Latest news with #redflags
The Verge
a day ago
- The Verge
Women's ‘red flag' app Tea is a privacy nightmare
An app designed to help women spot the 'red flags' of men they date has incidentally put its users at risk. 404 Media reported that Tea was hacked by 4chan users last week, resulting in the selfies and driver's licenses of its mostly women users being posted to 4chan. An independent researcher for 404 Media has since discovered that messages between users discussing infidelity, abortion, and personal phone numbers are also vulnerable to hackers. Tea was founded by software developer Sean Cook, who said he was inspired to create an anonymous whisper network after witnessing his own mother's 'terrifying' dating experiences with men. It was also heavily influenced by the rise of 'Are We Dating The Same Guy' Facebook groups and operates in a similar paradigm of sounding anecdotal alarms about men people have dated. The app surged in popularity to the top spot on Apple's App Store last week. Tea claims to have more than 4 million active users. On July 25th, 72,000 images — including 13,000 selfies and driver's licenses, as well as another 59,000 images, that were published on the app — were breached, with many downloaded and posted publicly on 4chan. 4chan users initially posted images of four women's driver's licenses, redacting some personal information, but the firestorm of comments in the thread suggested that thousands of images were downloaded before the company was aware of the breach. Tea told 404 Media that it had launched 'a full investigation with assistance from external cybersecurity firms,' and that it was working with law enforcement 'to assist' in their investigation. Tea was storing its users' sensitive information on Firebase, a Google-owned backend cloud storage and computing service. Since 2023, Tea no longer requires users to send in photos of their IDs for verification purposes. While the company initially insisted that the hack only affected its 'legacy' database and users who signed up before February 2024, according to the independent researcher and data trove reviewed by 404 Media, Tea remains unsafe, way beyond the scope of the original hack, and private messages sent as late as last week are accessible and vulnerable to further exposure. Since Tea's surge in use among women, it's drawn more incensed criticism and ire among so-called 'men's rights' groups online. Men who discovered they appeared on the app have called it a 'toxic' network. Some are going viral on TikTok and X, claiming that the assertions made about them are defamatory and wholly untrue. 'The issue is that people (women especially) won't see this as an issue until the male version of the app is created. I deserve to know my date's STD history, body count, etc.,' reads a top-rated comment on a thread in the subreddit r/MensRights. A retaliatory app featuring women was created shortly thereafter, called Teaborn, but it was promptly taken down after reports of users posting revenge porn. Several cybersecurity and data privacy experts have called Tea's storage methods, which led to the initial hack, downright negligent. 'This data was originally stored in compliance with law enforcement requirements related to cyber-bullying prevention,' the company initially claimed in the statement provided to 404 Media. Peter Dordal, a professor of online networks and security at Loyola University in Chicago, told The Verge that he believes the company's statement — that it was in compliance with the law — is 'misleading,' and that the company could have done more to prevent this cybersecurity nightmare. '[The statement] is misleading on two counts: first of all, law enforcement doesn't set requirements; that's the job of Congress and state legislatures. Tea didn't cite the actual legal requirement,' Dordal said. 'Second, if there was a legitimate legal need to retain these images, they shouldn't have been accessible online at all; they are clearly not needed for ordinary site activity.' Dordal added that while it's commonplace for user data to be stored in the cloud, Tea should have taken measures to ensure that it could not be accessed by the public. Tea's terms and conditions also claim it deletes user data after verification, which it has apparently failed to do. 'Tea definitely had negligent security practices if the current reporting is true,' said Grant Ho, an assistant professor at the University of Chicago who researches computer security. 'A company should never host users' private data on a publicly accessible server, and, at a minimum, the data should've been stored encrypted.' Andrew Guthrie Ferguson, a law professor at George Washington University and expert in Big Data surveillance, points out that a whisper network on the internet is no longer safeguarded like a real whisper network could be when it operates offline. Your data is no longer in your control. 'What changes when it's digital and recoverable and save-able and searchable is you lose control over it,' Ferguson said. 'You can't keep it within the confines of people you trust.' Posts from this author will be added to your daily email digest and your homepage feed. See All by Tanya Tianyi Chen Posts from this topic will be added to your daily email digest and your homepage feed. See All Analysis Posts from this topic will be added to your daily email digest and your homepage feed. See All Security Posts from this topic will be added to your daily email digest and your homepage feed. See All Social Media Posts from this topic will be added to your daily email digest and your homepage feed. 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The Verge
