Latest news with #queercommunity
Yahoo
a day ago
- Politics
- Yahoo
How an LGBTQ+ cafe's neon sign became a beacon for hate in Berlin
Germany Pride BERLIN (AP) — A neon sign inside the Das Hoven cafe in a trendy Berlin neighborhood proudly proclaims 'QUEER AND FRIENDS.' The sign was intended to show the cafe is a safe space for LGBTQ+ people. But it has also become a beacon for hate and homophobic attacks. Owner Danjel Zarte said there are 45 pending criminal investigations related to the cafe over the past year and a half, ranging from verbal and physical attacks on patrons and workers to windows being broken or covered in feces and swastika graffiti. One person even stood outside the cafe with a gun. 'An act of terror,' Zarte said. "I sometimes have panic attacks in the morning and am afraid to look at my cell phone because I'm afraid that something has happened again.' Attacks against queer people and gay-friendly establishments are rising across Germany, including in Berlin, a city that has historically embraced the queer community. Last year, there was a 40% increase in violence targeting LGBTQ+ people in 12 of Germany's 16 federal states as compared to 2023, according to the Association of Counseling Centers for Victims of Right-Wing, Racist and Antisemitic Violence. Activists say those figures only show a fraction of the probem's scope because victims are often afraid to come forward. They partly blame the rise of the far-right across Europe, including in Germany where the Alternative for Germany party made significant gains in the February election. Hostility toward LGBTQ+ people serves as a 'rallying cry' for believers in right-wing extremism, according to Judith Porath, the association's managing director. Experts have seen an increase in demonstrations and violence among neo-Nazis, most of whom are young men. Bastian Finke, the head of MANEO, an organization tracking anti-gay violence in the capital city, said those who are openly queer on Berlin's roads 'automatically run a very, very high risk simply because of who they are. To be attacked, to be insulted, to be spat on. We have these scenarios every day.' The fear was palpable at Saturday's Christopher Street Day parade in Berlin. The annual Pride event commemorates the 1969 Stonewall rebellion in New York City, when a spontaneous street uprising was triggered by a police raid on the Stonewall Inn gay bar on Christopher Street in Greenwich Village. 'The mood is actually tense: People are afraid, they are unsettled," Thomas Hoffmann, a member of the event's executive board, said Saturday. Hundreds of thousands of people showed up for the celebration, dancing to techno beats as they marched to the iconic Brandenburg Gate. "That is really a powerful, wonderful sign for more equality,' Hoffmann added. Hoffmann and others have long wanted German lawmakers to amend the constitution to explicitly include the legal protection of queer people from discrimination based on gender identity. But that looks unlikely to become a political priority. For Zarte, the stress of hate crimes and politics is nonstop, except during the Christopher Street Day parade, which always brings him to tears. "It is very moving to feel completely accepted once a year," he said. ___ Pietro De Cristofaro in Berlin contributed to this report.
