Diary: Have you heard the Scots definition of posh?
Diary correspondent Robert Menzies notes that scientists are claiming that for the first time they have filmed chimps in the wild, gathered in a group sharing alcoholic treats.
'Surely that can't be correct,' adds Robert. 'Both Scottish Cup semi-finals were available to watch on BBC Scotland…'
Class act
A snippet of snappy dialogue overheard by one of our intrepid correspondents.
Lisa Perry was waiting in a supermarket queue when she overheard two young women discussing a mutual friend.
'She thinks she's well posh, so she does,' said one of the women, adding dismissively: 'I bet she eats a Greggs cheese and onion pasty with her pinkie raised.'
David Donaldson spotted this number plate in Hyndland Road, and says: 'It's not all students, hipsters and genteel poverty in the West End. Some of us are retired, rich and drive Range Rovers.' (Image: Contributed)
The job lot
It's always a tense moment when someone cracks wise in the boozer.
Brian Cowling was in his local with some pals, discussing their respective careers, when one of the gang puffed up his chest and boasted: 'If my firm ever thought of replacing me, it would take five people to do my job.'
'True,' nodded another pal. 'Four of them permanently off on the sick. And the fifth guy on his mobile, catching up on his TikTok account.'
Kid's stuff
Yay! After running riot during the Easter break, Scotia's wee rascals are once again safely locked away behind impregnable school fences.
Even better news: Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie can now update his knowledge of modern school humour, courtesy of his seven-year-old grandson, who returned home the other afternoon with all the latest jokes.
Malcolm kindly shares the following gag with us…
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Dwayne!
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub as I'm dwowning.
Metal machine music
We mentioned the swanky new tumble dryers that need to be connected to the house Wi-Fi in order to operate.
Now our readers are wondering what music, played on the Wi-Fi, would get those tumble dryers working best.
Craig Dobson suggests the classic Radiohead song High and Dry.
Island life
Former policeman Stewart Daniels from Cairneyhill recalls being on patrol in the leafy suburbs of Bearsden when he and a colleague came across a young man they didn't recognise as local.
When asked where he came from the stranger replied: 'Bridgeton'.
Quick as a blue flash, and seeking clarification, Stewart's colleague asked: 'Glasgow or Barbados?'
Dead giveaway
Sad reader Nick Williams says: 'RIP to my neighbour, who told his wife he was going out to get some thread but instead spent the day in the pub. Gone, but not for cotton.'
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