We use silly voices with each other – and it makes it hard to have a sex life
My wife and I have been together for seven years. I honestly can't remember the last time we had sex – it's been at least a few years. For most of our relationship, I've taken on the role of caretaker. She struggles with anxiety, was recently diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and often needs a lot of emotional hand-holding. Over time, it's taken a toll on how I see our relationship. We also fell into a habit of using silly, childish voices with each other. What started out as playful has ended up making me feel more like her mother than her wife. For a long time, I didn't have much of a libido, and to her credit, she didn't push the issue. But now that my sex drive has returned, it feels as if it's all I can think about – except I just can't seem to feel that way about her any more. Every time I'm briefly tempted to initiate something, it gets snuffed out by the same patterns: the childish behaviour, the emotional neediness, the feeling of being needed more as a caretaker than a partner. Is it possible to break out of this dynamic? Or have we crossed a line that can't be uncrossed?
When one partner becomes a caregiver to the other, the erotic charge between them is very likely to be reduced. And when the childlike element you described creeps into the relationship, a sexual taboo arises. Your feeling of being mother to a child is most definitely not sexy; it connects your psyche with a deep and forbidden sense of incest that is never going to allow you to desire your partner. If you want to desire her again you will have to encourage the adult side of her to be present and engage with you as a competent individual in your lives together. It's possible she may have developed some of the behaviours you dislike as a coping mechanism. If you do not want to spend your life mothering her you must refuse to support the childish behaviour, which is a form of control and passive-aggression. The first step would be to have a frank, adult, non-blaming conversation about the state of your union. Validate the parts of her that are mature and self-reliant, and gently let her know that you would be doing her a disservice to support her learned helplessness any longer.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don't send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
CNBC
15 minutes ago
- CNBC
Nasdaq-traded Chinese herb company hits near $30 billion market value after speculative surge
Regencell Bioscience Holdings, an early-stage, Hong Kong-based bioscience company with no revenue, is the latest speculative overseas stock to attract an unusual surge in trading demand. Shares of Regencell, which says it develops traditional Chinese herb treatments to treat childhood attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and autism, more than tripled on Monday — soaring more than 280% by the close. A 38-for-1 split declared on June 2 took effect on Monday. The company's year to date performance is off the charts too, having risen 46,000% in 2025. By Monday's close, Regencell, founded in 2014 and traded on Nasdaq under the ticker 'RGC' since 2021, had a total market capitalization of $29.7 billion, according to S&P Capital IQ. Regencell CEO Yat-Gai Au controls 86.24% of the total number of shares outstanding, according to FactSet data. Regencell is the latest example of a speculative international stock attracting attention during summer trading. In August, 2022, for example, AMTD Digital, a Hong Kong-based fintech company, climbed 126%, briefly giving it a market value greater than Coca-Cola and Bank of America. Regencell's market value is now about equal with Nasdaq-traded Lululemon and tops Super Micro Computer and Fifth Third Bancorp. Earlier this month, Regencell explained the stock split as designed solely "to enhance liquidity in the market for the company's ordinary shares and make the shares more accessible to investors." Stock splits do not change anything fundamentally about a company. Regencell's surge also came amid an increased focus on alternative medicines after Robert F. Kennedy Jr. was sworn in as Secretary of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services in February. Kennedy, a vaccine skeptic, has taken steps to discourage routine immunizations in the U.S., last week removing all of the members of a panel that advises the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on vaccines. Regencell's stock often makes huge one-day swings. For example, shares jumped roughly 30% on March 21, before dropping 30% the following trading day. In spite of the wild spike in the stock, little is known about the efficacy and commercialization of the Regencell's treatments for ADHD and Autistic Spectrum Disorders. Regencell's business centers on a proprietary Traditional Chinese Medicine formula (TCM) developed in a partnership with TCM practitioner Sik-Kee Au using his "Sik-Kee Au TCM Brain Theory." Sik-Kee Au is the father of the Regencell chief executive officer Yat-Gai Au, the company said in a 2022 statement. Three liquid-based, orally TCM formulae candidates claim to address mild, moderate and severe conditions and only contain natural ingredients such as so-called "detoxication herbs," blood circulation herbs and digestion herbs. "These TCM formulae form the basis of our TCM product candidates, which we intend to develop and commercialize for the treatment of ADHD and ASD," Regencell's website reads. In its latest annual report filed last October, Regencell said that it had not generated any revenue, nor filed for any regulatory approvals of its TCM formulas. For the fiscal years ended June 2024 and 2023, Regencell incurred total net losses of $4.36 million and $6.06 million, respectively, according to a 20F filing to the SEC. "We have not generated revenue from any TCM formulae candidates or applied for any regulatory approvals, nor have distribution capabilities or experience or any granted patents or pending patent applications and may never be profitable," read the filing. Regencell has not responded to a CNBC request for comment. Regencell's latest patient case study, dated Nov. 15, 2023, said 28 patients were given the treatment over a period of three months in a second efficacy trial and showed an improvement in symptoms of ADHD and ASD, according to the company's webpage. In an earlier case, Regencell said in a 2021 news release that it treated a dozen patients with suspected or confirmed Covid-19 cases, using a modified version of Au's modified proprietary cold and flu TCM formula. What was described as an improvement of Covid conditions led Regencell to form a joint venture with Honor Epic Enterprises Limited in Sept. 2021 to conduct further tests and commercialize the company's Covid treatment in ASEAN countries, according to the statement. The stock has attracted little chatter on social media over the past few years. Those comments that have been made suggest both retail trader enthusiasm — and skepticism. One user on the Reddit page "r/Shortsqueeze" wrote on Monday that Regencell is "trading like a meme coin. Bought a little to see what happens and it dropped 50% right after lol." Another user said in a post made three months ago, "I scalp RGC everyday for a bit of profit." The stock jumped 1,360% in May alone. On LinkedIn in May, one investor said he "can't stop laughing," after reading the company description. Another post from a user in the pharmaceutical industry, according to his profile, last week said Regencell has become the "stock to watch" after its spike in May on "no official news or catalysts." Another LinkedIn user last month commented on Regencell, saying, "China based, low volume and no official news, bizarro." On X, one user wrote in a Monday post said, "for #CompleteBullsh__CompanyOfTheYear I nominate regencell."
