ChatGPT, can you write my new novel for me? Och aye, ye preenin' Sassenach
The monsters of artificial intelligence are coming for you. They will cast you out on the street like a Dickensian mill owner and laugh as they do it – at least they will if you work in any sort of creative industry. We're told this again and again, and the warnings might be right – America's Authors Guild has even just announced plans for a trust mark to be stuck on book covers to show that the book was written by a human.
Well, I'm going to turn the tables. My publisher is anxiously waiting for me to finish my new novel, a sequel to my previous thriller The Turnglass. So let's see if AI can take the faff – the actual writing bit – out of creative writing.
A quick check with ChatGPT assures me that yes, it knows my previous book, so I inform it that the sequel begins with Shakespeare investigating the real-life murder of his friend Christopher Marlowe. Early on, Shakespeare encounters a Scottish villain beside a canal. So let's fire up the AI.
''Jamie MacIntosh,' Shakespeare muttered, his hand instinctively moving toward the hilt of his poniard. 'What foul wind has blown you into my way?''
So far so good.
'MacIntosh grinned, his teeth flashing white in the dimness. 'I might ask the same of you, Bard.' MacIntosh stepped forward, his broad shoulders filling the alley. 'Not so fast, Shakes. Word is you've been asking the wrong questions to the wrong people. That makes you a problem.''
Nice one, ChatGPT. That's the stuff. One note, though: MacIntosh isn't Scottish enough. Try again.
'MacIntosh stepped forward. 'No sae fast, Shakes. Word is ye've been speirin' th' wrang questions tae th' wrang folk. That maks ye a problem.''
Better! Now. A bit of gratuitous violence, please.
'They slammed against the brick wall, dust and mortar cascading around them. Shakespeare brought an elbow down onto MacIntosh's shoulder. He grabbed MacIntosh's collar and twisted, using the man's own weight to roll them both sideways – straight into the canal… 'Damnation,' MacIntosh spat. 'Ye fecht like a deil.''
Not bad. Not bad at all. But, well, MacIntosh still isn't Scottish enough, if you ask me. One more try? ChatGPT is happy to oblige.
''No sae fast, ye preenin' Sassenach gobshite.'' Blimey.
'Word is ye've been speirin' th' wrang questions.' The two men circled each other, breath steamin' in the cauld night air. MacIntosh roared an' surged, only tae step on a particularly slithery haddock, which sent him flailin' like a spooked highland coo afore he crashed onto Shakespeare.
'Shakespeare shoved MacIntosh straight intae the edge o' the canal… The Scot let oot a wheeze that sounded like a deflatin' bagpipe. 'Ach, Christ's knees!' he spat, wipin' water frae his eyes. 'Ye fecht like a deranged wild haggis wi' a grudge.''
Sign up to Observed
Analysis and opinion on the week's news and culture brought to you by the best Observer writers
after newsletter promotion
Right. Yes, I think that's sufficiently Scottish.
But does ChatGPT have any suggestions for what could happen next? It does.
'Just as they separate, both men are ambushed by a gang of cutthroats. Forced to fight side by side, they realize they make a formidable duo. Afterward, they begrudgingly agree to work together – perhaps on a mission involving court intrigue.'
A mismatched buddy movie – I like it! Only I'm not sure it fits with the rest of the book. I'll have to see what my editor thinks. I won't hold my breath, though.
