The Dark Side Of Marriage: Women's Honest Stories
Marriage is one of those things where you really can't know what it's truly like until you're in it. Every marriage is different with unique challenges, but one thing is for sure: the "perfect" marriage doesn't exist.
That's why we asked women in the BuzzFeed Community to candidly tell us the parts of marriage they despise that were maybe a bit unexpected. Here's what they had to say:
"Having to pretend to be okay with the income gap in our marriage. I knew I made more coming into the relationship, but I didn't think I was always going to be the one financially responsible."
—Anonymous, 39, Boston
"I hate how others sometimes react to the fact that I'm married. I don't know why, but it matters so much to some people, it seems personal. When I mention my spouse or having a husband I see relief cross some faces, or sometimes surprise. It's not great."
—Anonymous, 40, Massachusetts USA
"I did not change my name, but almost everyone assumes I have and addresses me as 'Mrs. Husband's last name.' Even my bank and dentist did this without my consent. It's disrespectful. Even just calling me 'Mrs. My last name is disrespectful; if a man's title doesn't change from being married, neither should mine."
—Anonymous, 33, Denver, CO
"I'm bisexual, but being married to my husband sometimes feels like it erased that part of my identity. It's not his fault! He's a great ally, he was always and is still accompanying me to rallies and Pride, and is generally a great and supportive person. But sometimes it feels like I didn't only commit to the man I love, but to heteronormative standards as well. It's only in my head, and I hope I'll come to terms with it soon, but right now, I feel like an impostor whenever I think of myself as part of the LGBTQ+ community."
—Anonymous, 34, Germany
"I hate having to use my brain for the both of us. If I'm in the middle of doing something, he will ask me what I want him to do as if he can't think of something on his own."
—Anonymous, 35, CA
"I love being married, but you don't get the bliss and ease of selfish alone time. No more watching whatever you want, now it is a trade-off: I get to watch this, and you watch that. No more 'I'll see what I end up eating for dinner,' there needs to be a two (or more) person plan. I really love the occasions when he has to be away overnight because I can suddenly do whatever the hell I want. Even if it's the same as what I would when he's here, I haven't had to think about it or discuss it as much."
—Anonymous, 38, London
"Having to share my money and snacks."
—Anonymous
"The wash-rinse-repeat aspect of daily life. I just never expected the boring repetition of little things. For 10, 20, 30 years. I can cite both sides of so many daily conversations."
—Anonymous
"Being basically ignored by doctors, salespeople, mechanics, etc., when my husband is with me. It's nothing my husband does on purpose, but he has to deflect attention back to me several times before they understand that it's my questions that need answers. And they need to answer them to me."
—Anonymous, 52, Texas
"I love my marriage. The only thing I'd say I hate about marriage is other people thinking they can have an opinion! We make our life work for us and make choices together, like deciding to be child-free, and a LOT of people have comments about that! We are also very incompatible sleepers, so we sleep in separate beds. It works for us because neither of us is sleep deprived anymore, but wow, do people have something to say about it."
—l45a881d97
"Got married when I was 50 for the first time. I gave up so much of my career, where I live, and what my retirement goals were. I feel as if I lost a great deal of myself in marriage. He had an appreciation for who I was the first few years, but no longer."
—Anonymous, 65, CO
"Loss of identity is huge, but also making plans. I constantly have to wait to see if plans work for my spouse, whether or not they are included in them. No guarantees. Also, time limits on family outings, especially my family. It's a countdown until we are out the door and it takes a lot of fun out of my connecting with my family or friends."
—Anonymous, 40, Alberta
"We haven't had sex in over three years — I blame the pandemic."
—Anonymous, 49, Seattle
"Getting on the same page financially is very challenging. It's worth the work to keep trying, but I see how it leads to divorce."
—Anonymous, 54
"Ladies, you will be blamed for all your husband's faults. My husband was 47 when we met, but I've been blamed for his untied shoes, his weight, his inability to cook, and his sleep schedule. For men, marriage is a 'get out of jail free card' for accountability. All the blame is on the wife."
—melgirl444
"I kinda hate that my husband doesn't want to change. I know, I know, why marry someone and expect them to change? I honestly thought everyone changed as a part of the natural progression of life. New experiences, new viewpoints, knowledge, and wisdom gained, but marriage has proven to me that some people at the core of who they are simply do not change."
—bravecoyote103
Are there any you would add? Let us know in the comments!
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