How I style my long hair for a special occasion at 51

Telegraph

25-05-2025

I hate to bang on about the French, but they really do know how to dress in that effortless way we Britons find elusive.
This is particularly true to hair. At 51 I struggle to style mine for a formal occasion. Too big and sprayed and all I can see is Lily Savage, too relaxed and I'm in danger of looking unbothered. Herein lies the tricky business of occasion hairstyling in midlife.
Thankfully my hairstylist, Larry King, is well versed in my requirements. King has been cutting my hair for years – more importantly he works with models and celebrities whose hair I admire, including the perennially insouciant Sienna Miller.
Hence I roped him and his right-hand coiffeur, hairdresser of the year Jake Unger, into styling the fashion and beauty team's hair for the summer event season, whether it's a wedding, the races or garden party.
My beef with formal dressing of any sort is that I can't abide feeling so put together. Of course I want to look put together, but I fear hair that's been manipulated into submission. Hence I rarely opt for an updo – when my hair is scraped off my face it feels like something important is missing. I also worry that my jawline, which is beginning to soften, is brutally exposed.
No one cares but me. Nonetheless, feeling your best self is the sauce that makes you walk into a formal function with ease. Thus I briefed King to create an updo that had the informality of my hair when it's down. An injection of carefree is to my mind the epitome of true beauty.
King blow-dried it smooth first, then took small pieces and twisted them around heated tongs, curling them under at the front and over towards the back. The latter gives the hair more lift, something new I learnt. Another lesson: King ran his fingers through my hair to separate the texture as he went, in contrast to the common practice of letting the hair cool first to allow the shape to set. This, says King, gives it a relaxed feel.
Next he tied my hair back into a low ponytail, knowing I wouldn't want a high bun (too matronly). King left out a healthy chunk of loose tendrils at the front, then twisted the bun in place and secured it loosely with bun pins and Kirby grips. One by one he pulled the pieces back and tucked them into the bun, placing one or two behind my ear, pinning randomly as he went until the right amount was left to frame my face.
Notably the strands were placed unevenly on both sides to deconstruct the updo. This was key not only for my style sensibility but to offset the top I had chosen, a powder-blue satin number by Scandi designer Malina. Pair the puffy-sleeved blouse with a traditional chignon and the ensemble would have read 1980s prom date. Granted, King is a pro, but my look took no more than 20 minutes to achieve – even more reason to choose a style that doesn't require an army to get right. In fact I reckon I could put it together myself at home with a little practice.
King's most useful advice is to work around your outfit. In my case, the voluminous sleeves called for a narrower hairstyle. If I had followed my usual styling protocol (hair down) the top would lose its gravitas. 'It's really crucial that you look at your outfit. Take into account its different features. If you're wearing a dress that's off-the-shoulders or one that is very strappy then you should consider wearing your hair down. If you've got a high neck, then it's better to wear your hair up or away from your face.'
Sonia Haria, beauty director
Larry worked with Sonia's texture to create a style that compliments the slinky black gown she has chosen to wear to a black-tie event. The season was a key starting point. 'I would always go a bit softer in summer; you're outside, it's sunny – it's quite nice if a little bit of wind catches the hair.' In Sonia's case, the ease of her waves lends itself to all weathers. 'If it's humid you don't need to worry so much if you've got this loose, tousled style.' The hairstyle, describes King, mimics the shape of Sonia's dress which is long and undulating. 'From the top of the head to the bottom, the hair has fluidity like her dress.'
Sonia's verdict:
'The thought of 'occasion' hair makes me feel a little queasy: I picture fussy updos fixed in place with half a can of strong-hold hairspray and dozens of hair grips. (I had some version of this updo on my wedding day 11 years ago.) My usual hairstyle nowadays is down with my natural waves and a little volume around my fringe, which is exactly what Larry replicated – in a much better, less frizzy manner. He gave me some clever tips on the best direction for tonging my hair (away from the face, always) and advised me to leave the ends of my hair straight to make the overall look more modern. It's exactly how I'd want to style my hair for any upcoming events this summer.'
Sophie Tobin, acting style editor
The plan was to go for a wet-look bob, tucked behind the ears. But Sophie's strapless babydoll silhouette needed texture, says Jake Unger who played off the elegance of Sophie's red lip to create a hair look that's stunning in its simplicity. Traditional means of curling would have widened the shape and given it a mumsy vibe not befitting a minimalist dresser in her twenties. Therefore Unger used a three-barrel waving tool to imprint less imposing bends into Sophie's jaw-length cut. When dressing for a special occasion, don't discount the tiny details, says King. Tweaks as basic as changing your parting or tucking one side behind your ear to highlight a statement earring can be surprisingly powerful.
Sophie's verdict:
'I went for an elevated version of my everyday hair to keep things simple with the red lip and statement jewellery. In the past I've had my hair curled for events and always found it to be too girly with bob-length hair. Adding defined waves kept the shape of my bob and the glossy finish lasted all day.'
Jan Masters, beauty writer
'When wearing a wide-brimmed hat like Jan, either go with a low ponytail or leave hair down with soft volume,' says King. Unger blow-dried Jan's hair then set it with Velcro rollers while she did her make-up. Using large rollers instead of curling tongs lends a modern feel to long hair, giving it body without going too wide or stiff.
Jan's verdict:
'I wouldn't have given it nearly so much oomph, especially at the roots – too scared to look overdone. But actually, the height without the hat did give my face better balance and it felt as if I was going somewhere special. Jake didn't really concern himself about where my natural parting was either – I just tipped my head upside down after the Velcro rollers came out and he gave it a fortifying spritz. It taught me to not focus all the attention and weight to the mid-length/ends of my hair. With the hat on, this worked too because the volume balanced the hat – if it had been down but sleeker, the hat would look like it was perched on my head. It's all about bringing proportion.'
Tamara Abraham, acting deputy fashion director
As a pared-back dresser, Tamara wanted a sleek updo to accompany her rose-coloured midi dress. Unger added a twist by leaving a loose piece to frame her face which prevented the style from being too severe, especially as she is new to updos. A crucial distinction from an ordinary bun, the focal point is the structural side piece which Unger styled to a sleek finish then set with styling cream and hairspray to smooth and hold it in place.
Tamara's verdict:
'This was completely different for me. I love the look of a sleek bun on others, but have never really understood how to do it in an elevated, grown-up way on myself – this was my chance to learn from someone really experienced. I think the key lessons for me were: really go for it with the product and hairspray, to control the flyaways, and don't feel you have to go with a central parting if your hair doesn't fall that way. The loose strand at the front made it look less severe, and feel more accessible. A comfort curl, if you will.'
Occasion wear must-have products
King says all styles should begin with a volumising spray or mousse in damp hair before blowdrying to 'give the hair grip'. A styling cream (rather than a heavy gel that leaves hair crunchy) is necessary for smoothing ends, which even if your style is tousled, should never look ratty. And finally, hairspray will set each of the styles in place.