These Are The 5 Phrases You Should Never Say To A Child With ADHD
'Sit still and pay attention!' I'll never forget my first grade teacher's stern words, which played on repeat, no matter how hard I tried to comply. That combination was impossible for what I'd later recognize as my ADHD brain. I spent much of that year in timeout and feeling embarrassed.
The next year, Mrs. Sauer (no need to conceal this hero's name) allowed me to be myself. Seemingly aware of my need to stay active, she let me open a paper grocery store in the back of the classroom and teach my peers how to crochet on pencils. I thrived that year, academically and emotionally.
Over 1 in 10 kids in the United States have been diagnosed with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Experts agree that treating kids with ADHD as though they're neurotypical, which frequently happens, can have lasting negative repercussions. And shifting our language is an important step toward helping them thrive.
The Importance Of Using Positive Language
Contrary to popular belief, ADHD entails much more than attention challenges. 'Those who struggle with ADHD struggle with organizing and planning, time management, memory, task initiation, impulsive behaviors, and chronic boredom in routine,' explained Ryann Sutera, a licensed speech-language pathologist and advocate for neurodiversity-affirming communication.
Mikki Lee, a psychologist and assessment specialist, considers ADHD a unique way of processing information and learning. 'ADHD brains are actually different … in terms of structure and connectivity,' she said. As a result, traditional school settings are often a mismatch. 'Over time, the difficulties [kids with ADHD] experience can erode their self-esteem, because they're constantly being told to correct their behavior,' she noted.
Positive language can make all the difference, according to Kristen McClure, a therapist who specializes in ADHD. 'How we speak to children becomes the voice they will use to talk to themselves as adults,' she said. 'Encouraging, loving language fosters self-compassion, emotional regulation, and resilience, while critical or dismissive language can lead to shame, self-doubt and even depression.'
Speaking in 'a kind and encouraging way,' she added, can also help kids with ADHD better navigate, or even avoid, rejection-sensitive dysphoria, which causes debilitating reactions to criticism and mistakes.
1. 'If you cared, you'd remember.'
Research shows that up to 85% of kids with ADHD meet the criteria for impaired working memory. That explains why your child may struggle to hold on to or comprehend instructions. Forgetting tasks and obligations probably has little to do with how much they care.
Telling your child with ADHD they'd remember if they cared is problematic, said Sutera, 'mostly because that's not how memory functioning works for neurodivergent people.' It's not that your child can't recall important information, but that they may need tools to do so.
When they have a memory lapse, Sutera recommends saying, 'I know memory can be tricky with ADHD. Would you like me to send a reminder or help set up a system that works for you?' Visual and audio reminders, like Post-it notes and phone alerts, have been shown to help.
2. 'If you tried harder, you'd succeed.'
If you've ever had an eye exam for corrective lenses, you know what it's like to try to read words you can barely see. Squinting may help, but you can't 'try' your way to clearer vision.
Telling a child to 'try harder' when they're challenged by a task is similar. They're probably already trying their best, said Lee, so 'this statement can make them feel defeated and like success is out of reach.' Instead, she said, acknowledge your child's effort by saying, 'I see how hard you're working and I'm proud of you for that.'
If your child can't move forward with a required task, help them identify the block and solutions. If typing stands in the way of completing an essay, for example, Lee suggests asking, 'How about you talk out your ideas first while I jot down notes?' or inquiring whether a voice-to-text app would help.
3. 'Stop and think before you act.'
It can be frustrating to see your child act on impulse and pay for it. Impulsivity is one reason people with unmanaged ADHD are more accident prone than others.
While instructing your child to think before acting may seem reasonable, said McClure, ADHD impulse control challenges are rooted in neurology. Kids with ADHD 'often struggle to pause and reflect before acting, not because they don't want to, but because their brain processes information differently,' she explained.
Rather than criticize your child for their brain-based differences, help them build skills in ways that feel natural and empowering, offered McClure. You could say, 'I notice your brain wants to go fast right now. What would help slow things down?' or 'It's OK to get excited. Let's figure out what will help.'
4. 'You signed up for this — you can't quit.'
Kids with ADHD are often deeply engaged when they're interested in something. Such passionate attention, known as hyperfocus, can serve as a mighty ADHD strength. When your child isn't into an activity, however, their involvement can plummet to zero. And that's OK.
