The moment I discovered my husband was having an affair with my best friend

Telegraph

26-02-2025

Lucy Marshall* is a qualified accountant and interior designer. She's single, with two grown-up children and two grandsons, and lives in Oxfordshire.
It's nearly midnight and my husband, Leo* is not in the bed beside me. Sighing, I put my book down, heading downstairs knowing exactly where he'll be – passed out in front of the blaring television. The cup of herbal tea I'd made him hours ago remains untouched. There's an empty bottle of red (not the same white, I note, that we'd uncorked during dinner earlier) and a drained whisky tumbler.
Leo is sprawled out, barely conscious. In his palm is his mobile phone, the messages still open on the screen. My eye is drawn to one he can only have written in the last two minutes.'Would you be prepared to leave your husband?' it reads. Then beneath is a second text bubble: 'Well, what's the point, if you're never prepared to leave Lucy?'
The reply, clear and bold with no attempt to disguise her name, is from Jilly*, a friend of 30 years. I am totally stunned. I blink. There's no room for ambiguity: my husband of 35 years and a woman I've known for three decades are having an affair. A serious one. Right under my nose.
And that night, back in the dreg ends of 2018, was when my whole life turned upside down.
I'd been married to Leo since I was 24, meeting at university where we'd both studied accountancy. He was witty, charming, self-assured and sporty too, as I was. In my 20s I once completed a marathon in two hours and 41 minutes.
Then in my early 30s, I had my son (who's now 32) and my daughter, 30. By then Leo had been offered a more senior position working abroad, which seemed a great chance to relocate, have a new adventure, and I gave up work.
For three years we lived the high life socialising with other expats. One of the English couples we met were Jilly and Henry*. We fell into the scene of mixing in couples and families, it was all very convivial, fuelled by generous expenses allowances. Having never drunk much before, especially with my athletic background, suddenly we found ourselves drinking most evenings, albeit fine wine.
By the time we returned to the UK in 2005, Leo's career was flying high. We were lucky enough to afford a lovely Berkshire family home, with a pool and large garden for the children (then nearly teens) and dogs to run around.
Naturally, Leo had to earn his City salary, and while he spent long days working in London (or so I thought at the time) I busied myself being a classic Home Counties mum, retraining as an interior designer too.
Many nights Leo spent away from home. 'He's grafting in the office for our family's sake,' I reminded myself to be grateful. He often seemed stressed, and drank heavily; I reasoned he was under pressure and needed to relieve some of that at home. Frequently, he'd come to bed hours later than me, or I'd wake in the night and have to haul him off the sofa, clearing empty bottles and packing him off to bed.
It was while doing exactly that one evening – with him dozily clasping his phone – when I spotted those fateful digital exchanges between my husband and Jilly.
Jilly and Henry's lives were woven into the fabric of ours. It felt like I'd been physically punched in the gut, too surreal to comprehend. I just kept thinking, 'I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do,' it was too enormous to take in. But fury and utter betrayal were seeded.
Leo was too drunk for me to tackle him that night. And I was too shocked for a confrontation. Instead I went upstairs, sat on our martial bed with shaking hands, and typed out a midnight text to Jilly: 'I've just read the conversations between you tonight. And my heart is broken.'
I didn't know what else to say, or do, at that moment.
I didn't sleep much that night, in between the tears, tossing and turning. Questions going round and round in my head… How could they? Replaying every scenario over the weeks, months and – God, years? – trying to think if there had been signs I had missed.