How a terminal cancer diagnosis taught Kellie Finlayson to live
1/11
The author, podcaster and wife of AFL player Jeremy Finlayson opens up to Body+Soul about the reality of being diagnosed with Stage 4 bowel cancer at 25, and shares a life-saving message with every Australian.
Kellie Finlayson is many things. Proud mum to a three-year-old daughter Sophia, a dedicated wife to her husband, Port Adelaide AFL player Jeremy Finlayson, a successful podcaster, a debut author (more on that later), and a passionate advocate for raising bowel cancer awareness for one very personal reason – she was diagnosed with the disease at the age of just 25.
Kellie is searingly honest about the reality of living with a terminal illness. Her cancer isn't curable. It's not something she can overcome; it's something she has to live with.
Refusing to be defined by this devastating event, Kellie is so much more than her diagnosis but has dedicated herself to speaking openly about one of the country's most common cancers and one that an estimated 15,542 Australians were diagnosed with last year alone.
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Witnessing acts of casual homophobia usually involved Lea* turning away as a means of hiding from her own feelings. When initially navigating the LGBTQI world and figuring out her own sexuality, she worried about what would happen if she chose to come out. "When I was an anxious teenager still coming to terms with myself, I saw how people treated the only out lesbian at my all-girls school," she tells AAP. "The feelings I had there were fear of rejection, shame and all of that just built into me, and not wanting to come to terms with myself." Regardless of the forum, casual (or in Lea's terms 'acceptable') homophobia is the act of jokingly or subtly victimising LGBTQI people. Instead of directing slurs or physical violence, someone might say "I wish I was gay" or refer to another as "the gay best friend" or even buy someone a gift based on stereotypes of sexual orientation. About three in every hundred Australians identify as LGBTQI, approximately 40 per cent of whom hide their sexuality and/or gender in public spaces, according to the Australian Human Rights Commission. These days, Lea has reached the conclusion that casual homophobia isn't as much her issue as it is the fault of those who practice it. She regards them as immature and in need of a change in thinking. "I just get really disappointed in people who still think there's not the same legitimacy in queer relationships as there are in straight ones," she says. "I'm really disappointed when I have people in my life who still think that being a lesbian means I'm just thinking about tits all the time." LGBTQI individuals endure poorer mental health outcomes than straight people due to a lack of social acceptance, according to Aids Council of NSW co-ordinator Madhuraa Prakash. 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"We see the impact of casual homophobia in terms of the reported experience of mental health and wellbeing, and of safety and self-harm in our communities" Dr Koonin says. "You can't control what's in people's heads and you, to some extent, can't control what people can say but you can try and make it clear to people what hurts and what doesn't. "A lot of our work will be on increasing the level of awareness and exposure to the impact casual homophobia has in our communities." Although LGBTQI people need to lobby against casual homophobia, the straight community also has to play its part, Mr McCann says. He considers Wallaby-turned-senator David Pocock a notable voice in the LGBTQI marriage equality debate after declaring he wouldn't tie the knot with his wife until LGBTQI people could. "Pocock is a football star, incredibly handsome, incredibly charming and when he puts that kind of statement out there... that's got a lot more weight than the gay community lobbying for rights," Mr McCann says. NSW, ACT, Victoria, South Australia and Tasmania have government LGBTQI advisory bodies but federal parliament doesn't. Although a health advisory has been established in Canberra, Dr Koonin says having a committee similar to NSW would benefit the community. *Lea is an anonymous name. Lifeline 13 11 14 Fullstop Australia 1800 385 578 Witnessing acts of casual homophobia usually involved Lea* turning away as a means of hiding from her own feelings. When initially navigating the LGBTQI world and figuring out her own sexuality, she worried about what would happen if she chose to come out. "When I was an anxious teenager still coming to terms with myself, I saw how people treated the only out lesbian at my all-girls school," she tells AAP. "The feelings I had there were fear of rejection, shame and all of that just built into me, and not