Everton's Dominic Calvert-Lewin emotionally recalls 'crying on bedroom floor'
Dominic Calvert-Lewin has spoken about the pressure he placed on himself to bring success to Everton, as a series of injuries rendered him almost helpless in a Premier League relegation battle
Dominic Calvert-Lewin has recalled shedding tears on his bedroom floor on his birthday, as Everton's struggles in the 2020/21 season got to him while he was hindered by injury. While he bounced back to net the goal that eventually ensured Everton's Premier League survival, the centre-forward opened up about the emotional toil that being sidelined had on him.
The season had started positively for Calvert-Lewin, with the striker finding the net in the first three league matches and earning a call-up to the England squad. However, this form came with a price as he soldiered on despite a broken toe.
Reflecting on this period on the High Performance Podcast, he remembered having to withdraw from the international squad and, while trying to adjust for his injury, developed the first of several quadriceps issues that have since plagued him. Calvert-Lewin also opened up about his challenging season, marred by injuries and managerial changes, from Rafa Benitez to Frank Lampard's rescue mission.
Despite the setbacks, the 28-year-old played a pivotal role in the campaign, notably with his decisive diving header from Demarai Gray's free-kick against Crystal Palace that truly turned the tide for the club and saved them from relegation, igniting ecstatic celebrations at Goodison Park.
Reflecting on the overwhelming emotions of that moment, Calvert-Lewin said: "That feeling, I'll never be able to describe it. It was the weight of my own pressure, the football club.
"I am quite an emotional person so I put that responsibility on my shoulders. I thought, 'It's my responsibility to save everybody, save people's jobs.' So when I scored that goal it was a relief. The biggest relief ever.
"On my birthday, which would have been 4/5 weeks before I scored that goal, that was a low point for me. I can't remember why, I think it was built-up emotion, I ended up crying. I was on my own on my birthday, crying on my bedroom floor for whatever reason, feeling a little bit sorry for myself.
"I think it was not knowing how to express what I was feeling in that moment, that feeling things were getting away from me, feeling you have all the pressure of the football club on your shoulders and you just want to go out there and play.
"And at that moment I couldn't play because I had picked up another injury and it was overwhelming. But I remember thinking to myself, 'This is a rock bottom moment.' In my mind I was thinking it doesn't get worse than this, you need to pick yourself up and go again.
"So that was a catalyst for me because I felt better after I cried. I let out that emotion, all that pressure I had put on myself, and thought I am going to save Everton Football Club. I ended up scoring the winning goal."
Calvert-Lewin also shared his emotional journey on social media, telling podcast host Jake Humphrey about the unintended consequences it had. He had meant to write that talking had changed his life, but the message was misinterpreted, leading to increased media scrutiny and additional pressure.
The striker emphasised the significance of his message, that people can triumph over their hardships, wrote on his Instagram: "Hindsight is a beautiful thing. What I actually did was almost put more pressure on me because I put myself in the spotlight for a non-footballing reason... we all have problems and that is what I was trying to portray."
Recounting the unforgettable moment his header found the net, he added: "I've never heard a stadium erupt like that in my life. I remember the ball coming in. I remember heading the ball. I remember feeling like I had lost sight of the ball. Looking back up. And it had just gone past the keeper.
"And it was like [tries to replicate the crowd noise], it was like a noise that was almost still. It was that loud it was silent, if that makes sense. Everything just faded out and I remember just wheeling off, running, I don't know what I was doing... it was the most euphoric thing I have ever felt playing football."
Despite ongoing injury woes, Calvert-Lewin has delivered crucial moments to ensure Everton's Premier League survival in recent years, including a pivotal penalty at Leicester City and Abdoulaye Doucoure's last-day heroics to avoid relegation the following season.
Last year, his courageous last-minute penalty secured a draw at Newcastle, setting the stage for a revival in which he netted the decisive goal against Burnley and the second in the 2-0 Merseyside derby victory that virtually eliminated relegation worries.
However, after sustaining a hamstring injury at Brighton and Hove Albion, he was absent for a significant portion of the latter half of this season under David Moyes – and with his contract due to expire at the end of this month, his future remains uncertain.
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