Radical Respect: Kim Scott's Blueprint For A Truly Inclusive Workplace

Forbes

07-04-2025

Radical Respect is the ideal state, where you collaborate with respect for each person's ... More individuality.
When Kim Scott's book Radical Candor came out in 2017, it took off fast. It hit the New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller lists and now stands at over 1 million copies sold. The book struck a chord because it showed managers how to do something they struggled with daily: Giving clear, constructive feedback without coming across as mean or uncaring.
But, when Scott gave a radical candor workshop at her friend Michelle's company, Michelle pulled her aside.
Michelle said, 'Kim, I'm excited to roll out Radical Candor. I think it's going to help me build the kind of innovative culture that I want. But I've got to tell you—it's much harder for me than it is for you.'
Scott asked Michelle why, and she explained that as soon as she offered people even the most gentle, compassionate criticism, they accused her of being an angry Black woman. 'It was so hard to hear—so painful,' Scott said. 'In part because I knew it was true. I knew this had happened to her, and I knew how unfair it was.'
The conversation triggered four different realizations for Scott, and she knew, based on these realizations, that she wanted to write her next book, Radical Respect. It would be the sort of prequel to Radical Candor, knowing that you couldn't achieve radical candor without radical respect.
Kim Scott, author of Radical Respect.
Realization #1: The first thing Scott realized was that even though she thought of herself as an upstander—a person who would intervene if someone was experiencing the kind of disrespect that Michelle experienced—she wasn't as good at it as she thought. 'It never even occurred to me the toll it must take on her to have to show up unfailingly cheerful and pleasant in every meeting we were in together. I had failed to be an upstander. I'd been a silent bystander,' Scott explained to me in a recent interview.
Realization #2: The second thing Scott realized was that not only had she been in denial about the kinds of disrespect Michelle was experiencing, but she had also been in denial about the kinds of disrespect she herself had experienced throughout her career. 'I was in denial because I didn't want to think of myself or of her as victims, Scott said. 'But by pretending that a whole host of things weren't happening, things that were in fact happening, I wasn't choosing my battles. I was defaulting to silence.'
Realization #3: The third thing she realized was that she was most in denial about the times when she had been the one who was disrespectful. 'And because I was pretending I had done nothing wrong, I couldn't acknowledge it or make amends. I wasn't soliciting feedback. I was ignoring it,' said Scott.
Realization #4: The fourth realization she had was as a leader. 'I imagined myself to be someone who was creating these BS-free zones where people could do the best work of their lives and build the best relationships of their careers. But because I was pretending that disrespectful attitudes and behaviors just weren't happening…I was failing in my responsibility as a leader,' explained Scott.
Scott redefines 'respect' not as earned admiration but as unconditional regard for the feelings, rights, and traditions of others. To help people think about respect, she created a four-box model, where your goal is to be in the upper right quadrant.
Top left: Oblivious Exclusion. Obvious exclusion is when you demand conformity even though you've created what you think is a collaborative environment.
Bottom left: Brutal Ineffectiveness. This is when you don't respect individuality or optimize for collaboration. Leaders who take this approach have a tyrannical, dictatorial style.
Bottom right: Self-Righteous Shaming. This is when you're aware of the need to respect individuality, and you try to force others to do it. The problem here is that too much force is being used and not enough understanding.
Top right: Radical Respect. This is the ideal state, where you collaborate with respect for each person's individuality.
As leaders try to practice radical respect, there are three things that tend to get in the way the most often. They are bias, prejudice, and bullying. Each is different from the other, and understanding the differences can help you act with greater respect.
Respect isn't just about being nice. It's about building the kind of environment where people feel safe to speak up, valued for who they are, and empowered to do their best work. And no leader gets it right all the time. As Scott puts it: 'There's no leader in the world who has a perfectly respectful team. We all have a role to play.' The key is to keep noticing, keep learning, and keep choosing the top-right quadrant—again and again.
Kevin Kruse is the Founder + CEO of LEADx, the world's fastest growing EQ training company. Kevin is also a New York Times bestselling author of Great Leaders Have No Rules, 15 Secrets Successful People Know About Time Management, and Employee Engagement 2.0.