Latest news with #therapists
New York Times
6 days ago
- General
- New York Times
The Relationship Advice Couples Counselors Swear By
Every relationship is unique — a delicate ecosystem influenced by partners' pasts, preferences and particular foibles. And yet therapists who spend their days talking to couples say they tend to see and hear the same issues come up again and again: Partners who struggle to reconnect after arguments; lose their sense of levity and play; or fall into patterns, without taking the time to understand them. We reached out to several couples therapists, with that in mind, to ask: What's one piece of advice you find yourself repeating? What's one relationship lesson you swear by? What's one truism you wish more couples understood? Here's what they told us. (Let us know what you think about the advice, and add your own in the comments.) 1. Managing your differences is crucial. Many factors determine whether a partnership is a happy one, but the central task of a relationship is learning to manage differences, according to Anthony Chambers, a psychologist and the chief academic officer of the Family Institute at Northwestern University. Dr. Chambers believes that getting good at managing differences — whether over daily annoyances, or bigger expectations, desires and communication preferences — boils down to three things: flexibility, curiosity and humility. Flexible couples 'approach interactions not with the perspective of trying to prove that they are right and their partner is wrong, but rather with the mind set of realizing there are multiple ways we can address our differences,' Dr. Chambers said, adding that partners 'need to keep in mind that there is a low correlation between being right and being happy!' Couples who are good at managing their inevitable differences tend to experience higher relationship satisfaction, he said. Couples who aren't, struggle. It's not the stuff of Hallmark cards, but it is foundational. 2. Bouncing back is a skill. Couples that argue can still be quite happy and connected if they are good at 'repair,' or reconnecting after conflict, said Lauren Fogel Mersy, a psychologist and sex therapist based in Minnesota, and the author of 'Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences in Relationships.' Repair is all about processing what happened and coming back from it in healthy, effective ways, she said. Her clients often take for granted that they are good at repair, but it is actually a skill people need to learn. Partners have different ways they like to regroup after a disagreement. For instance, do you generally like to take a cool-down break? Does physical touch tend to help or make things worse? Are your apologies genuine and effective? You and your partner might not necessarily need the same repair, but talking about your preferences in calmer moments can help foster understanding when conflict inevitably arises. 3. Feelings > facts. Proving that you're right might feel like a worthy and satisfying goal in the midst of a disagreement. But couples who get overly focused on facts can easily get stuck in an attack-defend pattern, said Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist in Illinois and the author of 'Loving Bravely.' It ultimately serves the relationship more to try to get curious about what your partner is feeling and why they might be viewing a particular situation so differently from you, she said. 'When we focus on the facts, we are primed for debate, it's me versus you,' Dr. Solomon explained. 'When we focus on the feelings, we're primed for dialogue.' 4. Taking turns is an overlooked skill. Parents and teachers spend a lot of time teaching young children how to take turns during playtime and conversation, but couples often forget that very basic skill, said Julie Menanno, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Bozeman, Mont., and the author of 'Secure Love.' It sounds simple, but couples who neglect to take turns have a tendency to start talking over each other, Ms. Menanno said. 'Nobody's being heard. Nobody's listening. Everybody's taking the mic,' she said, adding that couples 'get stuck in whose needs matter more and who gets to hurt the most.' Every couple she works with has to learn or relearn how to take turns, Ms. Menanno said. Some basics: Look to have conversations when you're feeling calm and regulated, listen when your partner is speaking and paraphrase what you heard, asking if they want to elaborate. 5. Sliding and deciding are not the same thing. Galena Rhoades, a psychologist and research professor at the University of Denver and co-author of 'Fighting For Your Marriage' (the fourth edition), often reminds couples that there is a big difference between passively 'sliding' into circumstances — everything from how often you have sex to where you want to live — and proactively deciding what is right for the relationship. Dr. Rhoades has found that understanding the difference can be empowering to couples — a reminder that they can be more deliberate about issues big and small, even if they have been doing things a certain way for years. 'You don't have to stay on that kind of coasting trajectory where you're just sliding through things together,' she said. 'You can change your approach and be more intentional.' 