Latest news with #infidelity
The Sun
2 days ago
- Health
- The Sun
I found out my long-term partner is married when he called me by another woman's name during sex – I'm devastated
DEAR DEIDRE: I FOUND out my partner is married when he called me by another woman's name during sex. We've been dating for five years. I'm devastated. At 40, I thought I was smart enough to spot the bad boys. My ex-husband was emotionally abusive so I'd sworn off men forever. But when I travelled 150 miles to oversee a project at work, one of the clients swept me off my feet. He's 45, funny, handsome and kind — he ticked all my boxes. And the sex was amazing. We'd spend whole weekends together in bed. The long-distance aspect made everything more exciting. He'd often be out of touch in the evenings, but I believed he was doing overtime. I saw him every other weekend, and he'd send me flirty texts and emails at work. I never for one second suspected he was married. Last month, he travelled down to my house for the weekend. On the Saturday night, we both got very tipsy on the sofa and ended up making love on the floor. He had his eyes shut. As I leant down to kiss him, he murmured another woman's name. I thought I'd misheard him, so I asked him to repeat it. He started to, then opened his eyes and the colour drained from his face as we both realised what he'd said. Eventually, I got the truth out of him. He's been married for a decade and he's got two kids. Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships I kicked him out immediately, but he's been bombarding me with flowers and love letters. I know I should stay strong. I don't want to be some man's dirty secret. But I love him. DEIDRE SAYS: You thought he was your happy ever after, but he's just as emotionally unavailable as your ex. Start standing up for yourself now and tell him that you won't date a married man. Setting a boundary like this feels scary at first, but you'll be grateful you valued yourself in the long term. Cutting things off for good will stop you feeling like his 'dirty secret' and, more importantly, it will give you the chance to find somebody local to you. Someone you could see often, and who would put you at the top of his list of priorities. You owe that much to yourself. You've had a tough history of relationships, but it doesn't mean that every man will be like this cheat or your ex. My support pack, Your Lover Not Free?, explains why these types of relationships can be so addictive. You'll start to feel better when you've drawn a line under this and begun focusing on your future. SHE PREFERS SHOPPING TO SEX WITH ME DEAR DEIDRE: I NOW understand why people have affairs. I've been married for 21 years and my wife seems more excited about online shopping than sex with me. I'm 50, she is 46. We're too young to be celibate. Everything was great until a couple of years ago. We'd have sex a couple of times a week and we both enjoyed it. But then she started to seem annoyed, rather than aroused, whenever I made a move. After a few weeks, I asked her what was wrong, and she said she was 'perimenopausal'. I took her to the doctor and she got HRT patches. Her mood brightened up and she got her energy back, but the bedroom remained a desert. My frustration turned into anger and we had a blazing row. She said she'd be more in the mood if I took her out on date nights and booked a holiday. So I did. And she wasn't. In fact, on our last date night, she rushed through dinner and insisted we went home ASAP. I hoped it was because she finally wanted to hit the sheets. No. It was because she'd got a text saying her Amazon driver was three stops away. I don't know what to do. I'm on the verge of telling her I want to separate. I love her, but I don't want a sexless marriage. Even on HRT, the hormones are no longer as powerful as they once were and she may be feeling that she just doesn't get the 'urge' any more. She might also have started to find making love uncomfortable. If she's experienced painful sex, she could well be scared to try again. Perhaps, if you tell her you're thinking of separation then she may seek some extra help. Testosterone is one of the hormones believed to make the most difference in sexual appetite for women. Unfortunately, this hormone isn't available on the NHS. Your wife may want to consider talking to a private consultant about getting her hormone levels tested, or to ask her GP to refer her on to an NHS consultant. My Menopause Explained support pack, which goes into detail, will tell you more. Sex therapy might also help. You can find reputable help via The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists ( 020 8106 9635). FAMILY FORUM DEAR DEIDRE: MY son blocked me from seeing my granddaughter, so I took him to court. But the judge ended up ruling against me. My son and I have always had a strained relationship. His father left us when he was a baby, so I brought him up alone and I must have spoiled him. He got used to having his own way and I always gave in. I'm 60 now and he's 34. He married five years ago and had a daughter. She's the apple of my eye. I loved seeing her. My son continued to bully me. He'd demand