Work Advice: Manager hints that age, caretaking makes me bad at my job

Washington Post

3 days ago

Reader: I'm a woman in my early 60s in a sales engineering role for a software vendor. My team supports nontechnical salespeople in a different management chain.
My manager, 'Kelly,' is in her late 50s. The nontechnical sales manager, 'Tiffany,' is in her early 40s. Kelly was in a meeting with Tiffany and Tiffany's boss, a younger man in his 40s. According to Kelly, Tiffany and her manager were suggesting replacing me with 'someone who has more energy.' Tiffany indicated that I'm struggling at the company, but she has never spoken to anyone I've worked with or seen any of my performance evaluations. I have a stellar performance record.
In addition, I'm currently taking intermittent two-week leaves of absence under my state's family leave law to care for an aging parent with dementia. Even though I have worked during my leave to help her out, Tiffany complains about the fact that I can't travel because of my parent.
Kelly called out Tiffany's complaints as ageism and an improper performance evaluation of someone who's on protected leave. But she was then fired for unspecified 'performance reasons'; I believe it was because of her comments.
Kelly says her own manager, who was fired months ago for similarly vague reasons, told her Tiffany is 'evil' and to 'watch your back.' Kelly has hired an employment attorney.
I would like HR to move me to a different role so I don't have to deal with Tiffany and her manager's biases toward older workers. But when I bring this up to HR, all they say is that Tiffany and her manager have been coached on how to provide feedback without using vague words like 'energy.' HR is doing nothing and won't address the retaliation against Kelly. What would you do?
Karla: First, I would waste no more time talking to HR. That flies in the face of my usual advice, but in this case, it sounds as though they have done all they can or care to do about the matter. To be fair, they probably aren't allowed to go any further into how your colleagues have been counseled or disciplined, and they may not have the authority to grant you a job transfer at your own request. But whether their hands are tied or they're sitting on them, you've exhausted that resource for now.
Besides, you know all you need to know: Tiffany and her manager have it in for you for reasons that hint at age and caretaker bias. Your manager was fired after calling them out on it, which as you note smacks of retaliation. Unless HR miraculously managed to scare some sense into them, they have motive and means to get rid of you next. Even though you don't seem to report to Tiffany, if she had a hand in getting Kelly fired as you suspect, then she surely has the connections and influence to do the same to you. Before she gets the chance, you need to start fortifying your defense strategy.
If you haven't already, document all these incidents — timelines, what was said, potential witnesses and evidence — and bring them to an attorney, perhaps at the firm Kelly has already engaged. Whether you go on to take legal action, at least one short consult with an employment attorney should help confirm your rights and advise you on how best to protect yourself.
Document your achievements as well. Build a store of evidence to rebut claims that your performance is suffering.
Work your connections in other departments and outside the company to clear an escape path to a better work environment. Stay in touch with Kelly, not just because you're grateful for her having your back, but because you may be able to help each other further.
Incidentally, while you're legally entitled to take intermittent leave under federal and (in your case) state law, consider whether there's an alternative way to arrange it.
I know. You shouldn't have to. It's beyond me that any human with loved ones would see your situation and feel primarily resentment, rather than gratitude that it's not (yet) them. While I don't know the details behind your arrangement, I assume it's set up the way it is because it was the best you could do with the resources you currently have. Still, alternating two weeks of stressful caretaking with two weeks making up for it under the judgmental eye of someone short on empathy isn't sustainable in the long term. It's hard enough seeing a parent through a long decline without also having to watch your own back. You're going to need relief in one form or another, and soon. Whatever path you decide on, please make yourself a priority.