The Three Bangs
This play was written by students at Leixlip Youthreach over two weeks in October 2024.
Characters
Abraham, 23, college student, long ginger dreadlocks, 4'11, nerdy, plays badminton, had a car accident that made him short, deep Scottish accent.
Britnnayy, 22, struggles with education, blonde, 6'4, glamourous, manipulative, party animal, doesn't talk to her parents, valley girl accent.
Humfrey, pizza delivery guy.
READ MORE
Scene one
Abraham's sitting room at Halloween. Loud bang.
Abraham: What was that?
Britnnayy: I don't know!
Abraham: Wanna go check it out?
Britnnayy: Yeah.
Abraham: I dare you go upstairs and check it out.
Britnnayy: Come with me but get your dad's gun.
Second bang.
Abraham: His gun is upstairs and that's where the bang came from.
Britnnayy: See ye tomorrow.
Abraham: Britnnayy come back.
Britnnayy: Naawwrr!
Abraham: Britnnayy stop acting cowardly.
Britnnayy: Naawwrr!
Abraham: Where's my phone I need to call my parents?
Britnnayy: Not in my pocket!
Abraham: Let's just calm everything down and I'll call the guards.
Britnnayy: How can you call the guards if you can't find your phone?
Doorbell rings, they both look at each other in shock. They look out the window and see the pizza man. They open the door.
Humfrey (scared): Here's your pizza.
Humfrey stumbles backwards. Abraham brings the pizza in the house and puts it on the table. Inside is a gun and a note that reads, 'Come find me. PS I took your garlic bread.'
Scene two
Upstairs. Third loud bang from downstairs. Britnnayy is looking for Abraham's d
ad's gun.
Britnnayy: ABRAHAMMMM!!! Oh s**t, where the hell is that gun?
Britnnayy finds a baseball bat, opens the door to the bedroom and frantically runs down the stairs.
Britnnayy: Oh my God, who is that? ... Is that my garlic bread?
Abraham climbs through the window, with the gun in his hand.
Britnnayy: I don't know what the hell is going on!
Abraham gives Britnnayy a death stare, he is covered in blood.
Britnnayy: Are you okay? What are you doing? Why are you covered in blood?
Abraham starts slowly walking towards Britnnayy with a creepy smile on his face. Britnnayy walks backwards, tightening her grip on the baseball bat.
Abraham: Hehehe!
Abraham, shoots his gun at Britnnayy and no bullets come out.
Britnnayy: This isn't funny, are you pranking me right now?
Abraham (
tweaking out
): Legs….legs….legs.
Britnnayy (
confused, returns to Dublin accent
): What are ye on about ye mad ting?
Abraham (
Still tweakin'
): You fell for it ya wee lassie, I planned this whole thing.
Britnnayy starts swinging the baseball bat at Abraham and he tries to escape out of the window again.
Britnnayy: I'll get me bleedin' nanny after ye.
Abraham: I'll take her legs too!
Britnnayy: She doesn't have any. She's in a bleedin' wheelchair mate!
Britnnayy lands a blow of the baseball bat on Abraham's teeth as he falls out the window.
Scene three
Abraham comes out of the shed with a chainsaw. Meanwhile, Britnnayy calls the Guards from the house phone.
Neighbour: You're making too much noise out here, it's the middle of the night.
Abraham (
Sarcastically
): Sorry, I'm really busy here, I'm just crossing my t's and dotting my i's.
The g
uards arrive at the house as Abraham is sawing off one of Britnnayy's legs, they shoot him in the chest.
Britnnayy: AHHHH you're a bit bleedin' late?
Abraham: You're just like your nanny; you're going to need wheelchair access now.
Britnnayy: I'll get my legs put back on, but you'll be short forever…
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