Have you heard the best doctor joke yet? They want huge pay rise just after 22% deal. Here's where they can shove it

The Sun

4 days ago

'DOCTOR, Doctor . . . since the operation I can't feel my legs.'
'That's because we've amputated your hands.'
5
Until this week, that was my favourite doctor joke. I mean, there was another one in really bad taste about dementia. But we won't go there.
And even that wasn't as funny as the one I'm about to tell you.
The doctors, they call themselves resident doctors now, by the way, have demanded more money from the government.
Want to know how much? A pay rise of at least 29 per cent. Or more. I heard one trade union rep on Times Radio saying they should be asking for a rise of 50 per cent.
That's not the punchline, though. The punchline is that they've just been given a pay rise already this week. Of 5.4 per cent, so way more than the rate of inflation.
The British Medical Association has said this is nowhere near enough money and is urging the quacks to vote for strike action.
So we are looking at another summer of misery and chaos in our hospitals with yet more strikes.
The doctors say the reason they deserve more money is that their settlements have been below inflation every time.
They say they have taken a massive real-terms pay cut since 2006.
Listen, you mouth-breathing spazzocks. Everyone has taken real-term pay cuts since 2006. Nobody is quite as well off as they were then, that was before the economic crash.
So, anyway, they're likely to be going on strike.
Oh, there's another punchline. Do you know how much they received in their pay settlement two years ago, after they had been on strike? It was a gobsmacking 22 per cent.
Wes Streeting brutally slams Kemi AND Farage and demands Tories say sorry for how they ran the NHS in blistering attack
It is the absolute duty of our Health Secretary Wes Streeting and the Labour government to tell these docs to shove their pay rise right up their sphincters and into the duodenum canal. Or the Grand Union Canal, whichever is nearer.
This country is broke. Largely a consequence of the economic mismanagement of Rachel Reeves, the Chancellor.
We cannot afford to be splashing out enormous sums on ludicrous pay rises.
The problem for Wes and co is that the doctors are loyal Labour voters. And Labour likes to reward its client base — and sod the economy.
5
As soon as Starmer got in the winter fuel payments for pensioners were scrapped and instead the train drivers got a massive pay rise.
So Labour has partly created this mess itself, by giving the trade unions exactly what they want.
And I can see Starmer saying: 'Well, it is a very generous pay deal. But we had to do it because we didn't want a summer of chaos in our hospitals.'
Don't do it, Wes. Don't do it, Keir.
While a year or so ago the public was fully behind the health workers in their battles for more dosh, it's nowhere near the truth now.
A recent poll has suggested that support for the resident doctors has slipped from 52 per cent in the polls to 39 per cent today.
So have some spine, Starmer. Call their bluff. Tell them they're getting 5.4 per cent and should be grateful.
Because how many workers in the private sector have been getting pay awards like that? Have you?
HOME WORK DODGE
WELL, at least there's one poll the poor old UK comes top in.
Yes, we have more people working from home than in any other European country.
The average number of days spent sitting in front of Bangers & Cash, sorry, studiously working for your company, is 1.8 in the UK. In Europe it's 1.3.
The only country worldwide that beats us is the basket case which is Canada.
I have nothing against working from home – hell, I do it – so long as it means working from home. But too often it doesn't.
And too often it's our public sector – who are generally already paid more on average, have more sick days and longer holidays than those in the private sector.
You can't beat Black Lace's Agadoo, Zak
5
POOR old Zak Starkey. Will nobody give him a job as a drummer?
He was 'retired' from The Who's tour because Roger Daltrey thought he played too loud. And now he's not available for his old band Oasis either.
If he doesn't watch it, he'll end up on the Northern cabaret circuit keeping time for Black Lace on Agadoo.
Zak was taught drums by the madman Keith Moon. I think that explains a lot.
BLURT IT, BEEB
5
BYE bye, Gary. The BBC got itself in a terrible pickle over Mr Lineker.
I think the bloke had every right to express his opinions. Even if they were always fairly stupid. And like as not, we will miss Gary from our screens.
He was a much better broadcaster than his opponents gave him credit for.
My answer to the BBC's conundrum is this.
Let every employee speak his or her mind. Wherever they want. And then maybe we would see in glorious Technicolor the political bias of the corporation.
And they would have to fess up and start to change it.