2 days ago
- The Verge
Women's ‘red flag' app Tea is privacy nightmare
An app designed to help women spot the 'red flags' of men they date has incidentally put its users at risk. 404 Media reported that Tea was hacked by 4chan users last week, resulting in the selfies and driver's licenses of its mostly women users being posted to 4chan. An independent researcher for 404 Media has since discovered that messages between users discussing infidelity, abortion, and personal phone numbers are also vulnerable to hackers. Tea was founded by software developer Sean Cook, who said he was inspired to create an anonymous whisper network after witnessing his own mother's 'terrifying' dating experiences with men. It was also heavily influenced by the rise of 'Are We Dating The Same Guy' Facebook groups and operates in a similar paradigm of sounding anecdotal alarms about men people have dated. The app surged in popularity to the top spot on Apple's App Store last week. Tea claims to have more than 4 million active users. On July 25th, 72,000 images — including 13,000 selfies and driver's licenses, as well as another 59,000 images, that were published on the app — were breached, with many downloaded and posted publicly on 4chan. 4chan users initially posted images of four women's driver's licenses, redacting some personal information, but the firestorm of comments in the thread suggested that thousands of images were downloaded before the company was aware of the breach. Tea told 404 Media that it had launched 'a full investigation with assistance from external cybersecurity firms,' and that it was working with law enforcement 'to assist' in their investigation. Tea was storing its users' sensitive information on Firebase, a Google-owned backend cloud storage and computing service. Since 2023, Tea no longer requires users to send in photos of their IDs for verification purposes. While the company initially insisted that the hack only affected its 'legacy' database and users who signed up before February 2024, according to the independent researcher and data trove reviewed by 404 Media, Tea remains unsafe, way beyond the scope of the original hack, and private messages sent as late as last week are accessible and vulnerable to further exposure. Since Tea's surge in use among women, it's drawn more incensed criticism and ire among so-called 'men's rights' groups online. Men who discovered they appeared on the app have called it a 'toxic' network. Some are going viral on TikTok and X, claiming that the assertions made about them are defamatory and wholly untrue. 'The issue is that people (women especially) won't see this as an issue until the male version of the app is created. I deserve to know my date's STD history, body count, etc.,' reads a top-rated comment on a thread in the subreddit r/MensRights. A retaliatory app featuring women was created shortly thereafter, called Teaborn, but it was promptly taken down after reports of users posting revenge porn. Several cybersecurity and data privacy experts have called Tea's storage methods, which led to the initial hack, downright negligent. 'This data was originally stored in compliance with law enforcement requirements related to cyber-bullying prevention,' the company initially claimed in the statement provided to 404 Media. Peter Dordal, a professor of online networks and security at Loyola University in Chicago, told The Verge that he believes the company's statement — that it was in compliance with the law — is 'misleading,' and that the company could have done more to prevent this cybersecurity nightmare. '[The statement] is misleading on two counts: first of all, law enforcement doesn't set requirements; that's the job of Congress and state legislatures. Tea didn't cite the actual legal requirement,' Dordal said. 'Second, if there was a legitimate legal need to retain these images, they shouldn't have been accessible online at all; they are clearly not needed for ordinary site activity.' Dordal added that while it's commonplace for user data to be stored in the cloud, Tea should have taken measures to ensure that it could not be accessed by the public. Tea's terms and conditions also claim it deletes user data after verification, which it has apparently failed to do. 'Tea definitely had negligent security practices if the current reporting is true,' said Grant Ho, an assistant professor at the University of Chicago who researches computer security. 'A company should never host users' private data on a publicly accessible server, and, at a minimum, the data should've been stored encrypted.' Andrew Guthrie Ferguson, a law professor at George Washington University and expert in Big Data surveillance, points out that a whisper network on the internet is no longer safeguarded like a real whisper network could be when it operates offline. Your data is no longer in your control. 'What changes when it's digital and recoverable and save-able and searchable is you lose control over it,' Ferguson said. 'You can't keep it within the confines of people you trust.' Posts from this author will be added to your daily email digest and your homepage feed. See All by Tanya Tianyi Chen Posts from this topic will be added to your daily email digest and your homepage feed. See All Analysis Posts from this topic will be added to your daily email digest and your homepage feed. See All Security Posts from this topic will be added to your daily email digest and your homepage feed. See All Social Media Posts from this topic will be added to your daily email digest and your homepage feed. 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Yahoo
