It's amazing what you have to be expert at these days...
Reader Chris Sherwood was alighting from a train and glanced at this poster, when the chap next to him nodded, then said: 'Fleetwood Mac by Candlelight, eh? Beats using electric guitars and a drum kit, I guess.'
Food for thought
Moggy owner Linda Bridges admits being a tad confused.
'I can never understand,' she says, 'why tinned cat food isn't made from mice and birds. I have yet to find half a tuna on my door-mat.'
Din-dins disaster
Okay we traduced cats.
Now it's time to show some good old-fashioned journalistic balance, by having a go at dogs, too…
Reader Bob Muir says: 'There's nothing sadder than the look on my dog's face when I drop food from the table and he realises it's lettuce.'
Boozy banter
Who needs the wisdom of ancient proverbs when there is so much more to be learned from brand spanking new proverbs, fresh off the shelf?
Reader Matt Ennis was in his local hostelry when a tipsy pal standing next to him at the bar nodded ruminatively, then dispensed the following sage advice.
'Never hire an electrician with no eyebrows,' said he.
Hitting out
Golf is allegedly some sort of a sport, though many scholars of the pastime disagree and claim it's no different from a gentle stroll around the local supermarket, only not quite so much fun, because golf doesn't have an Aisle 2 with yellow sticker items, just spiteful little holes drilled into the soil.
'I decided to play golf with a friend,' reader Colin Wallace tells us.
On the third hole Colin's friend turned to him and said: "Let's make this interesting."
So they stopped playing golf.
TV or not TV?
The White Lotus is a popular American comedy-drama, streaming on Amazon.
Reader Jenny Ryan fancied watching it, so suggested to her teenage daughter, Rosie, that they could tune in together.
Without glancing up from her mobile, Rosie said: 'How many episodes?'
'Six, in the first season,' said Jenny.
'Not ready for that kind of commitment,' said Rosie, then continued to gaze at her phone for the next four hours.
Sleep of reason
'Old age is definitely creeping up on me,' sighs reader Sue Wilkinson. 'I was in bed for five minutes when I heard the pizza man cough. Then I realised I'd come into my bedroom for my purse...'
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