6. Happy couples never stop playing together. Play and laughter can soothe the nervous system, helping you cope with stress and bring your best self to the relationship. Those activities can sometimes fizzle out over time between couples, said Stephen Mitchell, a psychotherapist in Denver and co-author of 'Too Tired to Fight.' 'People underestimate the power of humor in terms of helping couples feel connected and helping them work through challenging moments,' Dr. Mitchell said. He often urges his clients to look diligently for opportunities to have fun together. Small things can suffice: send a silly text, cultivate inside jokes or plan a surprise date. 7. You probably already know what to do. If you can get in touch with your genuine wants and needs, you may find the keys to improving your relationship, though it can take real courage to act on them. Jeff Guenther, a licensed professional counselor in Portland, Ore., who runs the popular social media account Therapy Jeff, said that sometimes his job as a therapist is simply to reassure people searching for answers in a relationship that they already know the solution. 'You know if it's working or it's not working,' he said. 'You know what conversations you've been avoiding. You know what you're settling for.' It can help to ask yourself something like: If my best friend or son or daughter was in the situation I'm in now, what advice would I give? (Sometimes, he said, the answer might be: See a couples therapist.) 8. Working on your own stress is a boon for your partner. Going through a rocky stretch in your relationship likely adds stress to your life. But consider the flip side — if you're not managing the stress in your life, it is likely spilling over into your relationship. Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Philadelphia and the author of the book ''Til Stress Do Us Part,' said that when partners don't work to mitigate their own stress, it can cause a relationship disconnect. You become irritable, withdrawn, short with each other. That can lead to more arguments or cause you each to retreat, creating greater emotional distance. Ms. Earnshaw teaches couples a system she calls the stress spillover system. Together, they make a list of stressors, then put them into three baskets: Those they can shed (stressors they can and likely should eliminate), those they can prevent (usually with more planning) and those they can neither avoid nor plan for better, and therefore simply must adapt to. 'When people are mismanaging their stress they are also more likely to become 'self focused,' which means they will think of their own needs and agenda more than their partner's,' she said.
Forbes
18-07-2025
- Health
- Forbes
The Impact Of Swift Autism Intervention
When children receive early autism evaluations and consistent access to effective therapies, their ability to adapt and thrive improves dramatically. Autism. It's a word many of us know, with 1 in 36 children in the U.S. diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). A diagnosis can reshape a family's world, bringing challenges and uncertainty. But there is hope. When children receive early evaluations and consistent access to effective therapies, their ability to adapt and thrive improves dramatically, making a lasting difference in their futures. Catching the Clues: Why Early Detection and Intervention Matter Children typically begin to show signs of autism at 18 months old. This age is right in the middle of what is referred to as the 'sponge years,' due to the brain's incredible capacity to absorb information and rapidly form new neural connections during the first 3 years of life. When a child has ASD, their brain goes about making these connections differently, but they are no less crucial. If a connection is missed, think of it like trying to climb a ladder with a missing rung; it's incredibly difficult to climb higher. This is why quickly accessing therapy that will empower these children's development is so critical. It allows children with ASD to go back and make any missed connections, and moving forward, therapists work with children to help make needed connections in a way that works for their brains. Early Signs To Look for in Young Children Unfortunately, there is no medical test for ASD—it is only diagnosed based on observing a child's development and behavior. This means there is often room for interpretation and misdiagnosis. However, when signs are caught early, a child can, in theory, be quickly evaluated and begin receiving the life-changing intervention. Every child is unique, and that also applies to how signs of autism can differ between individuals. However, there are common symptoms that characterize ASD, including social challenges and differences in how a child may process emotions and sensory experiences. Lost Time Often Equals Lost Potential It's widely proven that when children with ASD have early access to therapy, they are more likely to develop skills that, in the long term, will ensure that they have a better quality of life and can live more independently. Despite the importance of early intervention, many families face significant challenges in having their child assessed and enrolled in therapy. Insurance requirements often necessitate a lengthy referral process, which skeptical practitioners or long waitlists can further delay. In states like mine, Utah, the average wait time for a child to be evaluated by a psychologist is approximately 18 months due to the high volume of children needing assessment. Nationally, the average exceeds two years, with some families waiting up to three years. These extended wait times alone could cause a child to miss out entirely on the benefits of intervention during the sponge years. In addition, wait times can be even longer when there are fewer providers in the state than the national average. This is also an issue in the state of Utah. There are simply not enough psychologists, child neurologists, and psychiatrists to provide the services needed for diagnosis. And once a diagnosis is obtained, additional delays often occur before a child can access therapy. Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) therapy is the gold standard for treating ASD. Board-Certified Behavioral Analysts (BCBA) play an integral role in supporting children. Still, there is also a shortage of analysts due to increasing rates of ASD diagnosis and high demand for ABA services. According to a report from the Behavior Analyst Certification Board, the nationwide demand for BCBAs is greater than ever, with a 58% increase from 2023 to 2024. While it is crucial that these children eventually receive the help they need, the sooner they begin therapy, the more effectively their young brains can develop and solidify critical connections. Every Moment Counts in Creating Lasting Impact Without timely assessment and targeted therapy, children with autism can face an array of challenges that will follow them into adulthood. While they vary widely, they often include anxiety, difficulty forming and maintaining relationships, and communication barriers. Consequently, these difficulties can impact a person's ability to secure and maintain employment or live independently. Yes, every child deserves their best childhood; they also should have the opportunity to become a thriving member of the community. By denying them prompt access to evaluation and effective therapy, we limit their potential to become our future coworkers, pastors, teachers, fellow volunteers, or whoever they desire to be. In a world that loves checked boxes, black or white, and yes or no answers, ASD can be incredibly frustrating. It is diagnosed on a spectrum that exhibits uniquely in each child, and every therapy plan must be precisely tailored to meet the child's specific needs. To top it off, therapy must be closely monitored and adjusted while progress is slow. There is no 'miracle' moment or flashy 'before and after' that can come with another diagnosis that fits neatly into the binary way of thinking we are accustomed to. Because of this, it can be easy to forget that we must continue to advocate for expanded resources. When we do, children will have greater access to desperately needed resources. When they begin to exhibit those early signs of autism, we can ensure they are evaluated quickly and get access to targeted and consistent therapy as soon as possible. By doing so, we provide children with autism their best chance at a successful future. Early and targeted intervention is not just about improving the quality of life for these children; it is about recognizing their potential and giving them the tools they need to become integral members of our communities. Expanding access is crucial to building a more inclusive and supportive society for all.
Yahoo
18-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Therapists Are Sharing Differences They Noticed Between Male And Female Patients, And It's Fascinating
Recently, I came across this Reddit thread where user u/pizzabagelblastoff asked "Therapists of Reddit, what are some differences you've noticed between male/female patients?" They had a lot of interesting observations. Here's what they shared: 1."I was a therapist for people with psychosis and schizophrenia. Men were more likely to have God delusions (i.e., 'I am God,' or 'God speaks to me'). Women were more likely to have romance delusions (i.e., 'Michael Jackson speaks to me'). Both had pretty equal amounts of dissociative issues (i.e., 'This world isn't real, humans are being replaced by zombies, you aren't my mom')." —goog1e Related: 2."For me, men opened up faster. The first visit or two might be super limited, and then the floodgates open all at once. The women are more open at the start, but drop big details way slower." —therealcherry 3."Older men will often complain of physical pain when they really have depression." —Adoptafurrie 4."I work with a lot of college students, and my guy clients always take breakups much harder and are more likely to cry about them." —LampsLookingatyou 5."My male patients frequently schedule their first appointment because their wife or girlfriend strongly encouraged it. It's rarer for them to reach out of their own volition." —revolutionutena Related: 6."My female patients usually apologize for crying. My male patients usually apologize for having emotions at all." —Traditional_Sun3135 7."My female patients tend to express more self-criticism than the men." —Pure_Cucumber_5323 8."Honestly, fewer differences than you'd think. Men tend to be more comfortable going to anger than women, and tend to have less of a support system and less openness about their mental health with people they care about, but that's more societal conditioning