money and threaten to cut off contact if I said no. He expected me to look after their pets every time they went on holiday, even though I work full-time. I eventually stood up to him and told him I wouldn't be pushed around. That's when he stopped me from visiting my granddaughter. He wouldn't take my calls and barred me from their house. I sent my granddaughter birthday and Christmas presents, but heard from a mutual friend that my son ripped off the labels and told her they were all from him. After 18 months, I went to court to gain access. But the judge ruled against me, saying that as I hadn't seen my granddaughter for so long, it wouldn't be beneficial for contact to resume. My son smirked at me across the room during the ruling. I'm heartbroken. DEIDRE SAYS: What a distressing situation. I can understand why you're heartbroken. Your bullying son is using his own daughter to hurt you. Sadly, grandparents in the United Kingdom currently have no inherent legal right to see their grandchildren. But you don't have to go through this experience alone. You can find emotional support through Grandparents Apart UK ( a charitable organisation dedicated to helping grandparents keep in touch with their grandchildren if they've been denied contact or have fallen out. You can also find information and advice through Stand Alone ( can't get this link to work on laptop or phone, which helps people of all ages who are estranged from, or disowned by, their family. Good luck. UNCOMFORTABLE WITH NUDE SNAPS DEAR DEIDRE: MY friend keeps asking me to send him explicit photos. We're in our twenties and have known each other for years, but we were purely platonic until we shared a drunken night together a couple of months ago. Physically, things weren't good for us, so we agreed to go back to being pals. But since then, he drunkenly FaceTimes me every week, asking me to talk dirty to him and send him photos of my boobs and bits. I had no idea he was this kinky. I want to stay friends, but it's making me uncomfortable. I've also started a new relationship and I don't think they'd take kindly to it. DEIDRE SAYS: You are always within your rights to say no to sexual requests that you're not comfortable with. Not only is this man overstepping the bounds of friendship, but once you send nude photos of yourself out into the world, you have no control over where they'll end up. Keep saying no. If you lack the confidence to stay strong, read my support pack, Standing Up For Yourself. It explains how to communicate assertively.
The Sun
3 days ago
- Health
- The Sun
I think about my girlfriend's niece during sex – she turns me on so much more and my self-control won't last much longer
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner's niece really turns me on. I'm trying to keep away from her, but I can't resist. She's been staying with us and we have kissed. I keep fantasising about sex with her, but fear my partner will find out. What can I do to stop the inevitable happening? My self-control won't last much longer. My partner and I are in our early forties and we have been together for five years. Her niece is 21. She's studying locally and, as rental prices are ridiculous, my partner invited her to live with us in term time. When she arrived, I noticed how attractive she is — slim, with long legs and long, dark hair. I assumed she wouldn't want much to do with me, as she'd be out partying with her student friends. But she seemed keen to be around me, often staying up late to talk when my partner went to bed. Sometimes, I even thought she was flirting, but I told myself it was wishful thinking. Then, one evening, we shared a bottle of wine. She got tipsy and told me she'd always wanted to be with an older man. She moved very close to me on the sofa, then leaned over to kiss me. I have never been so aroused in my life. But, knowing it was wrong, I made my excuses and went up to bed before things could go further. The next day, she kept brushing past me in the kitchen. I thought that I would explode with desire. Since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. During sex with my partner, I imagine I'm with her niece instead. My partner is going away for work soon. I know what's going to happen while she's away. I feel guilty, but I also don't want to turn down what promises to be the best sex of my life. DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like you want permission to have sex with your partner's niece. I'm afraid I can't give you that. Neither can I give you self-control, you need to find that within yourself. Find something to do that will keep you occupied while your partner is away. Better still, go and visit a friend. As the older, more mature party, you need to talk to your partner's niece and tell her that this can't go any further. Remind her that it's not just a bit of fun. You're risking her relationship with her aunt, and yours with your partner. It's hardly a kind way to pay back her aunt's generosity in allowing her to stay. Perhaps you should also ask her to find somewhere else to live as soon as possible. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME WITH ALCOHOLIC HUBBY DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I reached the end of my tether with my husband's alcohol problem, I wrote to you for help. He was in denial and I couldn't get him to take responsibility. Although I still loved him, I didn't see how I could remain married to a man who no longer had any interest in me, sexually or emotionally. My husband and I are both in our mid-fifties and have been married for 25 years. Since being made redundant during Covid, his life had revolved around alcohol. He drank every day, had stopped seeing friends and even talking to me. You acknowledged how unhealthy our relationship had become and said my husband sounded depressed. You advised that he needed to go to his GP, and recommended that we both saw a counsellor. You suggested I read your support packs, Dealing With Depression, How Counselling Can Help and Dealing With A Problem Drinker. I had a big talk with him and told him I would leave if he didn't get help. He finally agreed to see his doctor and is now drinking far less and being more affectionate. Thank you. DEIDRE SAYS: I'm glad things have improved. Overcoming alcohol addiction isn't easy, but it sounds like he is on the right path. WE SPLIT UP MONTHS AGO BUT HE WON'T MOVE OUT DEAR DEIDRE: ALMOST a year after we broke up, my ex and I are still living together. He won't move out or get back together, or even discuss the future. It's left me in limbo. We're in our mid-thirties and have a young son together. I always thought we'd get married one day. However, things grew tough after our son was born. We drifted apart, no longer had sex and bickered a lot over money. I resented doing all the housework and most of the childcare. Ten months ago, even though I love him, I told him that I thought we should split up because neither of us was happy, and he agreed. However, since then nothing has changed. He's sleeping in the spare room, but he hasn't moved out, and I still do all the washing, cooking and cleaning. I worry it's confusing for our son. I've asked him if he wants to get back together and try again, but he says he's not sure yet. It feels like he's taking advantage of having a nice home without having to make any effort with me. Should I wait for him to make up his mind, or should I find a way to get him to leave and move on with my life? DEIDRE SAYS: Your ex seems to be using the fact that you still have feelings for him and would be happy to get back together. He believes he can bide his time until he decides what he wants. But by not making a decision, I think he's given you an answer: Nothing has changed. If he really wanted you back, he'd make a big effort. It's time for you to be decisive. Perhaps you need to give him an ultimatum, for your son's sake, and stick to it. Couples counselling could be helpful, either to resolve things or to split. See my support pack, How Counselling Can Help, for more information. TEENAGE TROUBLES DEAR DEIDRE: IT was annoying when my bisexual friend kept holding my hand and telling me we'd make a cute couple but I didn't say anything as I didn't want to hurt her feelings. However, now another friend has told me she's been going round telling people I'm in love with her. I don't know what to do. We're 17-year-old girls and at sixth form college. I was supportive of my friend when she came out as bi but I'm straight and not interested. And I don't like having lies spread about me. Tell her it's making you feel uncomfortable and ask her to stop. Make it clear that you value her friendship but aren't interested in anything more. My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help you have this conversation without making her too defensive. Porn ruined partner's sexual appetite DEAR DEIDRE: PORN has ruined my sex life with my partner – but he denies he has a problem. When we get intimate, it's over in two minutes because I know he has been secretly pleasuring himself. I love him, but I can't go on like this. We've been together for ten years, and he's had an issue with porn for the last couple. Before that, we had a great sex life. Now, he's rarely interested. He used to get turned on just by kissing me. Now, it takes more and more to get him aroused – he wants to try things that I don't enjoy or to make me dress up. It makes me feel unattractive and rejected. Once, I caught him watching porn in the spare room and told him I was worried. He said it wasn't an issue and he'd stop. But I know he lied. He often disappears for half an hour at a time, saying he has something important to do. How can I get him to stop and get our sex life back to the way it was? DEIDRE SAYS: Watching a lot of porn is now known to have an impact on both sexual appetite and function. And when someone's porn habit starts to interfere with their sex life and relationship – and they lie about it – it's a sign of an addiction. Your partner can get help to overcome this, but first he needs to admit he has a problem. Talk to him again and make it clear you can't continue in the relationship unless something changes. My support packs, Upset By Pornography? and Is Porn Ruining Your Life?, both have more advice and sources of help.