Health Line
20 minutes ago
- Health Line
5 Simple Ways to Treat Gnat Bites
Gnat bites are a typically harmless, but bothersome, reaction that causes itchy bumps on your skin. Home remedies and OTC medications can help. It's probably not uncommon to see gnats flying around your home or yard. They're often mistaken for mosquitoes, but they're much smaller in size. Gnats are sometimes called no-see-ums because they're so small. Some species of gnats bite humans. The bites usually cause tiny, red bumps that are itchy and irritating. Although it's uncommon, there are some instances where gnat bites may cause a severe allergic reaction. In this article, we'll discuss what gnat bites look like, along with ways to treat them at home. We also have advice on how to prevent these annoying bites in the first place, and when you should see a doctor. What are gnats? Gnats are tiny, bloodsucking flies that are similar to mosquitoes. They're usually about 1/4 inch in size, but some types may be smaller. Other common names include: midges no-see-ums punkies black flies moose flies buffalo flies Both male and female gnats feed on plant nectar. In some species, the females also need a blood meal to make eggs. That's why they bite mammals such as livestock, poultry, pets, and humans. When a gnat bites, it uses scissor-like mouth structures to cut the skin. It inserts saliva into the skin, which contains substances called anticoagulants. These substances thin the blood so it's easier to digest. What does a gnat bite look and feel like? Gnat bites usually look like mosquito bites. The symptoms are caused by a minor allergic reaction to the gnat's saliva. Typically, gnat bites cause bumps that are: small red painful very itchy swollen You might also notice bleeding where the gnat bit your skin. In some people, the bumps turn into blisters filled with fluid. What can you do to treat gnat bites? If you have a minor reaction to gnat bites, you can treat them at home. Your symptoms should get better within a few days. The most effective ways to take care of gnat bites include the following five treatments. 1. Soap and water Gently wash the bites with mild soap and cool water. This helps clean the area while soothing any irritation. After washing the affected area, carefully pat it dry. Rubbing the bites may worsen your symptoms. 2. Cold compress Applying a cold compress may help ease irritation and swelling. You can use a: cloth or towel soaked in cold water ice pack wrapped in a moist towel ice cubes in a plastic bag frozen bag of vegetables with a moist cloth wrapped around the bag For best results, apply the cold compress for at least 10 minutes at a time, several times a day. Never apply ice directly to your skin. 3. Anti-itch creams To help relieve itching, apply a thin layer of hydrocortisone cream to the affected area. This type of cream contains a medication called corticosteroids, which can help reduce the irritation, redness, and itchiness caused by gnat bites. You can also use calamine lotion, which is best suited to minor skin irritations. Both treatments are available without a prescription. Always read the directions before using. 4. Antihistamines Antihistamines treat allergic reactions, including reactions to insect bites. They may provide relief by reducing itchiness and irritation. Since antihistamines are available over the counter, you can buy them without a prescription. Be sure to follow the instructions on the packaging. 5. Elevate the affected area If you were bitten on your arms or legs, try to keep the body part raised. This may help move blood away from the area and decrease swelling. Optum Perks is owned by RVO Health. By clicking on this link, we may receive a commission. Learn more. When to get medical attention Gnat bites sometimes require medical attention. You should visit a doctor if: you were bitten around the mouth or eyes your symptoms get worse or don't go away within 2 weeks you have symptoms of a skin infection, such as pus Depending on your symptoms, your doctor may recommend a prescription ointment or cream. Although it's very rare, gnat bites are capable of causing a life-threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. This life-threatening condition requires immediate emergency attention. Call 911 if you or someone in your family develop the following symptoms: trouble breathing wheezing when breathing swollen throat, lips, or eyelids difficulty swallowing rapid heartbeat dizziness lightheadedness nausea confusion Prevention tips Although you may not be able to completely prevent gnat bites, there are steps you can take to reduce your risk. Avoid bodies of water. Gnats are often found near swamps, ponds, marshes, and streams. If possible, avoid or limit how much time you spend around these areas. Cover exposed skin. Gnats usually bite around the face, but they can bite any area of exposed skin. Wear long-sleeved shirts and long pants when you're outside. Use insect repellent. After using sunscreen, apply an insect repellent that contains DEET to any areas of exposed skin. If you prefer a natural alternative, you can try using a product containing oil of lemon eucalyptus. Wear light clothing. Some gnats may be attracted to dark-colored clothes. It's also recommended to avoid wearing light blue. Wear closed shoes. Wearing closed shoes outside can help protect your feet from gnat bites. Install window screens. To keep gnats out of your home, install mesh screens in your windows and doors. A ceiling or floor fan may also keep them away. Avoid using scented products. Products with strong odors, such as shampoo and perfume, may attract insects like gnats.
