Our kids stay in our family home, and my ex and I alternate staying there and in an apartment. 'Nesting' works for us.
When my ex and I divorced, we decided to try "nesting."
Our kids stay in the family home, and we alternate parenting them there and staying in an apartment.
It helps us coparent better, keeps things stable for the kids, and is financially responsible.
When my marriage ended after more than two decades, I wasn't ready to uproot everything all at once. We had two kids, a shared house, and years of routines. So instead of rushing to sell or move out, we decided to try something I'd only heard about in passing: "nesting."
Nesting means keeping the family home as the primary base for our kids while my ex and I alternate living there and staying elsewhere. We change places halfway through the week, and the kids never have to pack a bag.
Of the options we discussed, nesting not only sounded good for the kids but was also the most financially responsible option. We live in Los Angeles, where rents are sky high, and having two homes large enough to support the kids isn't really a possibility right now. After alternating on friends' couches for a while, we rented a studio apartment as our second place.
My ex and I alternate spending half the week parenting in the family home and the other half in a sleek, modern studio with building amenities like a gym and a hot tub. The apartment is clean, quiet, and honestly, kind of incredible. There are no toys on the floor, no dog hair, and no scooters in the hallway. Sometimes I just sit quietly on the couch to hear myself think.
Nesting can feel surreal. The house stays the same, but we rotate in and out like actors in a long-running play. One night, I'll be folding laundry and helping with homework, and the next, I'll be alone in the studio apartment eating cereal for dinner. There is some whiplash, as my environment changes every couple of days.
The hardest part of nesting isn't emotional. It's logistical. There is a lot of sharing and coordinating. We lay out a schedule in a combined calendar. We share grocery lists and update each other on the house and kid status when we switch places. We agreed not to leave either house messy, to let each other know our comings and goings, and to change the sheets — especially if someone brings a date home, which is a whole other world to navigate.
We have moments when communication breaks down, when we snap at each other, or when resentment starts creeping in. Sometimes, the towels are in a new place. Sometimes, my ex forgets to take the trash out. Sometimes, I leave my socks on the floor. This arrangement takes a level of cooperation that many divorced couples might not be willing to do. We're not just co-parenting; we're cohabiting without coexisting. My ex is my roommate. In two homes.
Nesting isn't a permanent solution, and we both know that. The kids will get older and our lives will evolve, so we're figuring out how long this arrangement can last. In the short term, it gives us space to keep stability in the kids' lives.
They don't have to switch houses or bounce between bedrooms. Their lives stay constant, even as ours shift. They roll with the alternating parents and try to keep up with the ever-changing schedule of who's home. I think they appreciate having access to both of us and treasure having their own space.
There are moments I miss having my own uninterrupted home, and get sick of packing a bag every few days. But when I think of my kids having to move back and forth after their parents split up, I know I'd rather do it for them.
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