News24
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- News24
‘It's life': Enhle Mbali Mlotshwa on ‘non-negotiable' behind her split from Black Coffee
Enhle Mbali Mlotshwa has cited 'two children by two different women' as the straw that broke the camel's back in her marriage to Black Coffee. Despite the hurt, she said she has forgiven her estranged husband, even without receiving an apology. She urged the public to separate their artist identities from personal matters, calling for respect amid an ongoing divorce. Fresh from her recent win at the SA Style Awards as the Most Stylish Performing Artist on TV and Film, actor and fashion designer Enhle Mbali Mlotshwa has once again found herself in the spotlight over her marriage to internationally acclaimed DJ and producer Black Coffee. In a snippet that went viral from her recent interview with seasoned broadcaster and producer Relebogile Mabotja on Radio 702, Mlotshwa reflected on the highs and lows of her life, diving deep into her marriage and eventual split. 'I'm proud of how I handled my marriage. I never cheated in my marriage, not once, till the day I decided to leave because I could no longer take the punishment to myself,' she said in the interview. Exploring the 'multi-layered' reasons behind her decision, she zoomed in on a significant dealbreaker: 'My non-negotiable were children in a marriage. Once there were two children by two different women, I said you don't love me. In fact, you're going to kill me,' she said, describing how the infidelity shattered her trust and respect. 'While I was leaving a lot of untruths. I lost a lot of respect for my partner.' Aside from forgiving her estranged husband, the actor and fashion designer said she had also forgiven herself for forgetting her inner child and her dreams. Further in the interview, Mlotshwa said she did not want people to leave the interview having picked sides. 'I love Black Coffee's music. I might not have a lot of respect for Nkosinathi Maphumulo, but Black Coffee is talented. He's extremely talented, and Enhle Mbali is out of the world talented, so I want people to be able to separate the two and let Enhle Mbali and Black Coffee be separate entities, but Mbalenhle Maphumulo and Nkosinathi Innocent Maphumulo are going through something right now, and it's a divorce, and it's not done. Allow them to get through it, you know. It's not news, it's life,' she said. Mlotshwa's confirmation that she and her estranged Grammy-winning husband, the father of her two children, are still married came as he and his current model girlfriend, Victoria Gonzales, continue to share glimpses into their relationship on social media. Most recently, Gonzales shared a side-by-side photo of her and Black Coffee on her Instagram stories with a photo from 2019 and 2025. In another, she shared a photo of her kissing Black Coffee's cheek and another of him kissing her forehead. Since the announcement of the couple's split, they have made headlines for all the wrong reasons, with there being allegations of domestic violence from Mlotshwa and a protection order. Black Coffee denied the claims of abuse. Months after the announcement of their split, Coffee said he believed he had done 'enough' to fix their marriage. 'I don't want to speak about her faults – she is the mother of my children, after all,' he said. 'Whenever I was wrong, I admitted I was wrong. We tried everything, such as seeing a therapist and a life coach, but nothing worked.' 'We have reached the point of no return. For the first time, we are understanding that we can't be together.' In another interview with Kaya 959, he attributed their growing apart and wanting different things as a contributor to their split. 'I can safely say that we both wanted different things. Then problems start. That's why today I know for a fact that I won't get married again.'