2 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
15 Behaviors That Reveal Someone Is Using You
Navigating relationships can be tricky, especially when you're trying to figure out if someone genuinely values you or if they're just using you. While it's normal for relationships to ebb and flow, there are certain behaviors that can be red flags. If you're unsure about someone's intentions, these telltale signs might shine a light on whether they're in it for the long haul or just for their own gain. Here are 15 behaviors that suggest someone might be using you. 1. They're Always Asking For Favors Ever feel like you're constantly doing things for a friend or partner, but the balance never seems to tip the other way? If they're always asking for favors and rarely reciprocating, it might be a sign they're using you. According to Dr. Susan Whitbourne, a professor of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, a truly balanced relationship involves both give and take. She suggests that if you're doing all the giving, it may be time to reassess the relationship. If you find yourself questioning their intentions, it might be worth discussing how you feel with them directly. Their requests might start small, like asking for help with errands, but they can quickly escalate into bigger asks. When you're the one always being leaned on, it can be exhausting and leave you feeling unappreciated. If they genuinely care about you, they should be just as willing to support you as you are them. Think about the last time they did something meaningful for you without expecting something in return. If you can't recall a recent instance, it might be time to evaluate their role in your life. 2. They Cancel Plans Last Minute Everyone has moments when plans need to change, but if someone is consistently canceling on you at the last minute, it could be a red flag. This behavior suggests they might not value your time as much as their own. Plans that are canceled repeatedly might mean they see you as a backup option rather than a priority. When you confront them about it, they might shrug it off with weak excuses or promises to make it up to you. If their actions don't match their words, it might be time to reconsider their place in your life. Being stood up or having plans fall through can make you feel like you're not important. You might find yourself waiting around for someone who values their own needs above yours. If they truly cared, they'd make an effort to stick to commitments, even if it requires some juggling on their end. Your time is valuable, and you deserve to spend it with people who honor that. Don't let someone make you feel like you're always going to be the second choice. 3. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something One of the more telling signs that someone might be using you is if they only reach out when they need something. If you notice a pattern where their texts or calls come right before they make a request, take note. Dr. Alex Forsythe, a psychologist at the University of Liverpool, points out that genuine friendships are built on mutual interest and shared experiences, not just convenience. If they only seem interested in you when they need a favor, it might be time to have a conversation about the imbalance. A relationship should feel like a two-way street, not a one-way ticket to Convenience Town. You deserve friends who check in on you just because they care, not just to hit you up for help. If you're always the one giving and their interactions feel transactional, it's a sign the relationship is off-kilter. It might be helpful to set boundaries or express how their behavior makes you feel. Real friends will understand and aim to adjust their behavior to maintain a healthy relationship. If they don't, it might be worth reconsidering their place in your life. 4. They Make You Feel Guilty For Saying No A relationship takes a turn for the worse when guilt becomes a frequent visitor. If saying no to someone results in you feeling guilty or being made to feel bad, that's a big red flag. Everyone has the right to say no, and a respectful friend or partner will understand and accept your decision. If they try to guilt-trip you into doing what they want, it shows a lack of respect for your boundaries. You shouldn't have to do things out of obligation or fear of their reaction. Recognize the emotional toll this behavior can take on you. It can lead to resentment, affect your self-esteem, and even strain other relationships. It's important to have the courage to stand firm on your boundaries and communicate how their behavior affects you. A genuine relationship should be free of manipulation and should not make you feel bad for prioritizing yourself. If they continue this behavior, it may be time to distance yourself. 