New York Times
18-07-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Seeking a Friend, Finding Much More
When Ernesto Apreza and Kyle Labarry met in November 2015, they were both new to Seattle and looking to make friends. After connecting on Grindr, they made a plan to meet up and get to know each other platonically. The two went to a bar in the city's Belltown neighborhood, where they chatted over Blue Moon beers. There was just one snag in the plan: They both found each other cute. Mr. Apreza, who is 36 and goes by Ernie, had come out to his family earlier that year and was searching for his place in the queer community. When he met Mr. Labarry, 39, he felt he had found 'someone within the community that was my kinda same wavelength, so to speak.' One night in December, they went out dancing with friends. They stayed late and ended up kissing on the dance floor. The pair kept their evolving status to themselves for a while. They saw movies with friends and held hands when the theater lights dimmed. On New Year's Eve, they kissed again and officially started dating in January 2016. For their first Valentine's Day, Mr. Labarry took Mr. Apreza to a cabaret show in downtown Seattle. He was impressed. 'I was like, wow, this white boy has game,' Mr. Apreza said, laughing. One day in their first few months of dating, Mr. Apreza woke up early in the morning to leave for a work trip. As he grabbed his bags and headed toward the door, he told a sleepy Mr. Labarry that he loved him for the first time. 'It just came out,' Mr. Apreza said. 'It was just sweet and perfect,' Mr. Labarry said. [Click here to binge read this week's featured couples.] In May 2016, Mr. Apreza went on a trip to Disneyland with some of Mr. Labarry's friends from Reno, Nev., where he grew up. The friends regaled Mr. Apreza with tales of Mr. Labarry's rebellious youth. 'He would hear some of these stories of me being rambunctious, and he's probably like, 'Well, what am I getting myself into?'' Mr. Labarry said, with a laugh. Over the course of their first spring and summer together, they met each other's families. Mr. Labarry said he essentially ended contact with his biological parents when he was 18, and was taken in by the family of a close childhood friend. 'I made a conscious decision to pull away from them,' Mr. Labarry said of his biological parents, 'and have a different kind of family relationship with this other group of individuals.' He added: 'And so for me, relationships are really something that somebody decides to do.' When Mr. Labarry met Mr. Apreza's family, he said he felt welcomed by them — and knew that he had found the right person. In June 2016, Mr. Apreza moved to Denver to work for the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign. Mr. Labarry arranged to work remotely from there for part of the month, allowing him to visit regularly. 'There was that commitment for us, to think that six months in, it made sense for me to travel every single month for us to be together,' said Mr. Labarry, who now works remotely as a product compliance manager at Zynga, a video game developer. He has a bachelor's degree in economics and human resources from the University of Nevada and an M.B.A. from the University of Washington. Mr. Apreza was most recently the press secretary to former Vice President Kamala Harris. He currently works as a principal for engagement for the Climate Pledge, which was founded by Amazon and Global Optimism. He has a bachelor's degree in international affairs from the George Washington University and grew up in Everson, Wash. The couple bought a house together in Seattle's Mount Baker neighborhood, which they moved into in January 2018. That spring, they got a golden retriever named Gigi. In January 2021, Mr. Apreza joined The White House as a senior adviser for public engagement. They moved to Washington, D.C., where they still live. Throughout their relationship, Mr. Apreza said a constant theme has been Mr. Labarry's 'grounding effect' on him. 'Especially in politics, the work is just kind of very intensive and draining, and sometimes emotional, and I can often just have a conversation with Kyle where I'm just kind of put at ease,' he said. On Oct. 2, 2022, Mr. Apreza surprised Mr. Labarry with a proposal on a hike in Red Rock Canyon, near Las Vegas. Weeks later, during a walk around the National Mall, Mr. Labarry proposed to Mr. Apreza in Spanish, using a script he wrote with the help of Mr. Apreza's mother and a friend. On July 5, they were married at Lord Hill Farms, an event space in Snohomish, Wash., by Donald Sims, a family friend who was ordained by the Universal Life Church for the occasion. The celebration included a Chinese tea ceremony as a nod to Mr. Labarry's chosen family, who are Chinese and Korean American. A reception followed at the venue, where 182 guests ate Mexican food catered by Mr. Apreza's parents, who are from Guerrero, Mexico, and own a small food market business in Bellingham, Wash., and tres leches cake. Some friends performed a dance to Chappell Roan's 'Pink Pony Club.' Later, they returned to the site of the bar where they first met — now a different business — for an after-party, celebrating their journey from new friends to newlyweds.
