‘My husband spent £60k on his secret fiancée – then was sectioned'

Yahoo

23-05-2025

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Dear Katie,
Just before Christmas last year, I suspected that something untoward was going on with my husband.
He kept going out for drives in his car at strange times, and I found one or two Apple gift cards in his pocket, which I initially thought nothing of. But then, one day, I decided to open his glove compartment. To my horror, about 60 Apple gift cards fell out.
I said nothing, but did a bit more snooping and discovered a series of strange cash withdrawals totalling around £30,000 from his Nationwide current account. I didn't confront him about it, as I was scared about his reaction, but I confided in my adult children.
Having discovered the level of withdrawals from his account, I went down to his local branch of Nationwide to report this.
I explained to them that there was unusual activity on his account in the form of daily ATM withdrawals of £500 cash, and asked them to look into the Apple gift cards.
However, I was told that as he was making the withdrawals from ATMs, it was none of their concern. I was told that since it was his account, he would need to come in himself.
A few days, later my children confronted him about it all. He told them that he had been having an affair with a woman he met online.
I already knew he liked to go on Facebook and had been commenting underneath various celebrities' posts – including Agnetha from Abba, Susannah Reid and Sandra Bullock. He seemed to believe that they were personally responding to him, which spurred him on to leave more comments.
But in January 2024, he received a response to one of his comments from a woman called Natasha, who then began messaging him on a one to one basis. They were chatting on WhatsApp and developed some sort of relationship.
He began buying Amazon gift cards and giving them to her – spending £30,000 on these in addition to the Apple gift cards. She said she was going to leave him her entire inheritance and, upsettingly, in the messages she referred to him as her fiancée.
My husband was in such a state after this conversation that my children took him to hospital and he was sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
There he was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, which is a rare form of the disease impacting personality, behaviour, language and speech. Unlike other types of dementia, memory loss and concentration problems are less prominent in its early stages, hence why we had not realised there was anything seriously wrong.
Once my husband was on the hospital ward, the doctor wrote to Nationwide advising them of the scam and that he was sectioned. Since then, Nationwide seems to have taken the situation seriously and has opened a case with its Financial Crime Department.
Bizarrely, they wrote directly to my husband at his home address, even though he is not there.
Despite attempts by myself and his children with numerous phone calls and visits to the branch, we have been unable to get Nationwide to understand the extent of the situation. My husband is still sectioned, and due to his rapidly advancing illness, is now unable to communicate verbally.
Nationwide has now written to my husband telling him that as he has not responded, they will be closing his account on May 13. Unbelievably, it asked him to visit his local branch with a valid ID, which obviously he cannot do.
To date, they have frozen his account but direct debits are still being paid, namely money to run his house and car insurance. If Nationwide closes the account, all these important payments will not be made and with no power of attorney in place, we have no means of accessing money to ensure these payments are met.
This has been and continues to be an extremely upsetting situation for our family to find my husband incapacitated so quickly. This upset has been exacerbated by the attitude of Nationwide in offering no assistance at all.
– Anon
Dear reader,
After living what you would have described as a normal married life for so many years, the rug was suddenly pulled out from under your feet just before Christmas last year when you discovered your husband's 'affair'.
In an almost unbelievable turn of events, he was then sectioned and diagnosed with a rare form of dementia, which has caused his mental state to rapidly deteriorate to the point where he can no longer speak.
He is now receiving one to one care in a home and you say he will never be able to leave due to the degenerative nature of his condition.
After uncovering his horrible secret, I imagine you have been left questioning the integrity of the man you thought you knew, with no hope of an explanation. But you have also had to come to terms with the fact that you have lost him forever because he is never coming back from this seemingly sudden illness.
I'm so very sorry for your loss and all that you have endured over the past few months. This has felt like a dreadfully sad end to what was otherwise a long and happy life together.
I think what's highly likely in retrospect is that your husband's frontotemporal dementia had already kicked in back when he started talking to 'Natasha' on Facebook in January last year. You say he has always been loyal in the past, and all this was extremely out of character, which I totally believe.
It is the case that sufferers of frontotemporal dementia can be more vulnerable to scams due to changes in their judgement and decision-making abilities.
The disease can also affect a person's ability to manage money and assess risk, perhaps explaining why he was suddenly willing to spend £60,000 on a woman he had never met in person, despite previously having a track record of being faithful and financially prudent.
I want to be clear that as an outsider looking in I don't see this episode as an affair at all. It was a cold hard romance scam in which this woman, who was likely part of a criminal enterprise, preyed on your husband at the very moment when he happened to be losing capacity.
People like her are highly trained in manipulation, and can often succeed in casting a spell over people with no known mental issues. So I'm afraid that once in her clutches, with his state of mind, he stood little chance of escaping.
Since you and your husband have always had separate bank accounts, and you did not set up a lasting power of attorney for each other in case one of you lost capacity, dealing with the aftermath of the scam has been horrendously difficult.
You say Nationwide has been extremely unhelpful, which I was sorry to hear, but I'm afraid that it is bound by regulations which state that since you are not named on the account it cannot deal with you.
I note that you said your husband did receive a visit from social services last year in relation to a financial matter, however, you were under the impression they were simply warning him about the messages he believed he was sending to the real Sandra Bullock.
In fact, I believe this may have actually been triggered by Nationwide following all the unusual activity on his account, as under banking protocols, if it suspects someone is being preyed on and may be losing capacity, then it is able to involve the police/social services.
However, social services cleared him as being okay, as did his GP two months before he was sectioned, you say.
Since your husband has lost capacity, he cannot consent for me to discuss his account with Nationwide, which has made investigating his case somewhat tricky. Yet although it has been unable to discuss his account in any detail, I was pleased when Nationwide did confirm that his accounts will be safeguarded and will remain open to allow you to make the appropriate Court of Protection application.
This is now underway, and I have also received confirmation that once it is in place, or in the event of his death (which you have been warned by doctors may not be too far off), we can retrospectively make a claim for a refund under the Contingent Reimbursement Model, which delivers refunds for scams.
Given the situation, I think your husband stands a good chance of getting his money back. Although it won't undo the terrible trauma you've endured in recent months, I know the return of his £60,000 would help, so I'd like to assist you through the process when we're able to proceed. I truly wish you all the best.
A Nationwide spokesman said: 'We can't provide customer information on this case (without authority to do so). However, our staff are trained to spot vulnerability indicators and refer customers to our specialist support team, who will review complex cases like this with the utmost care.
'We work closely with local police and refer to social services as appropriate based on the facts of the case. We review all cases on an individual basis to help support victims through really difficult periods.'
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