A final that meant more to Newcastle and their celebrity fans

The Guardian

17-03-2025

Considering how long it took them to finally get their hands on some domestic silverware after a 70-year pause, in the end it was remarkably easy for Newcastle United. While the supercilious slogan 'this means more' is more readily associated with Liverpool Football Club, prevailing in Fizzy Cup on Sunday clearly meant an awful lot more to Eddie Howe, his players and the travelling Toon Army. Yes, they finally rid their club of the giant baboon on its back on an afternoon when the ever present and significantly larger and autocratic elephant in the room went largely unaddressed.
While Liverpool's failure to 'turn up' was regularly trotted out in the televised post-mortems, they actually made it to the Wembley door only to discover their names weren't down so they couldn't get into the contest. Completely unable to impose their game on a rampant Newcastle because they weren't allowed to, they were blessed even to still be in with a scarcely audible shout during that apparent eternity the Geordies were forced to spend watching their players run down the clock in one corner of Wembley. 'Newcastle didn't just win, they battered Liverpool, it should have been three or four-nil,' admitted the notorious bastion of impartiality that is Jamie Carragher in the aftermath. 'Newcastle are a good Premier League team but they've wiped the floor with them today.'
An unapologetically sodden, fizz-drenched mess from head to toe by the time he addressed the ladies and gentlemen of the Fourth Estate in his post-match press conference, Howe has certainly come a long way since ensuring Bournemouth's Football League survival on the penultimate day of the 2008-09 season. And while Newcastle's victory may have been secured by the players on the pitch, it was their celebrity fans with whom the match's TV director seemed most enamoured. On a day when a camera cutaway caught the vision in tweed that was Hugh Grant politely applauding a Rodrigo Muniz strike at Craven Cottage, his Geordie counterparts Ant & Dec showed no such reticence when it came to their wild celebrations.
The subjects of more screen time yesterday than is usually afforded to them in one of their own TV shows, we can only surmise whether their controversial decision to adopt a revolutionary and rigid Dec & Ant formation throughout the game helped mess with the minds of Liverpool's players. 'This is the best day of my life,' said Dec, in a post-match SnapTok video, before remembering to dutifully add 'apart from the wedding and the kids and all that.' While the obligatory caveat may well have been sincere, it was difficult to avoid the conclusion that for him and the other tens of thousands of Geordies present at Wembley, winning the Milk Cup meant so much more.
People have always doubted me. My mental strength is something that I've always believed in. This is just another setback and it is not going to stop me' – West Ham striker Michail Antonio is staying positive after the horrendous car crash that left him with a shattered femur and says he is '100%' sure he will play again.
Thomas Tuchel reminds Colin Reed (letters 14.3) of Edvard Munch's 'The Scream'. Certainly, this doppelgänger effect will be stronger the longer he is in the job. Tuchel's artistry indeed knows no bounds - he also bears an uncanny resemblance to Alberto Giacometti's 'walking man'' – Jim Arrowsmith.
So Uefa is to ask Ifab and Fifa for a review of the double-touch rule on penalty kicks. Do these people have no compassion? Don't they know that Ifab spends its time not reviewing absurd offside calls, introducing meaningless changes to the kick-off, and not introducing sin bins and independent timekeepers? How are they supposed to review this problem if they can't even decide whether it's better not to enforce a six-second rule or not to enforce an eight-second rule for goalkeepers? I have a personal interest in this: as a 10-year-old I was penalised for an accidental double-touch when taking a corner. It had a devastating effect on my subsequent career' – James Wilkinson.
Given that Thomas Tuchel has been 'missing the smell of the grass', can I suggest that he rides a bike around South London in between international breaks. He'll soon be in the thick of it' – Andrew Parker.
Does the return of Jordan Henderson to the England squad also signal a possible return for the much-missed stalwart Morris Dancing Fiver?' – David Maddock (and no others).
Send letters to [e-mail]. Today's prizeless letter o' the day winner is … Jim Arrowsmith. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
It's the latest Football Weekly podcast on the Fizzy Cup final, Premier League and, uh-oh, international fortnight.
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