than a hard truth about the gender. I often find men to be more attached to romantic ideals than women, paradoxically." —icecreamfight 9."My male clients come to therapy wanting solutions, action, structure, and for me (a woman) to tell it like it is. Over time, we almost always end up going very psychodynamic (lots of talking, open-ended guiding questions, raising awareness of relational/childhood stuff, behavioral patterns) and processing the deeper stuff that they didn't think was relevant or no one gave them space to talk about before. My female clients are very high-performing, controlling, perfectionist, burned-out, and trying to perform therapy and healing in a perfect way. Over time, we end up working on self-acceptance, processing anger, boundaries, values-driven action, self-image, and raising consciousness on gender roles and capitalism." —TheDuckSideOfTheMoon Related: 10."Twenty years ago, gender differences in therapy were an area I researched. A couple of general differences were a tendency for males to underrepresent, so they'd say they weren't feeling as badly as they were, or that they were satisfied with the therapist when they weren't. The other very general point was that males presented less verbally than females. Alexithymia was also much more common in males. It's that inability to identify emotions and therefore to explore them without professional support was absolutely crippling for many. (This was observed in session rather than as part of traditional/ structured research)." —meyeusername 11."I have learned that the men who come to me often need support and encouragement to thrive. Constant criticism is hard on a lot of them. It can cause a man to lose his confidence, and in that situation, he'll have a hard time relating to his partner. The women I see, on the other hand, tend to need attention. They need to feel seen and heard. They don't need to be understood as much as they need to feel heard. My female patients don't usually accept excuses. They want acknowledgment. When they are not feeling seen or heard, they don't feel loved and have a hard time relating to their partner." —AvalonSummer 12."The biggest difference is that my female patients process trauma more intensely than my male patients." —gbunta25 13."My female patients often arrive more comfortable expressing emotions and discussing interpersonal issues. My male patients may take longer to open up emotionally, sometimes framing issues in more 'practical' or action-oriented terms." —Plastic-Fig4710 14."I feel that a lot of my women patients get outwardly overwhelmed, for example, crying or having complaints of exhaustion. While men are either saying nothing or being angry when they get overwhelmed." —Kerianae Related: 15."My ex was a therapist. The biggest difference they saw was how many men mentioned being assaulted by women while being minors and didn't report it to authorities or think it was a big deal when their symptoms said otherwise. Staggering amounts." —january21st 16."In most couples I saw as a therapist, the woman wants to feel emotionally safe while the guy wants to be appreciated for what he's doing. Also, most of my men patients don't seem to identify getting angry easily as emotional, and only think crying is emotional. More men asked me if they could be put on medication, and women preferred talk therapy." —TacoBell__enthusiast finally, "My women patients have been the ones delusionally clinging to unhealthy relationships. My men patients tend to devalue social needs. Both equally want to be heard (most people prefer to talk in therapy, even those who are generally quiet)." —singingpunters Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity. If you're a therapist, what differences have you noticed in your male and female patients? Share in the comments or use the anonymous form below: Also in BuzzFeed: Also in BuzzFeed: Also in BuzzFeed: Solve the daily Crossword
Yahoo
18-07-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Parenting Experts Say These Are The Topics You Should Never Discuss Around Your Children
Children tend to pick up on a lot more than adults realize. They absorb not only what we say to them directly but also what we say around them — even when we think they're not paying attention. That got us wondering: Are there certain topics that just shouldn't be discussed with or in front of kids? And on the flip side, are there certain conversations adults assume are not appropriate for young minds but are actually OK — or even beneficial — to address? We reached out to parenting experts to get their take. As clinical psychologist Laura Markham, author of the Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids series, said, it's generally less about the subject itself and more about how you approach it. 'For instance, you would not have a discussion about your financial worries that would make your child worry. But you could certainly discuss the fact that a new car or a pricey vacation is not in your budget this year,' she told HuffPost. Below, Markham and other therapists share their thoughts on the do's and don'ts of communicating when young or school-age kids are present. 5 Things Adults Shouldn't Talk About In Front Of Kids: 1. People's bodies When adults speak poorly about their own bodies or other people's bodies, children notice and may internalize those negative messages, said marriage and family therapist Brianne Billups Hughes. 