wanting to come to terms with myself." Regardless of the forum, casual (or in Lea's terms 'acceptable') homophobia is the act of jokingly or subtly victimising LGBTQI people. Instead of directing slurs or physical violence, someone might say "I wish I was gay" or refer to another as "the gay best friend" or even buy someone a gift based on stereotypes of sexual orientation. About three in every hundred Australians identify as LGBTQI, approximately 40 per cent of whom hide their sexuality and/or gender in public spaces, according to the Australian Human Rights Commission. These days, Lea has reached the conclusion that casual homophobia isn't as much her issue as it is the fault of those who practice it. She regards them as immature and in need of a change in thinking. "I just get really disappointed in people who still think there's not the same legitimacy in queer relationships as there are in straight ones," she says. "I'm really disappointed when I have people in my life who still think that being a lesbian means I'm just thinking about tits all the time." LGBTQI individuals endure poorer mental health outcomes than straight people due to a lack of social acceptance, according to Aids Council of NSW co-ordinator Madhuraa Prakash. "LGBTQI people are six times more likely to be diagnosed with depression and two and a half more times more likely to be diagnosed or treated for a mental health condition in general," they say. "It's unfortunate because you want to be able to talk about your life without having to edit yourself. "It weighs on a person to have to do that in your day-to-day life and leads to some bad mental health outcomes." Academic and psychotherapist Pol McCann specialises in microaggression and says although it sometimes stems from ill-intention, it is primarily patronising and performative. At the same time casual homophobia isn't exclusively directed at LGBTQI people either. Mr McCann says he's also heard from straight men who don't align with "typical" feminine or masculine ideas who have been impacted. He spoke with two straight men who were emotional, artistic and bullied by their peers at school. "They were absolutely lovely, smart, engaged guys but you could just tell they still carried the weight of the pain," he says. In the course of his work within the school environment, Mr McCann has spent time with the perpetrators of discrimination too. Some boys would never appreciate the impact they've had on a person's life, as they regard what they've done to be no more than a joke, he says. "The boys who were doing it, were doing it casually and with no malice," he adds. "These guys actually seemed really nice as adults and I don't think they understood how controlling their behaviour was." With June marking Pride Month, LGBTQI advocates like Justin Koonin know raising these issues is important. As co-chair of the NSW LGBTIQ+ Advisory Body, he has been helping develop a strategy to better include minority voices in legislation. Ensuring schools, police, transport officers and health professionals know how to treat the LGBTQI community better is a key focus. "We see the impact of casual homophobia in terms of the reported experience of mental health and wellbeing, and of safety and self-harm in our communities" Dr Koonin says. "You can't control what's in people's heads and you, to some extent, can't control what people can say but you can try and make it clear to people what hurts and what doesn't. "A lot of our work will be on increasing the level of awareness and exposure to the impact casual homophobia has in our communities." Although LGBTQI people need to lobby against casual homophobia, the straight community also has to play its part, Mr McCann says. He considers Wallaby-turned-senator David Pocock a notable voice in the LGBTQI marriage equality debate after declaring he wouldn't tie the knot with his wife until LGBTQI people could. "Pocock is a football star, incredibly handsome, incredibly charming and when he puts that kind of statement out there... that's got a lot more weight than the gay community lobbying for rights," Mr McCann says. NSW, ACT, Victoria, South Australia and Tasmania have government LGBTQI advisory bodies but federal parliament doesn't. Although a health advisory has been established in Canberra, Dr Koonin says having a committee similar to NSW would benefit the community. *Lea is an anonymous name. Lifeline 13 11 14 Fullstop Australia 1800 385 578 Witnessing acts of casual homophobia usually involved Lea* turning away as a means of hiding from her own feelings. When initially navigating the LGBTQI world and figuring out her own sexuality, she worried about what would happen if she chose to come out. "When I was an anxious teenager still coming to terms with myself, I saw how people