something similar – is not the decisive part of an apology. It is not even among the three most important components, as Polin's research has shown. The most important aspect is acknowledging your own responsibility. If there is only room for three elements, this point must be included, Polin said, along with a comprehensible explanation and an offer to make amends. Incidentally, many people avoid apologizing because they are afraid it will make them look weak, Grant says. However, apologizing does not make us lose anything – on the contrary, it enables us to correct our mistakes. Properly apologizing is, in fact, a power move, he argues. If we do not admit our mistakes, we cannot make amends, repair the damage, learn from them or grow as a result. "An apology is not an admission that you're a bad person. It's a step toward becoming a better person — and an expression of care for the other person," Grant says. The best apology is, therefore, a change in behaviour, Grant believes. Only those who demonstrate that they have learned from their mistakes can truly rebuild trust. Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
7 days ago
- Yahoo
Island church's pots of sentimental value returned minutes before Sunday service
Just three minutes before Sunday service began, an Isle of Wight church had their plant pots returned after they had been stolen earlier in the week. On Tuesday (July 8), several plant pots of sentimental value were taken from outside Newport Congregational Church on Pyle Street. The pots, which were given to the church to honour a member who had died, were returned this morning (July 13), and restored to pride of place. Reverend Mark Evans, church leader, said that what was sad, has turned out to be a good news story. Read more: This popular Island pub is fostering community under new ownership Church wants to show 'redemptive nature' after 'sentimental' plant pots stolen He said: "He did two trips in his car to return them this morning. "We were talking about the image of Jesus being a good shepherd and the message of forgiveness. "The people of the Island came together." Mark said that he shook the man by the hand, and the church is always happy to provide ongoing support to people in difficulty. He said: "We get all sorts of people come in with different needs - with food and ministries - that community commitment. "I easily could have gone to the police, but in my spirit, these pots would come back."
BBC News
12-07-2025
- BBC News
Weybridge man recalls meeting his twin brother's murderer
A man whose twin brother was murdered nearly 20 years ago says meeting one of the men responsible helped him to see him as a human rather than a Dawson said he was still "living his own life sentence" after his brother Simon was killed in Bromborough near Birkenhead shortly after his 30th birthday in after meeting one of the killers in 2014, he said he realised he was visiting a "very different" person to the teenager who murdered his now 56, from Weybridge, told BBC Radio Surrey and Sussex: "At his parole hearing I saw him crying as he heard my mother's victim statement – we looked each other in the eyes and it felt unfinished." He added: "In that moment it felt like a cloak was taken away and he was a human to me."The anger was still there but it was a different type of anger. The meeting helped both sides – I got the answers I wanted and he wanted to say sorry." Nick and Simon grew up in Whitehaven in Cumbria, with the pair spending lots of time in the countryside and sharing a love of football and Carlisle August 1998 Simon had been on a night out with friends in Birkenhead when he left a nightclub alone and approached two teenagers for walking to a nearby park in Bromborough, Simon was robbed, beaten and thrown into a nearby pond, where he having driven back to Cumbria from Surrey after being told of his brother's murder, was later asked by police officers to help catch the the investigation, he wore his brother's clothing to create a reconstruction of the walk from the nightclub for Crimewatch – something he says he sometimes feels he has trauma from years a trial, both of Simon's attackers were convicted of murder. 'Tribute to my brother' About 16 years after Simon's death, Nick and his family were invited to the probation hearing of one of the killers, Craig, who was 16 at the time of the this hearing, Nick was invited to take part in a restorative justice meeting with Craig – described by the Restorative Justice Council as "enabling everyone affected by a particular incident to play a part in repairing the harm and finding a positive way forward". Nick said: "It was really hard for him to look at me. He was looking at a living version of the person he had taken away."Nick has since written a book, called Face to Face: Finding Justice for My Murdered Twin Brother, which he described as a "tribute" to his said: "We had such fond memories supporting Carlisle, and he put a smile on people's faces."
