The 6 things parents should NEVER do at mealtimes to prevent fussy eaters – and 6 ways to stop it spiralling into tears

The Sun

18-05-2025

PICKY eaters, constant fidgeting at the table and insisting on watching TV while eating are just some of the things that can make mealtimes battle grounds.
But parents could actually be making the situation considerably worse - even if they think they are helping, paediatric dietitian Lucy Upton warns.
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Wouldn't life be simpler if our children sat at the table quietly and ate what we put in front of them - no squabbles - just as they did as babies?
Unfortunately, that's unrealistic. As they learn about choices and independence from toddlers, and grow into hungry little monsters as kids, eating often becomes much more complicated.
As parents, Lucy says, we instinctively want to solve the problems affecting our little ones.
After all, we worry that they'll be labelled 'tricky', won't get enough nutrients, or will get a taste for the 'bad' stuff.
'But mealtime battles can escalate quickly when we let our stress or disappointment take over,' Lucy tells Sun Health.
We may inadvertently adopt approaches that can be controlling, persuasive or perceived as pressure by our children.
Thankfully, mealtimes can be a pleasant experience with just a few adjustments - particularly in the first five years of life, Lucy, author of The Ultimate Guide to Children's Nutrition, says.
Here, she gives her top tips on how to keep things under control and avoid your child having fussy eating habits, or worse, a disordered relationship with food, as they get older…
1. DON'T: Label your child a picky eater
TRY to avoid phrases like 'he won't eat that because he's fussy' when they're in earshot.
Kids can become aware and internalise this, then before you know it you may have a child telling you they won't eat something because they are fussy.
5 things every parent of a fussy eater needs to hear
2. DON'T: Over-prompt
COMMUNICATION is easily overlooked but has a big impact on how children learn about food and their mealtime experiences.
One study exploring parental behaviours during mealtimes found that parents prompt their children to eat an average of 17.5 times per meal, in some cases going up to 30 to 40 prompts.
These prompts often lead to more pressure on a child and further mealtime struggles.
The many languages of persuasion – convincing, cajoling, over-encouragement or excessive praise, or any phrases or language embedded in persuading or trying to control your child's eating - should be avoided.
Studies show that these ultimately increase the likelihood of picky-eating behaviours.
3. DON'T: Label foods
LABELLING foods (as 'good' or 'bad', 'healthy' or 'unhealthy', 'rubbish', 'naughty' or 'junk') may lead young children to believe that if they eat them, they themselves are 'good' or 'bad'.
Studies have shown that children feel guilty when eating foods that they are told are 'bad'.
Language like this can also lead to confusion, unnecessary fear or unhelpful attitudes and behaviours towards food.
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4. DON'T: Overly restrict foods
IT'S also important to avoid excessively restricting your child's access to 'bad' foods.
Research shows that while some boundaries are beneficial, over-restriction can lead to overeating or unhealthy attitudes towards those foods in the long run.
You can establish age-appropriate healthy boundaries without resorting to over-restriction.
For instance, if your child asks for a biscuit, acknowledge their request and let them know they're having a banana or oatcakes for their next snack, but that biscuits will be available another day.
5. DON'T: Deny dessert if they've not finished dinner
IF you plan to offer ice cream after dinner, do so regardless of what your child has or hasn't eaten, or has or hasn't 'achieved' behaviour-wise.
Research shows linking food and behaviours can lead older children or adults to 'reward' or 'punish' themselves with food.
6. DON'T: Use wellness washing
BY this, I mean trying to convince your child to eat something because it's 'healthy' or 'good for them'.
Young children cannot understand these concepts with the nuance and critical thinking required.
Their brains are not yet developed enough for this type of reasoning.
Children can also receive this type of language as pressure to eat that food, which, for many, will reduce their interest in eating it or decrease food enjoyment.
But there are some things you can do to make your life a little easier.
1. DO: Limit distractions
THE challenge with screens at mealtimes is that they can:
Get in the way of your child learning about food – it's much harder to pay attention to others or the food on the table when distracted by a screen.
Slow down the mealtime pace – many parents have to prompt their children through mouthfuls because their children are distracted.