'Forcing an ADHD child to stick with an activity they no longer enjoy, one that doesn't play to their strengths or one that has become overwhelming, can lead to discouragement and emotional dysregulation,' McClure said. Because ADHD brains thrive on engagement, autonomy and flexibility, she added, 'rigid expectations can create stress, rather than resilience.'
Rather than forcing your child to stay committed to something unappealing, McClure recommends supporting them in 'making adjustments that foster self-awareness, emotional regulation, and the ability to advocate for their needs — skills they'll need for life.'
5. 'Sit still.'
Expecting someone with ADHD to function well by halting movement is like expecting a car to cruise with the brakes on. 'ADHD children often need to move to focus, regulate emotions, or process information,' said McClure. 'Suppressing this can lead to stress, disconnection from their body, and emotional meltdowns.'
Instead, she suggests saying, 'I notice you're moving a lot. It's OK to move when you need to. We can take a short break and go outside.'
Such activity pays off. One study showed that kids with ADHD were 45%-55% more able to pay attention while using a fidget toy. Other research has shown that activities like judo enhance their working memory.
'If they're moving, it's because they need to,' McClure said. 'Never punish that.'
HuffPost.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
16 hours ago
- Yahoo
Pharmacy Mixes Up 9-Year-Old's ADHD Medicine, Gives Him Opioid More Powerful Than Morphine
A 9-year-old boy nearly took a powerful opioid stronger than morphine after the local pharmacy gave them a prescription intended for someone else Sarah Paquin says her son usually takes dextroamphetamine for his ADHD, but when her husband went to give their son his medication, he realized it looked different A rep for Shoppers Drug Mart pharmacy in Comox, B.C., tells PEOPLE "the patient was handed the wrong prescription bag"A pharmacy mixed up a nine-year-old's ADHD medicine, giving him a powerfully addictive opioid meant for another customer instead. Sarah Paquin says her 9-year-old son, Declan, takes dextroamphetamine for his ADHD. It's a commonly prescribed stimulant that Declan had been taking for years. As Sarah tells PEOPLE, her husband, David, was about to give him the medication, which they'd picked up from Shoppers Drug Mart pharmacy in Comox, B.C., on May 28. "It's very chaotic in the morning, and if my husband had just been distracted with the other two, or been tired from being up with the baby the night before, this could have ended totally differently," Sarah, who has a 3-year-old and 10-month-old, tells PEOPLE. That's when David looked at the bottle, and realized he was holding someone else's prescription — and it was for hydromorphone. It's a profoundly strong opioid, the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency explains, with 'potency approximately two to eight times greater than that of morphine and has a rapid onset of action.' As the National Library of Medicine says, 'Accidental ingestion or intentional abuse can lead to overdose and potentially life-threatening respiratory depression.' In a statement to PEOPLE, Loblaw Companies Ltd., which owns Shoppers Drug Mart, said, 'Upon review with the store, we have learned this was a case of human error, one that never should have happened. We have controls in place to minimize risks like this – where the patient was handed the wrong prescription bag – and the Associate will review these with employees to avoid a similar situation in the future. The owner of this location has reached out to the patient's parents to apologize for any undue stress this may have caused, and to outline the corrective steps.' Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. "Thankfully my husband caught it before he took any of it," Sarah says, sharing the pills they'd been given were a 5 mg dose of the powerful opioid. "To do that to a 9-year-old child, it would have been devastating," she tells PEOPLE. She says her family has filed an official complaint with the College of Pharmacists of British Columbia a regulatory agency, and part of the complaint, she says, is "we would like some more strong and strict procedures put in place for picking up such strong heavy medications, especially when they pertain to a child." Her son's medicine, she said, was eventually found in the pharmacy's outgoing box. However, they won't be returning there for their prescriptions. "Trust has been broken," she tells PEOPLE, and urges everyone to inspect their medications before leaving the pharmacy: "Some simple little mistake like that can end somebody's life or cause serious harm." Read the original article on People
Time Business News
2 days ago
- Time Business News
Building an Effective Treatment Plan: Top 5 Medications for Adults with ADHD and Anxiety