Forbes
25 minutes ago
- Forbes
Companies Need To Modernize Their Parental Leave Policies
Cynthia McEwen is the Vice President of People at women's health benefits company Progyny. According to a 2023 U.S. Office of the Surgeon General Advisory, nearly 50% of parents said they experienced overwhelming stress most days. But when it comes to employer-provided support, such as parental leave policies, many modern workplaces aren't offering what these caregivers need. Traditional leave policies often fail to account for the wide range of family structures and birth-related situations that exist today. Adaptable parental leave policies are more than a benefit. They're a strategic imperative for employers seeking to attract and retain talent. Let's examine these challenges and determine how employers can effectively address them, ensuring both employee support and a strong bottom line. Caregivers who adopt or foster children face unique challenges. For example, the legal processes involved in pursuing this path require extensive preparation, including up to six months of in-person appointments that often take place during business hours. International adoptions present additional challenges, like extensive travel and even more complex legal procedures, that don't always align with conventional leave timeframes. Meanwhile, foster placements often occur at a pace that makes it impractical to adhere to standard leave policies' advanced notice requirements. Companies can alleviate these challenges by offering more flexible parental leave policies that accommodate home studies and training, travel and last-minute placements in fostering households. Other useful support for easing the transition to parenthood are financial assistance for adoption-related expenses, access to counseling and parent-focused employee resource groups. Birth complications highlight the additional inadequacy of many parental leave policies. According to a 2023 study on maternal health, women are still at risk for developing serious health conditions after the standard postpartum period of six to eight weeks. These may result in extended recovery periods, frequent medical follow-ups and a need for additional caregiving support. Meanwhile, the non-birthing parent must be able to provide the necessary emotional and logistical support. However, many postpartum care services end after six weeks, leaving parents without the resources they need. Supporting employees through birth complications requires a multifaceted approach. Return-to-work assistance, for example, helps reduce absenteeism, improve retention and mitigate long-term career setbacks. Offering extended leave or flexible work arrangements for employees whose partner is in postpartum recovery can help improve health outcomes for both parents and reduce stress during an already challenging time. Additionally, benefits must go beyond medical care. Mental health support, such as access to employee assistance programs, is particularly vital because psychological distress is a significant factor in maternal morbidity and mortality. By addressing both medical and emotional needs, employers can foster a more supportive environment for all parents affected by birth complications. In many cultures, childbirth is a communal experience where extended family plays a major role in postpartum care. Parental leave policies that fail to consider these cultural norms may force employees to choose between their professional responsibilities and deeply rooted traditions that support maternal and family well-being. By accommodating cultural birth-related practices—whether through adequate paid leave, flexible return-to-work options or childcare-related resources—companies can demonstrate respect for all parents. There are many family structures beyond the stereotypical two-parent household, such as single-parent households, blended families and families formed through surrogacy. But traditional parental leave policies rarely address these families' specific circumstances. For example, if a single parent is responsible for all caregiving duties, they may have greater time off needs than someone with a co-parent or a strong support system. Parents with blended families may need flexibility to accommodate legal arrangements, while families formed through surrogacy often need additional time for the emotional adjustments associated with welcoming a child. When companies provide parental leave, they should consider all paths to parenthood and different ways that families form. Policies that are paired with back-to-work transition support, new-parent educational resources and other tools help create a workplace culture where individuals can thrive both professionally and personally. As we continue to redefine what it means to "work well," let's ensure parental leave policies evolve to meet the needs of today's workforce. Anything less risks perpetuating inequities and forfeits the opportunity to build truly empowering workplaces. Forbes Human Resources Council is an invitation-only organization for HR executives across all industries. Do I qualify?
