Experts say these are the red flags that may indicate you're in a ‘silent divorce'

New York Post

29-04-2025

You may still be wearing a wedding ring — but if you feel more like a roommate than a romantic partner, experts say your marriage might already be toast.
The phrase 'silent divorce' refers to couples who stay under the same roof, but their emotional connection is long gone.
Relationship pros say couples often stick it out for finances or kids.
'A silent divorce is when you're not legally separated, but you're definitely emotionally, mentally and almost to a certain point physically removed, too, from your spouse,' Stephanie Moir, a licensed mental health counselor in Florida, told CNN.
3 A silent divorce is when you're still married on paper — but emotionally, mentally, and even physically, you've already checked out, experts say.
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3 The slow fade can start with skipped vacations and solo appearances at birthday parties. A dry spell in the bedroom — or even just a lack of affectionate touch — can be another dead giveaway, relationship pros reveal.
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'If you don't really work on a marriage, it could really lead to that emotional disconnect where two people are just not on the same page anymore,' Moir warned.
And just because a couple looks Instagram-perfect doesn't mean all is well behind closed doors.
'They may present like things are OK on the outside, and they're great co-parents, and they work out logistics,' said Lisa Lavelle, a psychotherapist in New York City, according to CNN.
'One of the first red flags that I tend to see when couples are on the verge of or in a silent divorce is when they feel more like roommates than romantic partners,' she revealed to the site.
Skipping the drama isn't always a good sign, either. Fighting, as dysfunctional as it sounds, can mean two people still care enough to battle it out.
'…fighting often reflects we're disagreeing at the moment, we're not on the same page, we're not seeing eye to eye — but we're trying to help our partners see where we're coming from,' Justin Ho, a licensed professional counselor in Georgia, noted to the outlet.
3 Ditching the drama isn't always a win. Experts say couples who still argue might actually care — but when the silence sets in, it's usually game over.
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In a silent divorce, though, even the shouting stops.
'This is a couple who will talk about logistics, (like) what's for dinner. But anything that is meaningful or uncomfortable, they don't talk about it anymore,' Lavelle said. 'There's a lack of vulnerability.'
Experts say the first step to saving — or ending — a silent divorce is to break the silence.
'Ask them, 'Are you noticing the same thing as well?' And really just try to get aligned at that moment,' Ho advised.