The Waterfall is published in September. None of it was written by AI
Gareth Rubin writes about culture and society
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
The National
15 minutes ago
- The National
Glasgow refugee festival showcases work of displaced artists
The exhibition, entitled 'LIVE IN ART,' is a collaboration between artists from a host of countries, including Ukraine, Iran, Vietnam, Colombia, Afghanistan, and Pakistan. It is being held at the Centre for Contemporary Arts in Glasgow as part of the Refugee Festival Scotland. READ MORE: Scottish abattoir shuts doors after 100 years with 90 jobs lost On display is a mix of multimedia art including a winding table of sculptures, paintings and a striking banner hung over the railing outside, overlooking the Saramago Cafe Bar. The pieces were created during a two-month creative group residency where artists developed an array of pieces now presented to the public in the Centre for Contemporary Art's Creative Lab room. Curated by Glasgow artist and activist Syeda Sadaf Zaidi, the exhibition has been designed around themes of memory and home. Syeda said: 'As someone navigating the immigrant experience, art has become both a tool and a sanctuary, a way to speak when words fall short. I'm especially passionate about projects that invite participation, exchange and shared ownership. Activism and art aren't separate for me; they're interconnected forms of resistance and hope.' 'As a curator, I wanted the entire exhibition to feel just as honest to give space to artists who are expressing something real, with feeling and courage,' she added. This piece (untitled), created by Syeda, represents the journey from place to place (Image: Supplied) The paintings on display depict personal stories and many carry themes of migration, heritage and dealing with identity as expatriates. The exhibition has been opened at the CCA just months after the centre's temporary closure which lasted from December of 2024 until March of this year. The centre has cited a lack of funding as a key reason for the closure. Syeda is calling for more support describing the centre as 'the best place for artists.' READ MORE: Ryanair announces £500 fines in bid to clamp down on disruptive passengers She said: 'Organisations like CCA need more funding, and I hope the government will reconsider any cuts that affect artists and creative spaces. There is so much hidden talent in the city that deserves recognition and support.' 'I'd also like to thank the Scottish Refugee Council for their support. They've played a key role in helping me share my work and be part of this amazing city.' One artist involved, Linh Nguyen from Vietnam, had her work depicting various places she has lived on display. She said: 'It's like meditation because I can just lose myself when I am doing it. It's like a different world where I can just relax and be myself.' 'I love going to Syeda's class at CCA where I just spend a few hours making my art. It definitely feels liberating in a sense. I feel that I have a space to express myself and create something.' Linh added. Participating artists included Yuliya Shkurina, Tetiana Alandarieva, Inna Sheremeta, Oksana Borysova, Tara Gomary, Diana Pimiento C., Lenur Sufianov, Linh Nguyen, Syed Anwar Arif, Hanna Shamardina and Mahdi Mohammadi. The LIVE IN ART Exhibition is open from June 10 to 14 and is free to attend.
The Courier
2 hours ago
- The Courier
All you need to know about Dundee Book Festival as Val McDermid, Chris Brookmyre and Nicola Sturgeon come to town
Dundee book-lovers rejoice! The City of Discovery will celebrate renowned writers and rising stars with a new book festival for 2025. The inaugural Dundee Book Festival features a list of wonderful writers including big names such as Val McDermid and Chris Brookmyre. The festival is the brain-child of Dundee Leisure and Culture's Anna Day. She says: 'Books are often quite a solitary thing and I think book festivals are just this incredible way of bringing people together.' Scotland's 'Queen of Crime' is coming to Dundee for a chat about her extraordinary literary career with award-winning novelist James Robertson. Val's latest standalone novel, Queen MacBeth, a reimagining of the role of Shakespeare's Lady Macbeth, has just been published in paperback. The prolific writer has sold more than 20 million books globally. She is the author of an incredible body of crime writing including the Tony Hill and Karen Pirie series. Oh, and she will be opening the festival along with her fellow members of Fun Lovin Crime Writers on Friday evening. Is there no end to the woman's talents? Val will be in conversation with another giant of Scottish modern Scottish literature, James Robertson. James' The Testament of Gideon Mack has recently been reworked into an acclaimed stage show. Chris Brookmyre writes crime fiction under his own name and in partnership with his wife Marisa Haetzman as Ambrose Parry. He is also part of The Fun Lovin' Crime Writers line-up and will join fellow guitarists Luca Veste and Stuart Neville to talk about writing crime thrillers on Friday June 13 at 11.30am. Chris' recent novel The Cracked Mirror is a mix of Scottish cosy crime and L.A. noir. He has brought the two styles together to win The McIlnvanney Prize. Also on Friday, Chris will get together with Fisher and Raven series writing partner to talk about Writing the Past with Broughty Ferry's Michelle Sloan (Mrs Burke & Mrs Hare). The trio will join Dundee-based crime writer RD McLean (The Friday Girl) to discuss their novels set in the cut throat-closes of Victorian Edinburgh. Dundee podcasters turned authors Zoe Venditozzi and Claire Mitchell founded the Witches of Scotland campaign. The team successfully campaigned for a legal pardon for the women and men persecuted in Scotland's witch trials. The duo are joined by former First Minister