ABC News
12-07-2025
- Entertainment
- ABC News
Regional Queensland town known for gem fossicking embraces its queer community
En route to the Queensland outback, the Gemfields region is known for its sparkle. One of the biggest sapphire-bearing areas in the world, it's a popular stop for tourists hoping to find their fortune. But the long dirt roads also lead to something more unlikely in the bush: a thriving queer community, headed up by a particularly bright gem, Willow. "We have visitors who rock up and they think they're coming out to fossick for gems in the middle of nowhere, and it's pretty rough and rugged country," Willow says. Willow moved back to the community a decade ago to care for family, and decided to reveal a new part of himself to his parents and his home town a few years before that. "I said, 'Mum, I need to tell you something,' and so I came out to her, and she was great," he says. "My dad grew to understand and just support and love me for who I was." The town of Rubyvale, with just a little over 1,000 residents, embraces all. Headed by Willow, there is a thriving and supportive queer community, which hosts an annual Mardi Gras in September or October and regular drag blingo nights, where all are welcome. "It started as a party that I held for my 50th birthday. I couldn't go away, so that was the next best option," Willow says. It's now an annual event that attracts visitors from all over central Queensland. "I've been able to help facilitate a space where queer people can come and visit or come and live," he says. Willow says visitors have embraced the culture and more queer people have moved to the area in recent years. "You can't be it if you can't see it, and I know by doing what I do, it's made a difference, and I just love that's been the outcome," he says. Caleb Christensen is from the United States and first came to the Gemfields to visit friends. "I came over and two days later, the Australian border was shut with the COVID pandemic, so six months turned into two years, which has turned into five years now," he says. Growing up in a small town in Minnesota, Caleb says he had initially struggled with his sexuality and felt pressured to downplay his queerness. "I didn't want to be too flamboyant or this or that. I wanted to be a palatable kind of queer person for them," he says. Over the years, he grew increasingly more comfortable with his identity and, after moving to the Gemfields, he says he can finally be his true self. "I would say it was moving to the Gemfields that made me finally accept in my heart who I was," Caleb says. When asked why he's stayed this long, Caleb says it's because of the community. "The people — 100 per cent. The people are just warm and eclectic, it's a very niche lifestyle, but you have people from completely different walks of life," he says. "When I was told they had drag queen blingo at this pub in rural Queensland, I was completely shocked." Caleb runs a drama club, not exclusively for the queer community, but a supportive space for everyone. Willow acknowledges that while homophobia still exists in the region, those who support him and the community outweigh this. "There are people who will try to bring us down and create division and fear, but we simply will not go away," he says. Casey Morrison is one of those allies and is a manager at one of the local pubs where drag blingo is hosted. She wants to replicate the vibrant environment where she had worked previously. "Where I lived in New South Wales, they held similar events and everyone who works here are allies," Casey says. "We just love people, we love individuals … they can be from anywhere. "At the moment, we've got everyone here watching the sport, but it could be that everyone is here for blingo as well."
Yahoo
09-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
What is 'floodlighting' & why are LGBTQ+ daters more likely to engage in it? Experts explain
From trauma bonding to love bombing, it seems like there is always a new toxic relationship behavior causing discourse on social media, but now there is a new dating trend on everyone's lips: floodlighting. And no, we're not talking about those bright lights in parking lots. Floodlighting is a dating trend where people overshare traumatic experiences in a brand-new relationship as a way to cement a bond. It may not be exclusive to LGBTQ+ relationships, but the queer community is uniquely susceptible to both floodlighting a new partner or being a victim of this technique that can be done unintentionally or as a premeditated manipulation technique. To breakdown why floodlighting is such a problem, how it impacts queer relationships, and what you can do if you're being floodlighted, PRIDE talked to Laurel Roberts-Meese, the clinical director at Laurel Therapy Collective, double-board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Hamilton Gaiani, and licensed professional counselor at Being Real Allison Briggs. Gorondenkoff/Shuttestock 'It's when someone discloses deeply personal or emotionally intense information early in a relationship — not for the sake of authentic connection, but to gain control, closeness, or reassurance. It's an attempt to bypass the natural progression of trust-building,' Briggs tells PRIDE. Author Brené Brown coined the in her book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead as way to explain the behavior of people who use intense oversharing as a way of 'soothing one's pain, testing the loyalty and tolerance in a relationship, and/or hot-wiring a new connection' to speed through the early stages of a relationship where you are slowly building trust and emotional closeness. Floodlighting is used to gain control and closeness, rather than to build an authentic connection. 