'What to do if your boss talks down to you?' — Employee wants to quit after her boss repeatedly humiliates her at work

Independent Singapore

3 days ago

SINGAPORE: Being corrected at work is part and parcel of any job, but one Singaporean employee says the way her boss goes about it has left her feeling anxious, demoralised, and increasingly burnt out.
On Monday (Jun 2), the employee wrote in a forum post that while her boss is usually friendly and approachable during casual chats or one-on-one conversations, things take a turn the moment she slips up at work.
'She (my boss) likes to talk down to me, especially whenever I make a mistake. And it's always when other colleagues can eavesdrop. Instead of correcting me in private, she would say it in a condescending manner and it sucks,' the employee said.
'It's causing me a lot of anxiety, and I dread going to work every day. I wanna change my job, but as we all know, it's an employer's market now.'
Crying out for help, she asked the community: 'What would you do if your boss talks down to you? Is this common in Singapore?' 'Focus on the content of the message rather than how it is delivered…'
In the comments, opinions were divided. Some people sympathised with the employee, pointing out how common it is for certain managers in Singapore to use public embarrassment as a way to correct mistakes. They shared that this kind of top-down communication style, where employees are talked down to in front of others, still happens more often than it should.
'I have a manager that's like that, loves to shame you over a small mistake in the group chat,' one shared. 'Tell you what. Just find another job in the meantime.'
Another commented, 'I used to have a boss like this, early on in my career. She seemed nice, but she would constantly have criticisms (later on, I realised she did that to the previous girl in my role too), and she would nitpick on every little issue. After I grew older and had more work experience, I realised that was her toxic, insecure way of gaining control.'
Others, however, suggested that the employee take a step back and consider whether the issue might also lie in miscommunication or a lack of self-awareness.
One said, 'She might have asked multiple times already, but you didn't get it, so she had to be mean so you remember. It's always easiest for everyone to shout toxic without knowing the full context. The best advice I can give you is to increase self-awareness and see if it's partially your fault.'
Another advised, 'Focus on the content of the message rather than how it is delivered – for me, if it is really a mistake that I've made and my boss is giving good constructive feedback then I'll suck thumb and learn from it.' What to do when your boss criticises you in front of others
Getting criticised by your boss in front of others can feel uncomfortable or even humiliating. But how you respond can either escalate the situation or turn it into something constructive. Here are five ways to handle it well, according to career experts:
1. Stay composed. Even if you feel upset or embarrassed, try to keep your emotions in check.
2. Reflect. Even if the delivery was poor, the content of the criticism might still be valid. Take a moment to reflect: Was this something you could've handled better? Are there areas for improvement?
3. Ask questions. Instead of shutting down or reacting defensively, ask questions to understand the concern better. This shows that you're willing to learn and improve. See also How you lock your smartphone can reveal your age: Study
4. Highlight inconsistencies. If the criticism contradicts the earlier feedback you've received, it's okay to speak up respectfully. You could say something like, 'I remember we discussed a different approach earlier. Should I still be following that?'
5. Stand your ground. If you believe the criticism is unfair or based on incomplete information, it's okay to explain your side. Be clear, calm, and provide any relevant facts to support your view.
Read also: Former teacher takes pay cut for career change and falls in love with her new 'eight-to-five' admin job, 'glued to the chair typing away'
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)