For adults navigating the dual challenges of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and anxiety, treatment can be complex. Both conditions significantly impact daily functioning, productivity, and emotional health, and when they coexist, the interplay between symptoms can be even more difficult to manage. While behavioral therapy and lifestyle changes are essential components of a comprehensive treatment plan, medication often plays a central role. However, selecting the right medication requires careful consideration of how different drugs affect best adhd medication for adults with anxiety. The goal is to improve focus, executive functioning, and energy levels without exacerbating nervousness, restlessness, or other anxiety-related symptoms. Below are five of the most commonly recommended medications for adults with co-occurring ADHD and anxiety, each offering distinct mechanisms and benefits depending on the individual's symptoms and neurochemical makeup. When considering treatment for anxiety or depression, patients often compare medications to determine the best fit. Two commonly prescribed options are zoloft vs lexapro, each offering distinct benefits. Lexapro, known for its simplicity with fewer drug interactions, may suit those sensitive to side effects. Zoloft, on the other hand, has a broader approval range, including OCD and PTSD. The right choice depends on the individual's symptoms, tolerance, and medical history. Consulting a healthcare provider ensures personalized guidance, maximizing treatment success and minimizing adverse effects. With the right support, finding effective relief from mental health challenges becomes more achievable. 1. Atomoxetine (Strattera) Atomoxetine is a non-stimulant medication that works by selectively inhibiting the reuptake of norepinephrine in the brain, thus improving attention and impulse control without the high potential for abuse seen in stimulant medications. It is particularly well-suited for adults who have a history of anxiety or who are sensitive to the activating properties of traditional ADHD stimulants like Adderall or Ritalin. Unlike stimulants, which can sometimes worsen anxiety due to increased dopamine and norepinephrine levels, atomoxetine has a more stabilizing effect. It takes several weeks to reach full effectiveness, but for many adults, it provides consistent symptom relief throughout the day with less risk of causing jitteriness or panic. Additionally, some studies suggest atomoxetine may have mild anxiolytic effects, making it a strong candidate for patients with both ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). 2. Bupropion (Wellbutrin) Bupropion is another non-stimulant option that is technically classified as an atypical antidepressant. It works by increasing levels of norepinephrine and dopamine—two neurotransmitters involved in motivation, attention, and energy regulation. What makes bupropion unique is that it is not typically associated with anxiety exacerbation and, in some cases, can actually help improve anxiety symptoms indirectly by alleviating depression or emotional dysregulation. This dual-action approach makes it a viable option for adults who struggle with both attention deficits and emotional symptoms such as sadness, low motivation, or irritability. While bupropion is generally well-tolerated, it is not recommended for individuals with a history of seizures or eating disorders due to a slightly increased risk of seizure activity. For many adults, especially those with a co-diagnosis of depression, bupropion offers a balanced improvement in mental clarity and emotional stability. 3. Extended-Release Methylphenidate (Concerta, Ritalin LA) While stimulant medications can sometimes heighten anxiety symptoms, extended-release methylphenidate formulas provide a smoother, more controlled delivery of the medication, reducing the risk of anxiety spikes and crashes. Concerta and Ritalin LA, both extended-release forms of methylphenidate, are designed to last throughout the workday and can offer adults a steady boost in concentration, task initiation, and cognitive performance. Some adults with ADHD and mild to moderate anxiety tolerate methylphenidate better than amphetamines like Adderall, as it is slightly less stimulating and has a different pharmacological profile. To optimize results and minimize anxiety, many clinicians will start at a low dose and monitor closely, sometimes pairing methylphenidate with a low-dose antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication to balance out overstimulation. This careful titration allows many adults to reap the cognitive benefits of stimulants without overwhelming their nervous system. 4. Guanfacine Extended-Release (Intuniv) Originally developed to treat high blood pressure, guanfacine is now widely used in ADHD treatment—particularly in children and adults who also deal with hyperarousal or sleep difficulties. Guanfacine works by stimulating alpha-2A adrenergic receptors in the brain, which helps regulate attention, behavior, and emotional reactivity. It has a calming, sedating effect, making it highly effective for individuals whose anxiety symptoms include restlessness, irritability, and sleep disruptions. Guanfacine does not directly enhance dopamine or norepinephrine levels like stimulants do, but instead improves the brain's self-regulation processes. It is typically used as a secondary or adjunct medication to stimulants or non-stimulants but can be effective as monotherapy in adults with mild ADHD and prominent anxiety symptoms. The main side effects include drowsiness, low blood pressure, and dizziness, which may actually be beneficial for those with anxiety-related insomnia or agitation. 