Moving Sundance to Cincy is no-brainer. It's currently at a glorified ski resort.
Cincinnati is among three finalists to host the Sundance Film Festival (the other two finalists are Boulder and current host Park City). Could the biggest independent film festival in the country come to Cincinnati? A thrilling possibility. And one our friends out west find laughable.
A guest columnist for the Salt Lake Tribune made a harsh case against Cincinnati, which boiled down to "vibes" and thinly veiled insults at two pillars of the city's cultural identity: our chili and our quarterback. The entire piece also inadvertently makes a better case for Cincinnati than our mayor ever could.
More: Comedian roasts Cincinnati as possible home for Sundance in ruthless newspaper column
To start, let's acknowledge that Park City is neither a park nor a true city. It's a glorified ski resort so small it must share the festival with Salt Lake City. That would be like if Cincinnati became the new host city and sent half the festival to Batavia, a suburb of less than 2,000 people.
Park City Sundance advocates like to tout its "small-town charm." But it's not the type of charm hard-earned through community and civic pride. Ask someone from Park City where they went to high school, and they'll answer by naming a state. The town has the "charm" you come to expect from people expecting a tip.
'Something about Sundance in the Midwest just doesn't feel right. Sundance is all about purple mountain majesty. The fruited plains are great; they're just not the right vibe. When the average person thinks 'Sundance,' they think of snow gently falling on their favorite movie stars with a moonlit peak in the background.'
Vibes are the last resort in an argument after exhausting any possibility of 'facts' or 'logic.' And vibes are why the festival is considering moving at all, because when the average person thinks 'Sundance,' they think 'I could never afford to attend Sundance.' Sundance Institute CEO Amanda Kelso recently acknowledged to Axios that it's expensive to hold the festival in a mountain town and that sustainability would be a deciding factor.
What Cincinnati lacks in elitist 'mystique' it makes up for in the fact that it is a real city that has the central location and infrastructure to welcome far more people to enjoy the festival. Apologies to Park City if our blue collars offend their Luis Vuitton sensibilities.
Park City advocates tout their 'film tradition' but let's remember that actual movies are filmed in Cincinnati every year. The last notable movie filmed in Park City was 1994's 'Dumb and Dumber.' While the movie is an all-time classic, dumb and dumber is how an objective observer would assess Park City and Boulder as the future of Sundance.
The writer compared the audacity of having Sundance in Cincinnati as akin to Park City being the home for the Bengals.
'Your first thought when you read it was probably something like, 'Why?' How is that going to work?' or Who in the world asked for that?''
Yes, now he's starting to get it! If your response to having a professional sports team (something real cities do routinely have) is complete befuddlement at how the city could ever logistically handle that, maaaaybe that's a sign your city also isn't the best option to host a major film festival.
Q&A: Everything Joe Burrow said on key topics surrounding Bengals ahead of Super Bowl
Let me take a moment to acknowledge Park City and Salt Lake City are wonderful places. I've performed in Utah (and even filmed a special there) and enjoyed everyone I've met there. But the writer made things personal when he said having Sundance in Cincinnati 'would give Bengals fans something to watch in January.'
Honestly, I'm not sure you can even compare Park City and Cincinnati. We have hippos here more famous than their entire city. I know change is hard, especially when you have the entitlement that comes with owning a second home, so rest assured that when we do steal your film festival, we'll give you a hearty 'Ope!' on the way out of town.
Mark Chalifoux is a nationally touring stand-up comedian based in Cincinnati. He can be heard daily on SiriusXM and recently performed on Nate Bargatze's new series, 'Nateland Presents.' He will be headlining the Tri-state's newest comedy club, Commonwealth Sanctuary, on Feb. 15.
This article originally appeared on Cincinnati Enquirer: Sundance Film Festival in Cincinnati is a no-brainer | Opinion
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