Nicola Sturgeon to launch their new book. How to Kill a Witch: A Guide for the Patriarchy is a sharply witty book which tries to understand the mindset of the people (men) who persecuted and tried to silence women during this dark era of Scotland's past. Dundee-born Doug Johnston comes home to a very special childhood haunt for his Thrills at the Mills event on the Enceladons Trilogy. Mills Observatory was a favourite place for young Doug. He studied physics and designed radar guidance systems before turning his hand to writing. The Edinburgh-based writer now has twelve novels under his belt and fans of his work include Val McDermid, Irvine Welsh and Ian Rankin. He will join a select audience at Mills Observatory to discuss his Enceladons Trilogy, an incredible foray into the world of science fiction where extra-terrestrial life comes to Scotland. The Attention All Shipping author brings the one-man theatre show based on his book about the Shipping Forecast to the Steps Theatre. Charlie Connelly is London born and bred, has spent time living in Ireland and is now a Dundee resident. The author, TV and radio broadcaster and scriptwriter visited the City of Discovery with his wife. The couple loved what they saw so much that they decided to make Dundee their home. Charlie's one-man stage show celebrates the famous Radio 4 shipping forecast in all its quirky glory, taking the time to inform and entertain along the way. Author Andrew Orr has dedicated ten years of his life to researching the Norwegian's defiance of Nazi Germany. The result is The Flight of the Vikings, a comprehensive history of how the country went back to their Viking roots and took to their boats to escape across the North Sea to Scotland. Andrew, who is a retired GP, is well known for his chronicle of the Norwegian Royal Forces mascot Sea Dog Bamse. During his Dundee Book Festival event he will share his fascination for the Scottish/Norwegian wartime alliance. Former Courier journalist, columnist and political consultant, Andrew Liddle returns to his Dundee patch to talk about his book Churchill: The Scottish Years. Andrew examines the lesser-known side of Winston Churchill: a reforming, Liberal MP for Dundee and brings his rivalry with Edwim Scrymgeour into the spotlight. Andrew's other political works include Ruth Davidson and the Resurgence of the Scottish Tories and Cheers, Mr Churchill! Dundee's own street poet, Gary Robertson is described in the Dundee Book Festival as, 'a true Dundee legend'. The award-winning poet, author, playwright and singer will talk about all this and more at Dundee Book Festival. Gary tells his stories through the Dundee dialect and will discuss his book Gangs of Dundee. The audience will also get a sneak preview of his upcoming work Wild Mountain Times, a history of the NCR hillwalking and climbing club. Any event with Gary involved promises to entertain and inform. Anna Day is proud to be showcasing some of Dundee Leisure and Culture's venues including Lochee Library, Mills Observatory, McManus Galleries and the Steps Theatre in The Central Library. 'I love the Steps Theatre,' she enthuses. 'It gives proper 1970s vibes when you walk in and it's just lush and sweet.' She agrees that it can often be overlooked, tucked away within the Wellgate: 'I think a lot of people in the city have forgotten it exists.' Tickets for most of the events at Dundee Book Festival cost £5 and some are free, apart from the Fun Lovin Crime Writers concert at the Marryat Hall (£20 each). Some events are already sold out with others selling fast.
Edinburgh Live
2 hours ago
- Edinburgh Live
Scottish star's life after quitting acting 30 years on from debut
Our community members are treated to special offers, promotions and adverts from us and our partners. You can check out at any time. More info Daniela Nardini, who became a household name as lawyer Anna Forbes in the 1996 BBC2 hit series This Life, is now barely recognisable from her days on screen. The actress, who also graced episodes of the Scottish crime drama Taggart, was close to quitting acting before securing her role in the acclaimed sitcom. This Life, which spanned 33 episodes and 11 years, followed a group of aspiring law graduates navigating their careers at a London law firm. The show enjoyed two successful series and a sequel TV movie in 2007 titled This Life +10. Daniela's portrayal of Anna won her a BAFTA at the age of 57, but she later chose to leave the limelight and now runs her own cognitive behavioural therapy practice in Glasgow. Her second BAFTA came in 2009 for her performance in the BBC Four drama New Town. Daniela's career also included roles in Vera, Waterloo Road, and The Fades, until she stepped back from acting in 2019, reports the Express. Pursuing a new direction, Daniela trained as a mental health professional, offering support to individuals dealing with depression, anxiety, behavioural issues, and those affected by cancer and addiction. Three decades after her breakout role, Daniela has transformed remarkably, embracing a fresh chapter in her life. In a Psychology Today profile, she reflects on her extensive acting career, stating: "I have worked as an actress for over 35 years. (Image: BBC) "This has been an invaluable education for me to study what it is to be human and how we can all suffer at times and feel misunderstood and lonely. "I myself have struggled at times. My practice involves helping you gain insight, clarity and believe it or not humour at times. I don't shock easily so I won't judge." Speaking with the Daily Mail in 2020, she shared her personal tribulations saying: " went through a very dark period. Sometimes I wonder if it was all the emotional stuff I was going through that caused my cancer.'" She added: "A couple of years down the road, I now feel as if I've emerged stronger and a better person, really. Anna would be proud."