treated the only out lesbian at my all-girls school," she tells AAP. "The feelings I had there were fear of rejection, shame and all of that just built into me, and not wanting to come to terms with myself." Regardless of the forum, casual (or in Lea's terms 'acceptable') homophobia is the act of jokingly or subtly victimising LGBTQI people. Instead of directing slurs or physical violence, someone might say "I wish I was gay" or refer to another as "the gay best friend" or even buy someone a gift based on stereotypes of sexual orientation. About three in every hundred Australians identify as LGBTQI, approximately 40 per cent of whom hide their sexuality and/or gender in public spaces, according to the Australian Human Rights Commission. These days, Lea has reached the conclusion that casual homophobia isn't as much her issue as it is the fault of those who practice it. She regards them as immature and in need of a change in thinking. "I just get really disappointed in people who still think there's not the same legitimacy in queer relationships as there are in straight ones," she says. "I'm really disappointed when I have people in my life who still think that being a lesbian means I'm just thinking about tits all the time." LGBTQI individuals endure poorer mental health outcomes than straight people due to a lack of social acceptance, according to Aids Council of NSW co-ordinator Madhuraa Prakash. "LGBTQI people are six times more likely to be diagnosed with depression and two and a half more times more likely to be diagnosed or treated for a mental health condition in general," they say. "It's unfortunate because you want to be able to talk about your life without having to edit yourself. "It weighs on a person to have to do that in your day-to-day life and leads to some bad mental health outcomes." Academic and psychotherapist Pol McCann specialises in microaggression and says although it sometimes stems from ill-intention, it is primarily patronising and performative. At the same time casual homophobia isn't exclusively directed at LGBTQI people either. Mr McCann says he's also heard from straight men who don't align with "typical" feminine or masculine ideas who have been impacted. He spoke with two straight men who were emotional, artistic and bullied by their peers at school. "They were absolutely lovely, smart, engaged guys but you could just tell they still carried the weight of the pain," he says. In the course of his work within the school environment, Mr McCann has spent time with the perpetrators of discrimination too. Some boys would never appreciate the impact they've had on a person's life, as they regard what they've done to be no more than a joke, he says. "The boys who were doing it, were doing it casually and with no malice," he adds. "These guys actually seemed really nice as adults and I don't think they understood how controlling their behaviour was." With June marking Pride Month, LGBTQI advocates like Justin Koonin know raising these issues is important. As co-chair of the NSW LGBTIQ+ Advisory Body, he has been helping develop a strategy to better include minority voices in legislation. Ensuring schools, police, transport officers and health professionals know how to treat the LGBTQI community better is a key focus. "We see the impact of casual homophobia in terms of the reported experience of mental health and wellbeing, and of safety and self-harm in our communities" Dr Koonin says. "You can't control what's in people's heads and you, to some extent, can't control what people can say but you can try and make it clear to people what hurts and what doesn't. "A lot of our work will be on increasing the level of awareness and exposure to the impact casual homophobia has in our communities." Although LGBTQI people need to lobby against casual homophobia, the straight community also has to play its part, Mr McCann says. He considers Wallaby-turned-senator David Pocock a notable voice in the LGBTQI marriage equality debate after declaring he wouldn't tie the knot with his wife until LGBTQI people could. "Pocock is a football star, incredibly handsome, incredibly charming and when he puts that kind of statement out there... that's got a lot more weight than the gay community lobbying for rights," Mr McCann says. NSW, ACT, Victoria, South Australia and Tasmania have government LGBTQI advisory bodies but federal parliament doesn't. Although a health advisory has been established in Canberra, Dr Koonin says having a committee similar to NSW would benefit the community. *Lea is an anonymous name. Lifeline 13 11 14 Fullstop Australia 1800 385 578 Witnessing acts of casual homophobia usually involved Lea* turning away as a means of hiding from her own feelings. When initially navigating the LGBTQI world and figuring