5. They Rarely Show Appreciation Feeling unappreciated can be a major sign that someone is using you. If they rarely say thank you or acknowledge your efforts, it could mean they take you for granted. Research by psychologist Dr. Amie M. Gordon at the University of California, Berkeley, highlights that showing gratitude in relationships is crucial for both satisfaction and longevity. If appreciation is lacking, it might indicate they don't regard your contributions as valuable. Gratitude should be a regular part of any healthy relationship, not an occasional afterthought. Think back to the last time they genuinely thanked you or did something to show their appreciation. If those moments are few and far between, it's a sign they might be more focused on what they can gain rather than what they can give. A thank you or a small gesture of appreciation can go a long way in making someone feel valued. If this is missing in your relationship, it's a conversation worth having. Without appreciation, a relationship can quickly become one-sided and unfulfilling. 6. They Disappear When You Need Them It's telling when someone is always unavailable when you need support or assistance. If they suddenly vanish at the first sign of you needing something, it suggests they're not invested in the relationship. Support should be mutual, with both parties ready to lend a hand when necessary. You shouldn't feel like you're facing struggles alone when you thought you had someone to rely on. If they're always missing when you need them, it might be a clear sign of their priorities. Reflect on times when you reached out for support or advice and consider their response. If they consistently make excuses or avoid the conversation, it's a red flag. True friends or partners are there for each other through thick and thin, not just when it's convenient. If they can't be there for you, it might be time to reevaluate how much effort you're putting into the relationship. You deserve to have people around you who care about you and are there when it counts. 7. They Avoid Deep Or Meaningful Conversations If someone is using you, they might steer clear of deep or meaningful conversations. These conversations require a level of emotional investment and vulnerability that someone with selfish intentions might want to avoid. According to Dr. Lisa Firestone, a clinical psychologist, meaningful communication is a cornerstone of healthy relationships, fostering understanding and connection. When someone avoids these deeper discussions, it may be because they aren't interested in forming a deeper bond. Without meaningful interactions, the relationship can feel superficial and hollow. Consider the quality of your conversations with them. Are they surface-level, focusing on small talk or mundane topics? If you try to steer the conversation into more meaningful territory, do they shut down or change the subject? This avoidance can be a sign that they're not interested in truly knowing you or being known themselves. Relationships require depth and connection, and if that's lacking, it might not be the relationship you thought it was. 8. They Frequently Make Promises They Don't Keep Promises should mean something, but if someone is frequently breaking them, it's a sign they might be using you. Making promises they don't keep shows a lack of respect for your time and trust. It's easy to make promises, but following through is what really counts. When promises are consistently broken, it can erode trust and leave you feeling disappointed. If someone values you, they'd make an effort to stick to their word and be reliable. You've probably experienced the cycle of getting your hopes up, only to be let down repeatedly. This behavior can lead to frustration and a sense of betrayal over time. While everyone makes mistakes, a pattern of broken promises is hard to ignore. Talk to them about how their behavior affects you and see if they're willing to change. If they continue to disregard their promises, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. 9. They Take Credit For Your Ideas Or Efforts If someone is quick to take credit for your ideas or efforts, it's a strong indicator that they're using you. This behavior can be particularly damaging in professional settings or collaborative projects. When someone takes credit for your hard work, it shows a lack of integrity and respect. It might seem flattering at first, but over time, it becomes clear they're leveraging your efforts for their own gain. This can be incredibly frustrating and demoralizing. Reflect on whether you've been in situations where your input or hard work has been overshadowed by someone else taking credit. This can occur subtly, with them presenting your ideas as their own, or blatantly, where they outright claim ownership. If they consistently fail to acknowledge your contributions, it's a conversation worth having. Addressing this directly can set boundaries and ensure your work is recognized. Remember that you deserve to be credited for your contributions and efforts. 10. They Use Emotional Blackmail Emotional blackmail is a manipulative tactic that someone using you might employ. This involves using your emotions against you to get what they want. They might make you feel guilty, afraid, or obligated to meet their demands. This form of manipulation can be subtle, making it hard to recognize at first. However, over time, it can wear you down and lead to a toxic relationship dynamic. Recognize if you often feel guilty or anxious after interacting with them. If they're using your emotions as leverage, it's a clear sign of manipulation. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and understanding, not coercion or guilt. You should feel comfortable expressing your needs and boundaries without fear of emotional backlash. If emotional blackmail is present, it's essential to address it and consider distancing yourself if necessary. 