Faking Phone Sex? Like Carrie, We've All Done It

Vogue

3 days ago

Traditionally, long-distance relationships are defined by several factors. Excellent communication skills (ideally). Intermittent existential crises (realistically). And phone sex (necessarily). Or, in these camera-omnipotent times, FaceTime sex—hopefully, lots of it.
It was not in the least bit surprising, then, that the practice was most recently endorsed by newly minted long-distance relationship poster child Carrie Bradshaw. Famously down with the kids, on the latest season of And Just Like That… our favorite sex columnist-turned-aspiring novelist is seen trying to get it digitally on with her lover from afar, who, by the way, is none other than Aidan Shaw (still reeling from that, to be honest).
With Aidan's family issues binding him to Virginia and Carrie's general Carrie-ness keeping her in Manhattan, it's only natural that the couple would find themselves connecting over the phone. Things start off relatively horny: he's in his truck, parked away from the main house. She's in bed, wearing a black bra and an open shirt. Then Aidan accidentally hits the horn of his car, shaking Carrie out of her seductive stupor. Still, he is able to finish. She, meanwhile, is distracted by her cat, Shoe, who is watching intently. 'My goodness,' she mutters, nonchalantly (that's her, doing phone sex). Later, over cocktails, Carrie admits that she faked it. 'And now I feel dishonest,' she says, not remotely comforted by Miranda's admission that she has faked real sex.
Most women have faked it in real life at least once, something we are thankfully talking about more and more. But perhaps we aren't talking enough about the fact that we're also faking it in other ways, too. I've lost count of the number of times I've pretended to sext someone, sending dirty messages in between seasoning my dinner or balancing my laundry on the radiator. This is common, with one study of 155 college students showing that nearly half of so-called 'active sexters' had lied to committed partners during sexting, with women found to lie more than men. Classic.
Of course, in some ways it can be harder to lie over the phone than in person, when you're less distracted. It requires a degree of acting skills that arguably need to be of a higher standard: making the right sounds, responding to the right cues, and saying all the right prompts, even if you're standing in the kitchen at 7 a.m., trying not to burn your oatmeal. You can do it while you're answering emails. Doing a spot of gardening. Filing your tax return. In a way, the opportunities are truly endless. Perhaps that's why it's so common.