'Floodlighting is a controlling action where an individual deliberately bombards their partner with exaggerated emotional reactions or comments, typically to make the other individual doubt their own senses or reality,' Dr. Gaiani explains. 'It's a controlling action to disorient the other individual, typically to deflect attention from the real problems or control the situation. The action is emotionally draining and can be extremely harmful to one's mental health.' ViDl Studio/Shuttestock Floodlighting can happen in any type of relationship, but queer people are more likely to floodlight a partner or be the victim of this toxic dating behavior. People usually floodlight a new partner as a way to create the illusion of intimacy and deeper connection, but it may happen even more in LGBTQ+ relationships because same-sex or T4T may fall into this trap more easily since they may already 'feel a deeper sense of connection over shared social and lived experiences,' Roberts-Meese says. Queer people are often dating within a small community that can feel close-knit and crave found family which can lead people to fall prey to floodlighting or be more likely to floodlight a partner without recognizing how toxic the behavior can be. Identity-related trauma (like being outed, family rejection, discrimination) and histories of marginalization are often shared to build a sense of belonging or visibility, but with floodlighting, those shared experiences are brought up too early in an attempt to manipulate. 'LGBTQ+ people have a greater need to create community and found family, especially if they have experienced family, religious, or community rejection,' she explains. It may also be harder to break away from a partner who is a toxic floodlighter if you're queer. 'Internalized issues, stigma and social pressure within the LGBTQ+ community may complicate an individual's ability to recognize or stop abusive relationship patterns,' Dr. Gaiani says. 1. Emotionally dumping on a new partner without consent before trust or a deep connection has been established.2. Sharing graphic details of abuse, trauma, or family estrangement on the first or second date.3. Quickly disclosing past suicidal ideation or mental health diagnosis in a way that puts pressure on the new partner to become responsible for your emotional well-being.4. Oversharing details of past failed relationships to bond and secure trust.5. Sharing a traumatic experience that you haven't fully processed with someone you just met.6. Divulging things to a brand new partner that you haven't shared with friends, family, or a therapist first. 'Floodlighting can seem similar to love bombing because it is overwhelming the partner emotionally, but love bombing generally starts out as an attempt to control through the guise of affection or attention,' Dr. Gaiani explains. 'Floodlighting, however, will tend to use confusion and emotional manipulation in an attempt to destabilize the partner. Floodlighting also shares some characteristics with trauma bonding, where the person becomes emotionally hooked on someone who is toxic or manipulative because of the highs and lows of the behavior on an emotional level.' While floodlighting can be incredibly toxic and manipulative, some people also do it unconsciously as a way to deal with 'loneliness, anxiety, or unprocessed trauma' as opposed to doing it with 'malicious intent,' Briggs says. Robbie Cheung/Shutterstock Whether it's a red flag depends on how often it's done and the context in which it occurs. 'One instance might just be poor boundaries or nerves. But if someone repeatedly overshares without regard for your emotional readiness or uses vulnerability to guilt, control, or fast-track the relationship, it is a red flag,' Briggs explains. Dr. Gaiani agrees, 'It is a sign of a toxic dynamic wherein one is attempting to manipulate the other with overwhelming emotional resources. It should be addressed in the early stages, and a mental health professional should be reached out to.' If a new partner is attempting to floodlight you, you need to set boundaries and protect your emotional well-being. This may mean seeking out support from trusted friends or family or going to see a therapist who can help you evaluate the relationship and work through the emotional manipulation you've suffered. Remember that you are not 'obligated to absorb emotional disclosures you're not ready for,' Briggs reminds us. And you should also be on the lookout for if the new person you're dating escapes, tries to guilt-trip you, or withdraws when you set boundaries. But what can you say to someone in the moment if they are floodlighting you? Briggs and Roberts-Meese both have some suggestions. 'I want to understand and support you, but this feels like a lot to process right now. Can we talk about this more when we've built some more trust?' 