CBS News
09-07-2025
- Business
- CBS News
5 ways to make your student loan payments more affordable now
We may receive commissions from some links to products on this page. Promotions are subject to availability and retailer terms. If your student loan payments are having a big impact on your budget, it's time to take charge of the issue. Getty Images/iStockphoto After years of payment pauses and shifting policies, student loan borrowers are facing a new reality. Not only are monthly student loan payments resuming, but major changes to federal repayment and forgiveness programs are also on the horizon. A sweeping new bill, which was signed into law on July 4, 2025, is set to phase out popular income-driven repayment (IDR) plans, tighten borrowing limits and make student loan forgiveness harder to access. Under this new law, student loan borrowers could, in the coming years, find themselves with fewer repayment options. They may also be subject to stricter caps on how much they can borrow with federal loans, and those who are unable to keep up with standard repayment plans may also face longer repayment timelines. These shifts could make staying on top of student loan payments even more challenging for those repaying undergraduate loans, finishing graduate school or carrying Parent PLUS debt. But here's the good news: You still have time to take action. By understanding your options now and adjusting your repayment strategy, you can make your student loan payments more affordable, giving yourself some crucial breathing room before the new rules take effect. Find out how affordable your private student loan options could be now. 5 ways to make your student loan payments more affordable now Here's how to make your student loan payments more affordable and protect your financial health as the new system takes shape: Switch to an income-driven repayment plan If you're struggling with federal loan payments, enrolling in an income-driven repayment (IDR) plan can instantly lower your monthly bill. These plans cap your payments at 5% to 20% of your discretionary income and can reduce your payment to as little as $0 if your income is very low. And, while they extend your repayment timeline, they also offer the possibility of forgiveness after 20 or 25 years of qualifying payments. If you're already on an income-driven repayment plan, now is also the time to make sure you're certified and meeting all of the requirements. Starting in 2026, these plans will be replaced by a single income-based option with higher minimum payments, so it's important to take advantage of the current repayment options before they're no longer available. Compare your student loan options and find the rates you qualify for today. Request a temporary payment pause if you're struggling If you're facing short-term financial hardship, requesting deferment or forbearance on your federal loans can give you some breathing room. These options allow you to temporarily stop or reduce payments, helping you avoid delinquency and default. Keep in mind, though, that interest often continues to accrue during these pauses, increasing your overall balance. As a result, deferment and forbearance are best used for short-term relief. Still, for student loan borrowers who are unemployed or dealing with unexpected expenses, this type of temporary payment pause can allow you the breathing room you need to stabilize your finances and get back on track. Consider refinancing — but weigh the tradeoffs carefully If you have good credit and steady income, refinancing your student loans can potentially reduce your interest rate and lower your monthly payments. This is especially helpful if you have high-rate private student loans, as it's possible to find rates as low as 3% to 4% right now by shopping around. Keep in mind, though, that refinancing your federal student loans means giving up protections like income-driven repayment plans and federal forgiveness programs. In turn, this option is generally best for borrowers who already have private student loans or don't need the benefits that come with federal loans. Tap into employer and state repayment assistance programs Many employers have stepped up to help workers pay off student loans, offering contributions as part of their benefits packages. For example, some companies pay a fixed amount toward your loan each month or match your payments up to a certain limit. And, it's typically worth taking advantage of these options, as even modest contributions from an employer can add up to thousands of dollars saved over time, making your balance more manageable. In addition to the employer-based programs, many states have created loan repayment assistance programs for professionals, especially those in high-demand fields like healthcare, education and public service. These programs often provide substantial payments directly toward your loans in exchange for a service commitment, effectively reducing your out-of-pocket costs. Set up autopay for an instant discount While you likely won't see massive savings as a result, one of the simplest ways to lower your student loan costs is to simply set up autopay on your account. Most student loan servicers, both federal and private, offer a small interest rate reduction, typically 0.25%, when you enroll in automatic payments. While the discount may seem modest, it directly lowers the amount of interest you're charged each month, shaving money off your payment and helping you chip away at your balance faster. Autopay also provides peace of mind by ensuring you never miss a payment, which protects your credit and avoids late fees. So, for borrowers trying to cut every possible expense, this quick adjustment is an easy win. The bottom line The landscape for student loan borrowers is changing fast, and waiting too long to act could leave you with fewer and costlier options. If you take steps now, though, to adjust your repayment plan, explore forgiveness programs or secure employer assistance, you can make your monthly payments more manageable and help you avoid financial strain. By being proactive about making your student loan payments more affordable, you can protect your budget and set yourself up for greater flexibility.
