Why it's important to give the kids a glimpse of your younger selves

Mint

5 days ago

I was visiting my daughter's school for a parent-teacher meeting, when I caught a glimpse of students practising adavus or fundamental Bharatanatyam steps, in one of the classrooms as I was climbing up a flight of stairs. It brought back memories of that unfettered joy of learning the classical form as a child, and practising the intricacies of Varnam—a composition combining nritya (dance) with abhinaya (expression)—with my classmates.
'Did you know I was the youngest in my batch to have the arangetram (a performance that marks the completion of formal training in Bharatanatyam)?" I remarked to my daughter. 'Really? You?" she blurted out in disbelief, as she watched me huffing and puffing up four flights of stairs—I had even considered requesting the teacher to meet me halfway, that's how out of breath I was. That's when I realised there were parts of me that I hadn't introduced my daughter to.
Our single lifetime is made up of so many selves—avatars, if you may—some of which overlap with our current state of being, and some that we have bid adieu to keep up with the pressures of adulting. And as parents, we are so firmly ensconced within the role of caregivers that we forget the many layers that make up the mosaic of our personalities.
Usually every spare minute in our lives is centred around furthering our children's interests. This holiday, why not reclaim some joy that was once associated with an activity or a hobby, and share that with our kids? The idea is not to take time away from them, but include them in something that was an integral part of our past. It could be a great way to bond, serve to inspire them or just offer the kids yet another chance to guffaw at us as we hobble back to a hobby.
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For starters, I have dusted my old albums with dance photos, and been poring over them with my daughter. I have also taken baby steps back into dancing, with my daughter firmly in charge of my sessions. She ferries me to class, and attends the feedback sessions with the instructor, making her feel all grown up. For the past few weeks, she has had loads of fun chastising me, correcting my posture and making sure I get some practice. But most importantly, this has been an opportunity for her to look at me as a person rather than just a mom.
It is a similar thought that drove Mumbai-based Ashutosh Parekh to opt for a unique track-and-field programme this summer for his family. While growing up, he was an early riser and thoroughly enjoyed the great outdoors. Over time, as he helmed leading brands within the kids and family entertainment space, outdoor sports took a back seat. Now, as a parent to a seven-year-old daughter, he understands that the best way to introduce her to fitness and the joy of the outdoors is to lead by example. 'My wife and I also realise that being fit parents is the biggest gift you can give your child," he says. So, the couple and their daughter have enrolled for a unique programme with Automotive Sport, a passion project by entrepreneur Sachin Sanghvi, which caters to people of all fitness levels. For three days a week, you can find them jumping around with abandon at the Khar Gymkhana. There is no pressure of reaching a goal within a particular time frame. For Parekh and his family, it is just about seizing the day early, bringing a bit of discipline to their lives and for Parekh to relive the joy of doing track-and-field again.
'Usually, parents take time off in the day by going away to the gym or for a walk in the park. Activities with the kids are programmed into the calendar—such as a dinner, a visit to the mall, or a holiday. But by including them in something you like, by allowing them to see you run a track, falling at time and gasping at others, makes it easier for the children to relate to you as a person, not just as mom or dad. This is my way of bringing my real self to her without making a song and dance about it," he says.
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Bengaluru-based Gayatri Vijayan, 43, too wanted to share her journey back into music with her children. Vijayan, who along with her husband Karthik Srinivasan helms a designer kids-safe furniture brand, Gosh!, had always been interested in different genres. The couple would sometimes jam at home with their friends. However, during the covid-19 pandemic, Vijayan decided to take up music seriously again. 'Some part of me wanted to show my children (aged 9 and 5) that there was more to me than just my work and role as a parent. I also craved the idea of learning something again," she says.
With that thought, she enrolled with singer Bruce Lee Mani and picked up nuances of piano, vocals and guitar. Soon after, she started learning Hindustani classical with artist Bindhu Malini. 'I travel from Good Earth Malhar on the outskirts of Bengaluru to Koramangala for classes, but the long travel hours are worth it," she says. In recent years, Vijayan has performed as part of an ensemble in front of an audience of 3,000 people—her husband too played guitar in that gig.
The day after that show, her daughter came up to her and wondered at how she had managed to sing in front of so many people. 'That is why it was important for me to do something like this. She needed to see how significant music was to her parents and the kind of effort that we were willing to put in. Today, both the kids are part of our performances or participate as audience members," she says. Their home is filled with a myriad of instruments, which the parents and kids play on a daily basis. Vijayan's re-engagement with music has inspired the children too, making them curious and open to the idea of exploring different things.
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We usually burden the act of learning by time frames. As a society, we tend to believe skills and hobbies should be acquired by a certain age—the sooner the better. When, as adults, we break free of these fetters and pressures, we empower the younger generation as well. They too realise that curiosity and learning has no expiry date, and that you can rekindle a hobby or find a new one whenever you make space for it. In life, heroism often lies not in perfection but in perseverance—of returning to something you had abandoned in youth. And when we present the sum of all our parts to our kids, they get to imbibe this important life lesson, more than any lecture or moral science lesson can ever impart.
Raising Parents is a monthly column about art culture ideas to inspire both children and adults.