5. Venlafaxine XR (Effexor XR) Venlafaxine is an antidepressant classified as a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI). It is frequently prescribed for individuals with both anxiety disorders and depressive symptoms, but its ability to modulate norepinephrine levels also makes it useful in managing ADHD symptoms, particularly in adults. Effexor XR can improve attention span, reduce impulsivity, and calm overactive worry loops simultaneously. Unlike traditional selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which mainly target serotonin and may blunt motivation, SNRIs like venlafaxine enhance both serotonin and norepinephrine pathways, supporting better focus and energy levels while treating anxiety. However, venlafaxine must be dosed carefully, as higher doses can sometimes trigger increased anxiety in sensitive individuals. For many adults with a dual diagnosis, though, it offers a powerful combination of cognitive clarity and emotional steadiness when titrated gradually under medical supervision. Final Thoughts on Medication Management for ADHD and Anxiety Choosing the right medication for adult ADHD and co-occurring anxiety is not a one-size-fits-all decision. It often involves a period of trial and error, thoughtful adjustments, and close collaboration with a healthcare provider. Non-stimulant medications such as atomoxetine, bupropion, and guanfacine offer strong alternatives for individuals who are sensitive to the anxiety-provoking effects of stimulants. Meanwhile, carefully monitored stimulant use and strategic antidepressant prescriptions can also provide balanced symptom relief for many adults. Importantly, medication should always be integrated into a broader treatment framework that includes therapy, stress-reduction techniques, and lifestyle strategies like exercise, sleep hygiene, and time management skills. With the right approach, adults with ADHD and anxiety can experience significant improvements in both focus and emotional resilience, leading to more fulfilling personal and professional lives. TIME BUSINESS NEWS
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Yahoo
The misuse of ADHD drugs – and what they really do to your body and brain
Be more alert; improve your focus; do better at work: these are the reasons why high-flyers, from surgeons to lawyers and bankers, take 'brain-doping' ADHD drugs despite not having the condition. Now, increasing numbers of elite athletes are joining them, looking for something extra to give them the competitive edge. But taking ADHD drugs when you don't need them will certainly do more harm than good, with many takers becoming more irritable, experiencing sleep disruption and, in the most serious cases, causing heart problems, anxiety and are barred by the World Anti-Doping Agency from taking ADHD medications such as Ritalin and Adderall before competing, but those who have been diagnosed with ADHD are exempt, on the grounds that they need the drugs to function. Such exemptions have tripled in the last five years, so suspicion has turned to the 'subjective assessments' by doctors to diagnose athletes with ADHD in adulthood, John Brewer, a former UK Anti Doping board member told The Telegraph last month. There has been a known black market for ADHD drugs ever since they became available to buy online, with packets of Ritalin, the drug most commonly prescribed to people with ADHD in Britain, selling for less than £20 on the websites of unscrupulous online pharmacies. It's more common, however, for stressed students and professionals alike to acquire spare pills from friends and family. In fact parents, who believe they have ADHD but have never been diagnosed, have been known 'to take stimulants that have been prescribed for their children because they think it helps them to perform better', says Katya Rubia, professor of cognitive neuroscience at King's College London. In Britain, the drug most commonly prescribed for ADHD is Ritalin, the brand name for the drug methylphenidate – a type of stimulant drug. Adderall, another stimulant drug, is typically prescribed in America, and sometimes finds its way into the hands of British students (or professionals) illegally. There is an important distinction between 'misuse' of ADHD drugs – taking them in their prescribed doses when you don't have ADHD – and 'abuse', which means taking large amounts of Adderall or Ritalin for a high, says Prof Rubia. ADHD drugs are considered to be 'very safe' in the small doses prescribed to treat the condition, adds Prof Rubia, but abusing the drugs can cause heart palpitations, stomach aches and can be 'neurotoxic'. 'They actually change your brain's dopamine system, producing effects like anxiety and depression, as well as inattention and difficulties with memory,' she adds. In other words, abusing ADHD drugs can leave you with a set of symptoms that look a lot like ADHD. Prof Rubia also strongly advises against misusing ADHD drugs because 'you shouldn't take ADHD drugs at all if you don't have ADHD; you're a healthy person and the side effects are unnecessary'. You might believe that taking ADHD drugs when you don't have ADHD would make you think more sharply, but that's far from the truth. ADHD drugs 'work on your brain's dopamine system, to increase the amount that your brain has available to use,' says Prof Rubia. People with ADHD 'don't have enough dopamine, so struggle with motivation, concentration and focus, as well as keeping time and controlling their own behaviour, especially in children'. Taken by people without ADHD, the drugs might improve alertness, but they have a negative impact on other functioning, due to the 'U-shaped' impact of the levels of dopamine in your brain: past a certain point, your attention, focus and motivation will suffer. 