Daily Mail
4 days ago
- Health
- Daily Mail
My husband cheated and I only found out because he gave me an STI
A woman who only found out her husband was cheating because he gave her an STI has opened up about how the shocking discovery tore her world apart. The woman, who will be referred to as the pseudonym Olivia throughout the story as she asked to remain anonymous, explained exclusively to that she met her husband online during the COVID-19 lockdown in 2020. They hit it off immediately and bonded over late night calls and hours of messaging. They eventually bought a place together in Philadelphia and went on to tie the knot and welcome their two children in quick succession. But their marriage was completely shattered after Olivia discovered that her husband had been unfaithful to her... only after she developed a nasty sexually transmitted infection. She told that she first developed symptoms about two weeks ago, but initially thought it was a UTI. 'I remember I started noticing this greenish discharge coming from me and it had a foul smell,' she explained. 'I thought it was a UTI because I normally get those all the time so I just shrugged it off.' She mentioned it to her husband, who went and got some UTI medicine for her. 'At this time he knew slept with that girl and been keeping it a secret. He knew he had the STI and wasn't going to say anything,' Olivia scathed. Despite taking the medicine, Olivia said her symptoms weren't going away, in fact, they were getting worse. 'Then it starts getting super irritated and itchy, that's when I knew something was off,' she continued. 'Something kept telling me maybe he's not being faithful to you. But I thought it was just my anxiety because I would've never thought he would sleep with someone else.' But as time went on Olivia's suspicions grew, so she decided to confront her husband. She recalled, 'I was like, "I think you've been unfaithful." And he was like, "I don't know what's you're talking about I didn't do anything." 'I'm like, "You gave me something I know you did,' but he kept denying it."' While she let it go in the moment, Olivia was still unconvinced, so a few days later, she asked if she could use his phone for something. She then 'went snooping,' and found shocking messages between him and another woman that confirmed her suspicions. Rather than asking him about them, she gave him the cold shoulder and he eventually confessed to everything. Her husband then revealed that he was sleeping with one of his exes and had caught the STI trichomoniasis from the woman and spread it to Olivia. 'A week later he confessed he said it was eating him up that he was keeping something like this from me,' she revealed. 'My heart shattered. Everything stood still that day it felt like it was a fever dream. 'I couldn't believe my ears. I thought it was a joke - I wanted him to be joking so bad but he wasn't. 'I felt so disgusted with myself I just wanted to vomit, I felt violated in the worst way possible.' She said she 'cried' and 'screamed' at her husband and recalled being 'filled with rage.' 'If it wasn't for the STI I probably would've never known he cheated on me,' she added. 'I hate that it took a STI to show me that he cheated because I'm still suffering from it still even though I got treatment. I just don't want nothing to do with him anymore.' Olivia has now decided to leave her husband, and is now preparing to be a single mom to their two kids. 'I know it'll hurt to leave him but in order for me to be at peace with myself and not think about the cheating and all the stress it put me through I'd rather be a single mom,' she concluded. 'At least I don't have to worry about catching anything else.'