11. They Don't Celebrate Your Successes A true friend or partner should celebrate your successes, no matter how big or small. If they dismiss, downplay, or ignore your achievements, it might indicate they're not genuinely happy for you. This can be a subtle yet telling sign that they're more focused on themselves. Celebrating each other's successes is an essential part of any supportive relationship. If they can't be happy for you, it raises questions about their investment in your well-being. Consider how they react when you share good news with them. Do they seem genuinely excited, or do they quickly change the subject back to themselves? If they rarely acknowledge your achievements, it might be time to discuss how it makes you feel. A supportive relationship thrives on mutual encouragement and celebration. If they're not interested in sharing your joy, it might be a sign that they're more focused on their own interests. 12. They Make You Feel Insecure Someone using you might intentionally or unintentionally make you feel insecure. This could be through backhanded compliments, criticism, or comparing you to others. It's a tactic that can keep you off balance and more reliant on their approval. However, no one should ever make you feel less than or unworthy. Your self-esteem shouldn't depend on someone else's validation. Think about whether you often feel worse about yourself after spending time with them. If their words or actions consistently chip away at your confidence, it's a red flag. Healthy relationships should uplift and empower you, not undermine your self-worth. Discuss how their behavior affects you and see if they're willing to change. If not, it might be time to prioritize relationships that bring positivity into your life. 13. They Prioritize Their Needs Over Yours In a balanced relationship, both parties should consider each other's needs. If someone consistently prioritizes their needs over yours, it indicates a lack of mutual respect. Your needs and desires are just as important as theirs. It's crucial to find a balance where both of you can feel valued and heard. When their needs are always center stage, it suggests they're more focused on their well-being than the health of the relationship. Reflect on past interactions and whether their needs always seemed to take precedence. If you're always compromising or sacrificing your own needs, it's worth addressing. Healthy relationships require compromise from both parties, not just one. Communicate openly about your needs and see if they're willing to find a better balance. If not, it might be time to reevaluate the dynamics of the relationship. 14. They Manipulate Situations To Their Advantage Manipulating situations to benefit themselves is a clear indication that someone might be using you. This behavior involves bending the truth or altering circumstances to gain an upper hand. It's a sign that they're prioritizing their interests over honesty and fairness. This kind of manipulation can be subtle and hard to detect at first. However, it often leaves you feeling out of control or at a disadvantage. Think about whether you've noticed patterns of manipulation in your interactions. If situations often seem to conveniently benefit them, it might not be a coincidence. This behavior undermines trust and can make the relationship feel unstable. It's crucial to address manipulation head-on and insist on honesty and transparency. If they're unwilling to change, it might be time to reconsider their role in your life. 15. They Disregard Your Boundaries Boundaries are essential in any relationship, ensuring mutual respect and understanding. If someone continuously disregards your boundaries, it's a major red flag. This behavior shows a lack of respect for your autonomy and needs. Everyone has the right to set boundaries and have them honored. If they frequently push or ignore your limits, it indicates that they might be using you. Reflect on whether your boundaries have been dismissed or trivialized. If you feel like your personal space, time, or values are constantly being encroached upon, it's worth addressing. Communicate your boundaries clearly and see if they're willing to respect them. A healthy relationship requires mutual understanding and respect of each other's limits. If they continue to disregard your boundaries, it might be time to distance yourself from the relationship. Solve the daily Crossword
South China Morning Post
4 days ago
- South China Morning Post
Dating intel app for women ‘Tea' suffers massive hack, exposing IDs
An app called 'Tea' that lets women share 'red flags' or feedback about men they have dated has confirmed that hackers have accessed some 72,000 images including user IDs. A preliminary investigation indicated hackers had accessed early on Friday a 'legacy' storage system holding images uploaded by users who signed up before February of last year, a Tea spokeswoman said. Stolen pictures included some 13,000 selfies or images featuring photo identification submitted to verify Tea accounts, according to the spokeswoman. The rest of the pictures were from posts, comments or messages publicly viewable in the app, the company said. Tea became the top free app in the Lifestyle category in Apple's US App Store this week after it went viral on social media. Photo: AFP No email address or phone number data was accessed, according to Tea. Tea's website boasts a 'sisterhood' of more than 1.6 million women who can share dating advice and experiences anonymously on the platform.
Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
40 People Shared The Signs That You're In The Right Relationship — Or A Disaster — And They Made Some Valid Points
Reddit user Suspicious-Brush-570 asked the community, "What's a green flag in relationships that most people overlook?" Meanwhile, another Reddit thread pointed out the complete opposite, highlighting deeeeeeeply alarming red flags that are simply dealbreakers. So, here are some red flags vs. green flags people think are super duper important when it comes to relationships (just to get both sides of the story): Note: Some submissions include topics of domestic and verbal abuse. Please proceed with caution. flag: "Sacrifice, vulnerability, and accountability. I say this because the opposite of this is someone who can do no wrong, never needs help or shares weakness, and doesn't prioritize you or your emotions. You can see this everywhere if you stop to look." —u/Far_Introduction8393 flag: "If a partner won't 'take no for an answer' when you politely explain you don't want to go out tonight, you don't want to go on a vacation, or you don't want that particular friend to come over. That can be a sign that they have a 'my way or the highway' attitude. Relationships are about compromise." —u/dishonourableaccount flag: "Healthy arguments. People think arguments are bad, but you need them. It's a healthy argument about something that needs to be figured out in a relationship. Today, my wife and I had a big argument over paying bills for someone, and we both had good points. There was a lot of emotion, but it was building up for a month. You need to let it out and lay out your concerns. You can't just stay quiet — you're a human being, too." —u/TheExaltedPrime flag: "If they're constantly talking about themselves and what they do, and whenever the conversation veers away from them, they steer the conversation back to them. If they need to be the center of attention at all times, even if they don't like the people that they're getting attention from. Those are probably the easiest to spot, and big indicators that there is something wrong." —u/UncivilizedSociety flag: "Being 'average.' People are quite deluded by social media, and everyone wants to date Superman and Wonder Woman. 'Normal' people (who have a solid routine with an average job, study, common habits and traits) are often being downplayed, and I find it absolutely wild. It's like you ain't worthy of love or ain't worthy to love someone who isn't the hottest, most intelligent, comprehensive, rich, and productive person on Earth." —u/ma1may flag: "I always ask them to name one thing they did or didn't do that had a negative impact in their last few relationships. If they can't name one thing, and instead blame everything on the other person, it's a red flag." —u/WorldlinessUsual4528 flag: "They speak positively about you when you aren't around. I know you can't always know this, but sometimes you overhear it. I knew a guy who tore down his wife all the time — I think they have a terrible relationship. He has no respect for her. I often describe my wife as 'an absolute saint.'" —u/Mahaloth flag: "Always complaining about others. All their exes are 'wild,' their friends and coworkers are all 'idiots.' But, apparently, they are the only ones who can 'do things right.'" —u/ikeda1 flag: "You aren't afraid to tell them things. You know they won't overreact, cause a scene, or judge you. Even if they don't agree or don't fully understand you." —u/beautitan flag: "Lying about insignificant things. Everyone lies occasionally, but lying about things that don't matter, like what they ate for lunch, what they did after work, or the TV shows they watch, is a major red flag." —u/ANBU_Black_0ps flag: "When they listen to learn and apply what they've learned. For example, you say you like receiving a daily 'good morning' and 'good night' text, and then they start doing that." —u/mandersandmash flag: "Crippling self-consciousness to the point where they're constantly self-deflating and dependent on your compliments to bring up their mood. That, and constant mood swings that they pass off as something you just have to deal with." —u/TheVillageLooney flag: "Someone who understands that alone time is important to some people, and it's not cause for panic that the other party