'That's a lot to take in right now. Can we slow things down?' 'Who in your life is supporting you around this?' If you have a tendency to floodlight new partners, consider slowing down when dating and try to find support and connections with your close friends before oversharing traumatic experiences on the first date. If you are dating someone new, try sharing things about yourself in layers, starting with things like hobbies and interests before diving into family dynamics and later traumatic experiences only once you've established trust and intimacy. And consider asking if it's okay to share something deeply personal with a new partner before blurting it out. 'If you notice these tendencies in yourself, it's necessary to see the harm it causes and make an effort to change,' Dr. Gaiani suggests. 'Try doing it with the assistance of a therapist to assist you in resolving the issues that cause this need for control or manipulation, such as unresolved trauma or emotional vulnerabilities.' So if you're guilty of floodlighting new partners it may be time to do some introspection. 'You cannot skip the foundation of a house; the structure is likely to collapse under pressure if you do. The same applies to relationships,' Roberts-Meese says. Dr. Hamilton Gaiani, a double-board-certified psychiatrist and recovery advocate and mental health expert at FirePit Health. Laurel Roberts-Meese, the clinical director at Laurel Therapy Collective. Allison Briggs, licensed professional counselor and trauma recovery specialist at Being Real. This article originally appeared on Pride: What is 'floodlighting' & why are LGBTQ+ daters more likely to engage in it? Experts explain 15 Signs That Prove You're In A Healthy Girl-Girl Relationship If your girlfriend wants an open relationship but you don't here's what to do, say experts 15 clear signs it's time for your relationship to be over
Yahoo
02-07-2025
- Politics
- Yahoo
While Lawmakers Debate My Child's Rights, I'm Teaching Him To Live Joyfully
Igrewup queer in a red state when gay marriage was illegal. Now, I'm raising my kids in a blue city on the West Coast. Four years ago, when my oldest child came out as transgender, my first reaction was relief that we lived in a supportive environment. Then I felt a pang of fear. I wasn't worried about parenting a trans child. I was afraid on my kid's behalf. I wanted to protect him from a world that so often struggles to accept him. In the last six months, those fears have become an even harsher reality than I imagined with the onslaught of health care-limiting laws and executive orders that seek to withhold rights and radically redefine language, eliminating trans identities. My son is almost 16 now, and he has three friends whose families fled their homes in Texas and Florida to relocate to our state, which still protects gender-affirming care. Having them here has reminded us of the profound privilege our family is experiencing, as we've been able to maintain our roots. Still, when I asked my son and his friends what story about trans people was missing from the news, they said, 'Sometimes we're scared, but mostly, we're just trying to have fun and get through the day like anyone else.' I recall my own teen years, when gay and queer folks spent so much energy trying to convince our straight, conservative peers that our lives were more similar to theirs than different. Now, legal and societal changes have created a level of scrutiny that makes it hard for transgender folks to just be. My family is lucky that life hasn't changed that much since January. We work and go to school, play board games, share funny videos of our rescue pug, and are planning our annual Disneyland vacation. I'm in contact with several families like mine living across the country in supportive communities, and they all express the same sentiment. 'We surround ourselves with people we love and go about our day, ignoring the rest,' Amy, the parent of a trans teen in Arizona, tells me. To understand how folks are nourishing themselves in less-accepting environments, I talked to three trans women who live, more or less, in the spotlight, and who focus on joy and connection as subtle acts of resistance. Music has long been a way to empower and connect with people across the sociopolitical spectrum. BeBe Deluxe, a singer and DJ in Florida who infuses her performance with both advocacy and humor, has been focused on supporting her communities. And it's not always easy. One incident that stands out to her was a LGBTQ+ prom for teens that Deluxe was set to host that got canceled due to a huge conservative backlash. 'It doesn't matter what I offer, there'll be at least one person who will have a problem with the fact that I'm trans. But that person hasn't met me face-to-face. They don't realize I'm just a person, a big clown,' Deluxe, who's a pro at infusing levity into tense situations, tells me. Once, when a group of Catholic protesters gathered outside of one of her drag shows, she defused the tension immediately. 'You walk up to them, and you look at their statue of Mary and say, Oh I LOVE her dress, and they are so into it,' she says. 