'Kids are like sponges, absorbing everything they hear. If they witness adults being critical of themselves, it can lead to issues with self-esteem and body image as they grow,' she told HuffPost. And it's not just the negative comments that can be damaging over time. When adults make frequent remarks about body shape or weight — even if they're complimentary in nature — it can make kids 'overly concerned about their own appearance,' Markham noted. 2. Critical remarks about a parent or caregiver It's best for adults to avoid bad-mouthing the child's other parent or caregivers in their life. It doesn't matter if you're speaking to the kid directly or having the conversation when they're in earshot. Hearing negative comments about a parent can make a child feel as if they have to choose sides or that they're responsible for fixing the situation, which can be damaging to their sense of security, Markham said. It can also 'strain the relationship with the criticized parent since they now see them as 'not good enough,'' she added, while also making the child feel guilty for thinking of their parent in a negative light. 3. Comments that compare the child to their sibling Markham advises parents to avoid comments that compare one sibling with another. Such comparisons can breed competition between siblings and lead to increased conflict, she said. 'That intuitively makes sense to us because we can see how it fosters resentment, jealousy and insecurity. But this is just as true for positive messages, which also set up competition,' Markham said. For example, you might say to your child something like, 'You're my good boy. You never give me a tough time like your brother does.' Now your child not only feels pressure to hold on to his place as the 'good' one but is also 'motivated to keep his sibling in the role of 'bad' kid,' Markham said. 'How else will he maintain his special place in your eyes?' 4. Adult money issues As pediatric psychologist and parent coach Ann-Louise Lockhart of A New Day Pediatric Psychology explained, 'Kids don't yet have the cognitive tools to fully understand adult finances.' So when they overhear conversations about money-related stressors in adults' lives, they draw their own conclusions, 'often assuming the worst,' she told HuffPost. 'Children may think, for example, that the family will lose their home or that they won't be able to buy food, even if the situation is not that extreme,' Lockhart said. 'This fear can lead to increased anxiety and, for some children, a sense of guilt that they're a 'burden' if they need things like new shoes or supplies.' That's not to say you have to completely keep them in the dark if your financial situation has changed. Just keep explanations clear and concise and your tone calm. If money is tight, Lockhart suggested saying something like, 'We're sticking to a budget so we can make good choices,' which she said is 'often more reassuring.' 'You can help them understand that adults have systems to manage expenses and that their needs will be met,' she added. 5. Comments that glorify alcohol or drug use Hughes warned that conversations 'normalizing or glorifying' drinking alcohol and using drugs when kids are around can lead to 'unhealthy attitudes toward these substances' down the line. 'Kids are impressionable, and hearing adults speak positively about drinking or using drugs, even jokingly, can set the foundation for curiosity or risky behaviors later in life,' she explained. 'It's important to model responsible behavior and avoid making these substances seem glamorous or harmless.' 5 Things Adults Actually Discuss In Front Of Kids: On the other hand, there are topics that adults have a tendency to shy away from because they assume talking about them would be harmful to kids. But our experts say these conversations can be good ones to have with or in the presence of children, as long as they are approached in a thoughtful, age-appropriate way. 1. Healthy disagreements Parents might be under the impression they need to resolve any and all conflict behind closed doors. But that's not necessarily true. In fact, it can be beneficial for kids to observe their parents modeling how to respectfully work through a disagreement, Markham said. 'It's important for them to know that we don't always agree, but we always love each other. Kids need to see us ask for what we need without attacking the other person,' she added. 'And it's critical for them to see us make up with affection and forgiveness.' That being said, heated arguments that include yelling, name-calling or other forms of disrespect should not happen in front of kids, Markham said, as research has shown it does affect them negatively. And when it comes to certain topics, it's better for adults to hash out those matters privately. 'Discussions about sex or other tender issues are more respectfully conducted without an audience,' developmental psychologist Diana Divecha wrote for Greater Good Magazine. 2. Honest emotions Many adults try to avoid showing or talking about their emotions around kids, but 'it's actually important for kids to see adults process their feelings in healthy ways,' Hughes said. It's OK to share that you're feeling upset, worried or frustrated in an age-appropriate way. Doing so helps normalize a wider range of emotions and can help children learn to express and regulate their own emotions, Hughes said. This also helps them develop their emotional intelligence, Lockhart added. 