has fallen out of love with you." —u/GnomeoromeNZ flag: "They want to be needed more than they want to be happy, or for you to be happy." —u/Kat36912 flag: "If they can be trusted with small secrets that don't have much in the way of consequences, if revealed. That's probably a good sign they can be trusted with bigger secrets." —u/AleksandrNevsky flag: "Making up stories to impress people is really a delusional belief, and they probably have a narcissistic personality." —u/[deleted] flag: "Specifically about men: how they treat or talk about their mothers. Speaking from experience, they will eventually end up treating and talking to you the same way. I look for men who have a good relationship with their mom, but not an obsessive one." —u/Pepper233 flag: "When they tell you to end friendships that had nothing to do with the relationship, and won't 'let me' talk to my best friend." —u/[deleted] flag: "Obviously, this isn't true for everyone (especially if you come from a bad family), but your attitude towards family. One of the things I admire most about my partner is the fact that he makes time every single week to eat dinner with his parents. He does manual labor around their house, and was just generally raised 'right.' It's extremely attractive." —u/sugarplumbuttfluck flag: "I found out recently that baby talk is a dealbreaker for me. Dude speaks three languages, and he said 'peeez' instead of 'please' two too many times. It just made him unattractive to me." —u/NuttyBoButty flag: "Appreciating your differences. They might be something that challenges you/brings more to your life that you wouldn't otherwise be able to!" —u/prollycantsleep flag: "Constantly grabbing your hand and not letting go. It seems harmless at first, like they just wanna be close to you or whatever, but it shows a serious lack of boundaries if they think they can touch you without your consent. On my first date ever, I had a guy do that to me and refuse to let go, even when I tried to pull my hand away. I thought it was supposed to be 'romantic' or whatever, but looking back, I realize how creepy it was." —u/Appropriate_Bowl_829 flag: "When meeting someone new, they instantly gain my respect when they consider possible accommodations someone could need. For example, asking if I'm alright with them vaping/smoking before doing so. Once, I was a part of a potluck with coworkers, and a newer guy asked if anyone had any dietary restrictions/allergies. We became great friends. Also, when they acknowledge someone's holiday even when they don't celebrate it themselves. I'm not Jewish, but thank you, and I hope you have a happy Hanukkah, too!" —u/SenorAnanas flag: "Yelling at animals is a dealbreaker. I can't stand it when someone screams at an animal for things they can't control, like when a dog or a cat just wants your love and attention. We all get frustrated with our animals, but yelling at them constantly will kill my interest in you ASAP." —u/Lostmixup flag: "Waiting until you get inside your house before driving away." —u/blue_pony_licker "My boyfriend always walks me to my car when I'm leaving his place, and he makes sure I made it in safe when he's dropping me off. Come to think of it, he actually walks me to the door when he's dropping me off…but I suspect that's because he's usually trying to weasel his way inside so he can stay the night. He still gets credit, though." —u/Dramiotic flag: "I can't handle intellectually 'lazy' people. If I see a new and novel experience to try, and they're like 'eeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh,' then it's not going to work. I need someone who, if I point out something novel, they're like: 'Yeah, alright, let's go.'" —u/GeebusNZ flag: "Just listening when you are talking about something you're interested in. He could have no clue what you're talking about, but just listening and at least pretending like he cares means so much. I have had so many people just look at their phones and go, 'Mmm' when I'm trying to talk to them about something I love. It's the worst feeling ever." —u/_Eliotto_ flag: "Extroversion to the extreme — when they have absolutely no filter, and don't care about the opinions of others. They overshare, and don't understand boundaries." —u/glitterinmytears flag: "When he makes sure you're walking on the inner side