Telegraph
4 days ago
- Health
- Telegraph
US aid cuts are exposing HIV patients to stigmatisation and violence
When Liemiso Leteba received an injection at the start of the year to protect her from the HIV virus, she felt a rare sense of relief. For months she had been on a protective daily pill, but each day the medication risked triggering a quarrel and possible violence from her husband. She had started taking the precaution when she learned he was being unfaithful. Living in Lesotho, that potentially put her at significant risk, as the country has the second highest HIV/Aids prevalence in the world. Yet the protection, called pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP), also carries a stigma among some, who believe people take it just to be promiscuous. Ms Leteba, who like all the women interviewed by The Telegraph declined to give her real name, said that her husband confronted her after finding the pills in her handbag. 'He accused me of cheating while I was at work, yet the truth is I started using PrEP to protect myself from him and his infidelity.' A two-monthly PrEP injection being offered as part of a research study in two districts of Maseru and Leribe changed all that. There were no more pills that her husband could find and she felt the jab was 'more discreet'. True, the first injection left a bruise on her bottom which nearly got her a beating, but she felt safer and less afraid. She said: 'I knew I was doing it for a good cause. I was ready to walk that journey.' She did not know then that her relief from fear would be fleeting. The PrEP injections were offered by Lesotho's Ministry of Health to 850 women through funding by the American government's aid agency, USAID. But Donald Trump's decision to freeze foreign aid, including for America's huge anti-HIV programme, abruptly ended the roll out of both the PrEP injection and a long-acting vaginal ring that slowly releases PrEP drugs. Dr Tapiwa Tarumbiswa, the health ministry's HIV/Aids manager, told the parliament last week: 'We were looking forward to the introduction of the pre-exposure prophylaxis injection – long-acting cabotegravir – but unfortunately, the roll out has been terminated.' According to the 2022 UNAids report , nearly one-in-five people aged 15 to 49 are HIV positive in Lesotho. The country lost around $48m in USAID funding following Mr Trump's freeze. Worldwide, the cuts are forecast to put the fight against the epidemic back by years, with a risk of infection rates and Aids cases rising to levels not seen since the turn of the century. Introducing long-lasting PrEP treatments has been seen as critical to defeating the world's HIV/Aids epidemic, which still kills an average of one person every minute. Experts say that too many people drop off daily pills because they forget to keep taking them, find it difficult to get fresh refills, or find the stigma difficult to navigate. Before the budget freeze, the PrEP injection and vaginal ring had enabled women to manage social pressures that often put them at risk of violence from husbands or boyfriends, said Dr Nthuseng Marake, HIV treatment and care officer at Lesotho's Ministry of Health. She said: 'In relationships, some partners may not approve of their partner using PrEP. As a result, many women face challenges with taking oral PrEP. While they understand the need for it, they often struggle to use it at home due to these social pressures.' 'I can't risk anyone finding a full bottle' Mpho too said she had to disguise taking PrEP pills from her husband. On weekdays, she stays working by herself in Morija and visits her husband on weekends. That means that during the week, she takes her daily PrEP pill without worry. But on weekends, 'I pretend it's a contraceptive,' she said. 'But the PrEP pill is much bigger, and that makes it hard to disguise. I make sure he is not around when I take it.' She added: 'It's tricky. I have to wake up early or wait until he is distracted.' Lerato's fear of being discovered with PrEP pills is so severe that she only keeps a few at home at any one time. 'I only take a few pills at a time. I don't keep the full pack at home,' she said. She now gets her refills from a trusted village health worker – a quiet ally who helps her maintain her safety and autonomy. 'This way, there are no questions at home. I can't risk anyone finding a full bottle.' Dr Lerato Mothae from the ministry of health, told The Telegraph that some Lesotho men did not understand issues around intimacy, and that often became a driving force behind the high incidence of HIV infections. In some cases, others do not understand the difference between PrEP and antiretroviral (ARV) drugs which are used to suppress infection, because both medications are packaged in similar containers. Dr Mothae said: 'When a man sees a woman taking PrEP, he may assume she is HIV positive. 'This shows that when men are not informed about sexual and reproductive health and rights and HIV issues, they can become obstacles to prevention efforts. 'They may end up interfering with the preventive measures women take to protect themselves from HIV infection.' He emphasised that PrEP is a personal medication someone takes individually. 'So, it's difficult to understand why someone would stop their partner from taking PrEP, especially when it's something they are taking into their own body.' One of his patients, Mathabang said her husband equated PrEP with ARVs and was deeply suspicious of them. 'If he saw the pill, it would be a huge fight,' she shared. She disclosed this fear to Dr Mothae, who agreed to give her pills in a paracetamol container. 'It's the only way I can take PrEP. He thinks it's just something for my headaches.'
