'I loved staying in Henry VIII's lovenest - apart from the outdoor facilities'
Waking on the waterfront, watching the ducks and geese glide by as you languish in a super-comfy Art Deco-inspired bed complete with Egyptian cotton bedding and furs... am I selling it?
There are four literary-themed lodges right on the water at Leeds Castle in Kent – Ian Fleming, Noel Coward, Daphne du Maurier and our one, Gertrude Lawrence. All four were guests of the castle's former owner, Lady Olive Baillie, at some point and the lodges can be accessed through a private walkway through her Mediterranean garden on the estate.
Inside are cute little touches, like old-fashioned binoculars, handy for watching the aforementioned wildlife, books, ornaments and Art-Deco decor. Things are bang up-to-date though in the bathrooms, which have walk-in rain showers and gorgeous-smelling spa toiletries.
A floor-to-ceiling glass wall makes you feel you are truly immersed in nature but before you panic, there is good wi-fi and a TV too.
Outside there is a bath on the deck. All very sexy in theory but perhaps not in March... I'm a game old bird so I ran the bath, poured in a bottle of the spa shower gel and stepped in.
It could be fabulous but only if they up the temperature of the water somewhat. It does need to be steaming hot in Britain and it was a little on the tepid side to be honest. I sat there for a shivery 10 minutes in the name of research and a glass of bubbly helped take the chill off.
In summer, though, definitely a lovely idea, and there is the added frisson that a boat might sail by...
Night-time in the lodges is heaven for insomniacs like me. Complete darkness and silence (apart from the ducks and geese). In fact it was so cosy and dark even the boyfriend's snoring and night-time bathroom expeditions passed me blissfully by. Built from UK-grown timber with sustainability as the watchword (which might explain the not-so-hot bath) they are nevertheless an excellent combination of nature and nurture, peaceful and private.
If you do leave the sanctuary of your lodge then Leeds Castle certainly has plenty to do, especially for families. Having no youngsters in tow didn't stop us visiting the maze, the spooky underground grotto, the falconry centre or the ice-cream cafe.
The maze is deceptively difficult. Honestly, it looks tiny but it took forever, to the point where you're thinking about tunnelling through a hedge because you're tantalising close to the centre. A great place to leave any teenagers who didn't want to come out with you in the first place. With any luck you may never get them back!
The way out is via a strange little underground grotto that's been lit to turn it into a spooky tunnel younger ones will love.
The castle itself stands in a lake formed by the River Len to the east of the village of Leeds and is a historic Grade I-listed estate. A castle has existed on the site since 857. In the 13th century, it came into the hands of King Edward I and in the 16th century, Henry VIII used it as a dwelling for his first wife, Catherine of Aragon.
Catherine's house is adjacent to the castle, a sort of 'my wife next door' arrangement, which sounds ideal to me but we all know what happened to that marriage.
The present castle dates mostly from the early 19th century. Its last private owner, Lady Baillie, left it in trust to open it to the public. Today, visitors follow a walk through a historical mash-up of styles and get a glimpse of its 1920s' heyday. As you enter the Servants Hall there is a film explaining the 'Queens of Means' story of the castle. Gifted, educated, cultured and intelligent conversationalists, these queens with means were women born and raised to marry English monarchs.
The latest video-mapping technology and unique lighting, sound and visual effects are used to create a compelling journey back through time. The queens, for history buffs who wish to know, are Catherine of Aragon, Eleanor of Castile, Queen Margaret of France, Queen Isabella of France, Queen Anne of Bohemia, Queen Joan of Navarre and Queen Catherine of Valois.
Imagine my embarrassment when I asked the guide why my personal favourite queen, Anne Boleyn, wasn't included, only to be told that was Hever Castle – also in Kent, to be fair. Dinner and breakfast at Leeds Castle are served in the Castle View Restaurant with lovely views of the castle. The clue's in the name.
If it's too chilly for the terrace, there are plenty of window tables inside to enjoy the castle lit up in all its glory at night. Food is good with a varied menu and plenty of local produce including local wine.
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Breakfast is a combination of help yourself and table service but there isn't much chance of a Sunday lie-in as it's served from 8am to 9.45am in a tiny window of opportunity many British establishments insist on.
Checkout is a prompt 10am but that does give you ample time to walk the stunning grounds and enjoy waterfalls, woodlands, wildlife and even a round of golf.
In fact you are encouraged to stay all day and enjoy the grounds. Which is an invitation that's hard to refuse.
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