'If you don't have ADHD, you already have an optimal amount of dopamine in your system, so increasing it will make you perform worse,' Prof Rubia says. One study, published in 2023, gave three groups a common 'smart drug' (Adderall, Ritalin or Modafinil, which is prescribed for narcolepsy in Britain) and observed how it affected their performance in a problem-solving task. 'When taking any of the drugs, the participants tried harder, but performed less well,' says Peter Bossaerts, professor of neuroeconomics at the University of Cambridge, who led the study. Those who performed best without the drugs 'performed below the mean when they were on them,' he adds. 'So they aren't really smart drugs. They make you dumber, but more busy and more motivated.'Another study, using a similar task to assess cognitive performance, found again that 'people who took 'smart drugs' performed worse despite trying harder,' Prof Bossaerts says. Here, worsened memory seemed to be behind the decline in ability. 'Dopamine doesn't only affect motivation, but also your memory, and drugs like Ritalin work on the dopamine receptors in your prefrontal cortex' – the part of your brain that manages your working memory and lets you retrieve memories from the past, Prof Bossaerts points effects of taking so-called 'smart drugs' (also known as 'study drugs') are also short-lived. 'Students who take them might feel a bit down and sluggish for a few days after their exams, but they'll quickly pick up again in most cases,' says Prof Bossaerts. Abuse, or taking large amounts of Adderall or Ritalin for a high, is another matter. This means that the drugs have a 'high potential for abuse', even if you start out taking them occasionally to pull an all-nighter or meet an important deadline, Prof Rubia believes. 'As your body gets used to them, you need more and more to feel the same effects.' The way in which ADHD drugs are prescribed for people who require them is vital. 'Over months or years you will see their effects decline over time' explains Prof Rubia. 'ADHD drugs are the best kind of psychiatric medicine we have available, because in small doses they are so safe and the side effects are so minimal. But they do quickly decrease in efficacy over time as the brain gets used to them. To counter this in people with ADHD, we give people 'holidays' where they stop taking their prescription for a while or slowly increase the dose over time.' The huge climb in athletes diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood is no coincidence, says Prof Rubia, as use of the drugs has long been commonplace in sports. That said, a significant proportion of athletes who have been diagnosed with ADHD as adults may well have the condition. A Taekwondo black belt or football star probably has a higher likelihood of having the condition than the average person, Prof Rubia believes. 'People with ADHD are very often good at sports,' she explains. 'They have more energy than the average person, and where academics might have been a struggle at school, they might have realised their talent for sports and pursued that instead.' Intense sports practice can also be an effective tool for managing ADHD symptoms. Prof Rubia recalls meeting an Olympic karate fighter who had 'managed to overcome his ADHD without medication by training in a very focused way'.A sportsperson who takes ADHD drugs without having ADHD, however, might be in for a shock. Though the drugs might improve performance in the short term by making athletes 'feel less tired and more alert, as if they've had a lot of coffee,' Prof Rubia says people misusing the drugs over weeks or months might find themselves feeling less motivated and alert than they were before. 'Even within a day, they'll feel more low by the evening than they otherwise would.'Whether you're an athlete or not, taking stimulant ADHD drugs when you don't have the condition 'will affect your body in very similar ways these drugs affect the bodies of people with ADHD who take them,' says Prof Rubia. Stimulants increase your heart rate and blood pressure and can also reduce your appetite, while making you feel more awake and alert. People who take Ritalin also report some personality changes, like being more irritable and on edge, as well as worsened sleep, but both can also be symptoms of ADHD itself. Some research has indicated, however, that long-term use of ADHD medications (in people with and without the condition) may lead to an increased risk of cardiovascular disease. Weight loss and headaches are common, as are gut problems, though side effects like these are usually mild. In children who take ADHD medication, 'there's some evidence that it stunts growth slightly compared to how tall a child's parents are,' Prof Rubia in all, to better understand how these drugs affect our bodies 'we need more studies that observe the effects of ADHD drugs on both the healthy population and on people who have ADHD,' says Prof Rubia. Anecdotally, though, the physical impact of taking ADHD drugs when you don't need them is clear, Prof Bossaerts says with a sigh: 'I remember a student once passing out in front of me because he'd taken 'study drugs' over his final exams and had been awake for three days in a row at that point.' At best, it's counterproductive but, at worst, taking so-called 'smart drugs' can be a real danger to your health – not such a smart move after all. Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