of the sidewalk, away from the street. I didn't even process that that was a thing until my boyfriend started doing it! It's such a simple thing, but it always brings a smile :)." —u/oma1v2 flag: "Not having a driver's license. I've driven four hours each way on vacation while my ex slept in the passenger seat — we did that a few times. The 'lazy' jerk never wanted to get it in the first place. Yes, I am somewhat to blame for putting up with it for so long, but I'll never do that again." —u/BUFUByUsFuckYou flag: "On the first date with my now-fiancé, we were talking about books and I was telling him about some of my favorites. A few weeks later, he told me that he bought and read one of the books I mentioned, and wanted to discuss it with me. It showed me he took my opinions and recommendations seriously, that he actively wanted to find things we have in common, and also that he wasn't 'ashamed' of reading women's fiction (I hate that term, but it's such a huge trend that men don't tend to read books that are primarily made for women!)." —u/Every_Difference365 flag: "Poking fun at my taste in music or my interests, even if it's in 'a joking way.' I've never done that to any one of my partners, but every abusive partner I have had engaged in that behavior before things got bad. Never again." —u/Ineffable_Dingus "I hate that — just let people enjoy the music they like! My partner did this, and it got to the point where I stopped listening to music while doing things — just to avoid the little comments or jokes. I loved her, but that sucked." —u/Comfortable-Mix1870 flag: "Guys who have a lot of friends who are girls is such a green flag. To me, that gives the impression that they're a guy who girls feel safe around, and that they value women as friends and don't view them all as 'sex objects.' After the first date with my now-husband, I 'Facebook stalked' him and noticed that most of his high school friends were girls. It immediately made me feel like he was a safe guy to continue seeing." —u/catieebug flag: "Refusing to post a single picture of us together. It doesn't have to be slathered all over socials, but that one really good picture of us on the mountaintop? Why not post that?" —u/horsewangjackson flag: "Repeat things back in a way that doesn't appear like mimicry (my old boss taught me that). Example: You meet a new person, and say their name back to them twice in casual conversation (almost right away). Like, 'Where did you say you're from, Dave? Did you go to school there, Dave?' You'll never forget a name that way — I guarantee it. You can modify this for other details, too. It's worked wonders for me." —u/killsafety flag: "I like to feel wanted. So, if I'm planning all the dates, initiating all the texts and calls, and initiating sex every time, then it won't work out. I'm gonna feel like you're not into me, and I'd rather not waste my time or yours." —u/dirtyEEE flag: "If they treat their mom well, that's a green flag. It's totally fine for mothers to do things for their grown children (and in m,ost cases they will be happy to do things for their children). But, if a guy is doing things for his mom to help her out in her later life, that is a green flag for sure." —u/MinimalSamuel "I know a guy who is an adult whose mother is a widow, and he lives with her so she won't be alone. Living with your parents isn't always a turnoff, men — so don't feel self-conscious about it." —u/Shot_Mirror5748 flag: "Incompatible hobbies (we don't need to have the same hobbies). But, for example, if they're the type of active people who act as if they may die if they breathe indoor air, then we are not compatible." —u/sachiko468 flag: "Reacts with compassion and empathy when you're anxious, or takes precautions instead of getting offended or mocking you." —u/Raaqu finally, a red flag: "Conspiracy theories and pseudoscience. Someone who doesn't believe we landed on the moon, someone who believes aliens built the pyramids, and vaccine bullshit. I'm not debating you, I'm not humoring you, and I'm not coming home to our bank accounts drained all because you lack critical thinking skills." —u/graccha Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity. How do *you* feel about these red vs. green relationship flags? Share with us in the comments below! 🚩 Solve the daily Crossword