Make it more difficult for children to pay attention to their bodies' hunger and fullness cues because the body is trying to process multiple sensory stimuli.
How easy it is to eat a massive bag of popcorn at the cinema?
So make sure you are eating without any distractions.
2. DO: Make it comfy
FOCUSING on a task is tough when you are uncomfortable, and this is especially true for children at mealtimes.
If your child constantly fidgets, tries to climb out of their chair, sits on their knees or leans on the table, check their seating position.
Ensure that they have personal space while they're eating.
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Including fruit and veg that are a range of colours - just like the rainbow - to get kids excited about eating them.
Adding fruit to each meal, especially breakfasts, salads and desserts.
Making fruit as fun as possible for the family. That way kids can understand more about the textures and flavours of fruit. Have a go at mashing up berries and using them for fruit art where you can draw your favourite fruit.
But if these tips don't work, Ciara Attwell, food writer and founder of My Fussy Eater, says you may have to resort to hiding vegetables from children if they point blank refuse to eat them.
She has several recipes to choose from, including:
Baked meatballs - filled with sweet potato cut into chunks, chopped tomatoes, bay leaf and carrots - but the kids will never notice.
Macaroni cauliflower cheese - this one contains hidden vegetables as an added healthy bonus.
Shepherd's pie - this classic dish is filled with veg including chopped tomatoes, cauliflower, and courgette.
Beany enchiladas - vegetarian enchiladas are filled with peppers and they take just a few minutes to make.
Sweet pepper frittata - peppers give a sweet crunch to this healthy dish.
3. DO: Allow for self-serve
I ADVOCATE for family-style serving, especially when managing picky eating.
This is probably what you do at Christmas dinner, where everyone starts with an empty plate, and all options for the meal are available in the middle of the table.
Your child can choose what and how much of each food comes to their plate (self-serving where possible).
They also watch what you bring to yours and what you go on to eat.
Stress reduces our appetite and makes it difficult for the brain to be 'online', ready to absorb new information – neither of which is ideal for mealtimes
Lucy UptonPaediatric dietitian
It's a fantastic approach because it combines the benefits of modelling, exposure to a variety of food, and autonomy all at once!
When teaching children about a healthy, balanced diet, one of the best things you can do is lead by example – by modelling healthy eating habits yourself.
Your relationship with food as a parent or caregiver plays a key role in shaping your child's own relationship with food.
4. DO: Beware of stealthy snacking
A PATTERN of excessive snacking or grazing can, of course, disrupt appetite regulation for young children.
In my experience, parents of picky eaters often agree to multiple snack requests fuelled by the worry that their child isn't eating enough.
Indeed, snacks can offer a valuable opportunity to offer nutrients.
But if you find snacks significantly dampen appetite for main meals, you may wish to limit or reduce the number of these.
Topping up can feel instinctive, but it tends to come back to bite a child's appetite on the bum!
Think about introducing a routine and stick to it, such as:
7am - breakfast
9.30am - snack
11.30am to 12pm - lunch
2.30pm - snack
4.30pm to 5pm - dinner
This is only a guide, as snack habits can vary between children.
As always, pay attention to your child's habits and needs, and remember a routine can be applied with some flexibility!
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5. DO: Keep it calm (always easier said than done!)
A STRESSFUL or pressured environment doesn't prepare the body for eating; quite the opposite in fact.
We need to be in a 'calm and alert' state for eating, avoiding situations that increase stress or trigger our fight-or-flight response.
Stress reduces our appetite and makes it difficult for the brain to be 'online', ready to absorb new information – neither of which is ideal for mealtimes.
In your child's world, stress or pressure at mealtimes can lead to food refusal or hypervigilance about the food on offer.
6. DO: Use collaborative and modelling language
TRY phrases such as 'We are having' and 'We can put some peas on our plate', rather than using lots of child-centred language.
For some children, this may increase pressure. For example, try 'You need to'.
This is an edited extract by Natasha Harding taken from The Ultimate Guide to Children's Nutrition: How to nurture happy, healthy eaters in the first five years by Lucy Upton (Yellow Kite, £18.99) published on May 8.
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