'They're smiling. They're uncomfortable, but they're smiling.' While playing the class clown to deflect homophobia requires emotional labor and the constant burden of 'being the bigger person,' it is a tool that I know my child can benefit from having. And protecting our joy might require a different approach on any given day. Also in Florida, Ashley T. Brundage, the founder and president of Empowering Differences, a leadership training organization, ran for state office in 2024. She's had to constantly reframe the increased attention, both positive and negative, toward her specifically (and trans people in general). 'I could focus on the negativity. I've been attacked. I've been sexually assaulted, but it's much easier to think about all the positive parts of my life,' she says. 'People didn't expect me to be the one getting an award from Ron DeSantis. Then I was the first trans person to win an election in Florida of any kind. But maybe I'm just a badass, and I also happen to be trans.' Brundage also describes how her two children campaigned for her during the election, strengthening their bond. 'I know my kids love the hell out of me, that they'd be there for me no matter what. My family is what makes this all worth it.' From just this era in her life, I've observed that resilience is a muscle you can tone. I want to emphasize to my kid — and every other trans kid — that your aspirations don't need to be curtailed because of the haters. Establish your community, support each other and move steadfastly toward your goals. Amethysta Herrick is transgender scientist and author based in Colorado, and runs a weekly YouTube series on transgender joy, sharing positive news and anecdotes every Friday to connect and lift her community. She explains that 'gender and identity are typical human pursuits,' but if you don't see trans people as part of a norm, witnessing their happiness can help that shift. 'Seeing others experience success or joy can give you hope,' Herrick says. 'Representation is important because it can show us what we are capable of. When we really do express ourselves in alignment with our core values, it can be euphoric.' Brundage, Deluxe and Herrick have stepped into public spaces, centering their lives around work that they enjoy. Their lives shouldn't seem extraordinary, but when we obsessively analyze a community publicly, it sets the people in that community apart from an imagined idea of 'the rest of us,' creating an environment where the simple act of living their lives and doing things they like seems subversive. 'Trans people having fun, building friendships, and living their lives shouldn't have to be revolutionary,' says Rebecca Minor, author of 'Raising Trans Kids.' 'When most narratives in the media are framed around tragedy or overcoming adversity, it sends the message that trans existence is either a struggle or spectacle — something to pity or celebrate.' This, Minor adds, implies that trans people are a monolith and erases the everyday moments of love, creativity and connection. 'The current administration's legislative attacks aren't just about policy — they're about creating a culture where trans people are seen as inherently controversial,' she says. Right now, when so many of us are filled with fear, tracking routes to joy can help balance the narrative and normalize the experience of actually being trans. Mapping Trans Joy is a trans-run, joy-as-resistance project that began in Louisiana in 2022 and has since expanded globally. Sophie (who goes by their first name only), who spoke to me on behalf of the project, says, 'For us, joy is resistance because it's life-affirming at a time that so much of transness is demonized. Trans stories, insofar as they've existed at all, have long focused on struggle and sadness, resource-lack and despair. We acknowledge these can be elements of a trans existence, but are not the full story. The narratives of joy that we collect resist these one-dimensional representations of transness.' Acknowledging authentic happiness doesn't diminish or invalidate other responses to the dangerous political environment transgender individuals face, and it's not about ignoring critical injustices for the sake of toxic positivity. Authentic delight is just an option. I want to live in a country where my kids feel welcome and supported, regardless of their gender identity or performance. But until that happens, my kids constantly remind me not to get bogged down in fear, that delight or empowerment are possible. 'The trick might be staying small, focusing on our neighbors, making real connections and showing people our values,' Brundage says. 'Focusing on joy can help create a reality that anyone can feel invited into,' says Herrick. And for a more whimsical take, Deluxe offers Bugs Bunny as an example of what it looks like to show up with gleeful authenticity. Bugs lives in a world where it is legal to kill rabbits, she reminds me. 'Often when just existing, Bugs is confronted with people who want to kill him only because they are allowed to... He's dealing with this constant, present danger.' Deluxe adds that it's so absurd that Bugs decides that he's just going to have fun with it. 'If you put on a good show for yourself, you can walk right up to your oppressor in your best drag and kiss them in the face.'
