Always on the edge in relationships? Know the reasons and 3 ways to heal from anxious attachment style
Attachment style in a relationship is how you think, behave, and connect. These styles show up in patterns, both in behaviour and thought processes. Your attachment style shapes how you love and handle arguments.
Anxious attachment style is one of the four attachment styles. The other three are secure, avoidant, and disorganised. As the name itself suggests, anxious attachment has excessive worry rooted in the fear of being left, rejected or abandoned. This, in turn, increases the need to overanalyse everything, reading between the lines. They seek constant reassurance from partners. The need for validation can range from constantly seeking reassurance with weird hypothetical questions like 'Do you still love me if I were a worm?' to reacting badly in arguments.
Sometimes a person with an anxious attachment style may appear too clingy or emotional. Even a change in tone or a delayed reply will set off their anxiety, making them spiral and overthink.
Atlanta-based dating coach Erica, who regularly shares tips on improving emotional intimacy in relationships, on 27 May shared the reasons behind this anxious attachment style and how one can heal from this cycle of doubt and emotional distress.
A post shared by Erica | Relationship Therapist & Dating Coach 🌈 (@your.relationship.reset)
Erica explained, 'You may find yourself doubting your partner's love or desire to be with you even when there is no reason to doubt your partner. At your core, you are perceiving a threat. The root threat or fear is abandonment. Abandonment wounds are created because of past experiences of being emotionally and/or physically abandoned by the people who were supposed to take care of you. Realizing that your anxiety/worry is not rooted in any facts or evidence is the first step to helping yourself de-escalate, soothe your inner child, and heal your abandonment wounds.'
Previous incidents of rejection or abandonment, maybe in childhood, fuel this attachment style as the relationship coach shared. This makes the bitter past experience a blueprint that actively shapes how you behave in relationships later on, always on the edge of expecting pain.
Healing is important for both you and your partner. It can be exhausting to feel restless, with anxiety draining you from being present and trusting your partner. Similarly, your partner may reach a point where they feel overwhelmed by your need for constant reassurance. The relationship may feel like walking on eggshells for both of you; a vicious cycle of mistrust, a push and pull that is exhausting for both. This is why healing is so important.
Erica shared these 3 ways that may help you set free from this anxious attachment style:
ALSO READ: Feeling stuck in situationship? Dating coach shares 3 tips to help you move on: 'Stop gaslighting yourself'
Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. Always seek the advice of your doctor with any questions about a medical condition.
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