Dame Kelly Holmes reveals coming out fears to LGBT Sport Podcast
Dame Kelly Holmes has told a new podcast how living "authentically" as a gay woman has "opened up a whole new world" which she said feels a far cry from her days in the army.The two-time Olympic gold medallist, who grew up in Pembury, publicly came out three years ago after decades of keeping her sexuality a closely-guarded secret.What began out of necessity due to the ban on homosexuality in the armed forces became Dame Kelly's way of being, she said. This pressure, as the 55-year-old explains on The LBGT Sport Podcast, took its toll before she reached a crossroads during the Covid-19 pandemic.
"Covid became quite traumatic... I was internalising those thoughts of 'I don't want to live my life like this'," she told the first episode of the new BBC podcast presented by former boxer Nicola Adams.Dame Kelly recalls thinking, while unwell with the virus, that if she were to pass away her family and friends would reflect on the "shame" of her not feeling able to live authentically."This one night, I had to reach out for help... it started the process of thinking 'I've got to somehow allow myself to feel free enough to live my life in the public eye authentically'," she said.Arriving to a place of comfort in being open was a gradual process, one which saw her speak to a psychologist for the first time - something she had avoided due to fears of being outed.After years of "second guessing words" and "filtering" conversations, Dame Kelly started to share her journey.She said: "I needed to explain why I couldn't come out because of the army, because a lot of people didn't know about the army ban... nobody knew that that was actually the underlying reason for not coming out."Living openly as a gay woman was something Dame Kelly said she had to lean into at her own pace.As someone who had previously avoided any form of Pride celebration, she found it "hard at first" to immerse herself in the LGBT world.But now, Dame Kelly is "wearing every colour under the rainbow" and goes on stage at Pride events.
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