'If they see you saying something like, 'I'm feeling sad because a friend moved away, and that's normal,' they learn that all emotions are OK and temporary, helping them feel safe to express their own,' she explained. 3. Mistakes they've made Adults shouldn't feel pressure to uphold a facade of perfection in front of kids. It's OK to admit to them when you've messed up in some way, Lockhart said. 'Talking about your own mistakes and how you handled them helps kids learn resilience and accountability,' she said. 'When they hear something like, 'I made a mistake at work, but I took responsibility, and I'm working on a solution,' they see that mistakes are natural and that they can handle them positively.' 4. Money in general Though you wouldn't want your child to be privy to the full scope of financial stress you may be facing, money doesn't have to be a taboo subject. 'Discussing financial concepts in an age-appropriate manner can be a valuable learning opportunity,' Hughes said. 'Kids who grow up with an understanding of budgeting, saving, investing, loans and responsible spending are more likely to develop good financial habits as they grow older.' 'The key is to avoid overwhelming them with adult-level stress about money,' she added. 5. Sex, consent, and bodily changes As a parent, you may find yourself avoiding conversations around these topics with your kids entirely because they seem too uncomfortable or mature to discuss. But introducing these subjects in developmentally appropriate ways is actually quite important, Hughes said. 'Teaching children about consent, body autonomy and the basic facts of anatomy, reproduction or puberty helps them develop a healthy understanding of their bodies and relationships,' she explained. 'These discussions empower children to ask questions, set boundaries and feel comfortable about their own physical development. It also helps prevent misinformation from other sources.' No matter the topic, how we communicate with and around children can have a lasting effect on them, Hughes said. That's why it's so critical to approach conversations with mindfulness. 'Modeling healthy conflict resolution, self-acceptance and emotional intelligence can provide kids with essential life skills,' she said. 'The goal isn't to shelter children completely but to be mindful of the language and tone used, creating a balanced environment where they can learn and feel secure.'This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
BreakingNews.ie
15-07-2025
- Health
- BreakingNews.ie
Over 11,500 children waiting for first contact from disability network teams
More than 11,500 children were waiting for first contact from a child disability network team (CDNT) at the end of May, according to new figures from the HSE. In documents seen by 11,527 children were waiting for first contact from a CDNT. Of those children, 7,802 were waiting over 12 months for first contact. Advertisement This is a drop from the 12,106 children waiting for their first contact at the end of April. A child disability network team (CDNT) provides specialised support and services for children who have a disability and complex health needs associated with their disability. The teams are made up of professionals with expertise in disability who work closely together. They include occupational therapists, psychologists, physiotherapists, social workers, and speech and language therapists. The area with the most children waiting for first contact at the end of May was HSE Dublin and North East, which covers North Dublin, Louth, Meath, Monaghan and most of Cavan. Advertisement In this area, 3,086 children were waiting for first contact, with 2,274 waiting over 12 months. In HSE Dublin Midlands, which covers Dublin South City and West and Dublin South West, Kildare, West Wicklow, Laois, Offaly, Longford and Westmeath, there were 3,047 children waiting for first contact. Of that figure, there were 2,243 waiting over 12 months for first contact. In HSE Dublin and South East, covering Carlow, Kilkenny, South Tipperary, Waterford, Wexford, and most of Wicklow, there were 2,733 children waiting for first contact. Advertisement In this area, there were 135 children at the end of May waiting over a year. HSE Midwest, covering Clare, Limerick, and North Tipperary, there were 1,178 children waiting for first contact. 614 of those children were waiting over 12 months. Ireland Teenage disability campaigner describes shortage o... Read More At HSE West and North West, which provides care for Donegal, Leitrim, Sligo, West Cavan, Mayo, Galway and Roscommon, there were 878 children waiting for first contact, with 324 waiting over 12 months. There are 93 CDNTs, aligned to 96 Community Healthcare Networks across the country, providing services and supports for children aged from birth to 18 years of age. Some 1,416 children who are on the CDNT waiting list participated in one or more individual and/or group intervention appointments during May 2025. The CDNTs are currently providing services and supports for 44,000 children and strategies and supports for urgent cases on the waitlist where staffing resources allow.