out her own sexuality, she worried about what would happen if she chose to come out. "When I was an anxious teenager still coming to terms with myself, I saw how people treated the only out lesbian at my all-girls school," she tells AAP. "The feelings I had there were fear of rejection, shame and all of that just built into me, and not wanting to come to terms with myself." Regardless of the forum, casual (or in Lea's terms 'acceptable') homophobia is the act of jokingly or subtly victimising LGBTQI people. Instead of directing slurs or physical violence, someone might say "I wish I was gay" or refer to another as "the gay best friend" or even buy someone a gift based on stereotypes of sexual orientation. About three in every hundred Australians identify as LGBTQI, approximately 40 per cent of whom hide their sexuality and/or gender in public spaces, according to the Australian Human Rights Commission. These days, Lea has reached the conclusion that casual homophobia isn't as much her issue as it is the fault of those who practice it. She regards them as immature and in need of a change in thinking. "I just get really disappointed in people who still think there's not the same legitimacy in queer relationships as there are in straight ones," she says. "I'm really disappointed when I have people in my life who still think that being a lesbian means I'm just thinking about tits all the time." LGBTQI individuals endure poorer mental health outcomes than straight people due to a lack of social acceptance, according to Aids Council of NSW co-ordinator Madhuraa Prakash. "LGBTQI people are six times more likely to be diagnosed with depression and two and a half more times more likely to be diagnosed or treated for a mental health condition in general," they say. "It's unfortunate because you want to be able to talk about your life without having to edit yourself. "It weighs on a person to have to do that in your day-to-day life and leads to some bad mental health outcomes." Academic and psychotherapist Pol McCann specialises in microaggression and says although it sometimes stems from ill-intention, it is primarily patronising and performative. At the same time casual homophobia isn't exclusively directed at LGBTQI people either. Mr McCann says he's also heard from straight men who don't align with "typical" feminine or masculine ideas who have been impacted. He spoke with two straight men who were emotional, artistic and bullied by their peers at school. "They were absolutely lovely, smart, engaged guys but you could just tell they still carried the weight of the pain," he says. In the course of his work within the school environment, Mr McCann has spent time with the perpetrators of discrimination too. Some boys would never appreciate the impact they've had on a person's life, as they regard what they've done to be no more than a joke, he says. "The boys who were doing it, were doing it casually and with no malice," he adds. "These guys actually seemed really nice as adults and I don't think they understood how controlling their behaviour was." With June marking Pride Month, LGBTQI advocates like Justin Koonin know raising these issues is important. As co-chair of the NSW LGBTIQ+ Advisory Body, he has been helping develop a strategy to better include minority voices in legislation. Ensuring schools, police, transport officers and health professionals know how to treat the LGBTQI community better is a key focus. "We see the impact of casual homophobia in terms of the reported experience of mental health and wellbeing, and of safety and self-harm in our communities" Dr Koonin says. "You can't control what's in people's heads and you, to some extent, can't control what people can say but you can try and make it clear to people what hurts and what doesn't. "A lot of our work will be on increasing the level of awareness and exposure to the impact casual homophobia has in our communities." Although LGBTQI people need to lobby against casual homophobia, the straight community also has to play its part, Mr McCann says. He considers Wallaby-turned-senator David Pocock a notable voice in the LGBTQI marriage equality debate after declaring he wouldn't tie the knot with his wife until LGBTQI people could. "Pocock is a football star, incredibly handsome, incredibly charming and when he puts that kind of statement out there... that's got a lot more weight than the gay community lobbying for rights," Mr McCann says. NSW, ACT, Victoria, South Australia and Tasmania have government LGBTQI advisory bodies but federal parliament doesn't. Although a health advisory has been established in Canberra, Dr Koonin says having a committee similar to NSW would benefit the community. *Lea is an anonymous name. Lifeline 13 11 14 Fullstop Australia 1800 385 578
